I Need Your Ears, Am I Saying My Words Correctly? Wording Them Right?

[Skeetjones]

I woke up a bit sick, decided to experiment and try to start writing more songs in Thai. I've only been learning for 5 years now, but haven't even been close to using it for those whole 5 years. I'm discouraged, I see a lot of you folks, picking up the language real fast even to the point your beginning to read and write it. Sometimes I feel bad for being half Thai and still not being able to speak that well.

Could I get a little opinion please?

These are the lyrics as I wrote them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsiM13Oy5Fw

pom kit thor ang, way lah bai nai/ (i think to myself, where the time go) <---- worded right?

tum mai chee wit thong mee bun hah on the thaiside/ (why is there always problems with life on the thai side)

I don't understand why, mai thong rong hai/ (i dont understand why, you dont have to cry)

kit dee, maa wah, chee wit dit fie/ (think good thoughts, even if your life won't start) <------ My girlfriend told me that "DIT FIE" is like the "Fire won't start", I thought it translated into being "Stuck?" or broken? I know broken is "SEE-A" hmm.?

yahk dai, sue bahn, song bai/ (i want, to buy a house, two of them)

hai ugn ma, ma bpen sabai der/ (give money to mom, mom will feel so good)

pom lou, ngan yaak, just chase your dreams/ (i know, work hard, just chase your dreams) <---- I think I said 'YAAK' alittle wrong

mung gaw lou wah pleng goo bpen klong dee/ (you know my music is the shit)

klong boomb, pom my kuray yan mun/ (fake shit, I never have supported that) <--------- "YAN" i never used this word untill I wrote the verse, probally said it wrong, and "MUN" I know means "IT" but I thought It can also mean "THAT?" = NUN/MUN

took kon, mai chorp pleng pom, chung mun/ (everyone don't like my music, so be it) "CHUNG MUN" I'm alittle confused about this word, I always heard my Family say it and too me it sounds like "WHO CARES" or "I DON'T GIVE A dam_n" right?

powak kao, took kon, they my enemies/ (All of yall, everyone, they my enemies)

why in your right mind are you next to me <---- english..

[meadish_sweetball]

mai dtawng rong hai - Your final consonant in 'dtawng' sounds like an 'n' but it should be an 'ng'.

yahk dai = you are pronouncing the vowel in 'yahk' slightly wrong, it is a little too open, and needs to be more closed. The way you do it now it sounds more like 'yaek dai' i.e. "it can be separated/divided" and not "yaak dai" (I want it). Work on pronouncing (and hearing) the difference between these two vowel sounds.

sue bahn song bai = sounds strange without the classifier (two houses = bahn song lahng). Not sure if your 'bai' is intended as a classifier or if it is the word 'bpai' as in go...?

mae bpen sabai der = "bpen sabai" is not proper Thai. There is no 'is' verb before 'sabai'. You can fit in a 'gaw' there instead.

The 'der' particle at the end is not Thai but Isaan/Lao. Thais who listen may well think it is comical as they associate Lao with hillbilly comics. Think of a white redneck rapping with a strong countryside Southern drawl.

"bpen klong dee" = you are not supposed to have a 'bpen' there. And the way you pronounce the tone on 'dee' at the end also sounds dialectal (or it may be an influence from your English, not sure).

(Also, unless the clipping on the bass is deliberate, you need to fix the gain levels.)

[Skeetjones]

mai dtawng rong hai - Your final consonant in 'dtawng' sounds like an 'n' but it should be an 'ng'.

yahk dai = you are pronouncing the vowel in 'yahk' slightly wrong, it is a little too open, and needs to be more closed. The way you do it now it sounds more like 'yaek dai' i.e. "it can be separated/divided" and not "yaak dai" (I want it). Work on pronouncing (and hearing) the difference between these two vowel sounds.

sue bahn song bai = sounds strange without the classifier (two houses = bahn song lahng). Not sure if your 'bai' is intended as a classifier or if it is the word 'bpai' as in go...?

mae bpen sabai der = "bpen sabai" is not proper Thai. There is no 'is' verb before 'sabai'. You can fit in a 'gaw' there instead.

The 'der' particle at the end is not Thai but Isaan/Lao. Thais who listen may well think it is comical as they associate Lao with hillbilly comics. Think of a white redneck rapping with a strong countryside Southern drawl.

"bpen klong dee" = you are not supposed to have a 'bpen' there. And the way you pronounce the tone on 'dee' at the end also sounds dialectal (or it may be an influence from your English, not sure).

(Also, unless the clipping on the bass is deliberate, you need to fix the gain levels.)

Ok nice.

Yea with "Thong" I say it right in real speech, but I was rapping and was rushing words together, thats why it sounded "Thon"

With "yahk" I'm hanging some of the tone so I can stay on beat with the music, which is hard to do, cause me hanging words will probally change the whole meaning in a fluent speakers ears.

"Mae bpen sabai" I never knew that, I feel if I said that to my mom right now she wouldn't correct me on anything, to me it sounds more complete, "MOM "IS/BE" FEELING GOOD? "Gaw" is more of a "UM" right?

"DER" I added that, because that is a end word my family practices, all though we are not issan/lao people, when they say "DER" to me it sounds more as a "Command" or maybe "Adding more emphasis to the sentence"

The bass, eh, I threw the song together in 10 minutes, It was made just to practice my Thai and see if I word Thai right. Didn't even take the song serious, just a 10 minute job.

But thanks for the help, it helps a lot and you seem to know a lot!

[Skeetjones]

mai dtawng rong hai - Your final consonant in 'dtawng' sounds like an 'n' but it should be an 'ng'.

yahk dai = you are pronouncing the vowel in 'yahk' slightly wrong, it is a little too open, and needs to be more closed. The way you do it now it sounds more like 'yaek dai' i.e. "it can be separated/divided" and not "yaak dai" (I want it). Work on pronouncing (and hearing) the difference between these two vowel sounds.

sue bahn song bai = sounds strange without the classifier (two houses = bahn song lahng). Not sure if your 'bai' is intended as a classifier or if it is the word 'bpai' as in go...?

mae bpen sabai der = "bpen sabai" is not proper Thai. There is no 'is' verb before 'sabai'. You can fit in a 'gaw' there instead.

The 'der' particle at the end is not Thai but Isaan/Lao. Thais who listen may well think it is comical as they associate Lao with hillbilly comics. Think of a white redneck rapping with a strong countryside Southern drawl.

"bpen klong dee" = you are not supposed to have a 'bpen' there. And the way you pronounce the tone on 'dee' at the end also sounds dialectal (or it may be an influence from your English, not sure).

(Also, unless the clipping on the bass is deliberate, you need to fix the gain levels.)

Yea about that part, I think the mistake is I'm trying to word Thai words like I would word them in English.

"YAHK DAI ( I WANT ) , SUE BAHN (TO BUY A HOUSE), SONG BAI (BAI = CLASSIFIER) (TWO HOUSES/ TWO OF THEM) ... I THINK "BAI" MIGHT BE A WRONG CLASSIFIER FOR HOUSES THOUGH?