More Crazy American Stories

[Tas]

Drunk for free

In an Inuit village, a young man was searching for a way of getting

drunk for free because he had no money to buy alcohol. So he mixed

gasoline with milk to get his buzz. After he drank it he became ill and

vomited on the fireplace in his house which in turn ignited his vomit

and burned his house down killing him and his sister.

Suicide

A 28-year old male was brought into the ER after an attempted suicide.

The man had swallowed several nitroglycerin pills and a fifth of vodka.

When asked about the bruises on his head and chest he said that they

were from him ramming himself into the wall in an attempt to make the

nitroglycerin explode.

Electric shock

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically

with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric

kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him

with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two

places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Idiot parked in a handicapped spot

A restaurant worker in Virginia confronted two able bodied men who she saw parked in a handicapped spot. The driver rejected the woman's request to move the vehicle and even cursed her.

She wrote down a description of the car and its license number in retaliation.

It just so happens that at the same time, the men's partner was robbing the restaurant where the lady worked.

With the dedicated employee's information, police were able to catch the robbers.

A sheriff's spokesperson said, "If he had just been polite and moved the car, she probably wouldn't have paid any further attention to them."

Drunken driving prevention program

The coordinator of a drunken-driving prevention program recently took the concept lead by example to a new level.

The county arranged a drunk-driving awareness picnic, and attendees thought the coordinator, Linda Harris,was simply part of a demonstration when police stopped her and began to administer sobriety tests.

A police officer noticed alcohol on Harris's breath when she pulled up to the picnic, and her blood-alcohol level tested at .09 percent, which is just above the legal limit.

Additionally, she failed four out of five coordination tests.

She was officially arrested and charged with driving while intoxicated.

What a lovely example indeed.

Dead scubadiver in forest fire

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of

forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male

was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back,

flippers, and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not

from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a

positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a

fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed

that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the

coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control

the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very

large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the

forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making

like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.

Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire.

(This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998)

Unlucky man...

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handle bars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.

The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio door.

The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband. After the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife up righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the petrol, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was treated and released to come home the same day. Upon arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor.

His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his groin.

The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same paramedic crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.

While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm.