Wedding Ceremony Etiquette

[luisparis]

Hi

I've received an invitation to the wedding of a supplier's family member upcountry but doubt I will go. Yet my thai secretary reckons I should slip a couple of thousand baht in the enveloppe we received with the invitation and have someone hand it over to them during the ceremony. Does it seem like the polite way to do?

Cheers

Luis

[Soutpeel]

Hi

I've received an invitation to the wedding of a supplier's family member upcountry but doubt I will go. Yet my thai secretary reckons I should slip a couple of thousand baht in the enveloppe we received with the invitation and have someone hand it over to them during the ceremony. Does it seem like the polite way to do?

Cheers

Luis

Yeap....thats the right way to do it....

[CroBiker]

Surprised you even ask, yes you should send money and some gifts too with apologies for not attending the ceremony.

[luisparis]

OK thanks, how would you formulate the apology ? What kind of money you would slip in the enveloppe ? The parents are worth a few million USD but our relationship hasn't gone very well lately, and I'm not much inclined in warming it too much. First slipped 5k in the enveloppe burt secretary reckons 2 is enough.

Edited November 5, 2008 by luisparis

[CroBiker]

Ooops rich folks.....in that case even 5k sounds ridiculous, too low. Your secretary talks nonsense. Sending cash might offend them then.

Rich Thai folks like these more appreciate jewellery or fine piece of art.

[TexasRanger]

There is no need to send money if you aren't going in person, a card will suffice.

[slapout]

Many of the question asked, lack the details to give a well thought out answer which is based on experience, which was succesful. What would you expect from some of our fun inclined posters. The secretary may have experience dealing with wealthy families or may be astute enough to realize the relationship has gone south or she may dislike you, so she gives advice which if followed will p.ss the wealthy family off royally and they will put out a contract on you. Without knowing many variables it is hard to be a Dear Abby wantabe.

[luisparis]

Many of the question asked, lack the details to give a well thought out answer which is based on experience, which was succesful. What would you expect from some of our fun inclined posters. The secretary may have experience dealing with wealthy families or may be astute enough to realize the relationship has gone south or she may dislike you, so she gives advice which if followed will p.ss the wealthy family off royally and they will put out a contract on you. Without knowing many variables it is hard to be a Dear Abby wantabe.

Ouch!! I knew that card wasn't welcome... anyway did call a thai friend knowing the family who will also find an excuse the avoid the wedding and he reckons 2000TBh is more than enough, more or less what people in my position routinely give in this kind of wedding involving minor suppliers' family. Will try to get some more input before giving the enveloppe. I was involved once in a wedding in China with a relatively well off family as one of the victims and it was all cash and gold, including a lot of thin enveloppes, with closer family members using bank transfer. Sure beats the olive oil bottles and lousy coffee machine we got from my spanish relatives

Edited November 5, 2008 by luisparis

[BSJ]

Hi luisparis, this has very little to do with whether the business relation is strong or not. It's a test to see if your worthy of their future friendship. If you where to give 2000baht that is an insult to the bride and groom and you will be despised and forever known as the miserable farang.....forget about any future business. A gift to the value 100.000baht would be respectful and welcome and your lack of presence tolerated. A gift to the value 250.000baht or more would cement you in their family history. Afterall it's only money and you are a well healed farang, right?

[Mosha]

How well do you know these people? What we give depends on how well we know them. 1K Baht is for family, Close friends 500Baht, all others 200. Shit I can't believe where you lot get your figures from. We have been to the governers parties and Nai Amphurs more than once

[luisparis]

[sassienie]

It appears you are more of an acquaintance to this family, rather than a close friend and probably not all that relevant to them.

Send a wedding card with your congratulations and enclose no more than 500 baht. At least it shows you made some effort and still keeps you in favour with them if that is what you want.

Edited November 5, 2008 by sassienie

[luisparis]

Crobiker,

BSJ must have been taking the piss...

Edited November 7, 2008 by soundman
Removed quoted flame

[TJAN]

you are.

Edited November 7, 2008 by soundman
Removed quoted flame

[noise]

Hi

I've received an invitation to the wedding of a supplier's family member upcountry but doubt I will go. Yet my thai secretary reckons I should slip a couple of thousand baht in the enveloppe we received with the invitation and have someone hand it over to them during the ceremony. Does it seem like the polite way to do?

Cheers

Luis

You subsequent postings say this family is a minor supplier, i.e., a small subcontractor, of yours (one of many?). And the one getting married is a distant relative (maybe both literally and figuratively since you did not say it was son/daughter). They probably sent such invitations to some or all of their other customers. As some other repliers suggested, you really don't need to send money or a gift. A card is sufficient when there is no personal or important business relationship above and beyond, apparently, knowing who they are.

[Tod Daniels]

BACK ON TOPIC:

To the O/P's original question; I would ignore the invitation, send neither a card, nor any financial remuneration. This way you avoid ANY judgment or castigation about the contribution being too small OR too large.

IF the topic ever comes up, (which it won't) make up some plausible excuse, was busy, forgot, etc. You could always use one of the thai fall back excuses; delegated the task to a subordinate and never followed up, and/or couldn't decide what to do so finally decided to do nothing. Those two always seem to work as valid reasons when used by the native inhabitants.

Edited November 7, 2008 by soundman
No flaming

[soundman]

I have removed and edited several instances of flaming and name calling.

Please keep it on topic & respect other poster's views.

[bkkjames]

OP. Send whatever you feel is appropriate be it a gift for the home or cash or just a card.

If they choose to judge you based on the value of your gift - it's only demonstrates that you were correct in erring on the low side.