What Advice Would You Give - Legally, As My Thai Wife Is Making False Alligations

[Smithy31]

he's not whining,but he has got himself in a terrible fix and is just asking for advice.sure bar girl=good marriage/relationship is probably stretching it,but i bet you will find there are some good one's out there looking for farang to take them away and take care.

Am sorry i just dont have any good advice for the OP,but i wish him well and safe passage.

THANKS FOR REPLY - I AM NOT MOANING ABOUT IT - I KNOW I HAVE GOT MYSELF INTO THIS BUT JUST ASKING FOR ADVICE ON WHAT I COULD DO.

[Smithy31]

Oh, and here we go again with Britons that have bad English? Is it like a trend now to write in bad English?

Give the guy a break. Not everyone has wisdom like yourself.

He's made a mistake, a very silly one, but I'm sure he doesn't need you to tell him that.

Now, can you offer some advice, or not?

THANKS - I KNOW MY MISTAKE AND I ASKED FOR REPLY'S TO MY QUESTION NOT ON MY BAD ENGLISH GLAD YOU PICKED UP ON IT TOO - TO THE COMMENT ABOVE, MY "BAD ENGLISH - AS GOT ME THROUGH, 5 VERY GOOD BUINESS'S AND MORE ON THE WAY, SO TO HAVE PERFECT GRAMMAR AND PUCTUATION IS NOT BE ALL AND END ALL !! WHY COMMENT WHEN YOUR REPLY IS NOT RELEVANT TO THE QUESTION, BUT I HAVE MORE TO WORRY ABOUT THAN YOUR REPLY !!

[Smithy31]

If your daughter have a Thai passport, make sure that your wife can´t take off to Thailand with your daughter. The way your wife have been acting it wouldn´t surprise me if she run off with your daughter to Thailand and then demand money from you if you want to see you daughter again.

MY DAUGHTER AS A UK PASSPORT BY THE WAY - BUT SHE CAN STILL TAKE HER.

[Moonrakers]

Smithy.

I hate to have a bitch, but I don't suppose that you could turn CAPS LOCK off could you old boy.

Cheers.

[Smithy31]

Smithy.

I hate to have a bitch, but I don't suppose that you could turn CAPS LOCK off could you old boy.

Cheers.

Yeah - sorry !!

[Birdman]

Are you living in the UK or Thailand?

I'M IN THE UK.

Smithy, what have you decided to do? I suggest that you play it very cool, and don't let on what you are intending to do, unitl you have all the bits in place. If she is as unstable as you imply, you could have a serious problem with knife or another weapon.

You will need the support of your friends and family at this point, as it is going to be a rocky road. I wish you all the best.

THANKS, I DO HAVE ALOT OF SUPPORT FROM MY PARENTS AND MY SISTER. I HAVE BEEN GOING OVER ALL SCENARIO'S IN MY HEAD AND WHAT COULD BE THE OUTCOME. THE WORST POSSIBLE IS THAT SHE TAKES MY DAUGHTER TO THAILAND AND I NEVER SEE HER AGAIN - THAT WILL KILL ME BECAUSE I KNOW SHE WILL BECOME AS HER MOTHER DID AND HER MOTHER BEFORE HER !! THE NEXT SCENARIO IS THAT MY DAUGHTER GOES INTO CARE, BUT MY SISTER SAID IF THEY DO SHE WILL TRY TO GAIN ACCESS TO HER. I HAVE ALL THE PIECE OF WHAT TO DO IT'S JUST PUTTING THEM IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME. AND TIME IS A ISSUE I NEED TO GET MY DAUGHTER AWAY FROM HER I KNOW IT'S NOT NICE WANTING TO TAKE A CHILD AWAY FROM THE MOTHER BUT WHAT I HAVE WROTE IS ONLY THE TIP OF AN ICE BERG. THERE'S LOADS MORE. MY SISTER KEPT A DIARY OF ALL EVENTS, I DIDN'T GO TO THE POLICE WHEN I GOT STABBED, STUPID I KNOW... BUT I THOUGHT AT THAT TIME SHE MAY HAVE HAD POSTNATAL DEPPRESSION - THE DOCTORS COMFIRMED THIS. PLUS I WAS SCARED SOCIAL SERVICE WOULD TAKE MY DAUGHTER. I MUST SAY I HAVE NEVER RAISED A HAND TO MY WIFE. WHAT EVER SHE AS NEED I HAVE GOT HER AND MORE. BUT NOTHINGS NEVER ENOUGH.

I KNOW SOME GUY'S THAT ARE HAPPY WITH THERE THAI WIFE'S AND I WOULD LOVE THAT, JUST BECAUSE SHE "WAS" A PROSTITUTE DOESN'T MEAN SHE CAN NOT GET LOVE AND MARRIAGE AND HAVE THE HAPPY EVER AFTER LIFE.

I THINK A FEW MEMEBERS ON HERE - DONT LIKE THE FACT THAT I MARRIED A PROSITUTE, HOW THE hel_l DOES THAT MAKE YOU A UNFIT PARENT...

SORRY MATE FOR MOANING ON ... I APPRECIATE YOUR REPLY. AND I WILL KEEP THINGS CLOSE TO MY CHEST.

RELAX Smithy

Don't know how many Farangs are married to Thai (ex) prostitutes (or kind of), but it must be in the hundred thousands. And there are more tragic relationships than yours. Do not listen to the "smart ones"

Guesthouse gave good advice - add to that: Collect (audio/video) evidence of her behaviour and try to stay calm all the time. If you are loosing your nerves, it will backlash

[Geekfreaklover]

GeekFreak, do you really believe this is particular to Thailand? This "type of woman." This is genuine. I've been with a couple crazy women here, and I think the monkey has, too. However, do you think a Thai woman is really crazier than a woman from anywhere? The monkey can reply to this, too, if he wants. He has an interesting way with words.

I too, very much enjoyed the Canadianmonkeys post. Agree, an interesting way with words.

Of course there are crazy women everywhere in the world. Thanks for reminding me.

The OP is being attacked by his wife and his mother-in-law and is concerned about his own safety and the safety of his children. Yes - the Thai courts will understand the mentality of a crazed ex Thai bar girl better than a UK court will. Pretty obvious one would of thought?

Edited January 15, 2009 by Geekfreaklover

[taxexile]

THANKS FOR YOUR ANSWER - JUST BECAUSE I MARRIED A PROSITUTE, THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME A UNFIT PARENT. I ACTUALLY GOT CUSDOY OF MY ELDEST DAUGHTER - SO IF I WAS SO UNFIT THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED !! MY ELDEST LIVES WITH MY PARENTS AS I COULD SEE MY NEW WIFE WOULDN'T BOND WITH HER ONCE OUR DAUGHTER CAME ALONG - WHICH MY ELDEST DAUGHTER IS HAPPIER !!

SHE ONLY SEE MY WIFE WHEN I AM THERE. MY MOTHER WILL NOT ALLOW MY WIFE TO TAKE HER ANYWHERE - AND I 100% SUPPORT IT.

I HAVE MADE A WRONG CHOICE - I KNOW THAT.

I DON'T WANT MY DAUGHTER TO GO IN CARE - THATS THE LAST THING I WOULD WANT, I KNOW THATS WHY I NEED TO ACT NOW - BUT I NEEDED ADVICE WHAT TO DO ?

i never said or implied that you are a bad parent , nor did i make any comment on the unsuitability of a bar girl as a marriage partner or mother.

what i said was that the authorities in the uk could very likely make those judgements based on their own prejudices and the atmosphere of political correctness that exists there , ( only last week a couple were barred from adopting a young child because they were overweight and therefore deemed unsuitable to be parents.)

as i said , you need good legal advice before you decide on any action.

[thaimate]

as far as I know, no airline will board your daughter without your legal, written permission.

get a court order anyway that she cannot be taken out of the country

get a PC expert to 'read' all the files on your computer, could be evidence.

They can read deleted files.

Get a friend to 'hook up' with her on the dating site.

Put your house up for sale and move your daughters out.

You 'might' be able to buy them out. Offer them 5K to go back to Thailand, alone. be ready to bargain up to 10k?

go to a Mens' resource centre.

You CAN take the girl out of the bar;

but you can NEVER take the bar out of the girl.

god i sympathise with this guy ,but as to your quote about bar and girl. you are so wrong ,many many moons ago when i first came to thailand i married a bar girl and although we divorced after two years ,she is still a friend ,she still lives in the U.K and is married .before i got married again she looked after me when i was ill in the uk and she still sends us xmas cards and is a loving wife and mother to her husband and children. the bar is a long distant bad memory to her.

Edited January 15, 2009 by thaimate

[Birdman]

Yes smithy this is definalty the best website for advice as all the male members are married to ex bar girls.

Im sure you will get great help hear.

Hang on im speaking nonsense there all married to thai/chinese.

Go get help somewhere else mate.

do you take lessons in being a <deleted>,or does it just come naturally.

Most members are located in pattaya or isan therefore my assumptions are correct, they are both hiso thai hang outs!

and where do you sugest we live? i live just outside Pattaya so do many of my friends and their families ,there are good schools close beaches ,lovely countryside .good shops and a good road system to get to bkk.

but then on your two weeks holiday here i suppose you never get past beach road.

HKT or USM or KBV or Koh Chang or Had Yai or Chiang Rai

[MSingh]

I'm with the wire the house with video and audio crowd then calmly start a discussion about a topic you know she will go ballistic over, like the internet dating sites. Do this several times with several topics to show how unstable she is.

Smithy, the ^^ is the way forward Mate, even if you never have to show it as evidence anywhere, but if you ever did really need it, you'd have it just in case...

It can't do any harm whatsoever..

Edited January 15, 2009 by MSingh

[sassienie]

To the OP.

If this helps, you could give me your wife’s dating website details and I will hook up to her as a potential lover and send all the evidence back to you.

This is not a joke, I am not playing games and I’m not making fun.

I recently caught my wife`s sister in law doing the same on dating web sites in an insurance scam.

I sincerely wish to help.

If I can help, please pm me.

I swear to keep everything confidential between you and I.

Edited January 15, 2009 by sassienie

[endure]

I've deleted a number of off-topic posts and flames. Stay on topic and stop the flames.

[mrtoad]

To the OP.

If this helps, you could give me your wife’s dating website details and I will hook up to her as a potential lover and send all the evidence back to you.

This is not a joke, I am not playing games and I’m not making fun.

I recently caught my wife`s sister in law doing the same on dating web sites in an insurance scam.

I sincerely wish to help.

If I can help, please pm me.

I swear to keep everything confidential between you and I.

Smithy, you should drop Sassinie a PM if the internet dating issue is true, he took a bit of stick previously about what he has just said, but I reckon he's one of the more genuine guys around.

[G54]

IF you remove any money from a joint account and transfer it to another account, you will have to have a justifiable reason for doing so. Being legally married (presuming you are) it is half/half money, no matter who earns it or how bad / good either partner is. So be aware that you do need to account for the money and if you cannot the judge will make you liable to pay it back.

Talk of the Social Services being involved. The children are deemed to be too young to determine for themselves what they want at their ages. There will be a worker assigned and usually a solicitor also to represent them and to look after the childs best interests. Hence the reason (often) that a mother will make allegations of abuse against her spouse. The details will not be revealed by the Social Services or by the Court to any of the press.

As has been said earlier, get a dam_n good solicitor. Not one who does 'Family Law' per say but a dam_n good divorce lawyer because the children will likely have their own representatives if it boils down to all out war. And it is looking that way.

Another poster asked if you could get her to go to Thailand on some pretence. Maybe a 'make it up with each other holiday' type of scenario. One way tickets (if you can, depending on the rules for that) or at least for yourself a return ticket. Leave them In Thailand. Sounds harsh but if they have limited means to get back at you, you are one step ahead. One problem with this is that you will be spending a lot of time looking over your shoulder and wondering who that is knocking on your door.

There are ways and means of winning, but in most cases you have to fight real dirty, be manipulative, forceful and get those medical reports on the stabbings. Get any and all evidence on your side.

Apart from the kids does not UK law deem, as I recall, that whatever was yours before the marriage is yours to keep. That is no help regarding the children, but is some relief.

I do not care if she was an angel or a bar girl, we cannot help who we fall in love with, but we can at least fight like <deleted> for our corner when the end is nigh.

Finally, not all women win these battles. I won, got the house and also got a Custody, Care and Control order over my son. So do not think it is all over. You can fight this.

Best of British.

edit - cannot hit the C key for Social Services

Edited January 15, 2009 by G54

[Hawaiian]

I'm with the wire the house with video and audio crowd then calmly start a discussion about a topic you know she will go ballistic over, like the internet dating sites. Do this several times with several topics to show how unstable she is.

Smithy, the ^^ is the way forward Mate, even if you never have to show it as evidence anywhere, but if you ever did really need it, you'd have it just in case...

It can't do any harm whatsoever..

[Hawaiian]

Collect as much evidence as possible. Leave it up to your attorney to decide what to use in your defense. Many times evidence may be used to discredit statements made by the opposition. And don't give up. Judges usually have some

leeway in their making their decisions. Hang in there.

[ukrules]

I'm with the wire the house with video and audio crowd then calmly start a discussion about a topic you know she will go ballistic over, like the internet dating sites. Do this several times with several topics to show how unstable she is. I also agree that the thai courts are more fair to the fathers than western courts. My brother is a divorce lawyer in the USA and some of the brain dead rulings the courts come up with baffles the mind.

I agree entirely, however if you're not both living together at the moment this will require you to move back in with each other.

Once you show her one video clip so she knows she has been recorded being 'unreasonable' she will have no idea how long the the cameras have been there, this should make her stop and think for a while.

[TAWP]

To the OP:

- Get a [hidden]camera setup.

- Bring along friends and relatives at odd times to witness events.

[canadianmonkey]

Isnt he a big hypocrite for not listening to the millions of posts/articles/advices on how NOT to get involved with a batcrazy prostitute, then asking for help when she starts stabbing him and more?

you pee in the face of a police officer, its funny, but do you go whining on forums after you get jailed asking for advices?

[britmaveric]

Not all women are the same - things were fine prior, I think his mistake was probably not knowing the bird long enough. However that's water under the bridge now - I'd go with secretly taping her and hope she goes off under surveillance. No better way for the court to believe your side of the story.

[Shotime]

Isnt he a big hypocrite for not listening to the millions of posts/articles/advices on how NOT to get involved with a batcrazy prostitute, then asking for help when she starts stabbing him and more?

you pee in the face of a police officer, its funny, but do you go whining on forums after you get jailed asking for advices?

I really am liking his posts. He's actually correct, but, as usual, puts it in a way that makes you not want to listen. It's like the answer is there, but you have to look for it.

"Isnt he a big hypocrite" for asking for advice, and then continuing to let her control the situation. Do what you've been advised to do. Get a lawyer. Money doesn't seem to be a problem for you. As long as you have the money, you are the boss. Don't let her wear the pants. She sounds like a real conniving ____. I bet she's an idiot, and making plans for more than 12 hours in advance, is out of her realm of thought. If this keeps up much longer, I'll have to join the troll criers.

"I EVEN SAID I WOULD GIVE HER A LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY FOR MY DAUGHTER - SHE SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED THIS, BUT THOUGHT AGAINST IT, I THINK SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD GET WHAT EVER AS LONG AS SHE HAD MY DAUGHTER. THE DAY AFTER I RETURNED SHE ASKED ME TO PAY FOR ANOTHER TICKET HOME. SHE PUT MY DAUGHTER ON THE PHONE - WHAT COULD I DO."

Tell her to go ____ herself, or something along those lines, is one option. However, be smarter than that and tell her that, but in a nice way. She put your daughter on the phone? That's all it took? You're beginning to look like a sap.

JUST AS MUCH AS I AM TRYING TO GET PLANS TOGETHER - I KNOW SHE IS TOO !!

She's an idiot. Quick edit to add that I'm not an advocate of surveillance. I don't really think it's necessary, and it's a little sleazy. No flaming intended.

Edited January 16, 2009 by Shotime

[canadianmonkey]

I will pay for op's real address..

Goldmine. Ill ask for a ranson for his lawn mower or his front door carpet.. put them on the phone and hit them with a bat while he listens..

no more work.. ever.. i will pay a lot. thank you all.

[CindyCindy]

Smithy, I am so sorry for all that you are going through. Many of the above posters have given you excellent advice and I hope we get to hear a positive update from you soon.

As for wife and her mom, they are not as smart as they think; just wait til the other shoe falls!

Be very careful, and we will be praying and thinking of you.

[andrisdg]

mate my heart bleeds when your type of situation develops and i hope the advise you receive and take is of help to extracate u from the mess . i read and hear variations of relationships between falange and asian ladies ,whatever the country going sour all the time .

could happen to anyone including me

in the broader context its a generic issue and in that context often a big age difference of 20/30 years is not helpful whatever the motives and fantasy's of both parties .the symbols are there to see ,the 60 year old week end motorbike warrior read learner ,finally living his youthful fantasy's

the issues are ethnic and cultural background ,that is inequality of background ,education ,lifestyle and expectations

heard the one about the aging falange taking his post teenage young wife whose world view is a rural community and a 2nd rate local education to the big smoke for the first time ,who when confronted with an esculator stairs in a department store ,rode up and down those stairs like a little kid in wonderment .

just like your first trip to luna park/tivoli as a kid . unfortunetly this is a true story ,not an urban myth told to me by a mate

be they bar girls or flirtous vamps of wharever background /education out to score a falange in marraige this breeds a certian degree of cynism in then .to many promises from falange who do not deliver on the promises or inflated expectations of the lady

the musical my fair lady or the film the king and i are fantasy's in reality

it can be argued with only anecdotal evidence that staying in thailand is more likely to preserve the relationship but in any case the normal life pressures that are factors in ending falange /falange relationships are applicable to any relationship no matter what the b/ground of the partners are

you take anybody from another culture to another culture and it spells problems

the aust research shows that immigrants have a 30% higher levels of mental illness and social dysfunction ,be the southern europeans who have worked 30 years as factory fodder or more recent groups from asia and elsewere than the general aust/n population

inter ethnic relationships probably have a even higher propensity for expressing themselves in mental illness /social dysfunction and on some occassions pure gold digging

having said all this in reality i cannot help u ,no one can except yourself .as a cynic all i can say is that in comparison to your problems and issues just remember the proposition that in actuality there is some one out there whose problems are such that in comparison yours are bearable and can be worked out and some form of acceptable solution found .

good luck mate

p.s man may be a rational animal who supposedly learns not to repeat his mistakes but with women we tend to be recidivists chasing a dream of my fair lady be she asian or falange .a universal failing

[patklang]

sORRY TO HEAR YOU PLIGHT MATE,GET OUT ANY WAY YOU CAN.

because she is ex bar girl thats no reason for her to be nuts.the worst thai women i have ever met are the ones with money and good jobs.Especialy the ones in uk who are so greedy,and the word NO does not come into their vocabulary.They get bored very easy and as soon as they mix with other thais WATCH OUT YOU ARE IN TROUBLE.

This is not my experience but some thais i have met in uk

btw some are not faithful there neither.

[chaisaeng]

Further to the sensible pieces of advice offered, I'd suggest OP gains an understanding of what supporting information relating to the relationship and child custody issues is considered legally admissable via appropriate legal counsel (a good lawyer) and what woud be most persuasive for a UK judge.

You may find (but I don't know) that secret squirrel video recordings may only be useful as a bargaining chip with her rather then being acceptable evidence in a court of law.

Chok dee.

Chaisaeng.

[Siphon]

how can you say bar girls are just hookers?they're all so cute and cuddly and always tell me i'm handsome and that they want to go with me.I feel like i'm the only one they want,and really i just feel like i'm giving to charity(without a tax receipt) and its going to a good cause(the farm back in isaan)and i get something in return.............such a good deal.

haha, that actually made me 'lol'....

but in all honesty....im not quite sure what to say to the OP.....i truly sympathise for you....and would also advise that you ignore everyone that tells you that "oh you made an obvious mistake blah blah" wvr, we've all made mistakes before...and i understand where you are coming from...to an extent of course

your best bet...is either as was advised, let her go on, but GET EVIDENCE that you can use....and of course get a female lawyer...i know it sounds stupid, i understand that...but boy does it make a difference in these situations....i'd also withdraw your money from the joint account and put it in a sole account where she cannot touch it....

im terribly sorry, but i cannot offer much more advise on this matter...

but best of luck....

Siphon

[Brigante7]

Is it just me or have I read this same story on TV before?

[najman]

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---

Seriously, I think i've lost all sypathy for anyone who gets involved in a relationship with a girl who works in a bar. you like playing with dynomite that is 95% likely to explode? Or perhaps you like to live dangerously and go for the 5% of bargirls that would actually be decent to some degree?

Wow, this really shows what many bar girls will do once they get pregnant and get the visa they are looking for.

You should contact a really smart lawyer who can help you gather the evidence - a lot of it - because the courts favour the woman. For the sake of your child with her I would try to get her back in your hands. You are responsible for that child as a parent. Your Thai wife is obviously insane and has no business raising a child.

You should document all her threats and see if you can legally record her actions. Maybe you will have to see her again to get everything on tape.

But this relationship is so far lost and now you need to do as much as you can to minimize the damage.

Rant finished for now.