Girlfriend Threatens With Suicide

[Forethat]

An advise ? walk away, there are people you just can't help.

If you really want to make a difference in this world, join the Peace Corps or Doctor Without Borders, but don't waste your time with people you can't help.

I couldn't disagree more (as with most of the opinions you express).

There are so many websites and research material dealing with this topic I am not even going to google it and stick it in your face - most people with even a limited degree of empathy and common sense already knows about this, or have the decency to find out.

My advice to you is to find out rather than give advices in subjects where you dont have a freaking clue- the address is http://www.google.com

Edited March 7, 2011 by Forethat

[random]

One thing I did in a similar situation was to play on her religious beliefs and point out how bad her behaviour is, then point out the karma and reincarnation thing, and how badly her act will be looked upon, and how she will be reincarnated into a worse situation,

[MegaRanter]

One woman I broke up with called me from the BTS platform, and threatened to jump and I just hung up the phone. She then sent me an SMS saying goodbye.

After three days, she called me and said thanks because, when I hung up on her, she could see a large cross indicating a church, so she went down there(used the staircase) and in tears the nice guys at the mission, gave her water and tissue to dry her tears and listened to everything she had to say, which was a lot. Then they counseled and told her about Jesus and what he would want her to do and she converted and still is going to that church.

[Wrong Turn]

An advise ? walk away, there are people you just can't help.

If you really want to make a difference in this world, join the Peace Corps or Doctor Without Borders, but don't waste your time with people you can't help.

I have to agree.

This person who tried twice (cry for help?) or not, or trying to "win" in a situation is now making threats to try it a third time.

She needs to seek professional help.

Best of luck. Hope these people don't bring you down with their problems.

[OxfordWill]

I tried to break up with a girl I was seeing only for about 2 months after I found out she had another guy on the go. She ate a bunch of pills and her friend called me to check up on her, which I did. Like the OP I made her vomit and then foolishly did not follow through with the breakup. Some 12 months later I finally managed to break up with her but she continued to cause me hassles.

My friend had a similar situation with a girl and he is Thai.

It's typically just a ploy to hang on to the relationship.

Lesson learned: PITY is perhaps the WORST motivation for continuing a romantic relationship.

Edited March 7, 2011 by OxfordWill

[tim armstrong]

There are some good replies here, and including the ones where you just have to leave. There is no helping someone if you are close to them. They need PROFESSIONAL help. It is a common occurance all around the world. Unfortunately, there isn't the professional help here in Thailand for those that can not pay. good luck to the OP's friend. People with psychological problems are very common in Thailand and there isn't much help.

There are public sector psychiatric hospitals in many provinces and at least one psychiatrist in most regional cities. There is a well established mental health system throughout the country, with its HQ in the Dept of Health in Bangkok.

Access to treatment is easily available through local health clinics. The community nurses there have some understanding of mental illness, and work under the direction of the psychiatrist. If you contact a clinic, the nurses will assess and help this person. There is also a fairly new private psych. hospital near Bangkok.

For other posters' benefit, most people who think about suicide stop at just thinking. Some make a plan, a small number make an attempt, and a very small number 'succeed' and kill themselves.

If this person has already made at least one attempt, the risk of her trying again, and 'succeeding' is significantly increased. It would be a good idea to have her talk to someone she respects, who will listen, and who is not directly involved in her life. If she is showing signs of depression, or making suicidal threats, then take her to the community nurse and/or a psychiatrist. As she has already made attempts, doing nothing is not a good option.

Regards

[gburns57au]

I tried to break up with a girl I was seeing only for about 2 months after I found out she had another guy on the go. She ate a bunch of pills and her friend called me to check up on her, which I did. Like the OP I made her vomit and then foolishly did not follow through with the breakup. Some 12 months later I finally managed to break up with her but she continued to cause me hassles.

My friend had a similar situation with a girl and he is Thai.

It's typically just a ploy to hang on to the relationship.

Lesson learned: PITY is perhaps the WORST motivation for continuing a romantic relationship.

I dont think that anyone who has suggested that the girl get some sort of assistance has suggested that the relationship be continued.

It is more about being a responsible person, If a friend of yours said she was going to kill herself, would you stand around whistling Dixie or run away.....probably not. Why is the Thai GF any different??

[H2oDunc]

I'm sorry to disagree with some posters here but for me this woman isn't mentally ill just a manipulative, spiteful and nasty piece of work. Mentally ill people don't often threaten to kill themselves they tend to just go off and do it.

The fact she has " tried " a couple of times already says a lot.

I would leave her some money for rent or whatever for the next month or so and just walk away. Change your number if you feel the need but don't be held to ransom by anybody and certainly don't feel any guilt.

[gregb]

As NanLaew posted and Mig16 reiterated, Samaritans is the place to go if you don't have a relationship with any family member or close friend who could be notified, or if they turn out to be unhelpful in this situation.

Otherwise, your friend needs to extricate himself from that situation as quickly as possible, and don't look back. No good can come from sticking around. Simply give the responsibility to someone else and let them do as they see fit. They likely have a better understanding of Thai culture than you do, and if they can't help, it is quite certain your friend can't either.

[james24]

Wow there are some really cold people on here, dont ever walk away from someone that needs your help.

Educate yourself about what others have done in similar situations and put yourself out for them, dont ever give up on someone, they need you more than you think.

Edited March 7, 2011 by james24

[transam]

I'm sorry to disagree with some posters here but for me this woman isn't mentally ill just a manipulative, spiteful and nasty piece of work. Mentally ill people don't often threaten to kill themselves they tend to just go off and do it.

The fact she has " tried " a couple of times already says a lot.

I would leave her some money for rent or whatever for the next month or so and just walk away. Change your number if you feel the need but don't be held to ransom by anybody and certainly don't feel any guilt.

Tend to agree, if mentally unstable then they will jump, not threaten.

[dmax]

sounds like my wife sometimes, living with me its not easy, its a cry for help/ attention !!!! hope everything is ok now

[Thongkorn]

Wow there are some really cold people on here, don't ever walk away from someone that needs your help.

Educate yourself about what others have done in similar situations and put yourself out for them, don't ever give up on someone, they need you more than you think.

I get where you are coming from BUT, how do you stay to help some one who is continually lieing and being deceitfully , and maybe the death threats are from drug induced delusions , I have been there ,I tried to help someone for three years ,Eventually it was my sanity or theres, , So i walked, And Guess what they are still alive and kicking six years later.

[tim armstrong]

I'm sorry to disagree with some posters here but for me this woman isn't mentally ill just a manipulative, spiteful and nasty piece of work. Mentally ill people don't often threaten to kill themselves they tend to just go off and do it.

The fact she has " tried " a couple of times already says a lot.

I would leave her some money for rent or whatever for the next month or so and just walk away. Change your number if you feel the need but don't be held to ransom by anybody and certainly don't feel any guilt.

Tend to agree, if mentally unstable then they will jump, not threaten.

That is just totally untrue. Most people who commit suicide,or threaten it, or attempt it, don't want to do it. The evidence to support this statement is overwhelming.

[Thongkorn]

I'm sorry to disagree with some posters here but for me this woman isn't mentally ill just a manipulative, spiteful and nasty piece of work. Mentally ill people don't often threaten to kill themselves they tend to just go off and do it.

The fact she has " tried " a couple of times already says a lot.

I would leave her some money for rent or whatever for the next month or so and just walk away. Change your number if you feel the need but don't be held to ransom by anybody and certainly don't feel any guilt.

Tend to agree, if mentally unstable then they will jump, not threaten.

That is just totally untrue. Most people who commit suicide,or threaten it, or attempt it, don't want to do it. The evidence to support this statement is overwhelming.

90% of people who try to comit suicide Do it sooner or later.

[transam]

I'm sorry to disagree with some posters here but for me this woman isn't mentally ill just a manipulative, spiteful and nasty piece of work. Mentally ill people don't often threaten to kill themselves they tend to just go off and do it.

The fact she has " tried " a couple of times already says a lot.

I would leave her some money for rent or whatever for the next month or so and just walk away. Change your number if you feel the need but don't be held to ransom by anybody and certainly don't feel any guilt.

Tend to agree, if mentally unstable then they will jump, not threaten.

That is just totally untrue. Most people who commit suicide,or threaten it, or attempt it, don't want to do it. The evidence to support this statement is overwhelming.

90% of people who try to comit suicide Do it sooner or later.

Yes, and in the context here that is being discussed the lady is '' using '' the threat.

[GreenSnapper]

That is just totally untrue. Most people who commit suicide,or threaten it, or attempt it, don't want to do it. The evidence to support this statement is overwhelming.

No, women rarely do that. They enjoy too much the compassion they receive.

And those who say that she needs professional help are certainly right. The problem is: these borderline characters don't want professional help and will probably refuse it if offered.

There are too many men who have been in similar situations. If you haven't, count yourself lucky. But you can learn how to identify borderline characters to be able to avoid them.

[james24]

Wow there are some really cold people on here, don't ever walk away from someone that needs your help.

Educate yourself about what others have done in similar situations and put yourself out for them, don't ever give up on someone, they need you more than you think.

I get where you are coming from BUT, how do you stay to help some one who is continually lieing and being deceitfully , and maybe the death threats are from drug induced delusions , I have been there ,I tried to help someone for three years ,Eventually it was my sanity or theres, , So i walked, And Guess what they are still alive and kicking six years later.

I agree with your point completely. Every situation has to evaluated. But when reading some of the posts from people saying things like"run as fast as you can" etc I find that incredibly dismissive.

The reason people commit suicide or even pretend to commit suicide means something upstairs is very upset and thats always for a reason. The same reason why people are mean or horrible, they do this because they are not happy inside.

In my opinion the best way to help someone is from a distance, without them actually knowing or ever knowing. It can be done if you put yourself out a bit.

[ozzieovaseas]

I feel sorry for any guy going through something like this.

Most of us in the west have some degree of moral compass and obviously this sort of situation urges our better nature to help someone in need. However, its a sad thing that in Thailand a lot of the recipients are not really worthy of such compassion.

I don't say this to be cold hearted, but having been witness to the neverending lies and manipulation used here (in order to get what they want, usually money) its hard to tell a genuine case from just another act. A terrible position to be in and the worst of manipulation if it is in fact just an act.

I guess its like the story of the boy who cried wolf..if you are willing to lie and use ANY form of deception needed, its an unfortunate by-product of that behaviour that makes other people cynical when in fact someone might be in true need.

If you do nothing and the worst happens...a tradgedy

If you go along with it, try to help and later find it was all just another ruse..another tradgedy...then you have been played and therefor helped along the perpetuation of more disgusting and manipulative behaviour in the future.

Its a tough call, but if it were me, and based on previous experiences..id run.

It sounds cold, but after all, if you were in a dark place and considering ending it all yourself, how many of these girls would ditch their latest walking paycheck and come rushing to your aid?

I guess in cases where lies are the norm, and to be expected...answers the reason why the words "som num na" were invented.

[SGD]

I knew a loon who threatened to kill herself and used that as emotional blackmail. Today I don't know or care whether she did but the strain of dealing with that emotional nutcase took years off my life. Today I'd just disappear overnight and forget.

[tim armstrong]

Thongkorn,

Where did you get 90% of people who try suicide, do it sooner or later? Absolute nonsense. Most people who try -do get help, they don't kill themselves. Much less than 1% of any population do suicide.

But the point about this post is that anyone who has made 2 attempts, whether or not she is being manipulative, needs help. Yes she may not be mentally ill, but she does need someone to talk to.

If more people did actually get involved the world's suicide rates would be a lot less. Many young people do it in anger, and its highest in the under 35yr age group in Australia, Canada,UK, US, Japan and many others.

Currently suicide is the 4th leading cause of non accidental deaths in --several DEVELOPED countries

90% of people who try or do it, tell someone they are suicidal in the week before the attempt. Unfortunately, the predominate reaction on this post to walk away is the most common response in the community to someone's threats of suicide. Even health professionals would rather not deal with it, because it frightens them.

Most of the time simply talking to someone calmly about their issues makes a huge difference in the first instance, and that does not need you to be a professional counsellor. No doubt some of the frequent cases of suicide in Pattaya and other places amongst expats could have been avoided, if there was a bit more awareness and compassion around.

[transam]

Thongkorn,

Where did you get 90% of people who try suicide, do it sooner or later? Absolute nonsense. Most people who try -do get help, they don't kill themselves. Much less than 1% of any population do suicide.

But the point about this post is that anyone who has made 2 attempts, whether or not she is being manipulative, needs help. Yes she may not be mentally ill, but she does need someone to talk to.

If more people did actually get involved the world's suicide rates would be a lot less. Many young people do it in anger, and its highest in the under 35yr age group in Australia, Canada,UK, US, Japan and many others.

Currently suicide is the 4th leading cause of non accidental deaths in --several DEVELOPED countries

90% of people who try or do it, tell someone they are suicidal in the week before the attempt. Unfortunately, the predominate reaction on this post to walk away is the most common response in the community to someone's threats of suicide. Even health professionals would rather not deal with it, because it frightens them.

Most of the time simply talking to someone calmly about their issues makes a huge difference in the first instance, and that does not need you to be a professional counsellor. No doubt some of the frequent cases of suicide in Pattaya and other places amongst expats could have been avoided, if there was a bit more awareness and compassion around.

Of couse she needs help, financial help.

[jayjayjayjay]

Thongkorn,

Where did you get 90% of people who try suicide, do it sooner or later? Absolute nonsense. Most people who try -do get help, they don't kill themselves. Much less than 1% of any population do suicide.

But the point about this post is that anyone who has made 2 attempts, whether or not she is being manipulative, needs help. Yes she may not be mentally ill, but she does need someone to talk to.

If more people did actually get involved the world's suicide rates would be a lot less. Many young people do it in anger, and its highest in the under 35yr age group in Australia, Canada,UK, US, Japan and many others.

Currently suicide is the 4th leading cause of non accidental deaths in --several DEVELOPED countries

90% of people who try or do it, tell someone they are suicidal in the week before the attempt. Unfortunately, the predominate reaction on this post to walk away is the most common response in the community to someone's threats of suicide. Even health professionals would rather not deal with it, because it frightens them.

Most of the time simply talking to someone calmly about their issues makes a huge difference in the first instance, and that does not need you to be a professional counsellor. No doubt some of the frequent cases of suicide in Pattaya and other places amongst expats could have been avoided, if there was a bit more awareness and compassion around.

Of couse she needs help, financial help.

It is easy to brush this off and throw in the cliche "run for the hills" but as I have seen, many of the upcountry girls have little or no other method to meet their family needs. Many have willing come to the bar scene not fully understanding how it operated. Being able to see a means to send money to moma and poppa by doing what their friends do helped them get over the initial disgust of what servitude in bars requires. But having found that securing a boyfriend that all went away. Needless to say it was much better, but at the same time they had still crossed a point of no return to normal life back in Nakorn Nowhere. Not being able to send money to cover rice harvest cost or schooling for a sibling (alcoholics and gambling debts included) is where the actions stem from. It is shame more than anything that drives them to act nothing more than what they see on Thai soap opera's, unfortunately what is behind his action is a very scared person in need of guidance. Some might call it love, others might say it's mental health. In the end no one is a winner. Good luck.

[welsh1]

Thongkorn,

Where did you get 90% of people who try suicide, do it sooner or later? Absolute nonsense. Most people who try -do get help, they don't kill themselves. Much less than 1% of any population do suicide.

But the point about this post is that anyone who has made 2 attempts, whether or not she is being manipulative, needs help. Yes she may not be mentally ill, but she does need someone to talk to.

If more people did actually get involved the world's suicide rates would be a lot less. Many young people do it in anger, and its highest in the under 35yr age group in Australia, Canada,UK, US, Japan and many others.

Currently suicide is the 4th leading cause of non accidental deaths in --several DEVELOPED countries

90% of people who try or do it, tell someone they are suicidal in the week before the attempt. Unfortunately, the predominate reaction on this post to walk away is the most common response in the community to someone's threats of suicide. Even health professionals would rather not deal with it, because it frightens them.

Most of the time simply talking to someone calmly about their issues makes a huge difference in the first instance, and that does not need you to be a professional counsellor. No doubt some of the frequent cases of suicide in Pattaya and other places amongst expats could have been avoided, if there was a bit more awareness and compassion around.

Of couse she needs help, financial help.

Think she might postpone or delay committing suicide if she was to all of a sudden come into money,

[transam]

Thongkorn,

Where did you get 90% of people who try suicide, do it sooner or later? Absolute nonsense. Most people who try -do get help, they don't kill themselves. Much less than 1% of any population do suicide.

But the point about this post is that anyone who has made 2 attempts, whether or not she is being manipulative, needs help. Yes she may not be mentally ill, but she does need someone to talk to.

If more people did actually get involved the world's suicide rates would be a lot less. Many young people do it in anger, and its highest in the under 35yr age group in Australia, Canada,UK, US, Japan and many others.

Currently suicide is the 4th leading cause of non accidental deaths in --several DEVELOPED countries

90% of people who try or do it, tell someone they are suicidal in the week before the attempt. Unfortunately, the predominate reaction on this post to walk away is the most common response in the community to someone's threats of suicide. Even health professionals would rather not deal with it, because it frightens them.

Most of the time simply talking to someone calmly about their issues makes a huge difference in the first instance, and that does not need you to be a professional counsellor. No doubt some of the frequent cases of suicide in Pattaya and other places amongst expats could have been avoided, if there was a bit more awareness and compassion around.

Of couse she needs help, financial help.

Think she might postpone or delay committing suicide if she was to all of a sudden come into money,

Absolutely taff.

[welsh1]

Thongkorn,

Where did you get 90% of people who try suicide, do it sooner or later? Absolute nonsense. Most people who try -do get help, they don't kill themselves. Much less than 1% of any population do suicide.

But the point about this post is that anyone who has made 2 attempts, whether or not she is being manipulative, needs help. Yes she may not be mentally ill, but she does need someone to talk to.

If more people did actually get involved the world's suicide rates would be a lot less. Many young people do it in anger, and its highest in the under 35yr age group in Australia, Canada,UK, US, Japan and many others.

Currently suicide is the 4th leading cause of non accidental deaths in --several DEVELOPED countries

90% of people who try or do it, tell someone they are suicidal in the week before the attempt. Unfortunately, the predominate reaction on this post to walk away is the most common response in the community to someone's threats of suicide. Even health professionals would rather not deal with it, because it frightens them.

Most of the time simply talking to someone calmly about their issues makes a huge difference in the first instance, and that does not need you to be a professional counsellor. No doubt some of the frequent cases of suicide in Pattaya and other places amongst expats could have been avoided, if there was a bit more awareness and compassion around.

Of couse she needs help, financial help.

Think she might postpone or delay committing suicide if she was to all of a sudden come into money,

Absolutely taff.

And if a large windfall of cash comes form other sources IE ..another B/F

Then the OP will be sobbing in is beer chang as he will be X B/F

[pjclark1]

What nobody has so far managed to point out is that suicide threats need an audience.

Without the audience no point to threaten suicide.

Remove the audience (you) from the equation, and the threats will go away.

Move somewhere else, no forwarding address.

Change phone SIMS and email address.

Frequent different places.

Result

She won't be harming herself and you will no longer feel obligated.

[dumball]

'transam' timestamp='1299579659' post='4267262']

'welsh1' timestamp='1299575940' post='4267163']

'transam' timestamp='1299502167' post='4265051']

'tim armstrong' timestamp='1299500673' post='4264991']

Thongkorn,

Where did you get 90% of people who try suicide, do it sooner or later? Absolute nonsense. Most people who try -do get help, they don't kill themselves. Much less than 1% of any population do suicide.

But the point about this post is that anyone who has made 2 attempts, whether or not she is being manipulative, needs help. Yes she may not be mentally ill, but she does need someone to talk to.

If more people did actually get involved the world's suicide rates would be a lot less. Many young people do it in anger, and its highest in the under 35yr age group in Australia, Canada,UK, US, Japan and many others.

Currently suicide is the 4th leading cause of non accidental deaths in --several DEVELOPED countries

90% of people who try or do it, tell someone they are suicidal in the week before the attempt. Unfortunately, the predominate reaction on this post to walk away is the most common response in the community to someone's threats of suicide. Even health professionals would rather not deal with it, because it frightens them.

Most of the time simply talking to someone calmly about their issues makes a huge difference in the first instance, and that does not need you to be a professional counsellor. No doubt some of the frequent cases of suicide in Pattaya and other places amongst expats could have been avoided, if there was a bit more awareness and compassion around.

Of couse she needs help, financial help.

Think she might postpone or delay committing suicide if she was to all of a sudden come into money,

Absolutely taff.

With these suggestions , give her a thousand baht and tell her to go play under a bus , problem solved .

[Buchholz]

So many erroneous assessments and bad advice here, it's staggering, (eg. it's impossible and dangerous for greensnapper to assign a borderline personality diagnosis on someone based on the briefest of OP's).

I might suggest that any future threads of this nature be quickly moved to the Health Forum so that a modicum of appropriate and beneficial suggestions can be made. For such a serious and potentially lethal situation, to allow them to languish amongst the wisecracks and uninformed thought processes proffering inappropriate action is reckless of the forum, IMHO.

When someone is asking for advice on a health issue, it belongs in the Health Forum.

To the OP:

Take the advice of the first and one of very few rationale posts on this thread, NanLaew

Get your buddy to hook up with these people and hope that something can be done for the poor girl.

[MEGALITHIC]

Tell your friend to dissappear, and quickly. Change his sim card, open new email account and move to a different part of the LOS. And, most importantly, never, ever contact that woman again.