Romantic Honesty

[Richard W]

Giving her education at her age is no good, as you said yourself to get a job at 35 is very hard. You'll be better off paying for some private english lessons, so you can maybe start some dialogue going - i did this for my wife when we first met and it did wonders, because it gave her some confidence.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

And conversely you could try learning some Thai. If you have a computer, you could try downloading a free copy of the 'The Fundamentals of the Thai Language' by Campbell and Shaweevongs - it pops up from time to time in various places. I thought I'd posted a reference to the latest location on this site, but all I could find was an offer by someone to forward a download. I'm assuming your love is a great enough motivation to learn.

[Backpack_thailand]

VERY common - you've been done! Get out NOW!

Big wedding, why would she have one...??

Simple, you paid for it all and itgave her a lot of "face"

Thai "Traditional" weddings mean &lt;deleted&gt; all. It's just a bullshit ceremony so all the hangers-on can have a free drink! Let me guess, you haven't been  to your Embassy to register the marriage, probably not even to the local town hall...!!!

Sorry to tell you mate, you're fcuked if you stay!

You may be very correct. But, if I leave, the money leaves. Unless she thinks she can find one with more money next time. I consider my financial capability to be reasonable. I do not drink to excess or smoke, which she does not like. She is attractive and sexy, but her social skills are poor, as well as her English. So what are her chances to land a bigger "western fish", who will live in Thailand with "Mama". She may have already been the route of Thai man's "second wife". I don't think she is keen for that.  I think she is being downright stupid, unless there is something I don't know.

You're too far gone to be helped mate!

"But, if I leave, the money leaves" -

Tough shit. Why are you so bothered about what happens to her if you leave.

You've fallen too deep my friend. If you can't see that you're just a walking cash machine then I feel genuinley sorry for you....

So what are her chances to land a bigger "western fish", who will live in Thailand with "Mama".

She landed you easily enough!

It'll all end in tears! Interested to hear your next comments defending the girl.....

[Bizz]

You could buy her a translator from Thai -English English Thai about 4-5000tbart.

Cannot see what she has to gain by getting rid of you, actually she has a lot more to lose. Could be hormones.

Cant you ask her what she wants from the relationship .

[Plato]

Cannot see what she has to gain by getting rid of you, actually she has a lot more to lose

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is assuming he still has money and she did not take everything from him already...

[GuestHouse]

Ravisher is spot on.

And I'll add.

Why oh why are you putting up with this? It's not just that you have the oportunity to find something better, you can simply live the single life and not have to put up with this.

GET OUT NOW BEFORE THE COSTS START RISING and before you throw any more of your life away.

If I where you I'd take a break, go home for a few months, or perhaps just go travelling around Thailand (By Yourself) give yourself some space, some time to think and some time to see what sh1t you are putting up with.

The challenge for you is going to be getting away. My betting is the first sign of you moving on and all ###### will let loose.

[Boon Mee]

Don't you just love these kinds of stories? Kinda remiinds me of Scampy's and another a little while back where loads of folks write in to try and help but the saga goes on and on.

As Ravisher has said, it's your happiness that counts here, a2396 and until you get away from this babe...you ain't gonna be happy.

p.s. pls keep us informed. As the saying goes: "Inquiring Minds Need To Know"

[Johnny Dee Rock]

You haven't said anything about money. Do you give her or her family any money? Did you pay any bride money? Did you pay for a wedding party? Or did you tie some strings and toss her a copy of the kama sutra?

[Wanderer]

I'll and my little bit.

First  tukyleith is right, out of the tourist areas "thais"  dont show a lot of open affection. Also not getting divorced is not that uncomman, in fact I think with the Thai divorce laws it is fairly difficult for a woman to divorce a man (could be wrong on that, it might have changed).

It is fairly uncoman for a woman with a husband or ex husband to go through the whole "traditional wedding", I cant really see how people would expect her to be gaining "face" from this as most of the people attending would know she is already married.

Also you say that she is working 12 hours a day, what you expect her to come home and then be all over you? Is her ex husband still on the scene?

Her expectations of life with you may be totaly different to reality, I'd bet she was'nt expecting to be working 12 hours a day and probably looking after you.

They are possable explanations, but  looking at things from and outsiders point of view. You have know this woman 6 months on the internet, but state she does not speak english very well, how did you comunicate with each other?. Also you came out here, and I assume you paid for a wedding after only knowing her for 2 months, only to find out she has been married before and is not divorced, As you dont speak thai and you state she does not speak very good english, what is your relationship based on??

OK there are a lot of asumptions in the above, but if you look at these last points from an outsiders point of view, what advice would you give?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for the very good and valuable insights here. Yes, I am living with at her Mother's residence area. It is sort of a Mother-in-law apartment set-up, as we call it in USA. All the family has been great to me, as well as the neighbors. My lady is the one who has turned into the icle. She never was greatly affectionate, but the situation now is unacceptable. I do not expect public display of affection. I lived in Malaysia for one year, so I know what the Asian "rules" are.

As for wheather she was married or not before, I asked her brother today point-blank and he said no she was never married. It could be she misunderstood my question before, but I though I had been clear enough about it. As for proof or no proof, I think it is easy to conceal the truth, if there is no national marriage registry data base. There is no such thing in USA. It is all by state and county. I am not sure about Thailand. Neither I nor her are in any hurry to tie any legal ropes around our necks, certainly not at this early stage of the game. She also could have been someones "mistress", as we call it in USA, called "second wife" in Malaysia. Who knows and I don't care really, but I would like to know the facts because past ghosts can create many emotional disturbances. It could also be that she has ever had any "meaningful" relationship with a man and has not much of a clue re: behavior expectations.

I am not anxious to have her continue working 12 hour days. I have offered to offset her losses and and pay for some better education, but that has gone "through one ear and out the other" with her. She is 34 and no spring chicken, as far as Asian job market standards are considered. In Malaysia you are "dead and buried" in the job market at 35.

I will try to to get her attention to get some dialogue, but I have gotten stonewalled so far. It will pass a certain point and I will just leave.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Facinating storey so far, pls keep us informed on the latest up-dates. Why don't you go on a honeymoon and have some quality time together. Even go to Pattaya, when she sees all the competition she might try a little harder.

[Backpack_thailand]

What DOES matter is that you are not 'happy'. It is 'your' life and your happiness that is at stake here. If you cannot fix that, then leave.

Absolutely SPOT ON!

It's YOUR life my friend.

I know it's hard to hear all of this, but trust me, most of us have already been there. People telling us that "she's no good", "you're a cash cow". We refuse to believe it, lose friends over it etc. etc.

Get over the embarrassment factor of being done, you're in good company. It's hard to admit that you can be fooled, but it happens all the tme here.

I have personally been done out of 2million Baht+, and knowing what I know now, I consider myself to have gotten away quite lightly!

Remember these girls have SUPERB acting skills, particularly with someone who can't speak/understand their own language. They all look sweet an innocent...

There's no shame in all this, it's happened to far better men than you!

But I repeat....GET OUT NOW!

[kreon]

I am a relativey new arrival in Thailand (about two months). I have a lady friend that I have known for several months and am now living with her and family in an Issan city. Now that I am "on board" so to speak, she has cooled considerably to me, ie little or no affection. We had a "Tahi Traditional" marriage, but it seems like she may not be legally divorced. Her English is poor and my Thai zero. Any thoughts on such a situation??? Is this a common situation???

Thanks

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I met her on the internet, but we spent considerable time in getting acquianted. Why would she have a Traditional weddind and invite the neighborhood, etc, if I was only a cash cow to her. I am not a jerk or difficult person to live with and the most logical explanation I see to her icy behavior is another man in the picture, although I don't see where she would have time for it. She works 12 hours a day "supposedly". I have not gone to check yet.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

hi atm!

probably has boyfriend or husband

12 hours a day with hubby or restaurant for entertainment

advice......dump her and run like ######

[kreon]

I'll and my little bit.

First  tukyleith is right, out of the tourist areas "thais"  dont show a lot of open affection. Also not getting divorced is not that uncomman, in fact I think with the Thai divorce laws it is fairly difficult for a woman to divorce a man (could be wrong on that, it might have changed).

It is fairly uncoman for a woman with a husband or ex husband to go through the whole "traditional wedding", I cant really see how people would expect her to be gaining "face" from this as most of the people attending would know she is already married.

Also you say that she is working 12 hours a day, what you expect her to come home and then be all over you? Is her ex husband still on the scene?

Her expectations of life with you may be totaly different to reality, I'd bet she was'nt expecting to be working 12 hours a day and probably looking after you.

They are possable explanations, but  looking at things from and outsiders point of view. You have know this woman 6 months on the internet, but state she does not speak english very well, how did you comunicate with each other?. Also you came out here, and I assume you paid for a wedding after only knowing her for 2 months, only to find out she has been married before and is not divorced, As you dont speak thai and you state she does not speak very good english, what is your relationship based on??

OK there are a lot of asumptions in the above, but if you look at these last points from an outsiders point of view, what advice would you give?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks for the very good and valuable insights here. Yes, I am living with at her Mother's residence area. It is sort of a Mother-in-law apartment set-up, as we call it in USA. All the family has been great to me, as well as the neighbors. My lady is the one who has turned into the icle. She never was greatly affectionate, but the situation now is unacceptable. I do not expect public display of affection. I lived in Malaysia for one year, so I know what the Asian "rules" are.

As for wheather she was married or not before, I asked her brother today point-blank and he said no she was never married. It could be she misunderstood my question before, but I though I had been clear enough about it. As for proof or no proof, I think it is easy to conceal the truth, if there is no national marriage registry data base. There is no such thing in USA. It is all by state and county. I am not sure about Thailand. Neither I nor her are in any hurry to tie any legal ropes around our necks, certainly not at this early stage of the game. She also could have been someones "mistress", as we call it in USA, called "second wife" in Malaysia. Who knows and I don't care really, but I would like to know the facts because past ghosts can create many emotional disturbances. It could also be that she has ever had any "meaningful" relationship with a man and has not much of a clue re: behavior expectations.

I am not anxious to have her continue working 12 hour days. I have offered to offset her losses and and pay for some better education, but that has gone "through one ear and out the other" with her. She is 34 and no spring chicken, as far as Asian job market standards are considered. In Malaysia you are "dead and buried" in the job market at 35.

I will try to to get her attention to get some dialogue, but I have gotten stonewalled so far. It will pass a certain point and I will just leave.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

no spring chicken, you have been sprunged allright

[Jockstar]

Get out mate. Find yourself someone better. Just walk away before she bleeds you dry.

[a2396]

Ravisher is spot on.

And I'll add.

Why oh why are you  putting up with this? It's not just that you have the oportunity to find something better, you can simply live the single life and not have to put up with this.

GET OUT NOW BEFORE THE COSTS START RISING  and before you throw any more of your life  away.

If I where you I'd take a break, go home for a few months, or perhaps just go travelling around Thailand (By Yourself) give yourself some space, some time to think  and some time to see what sh1t you are putting up with.

The  challenge for  you is going to be getting away. My betting is the first sign of you moving on and all ###### will let loose.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Once again, thanks for advise here, most of it positive and useful. Just to clarify a few questions raised here by several posters - Yes, I did put up wedding money, athough not a large sum. I gave a higher amount in jewlery and we took a one week honeymoon trip in Thailand and had a reasonable time together. She had later pointed out to me that the money I gave here was to pay of the wedding, not dowery. Some books I have read indicate they are one in the same?? Others have said, that the money often comes back to the couple in terms of gifts or other assistance. I saw no such thing. What say you all on this topic?

A few days ago, she asked me to return to my former home base country for a three weeks, apparently so she could "regroup" herself and recover from to much stress. To me, the ice just keeps getting thinner and thinner. 10% of me might believe this, the other 90% says it is non-sense. My guess is the other half (who or whatever he is) wants service.

Fortunately, I have not handed over any major money. I have tried to keep this on a "pay-as-you-go" basis, to see if trust increases on my part. Unfortunately, my trust has gone down and the requests for money and respective amounts has gone up. In her defense, if there is any, she has really not tried to understand or even ask relevant questions as to what my financial condition really is. Maybe just asking me to "fork it over" is enough for her. No money no love. If so this is the deal making language of hookers and strippers in the western world. I shall be "endeavoring to persevere".

[sas_cars]

Are you a troll?

[Backpack_thailand]

A few days ago, she asked me to return to my former home base country for a three weeks, apparently so she could "regroup" herself and recover from to much stress. To me, the ice just keeps getting thinner and thinner. 10% of me might believe this, the other 90% says it is non-sense. My guess is the other half (who or whatever he is) wants service.

FINALLY! The penny's dropped...now you're getting it!

Unfortunately, my trust has gone down and the requests for money and respective amounts has gone up.

Maybe just asking me to "fork it over" is enough for her. No money no love. If so this is the deal making language of hookers and strippers in the western world. I shall be "endeavoring to persevere".

...and we've lost you again!

[ZOVOX]

Fortunately, I have not handed over any major money. I have tried to keep this on a "pay-as-you-go" basis

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Is she a mobile phone ?