Another Question About Relationships... And Culture Differences.

[Jamie]

Hi,

I'm not sure I'm happy with the title "Ladies in Thailand"(always gets a certain connotation)...but I guess it's the suitable place to try and put my dilemma on the table.

I've been in a relationship with a Thai girl for the last 2 years.May I say to the record that she's totally "normative" ,holding a position with a local company,using her own money and from a very ordinary background.We don't share a place together,but spent most of our free time with each other.

Our relationship has always been a very good one,and we do enjoy the time we spend together.The thing is that we can't get over one crucial problem ,and that is COMMUNICATION. No,it's not about language- I'm quite fluent with Thai,and it has never been an obstacle.I'm talking about communication in it's deeper level- being really able to listen and share things with the person you live with.

I would say it like that- on one level,everything is about perfect.She is the most caring and attentive person,and we can really have great time .But then,on another level,once I have something on my mind that I need to share someone with- it can be either something unpleasant ,thoughts,worries, or just feelings ...I just find there is "no one" there.She seems to be very uninterested with what I have to say,even somehow bored,or sometimes just changes the subject(in a very direct manner).

I tried many times,and it seems to repeat itself time and time again.

For me, it's becoming more and more crucial.

Is it really something cultural?anyone with similar different experience?.........

I've been married to my wife who is Thai for about 1.5 years...known each other for almost 4 years. I feel this same thing. There is a disconnect when it comes to this deeper level of communication. There are days when I want to talk about something that has really been bothering me and to her, it is like a non-issue.

I don't know if in Thai society men don't discuss these things or what.

[asawant03]

I read about some of the views and felt, I should also share mine.

Frankly, my experience is different. I am also in a relationship with a woman who takes interest in anything which gives her more knowledge. Actually she finds every topic interesting. May be she is different.

But I have found that there are women who are not least interested in certain subjects. And not necessary that they were Thai women. I have seen, women who hate certain sports and any discussion related to it, many women hate discussing Politics and even money matters. I think, you need to weigh your relationship. If everything else is nice and to your liking, your need of 'communication' is a small problem.

Why I say this, is, my GF loves me so much, that she refers to me as 'my darling husband'. She wants to marry me and I too want to marry her. But this subject puts her off because, it is becoming very difficult for her to leave her 8 yrs old son. So, I am learning not to discuss the subject when we have good times which we have almost every time we meet. What she and me do, is, we send mail to each other when we want to discuss something serious but when we meet, we just don't bring up the subject.

Any way, I know it is difficult to offer advice which may not be suitable in each case. But may be, yuo need to study your GF for little longer. take care, Anil