How Do You Feel About Your Child(ren)s Future?

[philo]

There are a lot of threads here concerning children.

Some parents are happily married, some are divorced, some fight custody battles, some receive death threats, some are broke, some don't give a sh-t, some go back to Farangland, some stay in Thailand, some have found good schools (others can't take the brain washing and the teachers hitting their child), some have a healthy child that has never been to a hospital, some have a child who will suffer from a life long disease ...

Due to the fact that my marriage is slowly breaking down (we are trying to be friends and arrange everything practical in the best interest of the children) I am increasingly feeling lost here. A stranger in a strange land.

I never had a child in Europe (but a lot of more or less traumatic abortions (not me - the woman). Divorce is common in the west, but you know your country and the ways things are there. Here I am feeling more and more helpless.

I would like to hear other peoples stories - both the happy ones and the ones that turned into a disaster.

[bkkjames]

There are a lot of threads here concerning children.

Some parents are happily married, some are divorced, some fight custody battles, some receive death threats, some are broke, some don't give a sh-t, some go back to Farangland, some stay in Thailand, some have found good schools (others can't take the brain washing and the teachers hitting their child), some have a healthy child that has never been to a hospital, some have a child who will suffer from a life long disease ...

Due to the fact that my marriage is slowly breaking down (we are trying to be friends and arrange everything practical in the best interest of the children) I am increasingly feeling lost here. A stranger in a strange land.

I never had a child in Europe (but a lot of more or less traumatic abortions (not me - the woman). Divorce is common in the west, but you know your country and the ways things are there. Here I am feeling more and more helpless.

I would like to hear other peoples stories - both the happy ones and the ones that turned into a disaster.

Mate no doubt you will get people telling you to keep your chin up and keep fighting the good fight, at the end of the day, have a little trust in yourself that when push comes to shove that you will do (are doing) the best you can. Nothing in life is perfect. We all get shitty hands dealt from time to time and we all get down from time to time.

Give it some time. Things will work out as they should.

[Oliver Reed]

We moved to Thailand when my son was young, as my Thai wife could not settle in England, and it was straining our marriage..I thought, like so many others, we could make a living in Thailand,and give our marriage a new lease of life, but it proved a lot harder than i thought, and the more i saw of it, the more i thought our life and our sons future would be better and more secure in England...our relationship didnt improve, and eventually i wanted to move back to England, as staying in LOS meant risking everything...I wasnt prepared to take that risk...However, my wife refused to return, and as the relationship had deteriorated, we decided to end it..The biggest pain in all of this was that my son was happy in LOS and my wife would not let me take him unless i looked after him full time, as she is very protective of him..I knew i still had to work, as i want the best possible future for my son, and my work, the only work i have ever done, involves a lot of travel around the UK, and plenty of time in hotels..

I took the painful decision to let my son stay in LOS, and i have adapted my life, through being self employed, to spending as much time as i can visiting my son (approx 4-5 months per year in LOS) over 4 visits per year.

My relationship with my son could not be any closer, but i miss him terribly during the longer periods away from him..I call him every day, but this is no substitute for being physically with him...every day i ask myself 'Am i doing the best i can do for him'...lots of people judge and offer advice, but in the end, only you have the answer...With my support, my wife has worked hard to build up her business to a point where she can now be self sufficient, and we have a mutual respect and understanding, and both want our son to have a future where he can be happy and secure...I will always feel that i missed a lot of my sons upbringing, and will always hold regret for that, but at the same time, i will always have the unconditional love of my son, and he will have mine, so i guess my feelings on this matter are that you should always do your best to make your child happy and secure

good luck

[philo]

bkkjames and Oliver Reed.

Thank you for your posts.

We are just back from the hospital - my youngest child was admitted for pneumonia. God bless him for having the strength to survive. Many children don't.

My wife's elder 'brother' (he is the son of the sister of my wife's mother (so I guess that makes him my wife's cousin), now in his early thirties, dumped by his mother when he was a baby) - a nice guy - just had an accident with the pickup car. He was a monk for several years, but this time he apparently did a hit and run. Nobody knows if the people on the motorbike that came out from a small red dirt soi are dead or not.

They don't tell me who's fault it was, but I have to pay. Being drained dry is no big deal, but after years of irrationality (from my wife and her family) I wonder what will happen to our children.

In hind sight I think that I should never have come here. But he children are born and deserves a life. bkkjames is an optimist (thanks) and Oliver is feeling the pain (as I am).

I guess that the reason why I am getting more and more depressed is because I now have someone dependent on me. But I do not know if I am able to be trusted with that task. Maybe I will have to walk away from it all, save myself and keep a 'distance contact'.

I told my mother the other day that I should never have had children. To my surprise she said: 'So shouldn't I'.

The best of luck to all you women and men who are able to have a harmonious relationship and do the best you can for your children.

philo

[Lopburi99]

Although she says she is fine, I worry my daughter needs me back in the states. Just thinking about her for a few minutes, her being there, and me being here, easily and quickly brings me to tears (although she is no longer a child).

Keep trying and don't give up hope Philo. We all here who've read your posts are wishing you eventual success and happiness.

Edited September 20, 2009 by Lopburi99

[Oliver Reed]

Philo... i can only urge you not to walk away from your kid...I understand your situation, and the situation with the 'brother' is one i can identify with, having once been the one that paid a huge amount of money for an operation to save the life of my 'in laws' daughter....(no acknowledgement ever given)...Unfortunately, its the hardest part of the Thai culture for us westerners to get our head around (The man with the money pays), and i am not saying its right, but the issue is your child...it may seem tough, and you are clearly at a low ebb and not knowing which way to turn, but i must strongly urge you to keep as regular contact with your child as possible, just find a different way and make your stand

There is nothing as pure as the love between a parent and their child...dont throw it away

Stay strong and best of luck

[nik2]

Just want to let you know from a woman's side.

When a marriage or partnership breaks-down it is hard enough, when kids are involved it is 100% harder, especially when the parents are from different countries. For a mother it is not easy to take a child away from the father, knowing that they may not see each other for along, but sometimes there is no choice, especially when the best interests of the child are to be in one country that is not of the father.

It is very difficult as a single mother to raise and support your child and when you are in a bad situation outside of your home country it can be really scary. The need to be close to your own family and in a familiar environment become more important when you feel that you are alone.

My daughter has not seen her father for about 6 months now, but I talk about him often and she has many photos and we telephone as much as possible. She has not forgotten him and loves him dearly, I believe that as long as I am positive and active in talking about him she will never lose touch with him in anyway. Although it would be a better situation if we could be nearer to each other, my daughter will still listen and respect her father in what he says and this I do not see changing. I think as a mother, I have the resposibility to make sure that the relationship stays strong between them.

So even though it must be hard to be in a situation where you are not with your child(ren) I strongly believe that the father can and should still have an influence on the child.

[MrHammer]

Good luck with whatever you decide. I firmly believe it's better for children to grow up with divorced parents than with parents who stay together only for the children.

[paulfr]

Yes, for some coming here is a vacation and adventure.

But for those of us who marry and have children with a Thai spouse it is

a whole other ball game of life's responsibilities. Everyone has that

in the West too but not with all the problems of a mixed culture marriage.

If it were only culture and soicioeconomic challenges on top of the male-female divide,

it would be challenging enough. But add the financial realities of farang always pays

for the entire extended family and no wonder one might wish he had never come here.

But it is what it is. You must keep your child's well being foremost among your priorities.

Kids are resilient and no matter how little you are able to see them, they will survive.

For me I just want my little one to speak fluent English so she can always go

to the US and live a better life if she so chooses. That means a real International school

to insure her English is good. I taught in an English Program in Bkk and the student's

English was terrible because they spoke Thai to each other.

Keep your child's welfare in focus and you will feel good about it all knowing

you did the right thing.

Good luck.

[aussiebebe]

To the OP Philo who wrote:

Some parents are happily married, some are divorced, some fight custody battles, some receive death threats, some are broke, some don't give a sh-t, some go back to Farangland, some stay in Thailand, some have found good schools (others can't take the brain washing and the teachers hitting their child), some have a healthy child that has never been to a hospital, some have a child who will suffer from a life long disease ...

Due to the fact that my marriage is slowly breaking down (we are trying to be friends and arrange everything practical in the best interest of the children) I am increasingly feeling lost here. A stranger in a strange land.

I never had a child in Europe (but a lot of more or less traumatic abortions (not me - the woman). Divorce is common in the west, but you know your country and the ways things are there. Here I am feeling more and more helpless.

for practical advice, you need to maintain your friendships and relationships with your family and relatives; if not in Thailand, then whenever they are in the world. They know you best and will give you advice, guidance and comfort infinitely better than anyone on TVforum!

As for wanting to here others' stories; how has anyone's life experiences, choices, opportunities and options got any relevance to you? Forum posts are hardly positive or truthful at the best of time.

If you'd like my opinion then I'd say that my family, given the amount of constant work it takes to maintain a marriage and raise a child, have consistently amazed me and fulfilled my life in ways I couldn't ever have possibly predicted or imagined. I feel enlivened and overwhelmingly positive about my child's future - the only constant will be change.