A Man With A Bald Head And A Wooden Leg

[Chris Lawrence]

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg has been invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note.

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."

The man thinks this is a terrible idea because they have just emphasised his wooden leg, so he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel with a note.

"Dear Sir, sorry about our previous suggestion. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg, and with your bald head you will really look the part."

Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to his bald head, so he writes an extremely rude letter of complaint. The next day he receives a small parcel with a note inside.

"Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup. Pour the tin of golden syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple