Jump to content
Login with your Gmail HERE and start posting in seconds! ×
Don't just read! Be part of the Community! Join the conversation ×

How To Deal With Wife's Guilt For Leaving Her Parents

Yager

By Yager
in General Topics

 Share

Recommended Posts

Yager Apprentice Member

Yager

Posted
Posted

A week before our wedding, the doctors found a tumor on my wife's spinal cord that needed

immediate surgery. This canceled our Thai ceremony but since I already had the plane tickets I went to be

with her in the hospital. I had already deposited Sin Sod into her bank account (around $7500 US that I'm

still paying the loan for). We decided to leave it in her bank until we could reschedule the wedding.

After her recovery my wife was able to come to the USA and on the very day she left Thailand, her mother had a

fainting spell and was diagnosed with diabetes. Now my wife feels incredibly guilty for leaving her parents

to live in the US. My wife is 29. Her parents are in their early 50's and the dad runs a noodle stand business.

They have some land and rice farm.

My wife was feeling worried about her mom and wanted to go to the hospital with her. After we received the

advanced parole I sent her home to see her mom for 10 days. After my wife came back I found out that they

never actually went to the hospital but her mom was taking some pills for her condition. I also found out that

she gave the Sin Sod money to her mom without us having a Thai ceremony.

Now my wife is working part time at a Thai restaurant and is obsessed with buying her parents a new house. They

already have a house but it seems their old house has a termite problem. She would like to save 600,000 baht for this.

This is in addition to the 10,000 baht I have been sending every month. This means she would be saving most of

her paycheck and tips for her parents instead of contributing to our household. I am by not means rich and could

use the help. My wife is extremely emotional about the issue of helping her parents. If I try to talk it through

with her I will get crying, silent treatment, and flat out anger. Not one word can be said against her parents. She tells

me I married a Thai and have to accept this. I suggested buying some rental property and giving to her parents for

residual income, or buy another noodle stand for her brother to make money and ease the burden on us. NO, only a

new house could save her parents.

My wife has many wonderful qualities, but I feel that my she is the victim of her mom's manipulation. This guilt is

putting a lot of strain on our finances. How the hel_l to deal with this...

bkkjames Star Member

bkkjames

Posted
Posted
A week before our wedding, the doctors found a tumor on my wife's spinal cord that needed

immediate surgery. This canceled our Thai ceremony but since I already had the plane tickets I went to be

with her in the hospital. I had already deposited Sin Sod into her bank account (around $7500 US that I'm

still paying the loan for). We decided to leave it in her bank until we could reschedule the wedding.

After her recovery my wife was able to come to the USA and on the very day she left Thailand, her mother had a

fainting spell and was diagnosed with diabetes. Now my wife feels incredibly guilty for leaving her parents

to live in the US. My wife is 29. Her parents are in their early 50's and the dad runs a noodle stand business.

They have some land and rice farm.

My wife was feeling worried about her mom and wanted to go to the hospital with her. After we received the

advanced parole I sent her home to see her mom for 10 days. After my wife came back I found out that they

never actually went to the hospital but her mom was taking some pills for her condition. I also found out that

she gave the Sin Sod money to her mom without us having a Thai ceremony.

Now my wife is working part time at a Thai restaurant and is obsessed with buying her parents a new house. They

already have a house but it seems their old house has a termite problem. She would like to save 600,000 baht for this.

This is in addition to the 10,000 baht I have been sending every month. This means she would be saving most of

her paycheck and tips for her parents instead of contributing to our household. I am by not means rich and could

use the help. My wife is extremely emotional about the issue of helping her parents. If I try to talk it through

with her I will get crying, silent treatment, and flat out anger. Not one word can be said against her parents. She tells

me I married a Thai and have to accept this. I suggested buying some rental property and giving to her parents for

residual income, or buy another noodle stand for her brother to make money and ease the burden on us. NO, only a

new house could save her parents.

My wife has many wonderful qualities, but I feel that my she is the victim of her mom's manipulation. This guilt is

putting a lot of strain on our finances. How the hel_l to deal with this...

Family pressure is not easy anywhere, especially true here. However, seeing as your wife is as honest as a tailor, cut your losses mate- now!

Maverell Senior Member

Maverell

Posted
Posted

I know it is easy to say, but I am afraid that this is just the start. She will bleed you dry and then go anyway, so its best if she goes sooner rather than later. She has no interest in supporting you, and just wants you to support her whilst she sends money to Thailand - I wouldn't even think its for a home for her mother - more like a home for someone else.

I have seen and heard the same story so many times...................

zaza Platinum Member

zaza

Posted
Posted

what would you do if you were married to a western woman, and she was doing the same thing to you? :D

will you think twice about it? :o

Moonrakers Ruby Member

Moonrakers

Posted
Posted
I suggested buying some rental property and giving to her parents for residual income, or buy another noodle stand for her brother to make money and ease the burden on us. NO, only a new house could save her parents.

This sums it up for me mate.

I am assuming that the brother does little or nothing to contribute, yet you are expected to support the mother yourself.

It is very unreasonable for them to outright reject what is an offer of help and so I think that you need to have words with your wife.

OxfordWill Platinum Member

OxfordWill

Posted
Posted (edited)

Tell her what you can afford and don't budge on a penny more- be firm- but explain you will try to work harder to provide more. She then has a choice, having seen your situation, to either remember she loves you and to be thankful you are trying so hard, or she will remember she doesn't care about you and will leave you. This advice applied if your marriage is what we might call "normal". If your relationship was always based on money- i.e. you wanted a much younger/prettier bride and you've always been compensating her for being with you, then you shouldn't be surprised if money is what she is wanting. Best of luck!

Edited by OxfordWill
Enjibenji Advanced Member

Enjibenji

Posted
Posted (edited)

that's bloody right.

I find it funny how so many people on here come on this forum and tell their money problems with their thai wife taking them for an ATM.

At the end of the day, you are all blacksheep. If it wasn't for your money, would they truely stay with you? If you have even a single doubt about that, then your answer is there.

zaza is aboslutely right. Would you let a western woman do this to you?

Oh, so your wife tells you that you married her and it's part of her culture, and you should know and understand.

Well, how about tell her that she should understand it's not your culture to give so much money away constantly - then throw a hissy fit like she does.

Take away your money for a while. Give her a test. Start being assertive with YOUR money. If you don't, this will happen the rest of your life with her. Would you like to stay with her when she is just there to milk you for your money?

Edited by Enjibenji
sassienie Gold Member

sassienie

Posted
Posted (edited)
A week before our wedding, the doctors found a tumor on my wife's spinal cord that needed

immediate surgery. This canceled our Thai ceremony but since I already had the plane tickets I went to be

with her in the hospital. I had already deposited Sin Sod into her bank account (around $7500 US that I'm

still paying the loan for). We decided to leave it in her bank until we could reschedule the wedding.

After her recovery my wife was able to come to the USA and on the very day she left Thailand, her mother had a

fainting spell and was diagnosed with diabetes. Now my wife feels incredibly guilty for leaving her parents

to live in the US. My wife is 29. Her parents are in their early 50's and the dad runs a noodle stand business.

They have some land and rice farm.

My wife was feeling worried about her mom and wanted to go to the hospital with her. After we received the

advanced parole I sent her home to see her mom for 10 days. After my wife came back I found out that they

never actually went to the hospital but her mom was taking some pills for her condition. I also found out that

she gave the Sin Sod money to her mom without us having a Thai ceremony.

Now my wife is working part time at a Thai restaurant and is obsessed with buying her parents a new house. They

already have a house but it seems their old house has a termite problem. She would like to save 600,000 baht for this.

This is in addition to the 10,000 baht I have been sending every month. This means she would be saving most of

her paycheck and tips for her parents instead of contributing to our household. I am by not means rich and could

use the help. My wife is extremely emotional about the issue of helping her parents. If I try to talk it through

with her I will get crying, silent treatment, and flat out anger. Not one word can be said against her parents. She tells

me I married a Thai and have to accept this. I suggested buying some rental property and giving to her parents for

residual income, or buy another noodle stand for her brother to make money and ease the burden on us. NO, only a

new house could save her parents.

My wife has many wonderful qualities, but I feel that my she is the victim of her mom's manipulation. This guilt is

putting a lot of strain on our finances. How the hel_l to deal with this...

You are the one that`s being manipulated.

Idiots never listen to advice or use common sense, they only learn by experience.

Check out my thread here:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Sassienie-Fa...-R-t222161.html

Edited by sassienie
Shotime Gold Member

Shotime

Posted
Posted
Normally I would suggest doing a poll but after only a few replies, a consensus is already forming.
well do one now

How would you vote, Fred?

I vote that he's an ATM, and she's grabbing as much money as she can.

GuestHouse Diamond Member

GuestHouse

Posted
Posted

Tell your wife you need to send money to your parents, or to a close family relative that needs help, and that in order to do this you need to sit down and work out a family budget.

As a Thai she will understand that you have family commitments that must be met.

The response you receive to this will tell you if you need to get rid of her or not.

Neeranam Star Member

Neeranam

Posted
Posted

Why on earth are you sending 10,000 baht a month? What about the $7500? If you don't get any of that back, they are not playing by the rules so tell them to get stuffed. Also your girl is sending money back to them. You maybe can't see it yet but you are being made a fool of.

Sit down with her and say that you have to stop the payments an you'll see if she cares about you or just herself. If the latter, dump her.

fred2007 Gold Member

fred2007

Posted
Posted
Normally I would suggest doing a poll but after only a few replies, a consensus is already forming.
well do one now

How would you vote, Fred?

I vote that he's an ATM, and she's grabbing as much money as she can.

I would buy a T-Shirt ATM closed
yogi Senior Member

yogi

Posted
Posted

i am sorry to say,but your wife wants suger daddy who will keep on spending money to fill her home in thailand,

take some action before its too late,

just make her understand that your money is for your future and not for her parents DREEM HOUSE.

tmd5855 Advanced Member

tmd5855

Posted
Posted (edited)

Sit her down and say "We have big problem, my (insert mama/papa, sister/brother, mama/papa brother/wife, need money ".

Tell her its only for one month.....maybe two months, her money plus your 10,000 a month will now go to your family. She will do one of three things.

1) Blow up saying "No way" "DUMP HER"

2) We can only send your family a little if we stop paying for your car/house/pension etc. "DUMP HER"

3) "Okay, we need help your family". You have a chance.

Thai's have a strong sense of helping family members, so she should/will understand where your coming from?

I have been living with a Thai lady, here in Pattaya for the past 3+years. Sends her parents between 3 - 4,000bt a month. We go visit them every 2nd month where I will pick up the food bill for the week 300bt max for 5 people.

Sin sod, why you pay?? My GF parents say we pay for wedding and reception, how big up to me?? But for face, I give Papa the money. He then pays and gets face.

You are in a high cost relationship, think carefully would you stay with a white/farang woman behaving this way.

Guest house made a good few points as well.

Please read and take in BM experiences, unlike your wife. The BM's have no hidden agenda??

Edited by tmd5855
patklang Gold Member

patklang

Posted
Posted

Sorry mate you are been sucked dry by the leech.Your best bet is to say your family need big help so the money will be sent to them.tell your mum to save the money and when your wife leaves you,there will be plenty of money saved for yourself.

So many times i have heard this and i know that you will continue to be stitched up like a kipper

tattoodrob Silver Member

tattoodrob

Posted
Posted

she gave the the sin sod to them without asking you first,she went back and didnt go to the hospital which i presume she said she was going to do.its not a good start is it??

dont mean to put a dampner on it but a lot of girls want to get to the usa as they think its land of milk and honey as many friends/associates have probably told her she can make good money there.

her mother has already got a fair sum(this wasnt enough to sort out this terrible termite problem?),whether its her family or actually probably her that wants more then i would tell her she can get more work and pay for your household together and extra can go towards saving for the house.if it really was some sort of emergency then the 10k a month would enable them to rent a place meantime although im still concerned for you of where the sinsod has supposedly gone to??

some of the suggestions already given in former posts will answer whether she really wants to be with you or whether you were just a ticket/visa providor.

to be honest i think this is only the start of things to come and like some have said you need to put your foot down and speed the outcome up a bit .

good luck

ps her working in a thai restaurant talking to other thais is not such a good idea as they will like to talk about stories of rich american men etc taking care of their thai friends and call you a keeniow if you dont give everything she wants.

tattoodrob Silver Member

tattoodrob

Posted
Posted
bang on tatoodrob,exactly my thoughts 100%

thanks, i would also like to know the age of OP ,if 40 up then i would guess its the money shes really interested in,also where did he meet her.....a bar or similar regular farang hang out ......then its game over. she may not even careif he finishes her as she now has thai contacts that would help her in the usa and i presume the visa is valid for a while yet........hence if he dont provide something quickly she has time to find an alternative. sorry to say that

benjamat Advanced Member

benjamat

Posted
Posted

yes, its all been said above and sadly it is a story that goes on and on.

Helping your wifes family is not necessarily a bad thing of course but you must use a little common sense. The average thai even in bkk makes less than 8k baht a month. She took sin sod 187000b approx, thats nearly 2 years salary and your sending more than the average salary every month.

It does seem very much like shes managed to hook a good one. Stop the money and see what happens.

Jamesjimmy Explorer Member

Jamesjimmy

Posted
Posted
A week before our wedding, the doctors found a tumor on my wife's spinal cord that needed

immediate surgery. This canceled our Thai ceremony but since I already had the plane tickets I went to be

with her in the hospital. I had already deposited Sin Sod into her bank account (around $7500 US that I'm

still paying the loan for). We decided to leave it in her bank until we could reschedule the wedding.

After her recovery my wife was able to come to the USA and on the very day she left Thailand, her mother had a

fainting spell and was diagnosed with diabetes. Now my wife feels incredibly guilty for leaving her parents

to live in the US. My wife is 29. Her parents are in their early 50's and the dad runs a noodle stand business.

They have some land and rice farm.

My wife was feeling worried about her mom and wanted to go to the hospital with her. After we received the

advanced parole I sent her home to see her mom for 10 days. After my wife came back I found out that they

never actually went to the hospital but her mom was taking some pills for her condition. I also found out that

she gave the Sin Sod money to her mom without us having a Thai ceremony.

Now my wife is working part time at a Thai restaurant and is obsessed with buying her parents a new house. They

already have a house but it seems their old house has a termite problem. She would like to save 600,000 baht for this.

This is in addition to the 10,000 baht I have been sending every month. This means she would be saving most of

her paycheck and tips for her parents instead of contributing to our household. I am by not means rich and could

use the help. My wife is extremely emotional about the issue of helping her parents. If I try to talk it through

with her I will get crying, silent treatment, and flat out anger. Not one word can be said against her parents. She tells

me I married a Thai and have to accept this. I suggested buying some rental property and giving to her parents for

residual income, or buy another noodle stand for her brother to make money and ease the burden on us. NO, only a

new house could save her parents.

My wife has many wonderful qualities, but I feel that my she is the victim of her mom's manipulation. This guilt is

putting a lot of strain on our finances. How the hel_l to deal with this...

Can you tell us please what wonderful qualities your wife has? best not to do anything and see what she does... I WOULD NOT GIVE HER ANYMORE $$$

Joost Explorer Member

Joost

Posted
Posted (edited)
Its sad to hear same story again and agian and that make many foriegners looks down on Thai woman who sucking his money.

Arent there two parties involved? $ 7.500 for sinsod? Yes i know stories of people paying a lot more, but 225.000+ baht to marry some poor educated woman (already 29 years old!) sounds like a lot already, even if you believe sin sod is cultural heritence. Why on earth loan money to pay such an amount? Did the OP tell his to be wife (or family) he had to loan the sum? Or was it some kind of brag to show that kind of money?

Second why send money on a regular basis?

Third, why marry a woman who has not got you as her first priority?

Edited by Joost
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.






ASEANNOW

ASEANNOW (formerly Thai Visa) Thailand's oldest and most popular forum for expats and foreigners.

Sign up today and have your say! /p>

MORE INFO

POPULAR AREAS

CONTACT US

219/59 Asoke Towers, 15th Floor, Soi Sukhumvit 21, Watthana, Bangkok 10110
(+66) 99 196 1100
[email protected]

×
×
  • Create New...