Father-daughter Relationships

[sbk]

A member recently posted a joke about fathers in the jokes forum dedicated to me. Why he thought I would appreciate a joke that said fathers were stupid is beyond me but it got me thinking about my dad.

I am a very lucky woman as I have a father who is intelligent, charismatic, loving, supportive and was always very involved as a dad. He raised his three daughters to believe that we could be whatever we wanted to be and it never dawned on me that there were men out there who thought I couldn't do something or that I was worth less simply because I was a woman. Until, of course, I encountered those men in person, since I certainly never got those bad attitudes from my father, a man who rejoices in his daughters' success, their intelligence, and their independent natures.

He treated my mother with decency, kindness, love and respect, honoring her intelligence, valuing her opinions and encouraging her to further her education. He taught me that this is the way decent men should behave with their wives and as such, I married a man who treats me the same way.

My father taught me that there are men worthy of respect, men with decency, good manners and honor. Those men have my respect.

I feel very fortunate to have a father like this and hope that fathers of girls can be the same with their daughters, because if you value your daughter, you can be assured she will value you.

[SeanMoran]

So honestly and wonderfully written, and I hope that father-daughter and mother-son relationships can benefit by the same sense of honesty within the realms of paternal or maternal love.

[eek]

I love this sbk. Thank you. I was not blessed with a father who instilled the same qualities, but I have been blessed with having known and knowing men, both as friends and those who were partners, who did. Im grateful for that, for because of those men, i have love and admiration for men, and I am not belittled by any man who would try to make me feel less purely for being a woman. Having grown up with no strong decent male role model, it could have easily turned out differently. Good decent considerate men are always appreciated!

..and im sure vice versa.

Thank you again for this. So touching.

[popmybubble]

I've always felt kind of like I missed out on having a father daughter relationship as my dad has always worked away for months at a time. He's always paid for things if I needed them, and when I was a lot younger probably spoiled me. However I feel that I would have preferred a father I could chat to. Even now when he's home I rarely initiate conversation with him. Another bad thing is that I think I've inherited the (worst) traits of his personality (moody, aloof, short tempered, antisocial) which annoys me as my mother is quite the opposite and I would love to be more like her

[mssabai]

You are lucky sbk. I wish I could have had that relationship with my dad. Now that I am grown up, he tries a lot harder (I am now less of an emotional burden I guess). He is not a bad man, but he made a lot of mistakes and it makes me sad to think that when I was a little girl he just couldn't be bothered to try. That was when I needed him. I hope the father of my children never behaves in a similar way, however these things have a nasty way of becoming self forfilling prophecies. I will try and make the choices so that they don't.

[IanForbes]

Being a good parent is the most important thing any of us can do in life. Hopefully we can instill the proper things in our offspring: self reliance and self assurance, honety, strength of character, an inquisitive nature to look beyond what is often printed or told in the news, a personal sense of cleanliness, and a willingness to help others in need.

I'm fortunate to have helped raise two great children into responsible adults. Now I see those attributes being passed on to my grand children. It COULD have gone astray when my wife was dealing with a troubled point in her life, but I told the children that just because their mother and I were separating it was nothing that they did, and not to get angry with their mother. As it turned out I did the right thing and I'm still friends with the mother of my children.

My second wife and I ran a home daycare for children between the ages of 2 and 7. I saw the great things my wife did for other people's children. It's just too bad she couldn't have done if for her own son. I DO know the importance of great parenting. I saw it happen with many of my friends. I also saw the results of poor parenting... even though those parents THOUGHT they were doing the right thing... but weren't

Any young parent who has never read Barbara Collarosa's book... "Children are worth it" should do so. It's full of excellent advice explained in a friendly manner.

[F1fanatic]

Being a good parent is the most important thing any of us can do in life. Hopefully we can instill the proper things in our offspring: self reliance and self assurance, honety, strength of character, an inquisitive nature to look beyond what is often printed or told in the news, a personal sense of cleanliness, and a willingness to help others in need.

I'm fortunate to have helped raise two great children into responsible adults. Now I see those attributes being passed on to my grand children. It COULD have gone astray when my wife was dealing with a troubled point in her life, but I told the children that just because their mother and I were separating it was nothing that they did, and not to get angry with their mother. As it turned out I did the right thing and I'm still friends with the mother of my children.

My second wife and I ran a home daycare for children between the ages of 2 and 7. I saw the great things my wife did for other people's children. It's just too bad she couldn't have done if for her own son. I DO know the importance of great parenting. I saw it happen with many of my friends. I also saw the results of poor parenting... even though those parents THOUGHT they were doing the right thing... but weren't

Any young parent who has never read Barbara Collarosa's book... "Children are worth it" should do so. It's full of excellent advice explained in a friendly manner.

That's wonderful that you told your kids "not to get angry with their mother". She may have been "dealing with a troubled point in her life". Did she turn her back on her children? I suspect she did (v rare amongst mothers).

If so, for you at least it was v lucky - not many children appreciate their fathers womanising with girls half their age - despite any problems they have with their mother.

But then again, I could be wrong! I'm sure Peter Stingfellow's kids are over the moon that he's married a 27 (?) year old woman..... I don't think for a moment that they think she's after the money..... And meanwhile, nobody's laughing at the marriage. ROFL.

Edited February 18, 2010 by F1fanatic

[Lancelot]

Something that I have noticed in the women that I have dated is that women who have positve feelings about their fathers are more likely to have successful relationships with men.

[tonititan]

Something that I have noticed in the women that I have dated is that women who have positve feelings about their fathers are more likely to have successful relationships with men.

And I have noticed that in the men I have dated, the ones who have loving and respectful attitudes towards their mothers make better boyfriends/husbands.

[IanForbes]

Something that I have noticed in the women that I have dated is that women who have positve feelings about their fathers are more likely to have successful relationships with men.

And I have noticed that in the men I have dated, the ones who have loving and respectful attitudes towards their mothers make better boyfriends/husbands.

It's funny about that, isn't it. I had a close relationship with my mother and yet I wanted a better relationship with my father but never got it. He never could give me any positive criticism and nothing was ever good enough. By contrast, for the lack of attention by my father, my mother over compensated and gave praise too easily. And consequently, I didn't value her praise as much. It completely altered my life and made many things later in life very hard to change.

I was basically trained by both parents to be very respecful of all women, but as a teenager I noticed it was always the "bad guys" who got all the girls. Try as I might, I could never shake that Mr. Nice guy image. I'm still that way and basically leave it up to the women to make all the advances. I just flirt a bit and then leave it up to them. Fortunately, I'm comfortable around women and not shy. I'm still respectful with all women no matter who they are. .

[mssabai]

I think women who have had difficult relationships with their fathers do find it harder to find the right relationship. I had a very hard time in my late teens early twenties. I think this period is particularly bad because as you become an adult, you start to realise exactly how wrong your parent/s behaviour was. As a child you kind of shrug it off. Saying that though I have seen similar torment in boys who's dads had left them. Often they are great with women, because of their own experiences in a more female-centric household, however I have often to seen them treat women quite badly. It is almost like a double blow though because then they experience guilt, knowing how their own mum's suffered at the hands of a less than caring man. I think it is probably worse for boys. Just as it is probably worse for girls if their mum leaves.

[Patsycat]

sbk, your father sounds very much like mine. Loyal, loving, intelligent etc. My parents were married for 52 years when he died, suddenly. That was the worst phone call I have ever received - but it was strange. My mum had never called me on my mobile phone and I had a message from her to call home. In a way, I knew what the news was going to be... so I left it for half an hour before calling back.

There is a big void, still after seven years, in the hearts of the women he left behind - me, my sister and, of course, my mother.

He had the wickedest sense of humour and his laughter would fill a room.

I miss him and think about him every day. We don't cry too much anymore - more like laugh about the good times and good memories.

On another note - he had a typical Irish temper and would put the fear of god into us when we were naughty or, in my case, didn't understand my maths homework!! I'm still crap at calculations!!

Edited February 20, 2010 by Patsycat

[IanForbes]

Touching story, Patsycat. Nice to hear your family was close to your father... many children aren't. I'm fortunate that I have two great kids (36 and 38) and three grandkids who all love me. I've always got something to look forward to when I return to Canada in the spring. Nobody gets out of this world alive, and all we ask is to leave some positive imprint on those we love and leave behind. At one time, anyone who had lived 3 score years and 10 had lived a full life. Now, many of us can expect to live to 80 or beyond if we stay in reasonable health.

[Patsycat]

I went home a couple of weeks ago to celebrate my mum's 80th birthday and we have come to the conclusion that she shall outlive her smoking, boozing kids.

Forgot to mention, I also have a brother and he and my dad had a rather complex relationship. They were not very close at all, but his death hit my brother very hard. We three kids went to "view the body" and my brother asked my sis and I to leave him alone with dad for a few minutes so that he could talk to him alone. He has never told us what he said, even though I am curious!!!

Probably along the lines of "Bye bye, ya auld bastard"!!! (humour)

[Goinghomesoon]

While I was dealt a fairly bad lot in the father department, it taught me an important lesson. While I couldn't choose my relatives I was darn well gonna choose my life-partner very carefully. I always vetted potential suitors much more thoroughly than I might otherwise have done. I was adament I would end up with someone nicer, more decent. I am still thrilled to bits that I met hubby, who is the kindest-hearted, most respectful and loving man I have ever met and the polar opposite of my dad in almost every way and makes me happy every day that we are together. He has taken the time to forge a strong father-daughter relationship with my youngest and she told me a couple of weeks back that she can't remember what life was like without him in it. I am so happy that she has a chance at something I always yearned for, but never got.

[neverdie]

So honestly and wonderfully written, and I hope that father-daughter and mother-son relationships can benefit by the same sense of honesty within the realms of paternal or maternal love.

Sean, you seem to have forgotten the father-son and mother-daughter relationships.

SBK, There is so much more to being a loving parent than just copulation and giving birth.....thats something that seems to have been forgotten in society these days.

It must be hard living on the opposite side of the planet from your father.

My father is dead, he died in Bangkok, he was a good guy, his son is an assshole

[sbk]

Don't like your brother then neverdie?

Yes, I do miss my dad, miss my whole family in fact. I am not one of those who left the country to flee but left the country to find something new. I love my family dearly and its been difficult for me to watch my nephews and niece grow up (now a great aunt!) and miss out on their lives. It was even harder for me when my mother passed away but I was fortunate in that I had time to fly home to say goodbye. Told my dad he can't die for a few more years, don't think I can handle that again for awhile.

My dad taught me very important lessons about how men should behave and what I should expect and tolerate from a man. I am fortunate that those lessons were good ones rather than bad ones. He had a loving, close and romantic relationship with my mother, treated her with love and kindness, respected her intelligence and opinions and valued her highly. I don't think that is expecting alot from a man.

[neverdie]

^ I typed a really pleasant reply to your above post sbk then that frigging thai visa crashed and i lost the lot & now I just feel like giving someone the bird instead......theres that bad behaviour again......here i will direct the ANGER at you, since your one of the owners here give yourself an uppercut.

[eurasianthai]

I am a very lucky woman as I have a father who is intelligent, charismatic, loving, supportive

What my two daughters always tell me

I love them and they love me and it is indeed special. You just do not have the same relationship with boys.

Edited March 1, 2010 by eurasianthai

[IanForbes]

I am a very lucky woman as I have a father who is intelligent, charismatic, loving, supportive

What my two daughters always tell me

I love them and they love me and it is indeed special. You just do not have the same relationship with boys.

Very true. I have the same great relationship with my two grand daughters. It's just a bit sad that I won't be around when they are independent young women.