Is This Just Another " Sick Buffalo"- Story?

[denboy]

I cannot see what your problem is.

You have had the pleasure of her company for as you say about two years. You also have a child.

If you break down the 100.000 bhat into weeks, you are spending a few lousy quid a week for all that care and attention

Go for it be a jai dee farang and send her the dosh.

[bendix]

This might be a ridiculously naieve question, but why is the OP in such a bad way financially? How can anyone lose 98% to their wife in a divorce. I'm not an divorce expert, but i do know that there is no way any court would make such a ruling.

It takes a huge amount of skill to be in your early 40s and be destitute.

Believe it or not, it CAN happen. I know first hand. That said, I think the lady is a good one. Loan sharks frequently hold land papers for security for a loan. There is no mortgage in many cases and it is NOT legal but if the loan defaults the person owing the money always forfeits the land whether it has a legal mortgage on it or not. A common tactic is for the loan shark to say nothing and make no attempt to collect his interest. When the shark is owed enough that they feel the loan plus interest cannot be repaid they will frequently demand payment and take the land. This happens VERY often here in Isaan.

Seriously? 98% ruling? Perhaps if the guy is Richard Branson or Bill Gates, but even then I simply can't believe it's lawful.

Sorry . something doesnt ring true in this.

[slapout]

Lets not stomp the poor bloke while he is down, a light slap, ok. Yes you can loose your a.. and all fixtures in divorces, especally when the woman is repersented by the more compent lawyer. All of us are not Bill Gates type when it comes to business or decisions we make when money is involved. Maybe if more people admitted their financial responsability instead of fileing bankrupticy we would see more destitute people (self proclaimed) that is. Good luck hope all works out for you Danny.

[enyaw]

fleeced by whom?

I guess having read so many " I got done by my thai girl" stories Paranoia could be setting in.

It is always possible.

It's not paranoia as the worries your experiencing are justified, your broke..

[ozzydom]

This might be a ridiculously naieve question, but why is the OP in such a bad way financially? How can anyone lose 98% to their wife in a divorce. I'm not an divorce expert, but i do know that there is no way any court would make such a ruling.

It takes a huge amount of skill to be in your early 40s and be destitute.

Believe it or not, it CAN happen. I know first hand. That said, I think the lady is a good one. Loan sharks frequently hold land papers for security for a loan. There is no mortgage in many cases and it is NOT legal but if the loan defaults the person owing the money always forfeits the land whether it has a legal mortgage on it or not. A common tactic is for the loan shark to say nothing and make no attempt to collect his interest. When the shark is owed enough that they feel the loan plus interest cannot be repaid they will frequently demand payment and take the land. This happens VERY often here in Isaan.

Seriously? 98% ruling? Perhaps if the guy is Richard Branson or Bill Gates, but even then I simply can't believe it's lawful.

Sorry . something doesnt ring true in this.

It can happen,especially if a house is the main asset and young children are involved, courts will award the home to the custodial parent , happened to a friend in Oz, wifey got the lot ,he ended up homeless with a family support order on him.

Another way to lose over a million $ cash is joint A/C either to sign,that I learned the hard way.

[jstumbo]

Seriously? 98% ruling? Perhaps if the guy is Richard Branson or Bill Gates, but even then I simply can't believe it's lawful..

What would happen to a guy that had no savings, had a car, had a house and was living paycheck to paycheck to make ends meet? The wife and child get the home and the car, and there is nothing left. I could see it happen.

[yorkman]

It takes a huge amount of skill to be in your early 40s and be destitute.

That maybe so, but it goes to the nub of the matter doesnt it? How to turn this all round.

Whether the problem is real or a possible fleecing, borrowing 100K to pay this debt just means that the OP is an even worse position to help his child and girlfriend in the future.

And the only real answer is work to rebuild, get a stable life, and then go from there. As it stands now fixing this immediate problem will only stave off the inevitable.

[vrsushi]

Its amsuing how this thread has evolved from suspicion of the girl to suspicion of the poster.

So being of a democratic spirit I'll join in.

The OP loses his house and with it 98% of everything. He presumably has a child to support too. So he does what any self respecting father would do; quit his job, bugger off with money that's not his and bum around Thailand on the cheap. 2 years later and he has increased his offspring count. Back in the UK he lives off his friend's charity.

But whose life couldn't be described as either saintly or foolhardy?

OP, hope you learn to use a condom in the future mate.

[khunandy]

My bet is that Danny came here on a family holiday, got the bug and the marriage fell apart back in the U.K. shortly after.

Probably felt guilty and walked away from the house and assets and came back to LOS with access to bank accounts etc

The Ex wife heard that Danny has taken up with a new girl and "hel_l hath no fury like a women scorned" she has cut the access to money off and wants to make his life a complete misery.

Danny has got the GF pregnant and had the accident and that is where the slippery slope starts.

What he needs to do now is get back to work, any work, and start afresh, he did say he is looking at a messy divorce so maybe thats where his assets are at the moment.

She can't have 98% is they are not yet divorced but maybe she is the custodian of the joint assets until a court decides otherwise.

Whatever the story, I feel for him and wish him the best of luck, but he needs to remember, the harder you work the luckier you seem to get.

My two cents worth

[vrsushi]

Bloody good guesswork KhunAndy.

I hope the OP doesn't mind sharing his personal info, it is intriging.

Everyone can start afresh I believe. My suggestion, get what you can from the divorce. Hopefully it's a good few K. And will be more when the kids have grown and you get half the house back. Treat that as your pension. If you have a well paid job in the Uk, bring the gf over and look after them. Come to Thailand and become an English teacher if you don't.

[a2396]

Quite a story. My life's been a picnic here compared to your situation. What sort of visa were you here on for 14 months? Do you intend to live her in LOS with her? Presuming the baby is yours, you should do your best to look after her. I would be careful about just handing over 100,000 without verfiable proof regarding the debt & house ownership. You gave her money in the past & she bought YOU clothes with it?? I never saw anything like this in almost 4 years living here. She may have some saintly characteristics, if this is true.

[dannyh2000uk]

I'm Rushing off so this will be a fast reply, a more detailed one later.

1. In 2004 My wife and I and 4 kids were in LOS on Beach when Tsunami came, we ran.

2. On arriving back uk 2005, My wife and I argued a lot.

3. By Nov 2005 she was having an affair which she wouldn't end.

4. I had to leave our house, a house where I expected to live forever.

5.At that house in an Out building I had built my studio to work from.

6. During 2006 it became apparent that wife wanted me nowhere near my House/work.

7. 2006 spent working BKK, and Texas, sleeping various places when back in UK.

8.2006 Aug sick of wife carrying on with ex friend, decide to go back to LOS to have one last good birthday ( aug).

9. X gets pregnant- 2 peoples error.

10. I decide to stay and help as uk nothing going on, can't work from studio etc.

11.Wife in England contacts our joint account takes my name off it ( don't know how), my ATM card gets swallowed in BKK,

my Debits to all my credit cards cease.

12.In Asia surviving on whatever, then accident.

13. Back to uk, no Car, House, atm cards, credit Cards, bank account, Job.= Bad way at 40.

14.Found solicitor battling for access to my studio, in order to sell or re-set up.

Tune= I'll find out later I forget the name, but on Montage music does change for those who hate cuban

Edited February 9, 2008 by dannyh2000uk

[Dave the Dude]

I'm Rushing off so this will be a fast reply, a more detailed one later.

1. In 2004 My wife and I and 4 kids were in LOS on Beach when Tsunami came, we ran.

2. On arriving back uk 2005, My wife and I argued a lot.

3. By Nov 2005 she was having an affair which she wouldn't end.

4. I had to leave our house, a house where I expected to live forever.

5.At that house in an Out building I had built my studio to work from.

6. During 2006 it became apparent that wife wanted me nowhere near my House/work.

7. 2006 spent working BKK, and Texas, sleeping various places when back in UK.

8.2006 Aug sick of wife carrying on with ex friend, decide to go back to LOS to have one last good birthday ( aug).

9. X gets pregnant- 2 peoples error.

10. I decide to stay and help as uk nothing going on, can't work from studio etc.

11.Wife in England contacts our joint account takes my name off it ( don't know how), my ATM card gets swallowed in BKK,

my Debits to all my credit cards cease.

12.In Asia surviving on whatever, then accident.

13. Back to uk, no Car, House, atm cards, credit Cards, bank account, Job.= Bad way at 40.

14.Found solicitor battling for access to my studio, in order to sell or re-set up.

Tune= I'll find out later I forget the name, but on Montage music does change for those who hate cuban

Hi Dan

I (like many on this forum possibly) have been through a UK divorce in the not to distant past. Solicitors now split assets(& liabilities) between the number of parties, for example, your ex-wife who looks after your 4! kids would get 5 sixths of your joint assets and you get 1 sixth. So how you equate loosing 98% mystifies me, other than the situation has made you feel like ALL is lost ( I too,can honestly relate to that as well, as It sent me crazy). I wish I hadn't have mentioned that on here but its true.

You admit to having time on your hands,so I would suggest you also get all the legal help available to finalize the past chapter of your life as well as sorting the new one

Dave (now very happily married in Thailand)

Edited February 9, 2008 by Dave the Dude

[yorkman]

I'm Rushing off so this will be a fast reply, a more detailed one later.

1. In 2004 My wife and I and 4 kids were in LOS on Beach when Tsunami came, we ran.

...........................

13. Back to uk, no Car, House, atm cards, credit Cards, bank account, Job.= Bad way at 40.

14.Found solicitor battling for access to my studio, in order to sell or re-set up.

Tune= I'll find out later I forget the name, but on Montage music does change for those who hate cuban

Ok, so........ (Thank god I have not had that experience)

Ignore the people who say it is "only" £1500, if you do not have it then you do not.

Call me a pillock if you like, and I am not in your spot, but how about this line of thought?

Shit happens, and it has happened to you. Running off to your holiday destination might not have been the best move, but it is understandable. I would not do it, but everybodys life is different.

If you really want to take care of G/F and kid in Thailand, do not get yourself into more debt. This 100K thing may be a " sick buffalo", but only you know her. Dont send it, on balance, whether it is true or not.

The very best thing you can do is get your life in order again. Get working if you can, claim the hel_l off the state if you can as an ex taxpayer. Whatever it takes, rebuild your life.

And then you are in a position to take care of them. It is possible to build a second life after 40, many have.

Ok perhaps that is rubbish. Mea Culpa

Edited February 9, 2008 by yorkman

[vreemd13]

I resent some of the easy replies "just give her 100k". Replies without good arguments, maybe stinging arguments as: "you had fun, so 100k is nothing to pay off this situation".

Reconsider this: would you ask 10-20 times your monthly earning? That is a lot of western money.

My opinion: 100k is a lot of money in any situation, especially OP's personal situation.

[Neeranam]

Many Farang make me laugh, they fly half way round the world to meet a poor girl half their age, then seem amazed that the girl's Family are also poor people.

Poor people in UK are in debt up to their ears, yet you seem to think that the story of X's parents being in debt could be phony, no social security in Thailand mate, if there was, you would probably never have met in the first place.

[gbt71fa]

This might be a ridiculously naieve question, but why is the OP in such a bad way financially? How can anyone lose 98% to their wife in a divorce. I'm not an divorce expert, but i do know that there is no way any court would make such a ruling.

It takes a huge amount of skill to be in your early 40s and be destitute.

Thank I have turned it into a martial art.....

[tuky]

Hey man, I am pretty sure you already know that things here aren't quite the same as we grew up with.

Family attitudes, and what is owed to the family are different just for a start.

None of us here have any idea truly what is going on. Only you know, and even then you probably don't know.

Trust your heart.

Pay the 100k, perhaps in a deal arangement sorted out with the loan shark, yourself/GF and the folks, but before you commit to anything mate, please please make sure that your wife's(may as well be your wife) family know what you are going through to help them. Make it known 100% that you do not have this money on hand, you have to borrow it too, and you will be paying it back for a long time to come.

From what I understand of the Thai family unit (isn't just wife, hubby and kids, it includes others too), if not modern and perhaps from a big city they will automatically believe that what is yours is also theirs.

This goes for everything from your clothes right up to your house (ie, your missus will give away clothes you don't wear often and the family/neighbours will come to your house, enter and all without even asking).

WHat is needed to get along with the inlaws in Rural or recently rural Thailand is balls and wit.

If you do help them, do not do it with your hat in your hand and your waist bent in a bow, do it with balls.

This is not easy mate, as they will automatically think that you think the same way they do about helping family, but truth is you don't.

You were brought up to be indipendant of you family with perhaps an inheritance later, your missus was brought up to be dependant and later taking care of her family.

Mate I am going through this right now, only I left it 5 years before I stood up and said no. The last thing I did was bail the Old boy in law out of a Cambodian prison for 400,000k baht gambling fees.

He only did it because he knew that someone would help him if he messed up (me and my wife, we always have). SO we bailed him out, but at the same time, to the anger of my wife I kicked them both out of my house (MIL and FIL), and make life hard for them every chance I can get.

It is funny, tough love going up the family tree rather than down, but you do need to be tough.

Jeez, long winded mate and I am sorry if it doesn't make sense too much but the basics of what I am trying to say are...

Sounds like you got yourself a keeper, atleast she thinks she has herself a keeper (you) so that is telling in itself.

Now you face the problem most of us face at one time in our married to a Thai lives. To help or not. If you love her, and you think she loves you then go for it, just make sure it is known (100% most importantly) how hard it is for you to help out and because of this you will be broke for many years to come whilst you pay back the money you borrowed to help, even if it is not true it will give you a lot of face but also give you an out if you ever get asked again, plus the MIL will always be on your side if the wife behaves badly in the future.

'C'mon, I already helped 100k, and I am still paying that off. I cannot help anymore, perhaps about time this particular family member got himself a job." etc etc.

Keep your face, let, (sometimes help?) others keep their face. Respect Thai culture but never forget your own. Always think firstly with your big head, sometimes let your little head take over, but only when your big head has agreed.

LOVE YOUR KID!!!

I have two here, both daughters under 5 years old and they are the main reason why I am still here putting up with it all.

Best of luck pal. Keep us up to date of the next few years, if you succeed perhaps you can advise others how, if you do not then we can all learn another lesson.

tuky

[tuky]

Mate, I just saw the video.

Do everything you can to get back home (UK, Thai, home is where your wife and kids are) mate.

Your wife, but most especially your child are fantastic. I wish I could help out in some way.

I stand by what I wrote above. Help the family, but make it known your not a cash cow at the same time you make it known you love your missus.

Then get ready

Best regards mate. I only hope for the best for you and your family.

[Robski]

Hi I just watched your YT video and she really is a lovely woman and again I wish you both the best of luck.

There has been some very good practical advice offered, such as making the payment as sin sod, making a business, or getting them out of there altogether (if only life was that easy), but this is a very good point from tartemptation

Something does not add up, typical family embarassing their children, see it all over again and again

I have seen this too, and it could well be that her family is pressuring her to get the money from you.

The chance of a major windfall may be more important to them than long term happiness, certainly more-so if they are very poor.

It's not an easy situation for her with her loyalty being tested and it is something that she would be loathe to admit.

Tread carefully.

[Kimera]

What do you guys think ?

Is this just another "sick Buffalo story"- or are there ever any honest stories?

She is 25 and mature I am in my 40's wise to some things not all.

.

I think girl had some bad luck, that's all. Let's face it, if this isn't a wind up, what do you have to offer her ?

Would a 25 year old woman in UK find you irresistable when you are jobless and potless ?

If she wanted a guy that had no job and was skint, she could have found one a lot closer to home.

And why would you think that a loan shark wouldn't call in a loan ?

There is now a Farang in the Family, so it would seem the perfect opportunity for a loan shark to call in the loan, I would if I was him.

Many Farang make me laugh, they fly half way round the world to meet a poor girl half their age, then seem amazed that the girl's Family are also poor people.

Poor people in UK are in debt up to their ears, yet you seem to think that the story of X's parents being in debt could be phony, no social security in Thailand mate, if there was, you would probably never have met in the first place.

Well said !!

[blizzard]

just tell momma you skint and you not the usual kind of farang(the usual ones have money) that marries into poor family. explain you all poor so have to do the best you can. im sure theyll understand!

what i no understand is the concept of buying them a business if they want money. if it were only so ez.

Edited February 10, 2008 by blizzard

[tgeezer]

I was touched by you story and wonder if you are considering the possibilty of getting a greater share of the divorce. You now have another family albeit in 'common law'. Is your lawyer fully apraised of your situation?

[vrsushi]

I am only going on what you have posted and not you. There may well be many things that you havent stated about yourself that would put all this in a better light. For example....your UK wife may have had quads.

But re what you have wrote: You have got a women pregnant FIVE times in this over crowded world and you can't support any of them. Wifes with 4 kids dont throw good husbands out and leave themselves destitute. You brought a child into a poor third world family and had no plan on rescuing it.

On reflection it seems that you have screwed up 5 lives and possibly your wifes.

Why don't people think before they have children?

[blizzard]

i post what you posted vr. and i get suspended...........what gives................lol.

i think we r supposed to show support no matter how silly situation is.

Edited February 10, 2008 by blizzard

[Westerner]

I am only going on what you have posted and not you. There may well be many things that you havent stated about yourself that would put all this in a better light. For example....your UK wife may have had quads.

But re what you have wrote: You have got a women pregnant FIVE times in this over crowded world and you can't support any of them. Wifes with 4 kids dont throw good husbands out and leave themselves destitute. You brought a child into a poor third world family and had no plan on rescuing it.

On reflection it seems that you have screwed up 5 lives and possibly your wifes.

Why don't people think before they have children?

I couldn't agree more. This guy is so irresponsible he deserves to be homeless and penniless . Shame about all the kids though, I really fell sorry for them.

[vrsushi]

i post what you posted vr. and i get suspended...........what gives................lol.

i think we r supposed to show support no matter how silly situation is.

Oh dear, let me change my post then.

I think that any of those 5 kids (and hopefully one or two others that the OP hasn't mentioned) are very fortunate indeed.

There is no better way for a kid to grow up than on social security and on top of that be able to boast that his father is not even in the country as he is looking after his illegitimate half brother.

OP I don't know how much sterilisation costs in Thailand, but I am being very serious when I say that I will happily pay for you to get your tubes done. If you refuse this offer then I don't think you are deserving of anybody's sympathy at all.

[vrsushi]

By the way. I am far from a rich man. But I have some savings because I tried that little thing called planning for the future. You might like to give it a go.

[bendix]

I am only going on what you have posted and not you. There may well be many things that you havent stated about yourself that would put all this in a better light. For example....your UK wife may have had quads.

But re what you have wrote: You have got a women pregnant FIVE times in this over crowded world and you can't support any of them. Wifes with 4 kids dont throw good husbands out and leave themselves destitute. You brought a child into a poor third world family and had no plan on rescuing it.

On reflection it seems that you have screwed up 5 lives and possibly your wifes.

Why the fuc_k don't people think before they have children?

Completely agree. The more you think about the situation the more irresponsible the OP appears. We can all wail and gnash our teeth and sympathise with bad luck but it's my experience that we make our own luck and if you can't afford to support kids you shouldnt have them. Selfish selfish selfish.

No doubt the bleeding hearts on here will attack us and say it's not his fault.

Well, who's fault is it exactly?

Early 40s. No money. No job. No home. Five kids he can't support.

Good work fella - you should be proud of yourself

[Neeranam]

Completely agree. The more you think about the situation the more irresponsible the OP appears. We can all wail and gnash our teeth and sympathise with bad luck but it's my experience that we make our own luck and if you can't afford to support kids you shouldnt have them. Selfish selfish selfish.

No doubt the bleeding hearts on here will attack us and say it's not his fault.

Well, who's fault is it exactly?

Early 40s. No money. No job. No home. Five kids he can't support.

Good work fella - you should be proud of yourself

Here we go again - belittling others to make your inadequate self feel better.