Battle over the wipe

[wolf5370]

Maybe BG's just fart a lot. Maybe something to do with the alcohol and bar snacks they constantly put away. Maybe Type B should be known as 'pebble dashing'.

[KevinN]

Well now,I have read alot of true facts here,I do not know that much about skid marks in the girls skivvies,but I think that if I had a girl with skid marks in her shorts, I would be rather inclined to drop her ass and find another that was a little more sanitary.But then again,I don't run around drunk.

The crappers in HK always have been a very nasty place and I guess they still are,In mexico the crappers are a nightmare,the mex use large amounts of paper,which they throw in the corner after they use it,so there is a pile of shitty paper the size of a haystack in the corner that cannot be seen for the flies covering it.

In saudi when out on the jobsite or just passing thru the countryside,the arabs just shit along the side of the road and wave at passing cars and when thru,scrub down with a hand full of sand and wipe the remainder off with the lower end of their robe,Thats why you have to wear a respirator when on a plane with a lot of them on it,whole plane smells like a shit house.

I do prefer the Thai sprayer to paper anyday,Better for hemorrhoid control,more sanitary,and if done correctly,gets off all the new and some of the old,and if you are worried about the control of fungi's,just apply a little POVIDINE in the crack once every week or so but that is a good idea anyway as it is usually wet in this hot climate and will control jock itch as well,at least ,works for me.

[syd barrett]

Regarding skid marks in BG's.

Type A: Was due to slack sphincter muscles, which cause massive panty soiling.

Type B: Due to poor hygiene; ie. hurried use of water hose in order to 'catch' the next punter.

I propose a Type C and D.

Type C: This would be due to the 'wet fart' as a result of poor diet or a diet of excessive roughage coupled with a watery stool. Although only 5% of ingested water reaches the small and large bowel; this is paradoxically raised when eating food and drinking alcoholic drinks, particularly strong beer or wine.

I doubt their is a man or women on this planet who has not lost control of his/her bowels after consuming champagne and food at a lively party, where tasty snacks abound. This can be devastating.

I propose Type D: This final skid mark would be the most disgusting and disturbing of them all: I would label it the 'Don't care skid mark'.

It is thankfully, rare but does exist in Thailand among the BG community. It belongs to the BG who has lost interest in bodily hygiene and wears the same underwear for days on end. They often just rinse their face before work, after climbing out of bed, they change their outer clothing, they even wash their hair, yet beneath it all is a total scatological mayhem. Beware the Type D. I even know a Type D who serves food in a Pattaya eatery!

[NedKelly]

Thank every one of you for making me laugh. The people in this office think I am mad as I have been chuckling quite a bit today reading these pearls of wisdom. Just a thought on the idea of BG's soiling their panties due to excessive anal sex ! This could be quite true as my colleague back in Oz - a gay man - once told me that older gay guys sometimes have to wear nappies because their arse has been stretched too much from all the turd burgling activity. So those BG's that get the old Benny Elias up the blurter will get bigger skiddies as they get older......imagine that.....your new BG wife spends half your salary on diapers....for herself !! The house would stink !

As far as the spray or wipe goes.....well the spray does offer relief from the old ring of fire after a few too many chillis, but the paper is familiar territory. The spray method proves a little to close and personal even for my own hand....putting my fingers right in a pile of <deleted> just does not do it for me. But I dont go as far as removing my trousers in a public dunny just to take a dump....you have to be joking ! As afra as BG's withskiddies in their undies goes.......bugger that mate.....stear wellclear of that area !! Filth at it's worst !!

[charltonfan]

Martin wrote :

I find the references to Bronco and Izal soooo nostalgic that they have reminded me of grafiti from 60 years ago: "Here I sit, boken-hearted,

Paid the penny, and only farted".

Anybody else remember any vintage models, or just classic ones?

how about that classic :

if you want to sh*t with ease

rest your elbows on your knees

[KevinN]

Might be a good idea to introduce an enema solution that contains a lot of alum for the BGs that have taken it in the back door so much that the sphincter muscle has the consistency of cream of wheat. I have heard that a douche with ALUM will tighten up the ol honeypot.

[Pink Mist]

they could try swallowing concrete

[KevinN]

this thread with the pro and cons of spray or paper minds me of the indian that went into a frontier store and asked to buy some toilet paper,the clerk says" We got 3 kinds FLUFFY for 50 cents a roll,Charmin for 25 cents and a generic with no name for a nickle.so the indian took the 5 cent paper

He comes back in the next day and says" I got a name for that cheap paper,,you should call it JOHN WAYNE, cause it is rough and tough and it sure wont take no shit offa no indian..

[Spellbound]

This is True 100%, but please believe me this is not my GF I write about.

I have a friend that has had a long time GF now for over 3 years; she is from a village somewhere called "wherethe######aburi" near Laos. Anyway until now she has shown her true Thai traits of being shy. (you know the ones that come out of the shower wrapped in a towel then hide in the bed clothes, then perform like a rabbit with no shame)

Apparently they when out to eat, and she ate (Pok-Pok) and she caught a dose of the trots, when they get back to the apartment she ran into the toilet, but in her mad panic did not lock the door. He also need to shit fast and as he banged on the toilet door to hurry her up the door flew open and to his amazement she was stood squat style on the pan. (Now vision this a Thai, having a shit Thai style on a falang pan). He asked her why she was in the position she was in and all she replied was with YOU NEVER TEACH ME HOW TO USE.

So there is a true tale of how a Thai has use the loo for 3+ years the wrong way

[Johnny Moron]

I propose Type D: This final skid mark would be the most disgusting and disturbing of them all: I would label it the 'Don't care skid mark'.

It is thankfully, rare but does exist in Thailand among the BG community.

I welcome your input and commend your observations.

However, because the Type D skidmark is what I would call a “lifestyle” skidmark (more so than any other skidmark type), I feel it would be more scientific to adopt the term “Type D women”. Furthermore, in view of the fact that many Thai bargirls pursue a Type D lifestyle without necessarily falling victim to the associated skidmark, I feel it would be prudent to differentiate between the “haves” and the “have nots” by introducing the terms “Type D positive” and “Type D negative”.

While I am unable to comment on the possible whereabouts of Type D positives in Pattaya, I would suggest that here in Bangkok such women are most likely to be found amongst the bars in and around Washington Square.

For your further edification, I now offer the Type E skidmark. This skidmark is unique insofar as its existence is dependant not on the hygiene of the bargirl, but on the wearing of a flimsy udergarment known as a G-string. For those of you familiar with this relatively modern innovation, it takes little imagination to see that under the correct conditions the skidmarks thus produced can at times be simply awesome.

In Bangkok, I would suggest that Type E skidmarks are fairly evenly distributed amongst the bargirls of Patpong, Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy. For reasons which I trust are obvious, Type E skidmarks will NOT be found on the girdle-wearing Type D positives of Washington Square.

[syd barrett]

Several good points from Johnny Moron, I stand corrected on the 'Type D' skid mark. I welcome the new Type E and shall relay my personal encounters at a later date.

Meanwhile I would like to share an underwear moment with you all:

I was enjoying a performance in a Pattaya Go-Go on Walking Street, I don't know the name of the establishment, but it is all chrome/blue lights and two tier.

There was an attractive young lady dancing provocatively, with bra and panties, which is rare because 90% are top and bottomless, when I noticed a damp patch on the rear of her panties. It was impossible to determine the shade of colour but I suspected that in white light it would be brown/yellow.

As I gave her the eye she chose to sit with me and my drunken friends, and tried to cadge a lady drink, her spoken English was good and I asked her, perhaps a little too familiarly, why she had a visible skid mark on her panties that could be viewed by all.

She stood up, witha face like thunder, thrust her arm behind her back and I was completly off guard when she gave me a 'dirty sanchez' ;much to the amusement of all my friends.

I concluded that she was a 'Type B or C'

I still can't get the smell out of my head, I've washed my upper lip one thousand times.

Beware this girl/go-go.

S.B.

[Dove]

All this shit talk reminds me of my experience in Japan. Nothing beats the Japs. I recalled in Japan when I sat on the toilet seat I noticed control knobs on the right of the seat. The only English words were "Wait for water to stop flowing" , "front" and "back".

Automation had taken over in the Japanese toilet.

Anyway when you have laid your bottom on the seat, water will flow in the bowl for a few minutes. I suppose that this would keep the mud of the sides from the "first burst of fire".

I found that the front knob was for ladies to wash their you know what after a pee or for a guy who wanted to shampoo his balls . On turning this knob a jet spray of water would shot from the front. The back knob was obvious then for cleaning the rear exit point. It was most fortunate that the temperature control was perfect, it would have definitely have been very embarrasing to be admitted to the burns ward and trying to speak in your best English explaining to a Japanese nurse who doesn't understand English trying to describe to her your injuries.

I was so intrigued by the design as I had not observed any nozzles. So when I returned in the evening I stepped on the sit to activate the water. Then I turned back knob. When I did that a nozzle slowly appeared just like the undercarriage of the aircraft and suddenly a jet of water shot up into the air as there was no ass in the path of water there was a beautiful fountain in the toilet. If only they had spot lights in the bowl.

I often wondered what would have happened if the Japs had used toilet paper too. Maybe we would see paper rollers appearing.

Now you don't use your left hand to eat or serve in South East Asia because the left hand is for washing your ass. In Japan it is okay to eat suchi which is wrapped using both hands as they have automated ass washers (bidets) and they don't touch their ass unless it is itchy. However, the next time you have spring rolls or have icream served in cones or maybe even bread in Thailand just think about the hand that was used.

[Spellbound]

SORTED

The Battle has been WON

[ASIC]

And then there's the type F (for Farang). I think you all know the type, where you backside bleeds because of too much chilli intake the day before.

[Sick Boy]

Can you imagine the splash from that height?!!

[Pink Mist]

If was a beery one, would be more worried about spray painting my legs.

[the gentleman]

I think the "Thai squat" on top of the farang toilet must be normal as my mate's wife kept breaking the seat on a regular basis - my mate set up a video camera in the loo and thats how he caught her - to say she was red faced would be an understatement, as he told everyone - she is a big girl and the seats have been upgraded to "elephant proof"

[TizMe]

A couple of years back I was staying in a hotel in Krabi. Behind the toilet door was a sign showing someone squatting on the seat and a big red circle and slash.

I still regret stealing the sign. Or at least taking a photo of it.

[Guest IT Manager]

SORTED

The Battle has been WON

The amazing sandwich in Chiang Mai. Recognised immediately to cater for the elderly and infirm who frequent it and don't mind the prices, which are quite enlightening.

Actually Doc you could hang out there and no one would comment.

[penzman]

And will you look at that... women can't complain and say " You left the seat up again!"

This topic deserves a second wave of posts...

[scummuncher]

I agree with Sickboys post, the drop from 2' would leave your ankles spattered and messy!

Who designed this contraption? Heath Robinson?

[BIG SPUDS]

I am very open minded and wouldnt call myself a prude and will try anything once, but i cant bring myself to use them. I feel i would make more of a mess, trying to clean up. I guess its because i am used to TP.

However on my first to thailand, i was in my hotel bar, drinking with thai friends who i had met that night. I was alone as i had landed that day and had not slept on the 26hr journey( mates were out, as they had slept). I thought i would have a quick one in the bar, before i went to sleep. I asked where the toilet was, a girl took my hand and showed me the toilet. Clean and with a spray. I had never seen one before, so presumed it was for cleaning the pan of any pebble dashing that may occur. I was relaxing taking a pee in the urinal when i relaxed a little too much and followed through, (Way too much beer), so i shuffled into the toilet, looking for some paper, none to be found, and no easy access to my room without passing my newley made friends i resorted to the spray. Now this was my first and only attempt at using the spray. And i dont know if this spray was disfunctunal, but when i sprayed it, it nearly gave me a new A hole. This thing could remove concrete from brick!!!!!!

So aswell as having the monties for a few days i now had a vely vely sore ring.

NEVER AGAIN!!!!!

[bina]

fell into this thread but have been laughing until tears; read out loud to my 14 yr old boy after trying to explain why the toilets in the thai workers bathrooms have no t.p., and foot prints on the seats:

practice makes perfect and i learned to use the toilet reminiscent of the turkish toilets in parts of israel but minus the disgusting fly and t/p mess; washing with water is great especially when you are 'on the rag', in a hot climate rinsing prevents feminine problems and smell problems; but,

what do thai women do when they have their period? i know no tampons but arriving for my first visit, i had to ask a friend's wife, with my very limited issan thai, what to do with pads since no garbage can in hong nam, and obviously this doesnt go down the hole with a bowl of water...

[chokrai]

My wife and I were eating at the small resturant near our house when this thai dyke that was partying with her friends walked to the hong nam and seeing that the womens room was full walked around to the mens.I said to my wife that i didnt think there was a toliet back there just a urinal. Well there isnt and when i went back to have a piss later this Tommy girl as my wife calls her had pissed all over the floor. Quite charming.Also there is no door to the mens so some poor bastard[like me]could have walked in on this show.

[Padkapow Guy]

            SORTED

                      The Battle has been WON

The amazing sandwich in Chiang Mai. Recognised immediately to cater for the elderly and infirm who frequent it and don't mind the prices, which are quite enlightening.

Actually Doc you could hang out there and no one would comment.

classic! I just about pissed my self

[plachon]

fell into this thread but have been laughing until tears; read out loud to my 14 yr old boy after trying to explain why the toilets in the thai workers bathrooms have no t.p., and foot prints on the seats:

practice makes perfect and i learned to use the toilet reminiscent of the turkish toilets in parts of israel but minus the disgusting fly and t/p mess; washing with water is great especially when you are 'on the rag', in a hot climate rinsing prevents feminine problems and smell problems; but,

what do thai women do when they have their period? i know no tampons but arriving for my first visit, i had to ask a friend's wife, with my very limited issan thai, what to do with pads since no garbage can in hong nam, and obviously this doesnt go down the hole with a bowl of water...

This thread comes around more often than a dose of the squits and Abba re-releases Bina, but is still a goodie.

Your mastery of the English language is pretty darn impressive - "on the rag"being an example. Was this from living outside Israel for many years or all home learned?

As to your question, nowadays there's often a bin in the corner for jam rags and toilet paper, as more people convert to the joys of "civilization" and constant wall to wall advertising. But, I suspect there's a lot of rural women who've never used a manufactured pad in their lives, just wiping up with their pa-sin (long silk skirt) as it came out down inner legs. Must be a bugger trying to shoo away all the local dogs too, though the hubby is never a problem at that time of month.

What really bugs me is the guest houses, restaurants, etc., that have a sign saying "Don't put paper and sanitary towels in bowl, but use bin provided", then either don't have a bin or never empty it til it's flowing over.

[bina]

may i suggest to the men with trouser problems that they stick to wearing kilts, i believe that with the movie TROY they've come into fashion again; skirts are ever so much easier to deal with especially if someone walks in on you; u just drop the skirt and there you are, all covered up!

for women who work in the fields, pa sin are great in this respect;

actually plachon i noticed most women i met in udon villages used pads (the scented kind) but never was there a garbage can in hong nam, it was always just outside where they made the kiou niow etc and i notice that, like my own dogs, thai dogs have a penchant for stealing used pads too........yuck..

BTW america 20 years; israel 21 years , u do the arithmatic

[penzman]

I was teaching in April (summer camp) and it was darn hot. I have a second desk on the 4th floor, no one else in that office. The sprayer in the private washroom was converted into a shower for a refreshing splash between classes . Needless to say it was thoroughly disinfected before use. Toilet paper is always tucked away in the desk as school management seems to only spray.

[RDN]

I find the references to Bronco and Izal soooo nostalgic that they have reminded me of grafiti from 60 years ago:

"Here I sit, boken-hearted,

Paid the penny, and only farted".

Anybody else remember any vintage models, or just classic ones?

Second verse:

"Here I am, young and artful,

Got in free, and did a cartfull."

[Pink Mist]

The Painters work is done in vain,

the sh!thouse poet has struck again