Who Is Jack Schitt?

[Chris Lawrence]

WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

> >

> >

> > For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find

> > ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

> >

> >

> > Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an

> > intellectual way.

> >

> >

> > Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer

> > magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N Schitt, Inc. They had

> > one son, Jack.

> >

> >

> > In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple

> > produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull

> > Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

> >

> >

> > Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high

> > school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt

> > divorced.

> >

> >

> > Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living

> > with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe

> > Schitt Sherlock.

> >

> >

> > Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a

> > rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six

> > children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout

> > childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual

> > ceremony.

> >

> >

> > The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens

> > nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

> >

> >

> > Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently

> > returned fromItalywith his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

> >

> >

> > NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

> >

> >

> > Sincerely,

> >

> >

> > Crock O. Schitt