The Thing About Thai Men

[Boo]

honesty, loyalty, empathy, a curiosity about the world outside thailand, etc. and i very rarely meet one whom i can talk to on any sort of intellectual level

LOL, you must have a scumbag radar girlx, I know many decent thais. male & female who would be offended by your blanket run down of their morals, intellect, honesty & everything else it would seem. Sometimes you have to look at who you socialise with & allow into your life & think about why it is the worst kind of poeple in it. Just my opinion.

[girlx]

to each their own... i have lived in thailand for many years and met many thai guys in all different strata of society. i never said they are all scumbags or not decent, they just have different priorities, and i am no longer into them as i prefer people who relate to mine.

[Ave]

I still cannot relate to this nationality/cultural thing. That's why I keep falling in love with so many different types, whether they are from the same country or not.

[bellestar]

well yeah, i agree that there should be no hard and fast rules when it comes to defining people's personalities in terms of their nationalities. however, they may have some unique traits that set them apart from others. now that i have been here for a couple of months already, i must say that thai men can be pleasantly cute especially when they talk in their mellow tones. been out with some of them already and basically the key blunder is the communication barrier, but apart from that, i think the differences ain't that much of an issue.

however, i have observed that they can be very shy as well. i am starting to like this guy in my office. he is finding a way to chat me up and talk to me usually online (as we have an inter-office chat program) and i catch him giving me all these nice looks, but then again, he has not asked me out just yet, even though he is always ready to help me out. oh well, how can you tell if a thai guy really likes you? are you supposed to leave him some signals that you are interested as well, or you just let it be?

[0Mix1up]

Girls/Ladies/Women expecting a whole list of things that keep changing are never happy for any length of time.

Guys are more stable in that respect we know what we want, it is not much and rarely changes.

Understanding yourself is a good step, something i find western women dont do well.

[Boo]

That should read;

something i find the western women I have known dont do well.

please don't lump us all into some one size fits all for your own issues with women . thanks

[eek]

^ bingo.

Quite a few TV members really do love da olde cliche's eh.

[Boo]

Not arf eek, Over the past 5 years modding on here I've read them all, at one time or another.

One does have to wonder though what "understanding yourself" means & how literally millions & millions of women from the multiple countries & cultures that make up the "western world" could all possibly be incapable of doing? Must be something really hard

[submaniac]

...i do for the most part- honesty, loyalty, empathy, a curiosity about the world outside thailand, etc. and i very rarely meet one whom i can talk to on any sort of intellectual level...

but of course that is just my opinion.

Oh my dear GirlX, do you think that the type of guy you are attracted to may play a factor? Well, let's put it like this, using me as an example. Like I have been royally screwed in terms of trust betrayal by several ex-girlfriends. Now thinking about it, I was/am still attracted to rather trashy girls. If I wanted loyalty, honesty, trustworthy, etc., it is not that hard to find...in a fat or ugly girl. An unattractive girl will always be very loyal to you in a relationship. But the trick is to find someone who is trustworthy AND that you are ATTRACTED to. That's the hard part. I know you like the artist/musician type, and the very nature of that kind of guy in general (whether Thai or Western) is that they are flaky and go from woman to woman. If you wanted honesty, loyalty, empathy, a curiosity about the world...and that you can talk to on any intellectual level...that is not very hard to find...there are plenty of 'nerds' to choose from. But if you want all of those traits in the sexy 'artist type' that will be harder to find. Just my humble opinion.

[sbk]

See, the thing is, women tend to be more complex. We are thinking, processing and emoting all the time. Many men are more simple creatures in alot of ways and some seem to have difficulty in grasping the fact that women aren't exactly like themselves.

Now, where is that video... you know, the man with the nothing box video?

In many ways, that video applies to most men, regardless of their nationality, race, or culture (along with that inability to listen to every word a woman says and the inability to put the dirty clothes in the hamper)

[sbk]

here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DKk_tdyehA

[mc2]

women have also got a nothing box , apart from that the guy was spot on

[patklang]

...i do for the most part- honesty, loyalty, empathy, a curiosity about the world outside thailand, etc. and i very rarely meet one whom i can talk to on any sort of intellectual level...

but of course that is just my opinion.

Oh my dear GirlX, do you think that the type of guy you are attracted to may play a factor? Well, let's put it like this, using me as an example. Like I have been royally screwed in terms of trust betrayal by several ex-girlfriends. Now thinking about it, I was/am still attracted to rather trashy girls. If I wanted loyalty, honesty, trustworthy, etc., it is not that hard to find...in a fat or ugly girl. An unattractive girl will always be very loyal to you in a relationship. But the trick is to find someone who is trustworthy AND that you are ATTRACTED to. That's the hard part. I know you like the artist/musician type, and the very nature of that kind of guy in general (whether Thai or Western) is that they are flaky and go from woman to woman. If you wanted honesty, loyalty, empathy, a curiosity about the world...and that you can talk to on any intellectual level...that is not very hard to find...there are plenty of 'nerds' to choose from. But if you want all of those traits in the sexy 'artist type' that will be harder to find. Just my humble opinion.

Thats the biggest load of crap i have read on here,and the biggest load of crap i have ever read or heard.No wonder you have many ex gf.You actualy think that half decent guys dont like fat girls?????.Just hope one day you settle and your wife has a baby and put on10kilo.then you can judge

btw my gf is 47 kilo before you accuse me of having a fat gf,even though i adore many overweight ladies as they are witty funny and easy to like.

[girlx]

Oh my dear GirlX, do you think that the type of guy you are attracted to may play a factor? Well, let's put it like this, using me as an example. Like I have been royally screwed in terms of trust betrayal by several ex-girlfriends. Now thinking about it, I was/am still attracted to rather trashy girls. If I wanted loyalty, honesty, trustworthy, etc., it is not that hard to find...in a fat or ugly girl. wink.gif An unattractive girl will always be very loyal to you in a relationship. wink.gif But the trick is to find someone who is trustworthy AND that you are ATTRACTED to. That's the hard part. I know you like the artist/musician type, and the very nature of that kind of guy in general (whether Thai or Western) is that they are flaky and go from woman to woman. If you wanted honesty, loyalty, empathy, a curiosity about the world...and that you can talk to on any intellectual level...that is not very hard to find...there are plenty of 'nerds' to choose from. But if you want all of those traits in the sexy 'artist type' that will be harder to find. wink.gif Just my humble opinion.

nope, i haven't been out with my "type" since i left america, FYI. and i am not talking only about guys i have dated per se. i am talking about thai cultural aspects.

let me break it down-

they simply do not have the same values i do for the most part- honesty, loyalty, empathy, a curiosity about the world outside thailand, etc. and i very rarely meet one whom i can talk to on any sort of intellectual level.

these are generalizations, of course, but generalizations are based a large part upon truisms.

honesty- thai guys in thailand for the most part do not value honesty. i am not saying they are wrong to not do so, but to me it is a very important priority. thais will often do anything to avoid confrontation or to keep the peace or to save face. i despise that aspect in them.

loyalty- thais can be very loyal, to their family. they are not very loyal to anyone else, and especially not to farangs. and you all know my opinion on thai males' (lack of) ability to be monogamous.

empathy- i very rarely see any evidence of empathy whatsoever in thailand. there are examples of this every day in the news- ie. the recent thing with the rohingya people. there is a huge lack of attention to human and animal rights in thailand, and i can't accept it. i don't think everything should be "mai pen rai".

a curiosity about the world outside thailand- unless they actually grew up part time outside of thailand (ie. some of the upper class kids), the thais have a very narrow mindset and think thailand is the end all be all of life and the world. they don't seem interested in exploring and learning about other cultures on the whole, which happens to be what i live for.

intellectuality- the thai education system does not teach thais to think for themselves, and on top of that they are bored by anything they deem too serious. i get bored by them in turn.

of course, there are exceptions (ie. all the mods' husbands on here are of course perfect and have none of these traits). but i very rarely meet them, and it is not because i am "hanging out in the wrong circles" or all that crap you guys tend to spout at me. i have been here for years and been all over, most of you have not. my experiences are just as valid as yours. i simply can not see a thai guy and me being compatible long term. we just have different priorities. not saying they are "bad", or "scumbags", or whatever else you might put in my mouth, they are just not for me.

Edited February 18, 2009 by girlx

[Ijustwannateach]

well i went through a phase where i was attracted to some thai guys, but after many years here the cultural differences turn me off more than anything. they simply do not have the same values i do for the most part- honesty, loyalty, empathy, a curiosity about the world outside thailand, etc. and i very rarely meet one whom i can talk to on any sort of intellectual level. i have to say i agree, in general, thai guys (and that goes for the shallow luk kreungs i have met as well) got nothing on western guys for anything other than a fling.

but of course that is just my opinion.

Hmmmmm... well, I've had some close encounters with a few guys recently who were very nice... managers, accountants, and so forth- open about their work, their interests, what they were looking for (neither of us was really looking for long-term connections)- friendly, sweet, physically interesting and fun, and pretty smart- one of them just got headhunted by a foreign company so he's leaving Thailand (he's wanted to see other countries for a long time). Some of them introduce me to their friends; some of them don't. I wouldn't call them intellectuals, but that's not what I primarily looking for in a partner- otherwise, I can't see anything to complain about in terms of honesty, loyalty, empathy, or curiousity.

Maybe you need to throw a little more noise into your dating habits? A few blind dates or something like that?

[Boo]

Lol you just can't help getting the dig in can ya. Yes, my husband is perfect (to me) but then it helps that I treat him as the multidimensional, many faceted person he is, worthy of not being pidgeonholed by closeminded, blinkered types.

Good luck girlx, I hope you find some joy in your life.

[bina]

i dont know., i meet only mostly thai men from the lowest socio economic levels and a large majority of these men are friendly, intelligent if not educated , warm, curious about things that interest them (like i always am interested in agriculture, and world politics doesnt interest me in the least, as an example, so that is what i ask about, or want to discuss- and i do have a uni degree, wide interests, well read, from a intellectual jewish family).

as a matter of fact, most of the men that are anon's friends i would feel comfortable with introducing them to women friends of mine (altough israeli women really really are xenophobic about intermarriage-nuther story though.)

just like i dont deal with 'types' of israelis from certain areas as they are not my 'style' i guess that certain people are just meeting the type that doesnt fit them; if u want to meet the horsey set, then u have to go out riding. if u want to meet down to earth types then get out the city but prepared that topics of conversation will be relevant to the country. if u want sophisticated artsy types then u get the baggage that comes with that also.

and i can see sleeze thai from a mile away here also... and there are those that area sleazy as well. but just as i dont hang out with sleezy israelis, same same for thais.

bina

israel

[mc2]

percieved wealth plays a big role. If you dress up like you are the well off foriegner, maybe flash the cash a bit, chances are very good they will be more nice to you.

this is another unfortunate trait of the Thais, IMO of course , you are treated/judged not according to your character but in large part, too large a part, by the balance in your bank account.

[lioness]

Oh my dear GirlX, do you think that the type of guy you are attracted to may play a factor? Well, let's put it like this, using me as an example. Like I have been royally screwed in terms of trust betrayal by several ex-girlfriends. Now thinking about it, I was/am still attracted to rather trashy girls. If I wanted loyalty, honesty, trustworthy, etc., it is not that hard to find...in a fat or ugly girl. wink.gif An unattractive girl will always be very loyal to you in a relationship. wink.gif But the trick is to find someone who is trustworthy AND that you are ATTRACTED to. That's the hard part. I know you like the artist/musician type, and the very nature of that kind of guy in general (whether Thai or Western) is that they are flaky and go from woman to woman. If you wanted honesty, loyalty, empathy, a curiosity about the world...and that you can talk to on any intellectual level...that is not very hard to find...there are plenty of 'nerds' to choose from. But if you want all of those traits in the sexy 'artist type' that will be harder to find. wink.gif Just my humble opinion.

nope, i haven't been out with my "type" since i left america, FYI. and i am not talking only about guys i have dated per se. i am talking about thai cultural aspects.

let me break it down-

they simply do not have the same values i do for the most part- honesty, loyalty, empathy, a curiosity about the world outside thailand, etc. and i very rarely meet one whom i can talk to on any sort of intellectual level.

these are generalizations, of course, but generalizations are based a large part upon truisms.

honesty- thai guys in thailand for the most part do not value honesty. i am not saying they are wrong to not do so, but to me it is a very important priority. thais will often do anything to avoid confrontation or to keep the peace or to save face. i despise that aspect in them.

Spot on

loyalty- thais can be very loyal, to their family. they are not very loyal to anyone else, and especially not to farangs. and you all know my opinion on thai males' (lack of) ability to be monogamous.

Ditto

empathy- i very rarely see any evidence of empathy whatsoever in thailand. there are examples of this every day in the news- ie. the recent thing with the rohingya people. there is a huge lack of attention to human and animal rights in thailand, and i can't accept it. i don't think everything should be "mai pen rai".

Double Ditto

a curiosity about the world outside thailand- unless they actually grew up part time outside of thailand (ie. some of the upper class kids), the thais have a very narrow mindset and think thailand is the end all be all of life and the world. they don't seem interested in exploring and learning about other cultures on the whole, which happens to be what i live for.

True

intellectuality- the thai education system does not teach thais to think for themselves, and on top of that they are bored by anything they deem too serious. i get bored by them in turn.

Exactly

It seems you know and understand the Thai culture, however, all the above being true, once you know and understand, shall we say these "cultural differences" it is possible to still have a good relationship with a Thai man, I am married to one, with me he has explored the world, and has learned to think outside the square.

His first trip abroad had his daughter on the telephone every day, she was worried I was going to sell him. I sometime feel I could write a book on the cultural differences as they are so many, patience and a willingness to meet half way is necessary, once you achieve that balance it becomes a lot easier.

of course, there are exceptions (ie. all the mods' husbands on here are of course perfect and have none of these traits). but i very rarely meet them, and it is not because i am "hanging out in the wrong circles" or all that crap you guys tend to spout at me. i have been here for years and been all over, most of you have not. my experiences are just as valid as yours. i simply can not see a thai guy and me being compatible long term. we just have different priorities. not saying they are "bad", or "scumbags", or whatever else you might put in my mouth, they are just not for me.

[kat]

I have to echo both girlx and lioness as well. That doesn't mean that there are no exceptions or good marriages between Western women and Thai males, but there are other variables that may make them the exception to the rule, rather than the rule. Maybe it's also that the qualities of honesty and similar values are very high on my list, and I have less tolerance than others when its missing in an intimate relationship.

[kat]

i dont know., i meet only mostly thai men from the lowest socio economic levels and a large majority of these men are friendly, intelligent if not educated , warm, curious about things that interest them

bina

israel

And I think that is all still true, Bina, but you have not yet lived in Thailand (have you?), and the view from inside a society rather than outside where they are all migrants is much different.

[sbk]

True, and despite the oncoming flames I expect to receive, we all live in different types of Thailand.

The reactions I receive and the people I meet are far different than either you or girlx, kat. I am not a single woman, I am intricately and intimately involved in my local community, I speak the local dialect and have an entrenchment here that very very few farang do (and yes, I am speaking from 20 years of experience). The Thais I meet, and the attitudes I face are far different than those a single white woman with no serious (in a Thai person's eyes btw, not my particular feeling but having lived here I know what they consider serious) attachment to the local community.

So, perhaps its all in context of who you are and the lifestyle you lead. No judgments here, just an observation. I can say without a doubt that the farang who live in the same kind of contact as I do with the local community on this island are very few and far between. And to ward off the oncoming and expected onslaught, I am not saying this as a judgment or out of a sense of superiority. It is merely a fact of being married to a local and having lived in the same place for 20 years.

And, another tired old argument I would like to stop right here, yes, of course, I was accepted because my husband is local and would not have been accepted with as much ease were he not. But the fact is that I am accepted. I see a side of Thailand that you do not.

And one other thing I think needs to be pointed out here and is a cultural context. Thai people do not make close friends easily. As has been said, they are loyal but the loyalty to friends and family starts at a very early age and generally those bonds are not forged later in life. In general Thai people do not go looking for friendships and relationships with people they have nothing in common with. So, ask yourself this one question. if the person is looking for any kind of relationship with you then why is that? What can you offer this person that they cannot get from a Thai friend that they already have?

It is very difficult to meet Thai people in a natural way and the only reason I have done so is because of who I am married to and where I live. This fact does not negate my experiences, it just shows that we all live in different Thailands

And as far as the digs against people's husbands go, well, thanks for that, its nice to see that some things are still predictable.

[kat]

True, and despite the oncoming flames I expect to receive, we all live in different types of Thailand.

The reactions I receive and the people I meet are far different than either you or girlx, kat. I am not a single woman, I am intricately and intimately involved in my local community, I speak the local dialect and have an entrenchment here that very very few farang do (and yes, I am speaking from 20 years of experience). The Thais I meet, and the attitudes I face are far different than those a single white woman with no serious (in a Thai person's eyes btw, not my particular feeling but having lived here I know what they consider serious) attachment to the local community.

So, perhaps its all in context of who you are and the lifestyle you lead. No judgments here, just an observation.

It is very difficult to meet Thai people in a natural way and the only reason I have done so is because of who I am married to and where I live. This fact does not negate my experiences, it just shows that we all live in different Thailands

And as far as the digs against people's husbands go, well, thanks for that, its nice to see that some things are still predictable.

I hope you are not suggesting that I am the one making supposed "digs against people's husbands", because I am not. If I came across that way I am sorry.

Secondly, of course we live in "different Thailands" if you are defining that by your experience in Thailand. It is unquestionably a different experience for you, as a very young woman 20 years ago, to come to Thailand and fall in love with one of the first or few Thai men that you met, on a much more pristine and significantly less experienced (at the time) island culture.

However, because my experience living as an older and more experienced single woman in Thailand (than you were at the time that you were defined as a single woman), does not simply relegate my experience and observations to "lifestyle", as you say, any more than yours does when it comes to men in Thailand, regardless of how long you've been there. Largely, your lifestyle in Thailand has been as a spouse, which has not only provided you with an in to the local community culture, but has also limited your experience to a wider variety of dating scenarios and men in Thailand as a foreign women. Therefore, your point and years spent in your "lifestyle" is not any more significant than mine or girlx's as single women when it comes to discussing dating and relationship experiences with men in Thailand. I think when it comes to marriage, compromise, and culture, your years of experience obviously matter, but in terms of foreign women dating Thai men in Thailand, we are all in the same Thailand, but perhaps you are just not as exposed to the same elements by virtue of your marriage, and of course the indivduality of your particular husband or circumstance. However, just as our experiences don't erase yours, you can't really erase ours.

[Goinghomesoon]

Perhaps it's the absolute nature of some of the statements made here that polarise people. Stating categorically that a particular trait (negative or positive) MUST be present in ALL Thai men seems pretty pointless when it can't possibly be true.

[kat]

Of course not, but differences in culture and gender expectations are true, and the dominant patterns that these differences engender are a fact.

*edit added: And to be fair, we keep harping on Thai culture here because this is a Thai forum. But, for me, it is SEA culture, not just Thailand.

Edited February 19, 2009 by kat

[bungy007]

Wouldn't bother if I were you...they are all woman beating, alcoholic gamblers

You forgot to warn her about 'cheating' and 'in need of heavy financing'

[0Mix1up]

unfortunately we see the same tired cliches = women not wanting opinions differing from themselves.

dont preach open mindedness then do the opposite. please?

btw i know some very loyal(to their wife) honest, hard working, interested/ing "outside" thai men,

they of course are not the same as western men.

but those are the type of people i meet and become friends with.

[john b good]

Wouldn't bother if I were you...they are all woman beating, alcoholic gamblers

Come on, you can't be serious, are u? I hope u didn't mean thai men are all like that unless you really wanna offend Thai people.

Maybe if you were to speak to a few Thai females you might find that is exactly how they (Thai women) have in their own experience found Thai men to be. "womanising, drunken, gambling, all (many) with a mia noi, dishonest, non supportive (when a marriage goes belly up)

Undoubtedly they (all Thai men) are not this way.

But, why do you think that so many Thai girls are engaged in the flesh trade? "it's because they have been deserted by their loser husbands of boyfriends" and they are left to raise children from the union on their own.

[Boo]

many thai women are engaged in the flesh trade because they want to be or because they were pimped out by their families. And lets not go down the "thai men deserting their wife & kids" route cause you can bet real money on the majority of farang men in thailand in relationships with thai women & having kids with them have probably run off & left their ex wife & kids at home in their own country. Maybe some support them but they still chose to go off to another country didn't they? So lets not start that route. There are plenty of single thai mums who dont' work in bars.

And the thai women, would that be the millions of them in happy relationships with thai men or the ones who now work in the bar industry & who specifically target farang customers?

It might have escaped your notice but it is commonly held by the (farang men) posting on thaivisa bgs will have a thai bf tucked away somewhere, funny that isn't it?

[john b good]

I remember a few year back sitting on a bench in downtown Waikiki.

A good looking young blond guy happened along and sat down beside me and asked me for a light (for his cigarette)

We got talking and I asked him what he was doing and he responded with "I'm here to pick up a Japanese chick"

He went on to say that these girls considered that to have a good looking blond dude beside them when they woke in the morning was an achievement the same as having a Louis Vuitton hand bag or a Rolex watch.

So we chatted away for a spell and then these two rather lovely young Japanese girls came walking towards us and I could immediately see the eye contact between them and the guy sitting beside me.

When they (the girls) were about 4 -5 metre from us the guy stood up, said to me "see ya" and moved in between the two girls and walked off with them.

To the OP'er please remember that, that you will be in the same category as a Louis Vuitton hand bag or a Rolex watch" to many Thai men.

I suggest that you acquire a circle of good Thai female friends (you can still learn about Thai culture if that is your goal) and after a spell you might just find one of these "genuine" Thai men to socialise with.

God luck

Edited February 19, 2009 by john b good