The Book Of Sharon

[Insight]

From a while back, but still makes me laugh...

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Book Of Sharon

Chapter 94

1. And lo, there was dwelling in the land of Gaza a holy man of the Hamas-ites, whose name was Yas-sin, which is to say the man of death.

2. And Yas-sin was old and full of years, and his beard was extremely white, like unto the snow on Mount Arafat.

3. And Yas-sin was sore afflicted, so that he could not walk, but needeth many followers to carry him hither and thither on a small chariot which is called an "wheelchair".

4. And despite these afflictions, Yas-sin plotted darkly in his heart against the children of Israel, conspiring how he might smite them.

5. But Yas-sin had one problem.

6. For the children of Israel had many tanks and guns and many rockets, even unto the device that is nuclear.

7. For thus had revealed the prophet Vanunu in the Times that is Sunday, for which he had been locked up by the children of Israel.

8. But that is another story.

9. Thus when it came to the smiting, it was a bit one-sided.

10. So Yas-sin spake unto the sons and daughters of the Araf-ites, saying unto them "Go forth into the land of Israel and slay all the men, women and children of that land, and yourselves also.

11. "For it hath been revealed to me that whosoever doeth this shall be taken straightway into Paradise, where many virgins will be waiting, even a-gagging for it.

12. "This doth not of course apply to the daughters of Ham-as, but you can't have everything."

13. And they did as they were bidden, and so it came to pass, even as Yas-sin had foretold, save for the Paradise bit.

14. And when Sharon saw what the sons and daughters of the Hamas-ites had done, he waxed wroth.

15. Boy, did he wax wroth.

16. Then said Sharon, "Woe unto the Hamas-ites, for have I not smitten them again and again, like unto the hammer that falleth repeatedly upon the anvil?

17. "Have I not laid waste their dwellings with the great Bull of Dozer?

18. "And have I not built a mighty wall round the land of Israel (not to mention a few bits of Palestine as well) that is 50 cubits high and 50 cubits wide and 10,000 cubits long.

19. "And still they learneth not the lesson. They come like a wolf in the night, to devour our lambs in the fold.

20. "For it is many years that I have smitten the Hamas-ites, the Araf-ites, the Hezboll-ites and all the other -ites in vain."

21. "So the time hath come to try an new approach - I shall smite them even harder."

22. And so Sharon rose early and girdeth up his loins and did send his ships that are called "gun" (a gift from the Land of Dubya).

23. And thus did the children of Israel seek out Yas-sin, even as he was at his prayers, giving thanks for the number of Israelites that had been slain.

24. And they slew him, along with any men, women and children who happened to be standing nearby. And when he saw this Sharon rejoiced and the heart of Sharon exulteth at this slaughter.

25. "This will teach the Hamas-ites a lesson they will never forget," he saith.

26. And, lo, the sons of the Arab-ites rose up in their thousands, even their tens of thousands, and crieth aloud, "Woe unto Sharon and the children of Israel. We will teach them a lesson such as they will never forget."

27. Then they went forth to seek out the children of Israel, that they might slay them.

28. And thus yet again did Sharon return in his wisdom to the square that is called one. (Continued to the end of time or the Day of Judgement, which ever shall be the sooner.)