Farang Women/thai Men

[WhizKid]

Nice thread This topic is pretty interesting.

[somchai jones]

Whilst unqualified to comment on a farang female/Thai male reletionship (mainly because I'm a farang male married to a Malay female!) I do feel that I can empathise with any pair that are involved in a mixed cultural relationship.

Without doubt there will be problems to overcome, particularly in the early stages of the relationship.

Just the fact that you are from different cultures/religious backgrounds/societies will guarentee this: the fact that SE Asia and Europe/US/Oz are so different will compound it.

Some couples will not progress - aside from the added difficulties mentioned above, like a percentage of couples anywhere, they are not meant for each other and it's a passing phase. However, those couples that do stick together and overcome the hardships of the mixed relationship will in my personal experience be strengthened by it and grow from it. The fact that you are from different worlds can be a continuous source of discovery and interest.

My wife and I met in our early twenties, now both in our late thirties were still going strong.

Sorry I can't be more focused (farang female/ Thai male) but as I mentioned earlier, I feel I can empathise to a certan degree.

[danbkk1]

There are lots of great Thai men, because I've met some of them. Problem is, most of us cannot speak with 100% confidence on other people's relationships because we are not privy to every single detail. I can honestly say that I've met a few women who from my perspective on the outside looking in seem to enjoy a very nice relationship with Thai men. Generally speaking, these men seem to be a bit different than many other Thai men in that they have been exposed to her culture through their language skills and experience. Perhaps this lays the groundwork in better understanding two very diametrically opposed cultures. For the record, I have also seen more Thai/farang relationships that seem to be working, but don't really depict the type of intimacy I would expect from a marriage partner.

And of course, we have a plethora of research from multiple sources.

There is no denying the entrenched male-dominating qualities of Thai society and male privelige, which cut across the entire culture, and across every single status position. Thai women still have to live and deal with issues such as mia nois, knowing her "place" socially, and prostitution, and they are by far not an anomaly.

There is also the additional *issue that there a far greater number of heterosexual men in some parts of Asia who are MSM (men who have sex with men).

*Just to clarify - the issue for me is not a gay identity, but dating or marrying a man who slept with men without open acknowledgement of this other preference.

Very good point Kat,

Maybe the reason that Thais who have lived or educated in other cultures (especially in Western Culture) might feel a bit awkward in a relationship with Thai women. Personally, I still feel very awkward when going out with Thai girl. We have little in common and alomost can carry no conversation.

[seville]

There are so many factors to think about when being on the outside looking in, especially if you live some place like TNP. That's a rowdy bunch of guys out there and I know that Western women and Thai have to reel their fellas in a lot. Between the snooker, the cock fighting and now the boxing stadium it's going to be a real nightmare for a lot of women.

The biggest thing I see is that the western women don't try and bond with each other, can't bond to the Thai women and are left kind of hanging out to dry with no support other then their Thai partner.

I think that you see a lot of Western women/Thai men realationships failing because the women jumped in way too fast, having some kind of pie in the sky expectation. I myself having been one, I think this is common. If you meet your guy in Thailand you are playing by Thai rules, better learn what the the rules are before you start dating.

[Uma~~]

Remove the word thai from your post & there you have it. There are good & bad everywhere & I know plenty of farang women in happy & healthy relationships with thai men, but people tend not to post on how great their relationship is as they don't need advice, help etc as everything is going great.

But you see a few posts about bad relationships & you presume that all farang women are putting up with this?

Just as you only see the posts about thai women being jealous, childish & money grabbing really, so the same question could be asked of the farang men who put up with scheming thai women as there are so many posts about it, they must all be like it.

Oh & for someone who doesn't want to bad mouth thai men, you don't seem to be doing too bad so far

True, the only real difference between Thai men and farang men is skin and culture, they are both built from the same template. The negative posts about Thai men sometimes verge on racism.

[robitusson]

What about if someone said "I refuse to consign the entire Thai race to the nursery, I insist on believing that some Thais are my equals"? Would that be verging on racism?

Edited February 13, 2006 by robitusson

[OZONE]

I just thought she wasn't hungry. Was I supposed to give her food too?

.....another trip to the florist coming up

cv

[thaibebop]

What about if someone said "I refuse to consign the entire Thai race to the nursery, I insist on believing that some Thais are my equals"? Would that be verging on racism?

Reverse racism.

[zzap]

I thought 'racism' is one of these 'pc' words which don't register with you, robi. No surprise, after I googled 'robitusson' (It is most definitely not present in LSD - and therefore acid, as acid is just a slang name for lsd. It does, however, have psychoactive properties at hypermedical doses.)

Have fun...

[robitusson]

I thought 'racism' is one of these 'pc' words which don't register with you, robi. No surprise, after I googled 'robitusson' (It is most definitely not present in LSD - and therefore acid, as acid is just a slang name for lsd. It does, however, have psychoactive properties at hypermedical doses.)

Have fun...

No, that's Robitussin you're thinking of. Different. Anyway I'm pc, what are you on about?

[sbk]

There are so many factors to think about when being on the outside looking in, especially if you live some place like TNP. That's a rowdy bunch of guys out there and I know that Western women and Thai have to reel their fellas in a lot. Between the snooker, the cock fighting and now the boxing stadium it's going to be a real nightmare for a lot of women.

The biggest thing I see is that the western women don't try and bond with each other, can't bond to the Thai women and are left kind of hanging out to dry with no support other then their Thai partner.

I think that you see a lot of Western women/Thai men realationships failing because the women jumped in way too fast, having some kind of pie in the sky expectation. I myself having been one, I think this is common. If you meet your guy in Thailand you are playing by Thai rules, better learn what the the rules are before you start dating.

Well posted Seville, (are you back yet? drop in for a chat sometime) . That said, I used to have quite a few western female friends on the island, but they have all since had kids and gone home (either with the husband or without) to send the kids to school. Most of the younger girls I don't find I have much in common with and not a whole lot to say beyond the usual, "wow you've been here 17 years, things must have changed so much since then" stuff.

As for not bonding with Thai women, well I have met a few I wouldn't mind being more friendly with but again, there is that lack of commonality.

And as for being left hanging out to dry with only my husband as my support, well, I certainly don't feel left hanging and have always felt that our closeness is one of the strengths of our relationship.

And quote of the week to this:

If you meet your guy in Thailand you are playing by Thai rules, better learn what the the rules are before you start dating.

[seville]

Hi SBK,

I'm counting down the days, I'll be there on the 24th of March. I will stop in and see you. I have to try your ahan mexican. I was being general and really addressing how things are in TNP. I'm sure you know, that it's a whole different world out there compared to other parts of the island.

There is a nice post about your place on the Phagnan Info. site

Keep your eyes and ears open for # 28

[girlx]

The biggest thing I see is that the western women don't try and bond with each other, can't bond to the Thai women and are left kind of hanging out to dry with no support other then their Thai partner.

this isn't the case in thong nai pan yai... there is a really solid core of long term female expats and they support each other admirably. i have heard things are different on TNP noi which is one of the reasons i don't stay there. there is too much of the playboy mentality happening over there.

If you meet your guy in Thailand you are playing by Thai rules, better learn what the the rules are before you start dating.

that would make an interesting topic here- what are the rules you think?

[sbk]

that would make an interesting topic here- what are the rules you think?

It depends on 1)what kind of guy you have or 2)what kind of guy you want to have and 3)where you live--here on koh phangan these are the rules as I have found them:

Appearance matters; dress conservatively and politely. No low cut tops, low rider shorts/trousers, miniskirts, hotpants etc

Treat him with respect in public. Confine your disagreements and problems to the privacy of your own home. (of course, treating people with respect is always a good idea)

Try not to end up in screaming arguments too often, they usually don't solve much and could put your man off

Dating rules: don't hop into bed with him immediately, he will have little respect for you if you do.

Thais tend to play more flirting games then farangs do; flirt, be cute, but don't be desperate or pursue too hard. This will scare any guy off.

Come to think of it, these rules could work with anybody, farang or thai.

But, in all seriousness, I really have to recommend that a girl dresses and behaves in a more conservative manner than home--and this includes sexually as well. He may not consider you a good prospect if you are willing to go to bed with him on the first few dates, and he definitely wouldn't want to take you home to meet the family if you are dressed inappropriately.

[seville]

Since I've only spent any real time in the south I'm with SBK on this one.

what to add to the list...

I agree with everything SBK says, BTW.

Ask around about the guy before you go out with him.

Ask him if he's married or has any children, right off. Maybe ask more then once.

Don't pay for anything until you've dated for a while.

Always except food if he offers it to you.

Expect things to go really slow and know that you are going to have to bend to his culture more then his to yours.

Don't be offended if he doesn't introduce you to people, especially as his girlfriend.

Don't be affectionate in public or expect him to be.

This goes for all men, but especially Thai, don't expect him to go emotionally deep with you. If he loves you, you'll feel it. He is more then likely not going to be extremely expressive on how he feels.

Thai people are shy in general. A quality I adore about them especially the men.

[girlx]

good tips you guys- definitely to keep in mind in any relationship. funny that you mention dressing conservatively SBK... taking a look around it wouldn't seem many girls follow that advice here, but i am privy to conversations with the thai men who witness them, and though they do appreciate the skimpiness from a male point of view, they do not respect or take seriously a girl who doesn't dress appropriately. if you are intending to have a long term relationship here, i think the most important thing is to show you are not just another farang girl here to sample the local population- otherwise that is exactly how you will be treated.

Ask him if he's married or has any children, right off. Maybe ask more then once.

ha- very good point. or maybe ask him when his girlfriend is visiting next!

This goes for all men, but especially Thai, don't expect him to go emotionally deep with you. If he loves you, you'll feel it. He is more then likely not going to be extremely expressive on how he feels.

i am curious about one thing... i know what the behavior of thai men towards thai women is in traditional polite thai society. but what about a well off, educated thai man towards a farang female? the reason i ask is my girlfriend just met a thai man who was instantly infatuated with her. he is a lawyer and went to uni in bangkok for 12 years, has a decent family... everything seems ok. it's just she went off with him the day they met and spent the whole week with him, and now that the week is over he is telling her he loves her and doesn't want her to leave... i know everyone is different, but do you think this is someone sincere? in normal thai society a thai man would not spend a week with a strange thai female... i have seen thai men behave like this before with farangs, but they usually wanted something from the foreigner. he doesn't need anything from her, so i wonder if she needs to worry?

[skylar]

he doesn't need anything from her, so i wonder if she needs to worry?

I think you know the answer already.

[seville]

Well here is something that I think is different in Thai Men then in Western Men.

I don't think Thai Men are as guarded with their feelings number one.

If this is his first time dateing a Western women, he has all kinds of new things going on and more then likely finds her fascinating.

Then there is the sex, as one of the posters on here brought up to me once; Western women are far better in bed then Thai women. He is in rapture with her charms and that she is giving of herself so freely.

He's in love and wants the feeling to last forever.

He knows she's a good girl and if she is having sex with him, she must be ready to get maried.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to enhance your life by being with someone either. Many Thai women want to be with Westerners to have a better life. I would love to find a nice Thai man to make it easier for me to stay in Thailand and build a home.

[bkkmadness]

Western women are far better in bed then Thai women.

How did the person work that out, did he sleep with ALL the western women and ALL the Thai women and make a huge scorecard up?

[seville]

Maybe I should have worded that differently.

Western women tend to be more experienced and less inhibited then Thai women.

The guy claimed that he has done a bit of research on the matter. Speaking to a lot of men and women on the subject of sex and is thinking about writing a book about the Western Female/Thai Male realationship, because there isn't one out there and a ton of books about WM/TF realationships.

His findings make a lot of sense to me.

[sbk]

Don't know about the sex part but the other parts of Sevilles post ring true, at least from my experience.

When my husband and I started going out he proposed to me after 3 months. He said he knew I was the one and wanted to make sure he didn't lose me. It seemed unrealisitcally quick to me at the time but since we celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary last August he obviously knew what he was talking about.

[bkkmadness]

Maybe I should have worded that differently.

Western women tend to be more experienced and less inhibited then Thai women.

The guy claimed that he has done a bit of research on the matter. Speaking to a lot of men and women on the subject of sex and is thinking about writing a book about the Western Female/Thai Male realationship, because there isn't one out there and a ton of books about WM/TF realationships.

His findings make a lot of sense to me.

Well I've slept with my sister and my Thai gf. The gf was definately a better experience.

[girlx]

When my husband and I started going out he proposed to me after 3 months. He said he knew I was the one and wanted to make sure he didn't lose me. It seemed unrealisitcally quick to me at the time but since we celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary last August he obviously knew what he was talking about.

sbk i think you are just incredibly LUCKY! but i am sure you know that. your stories tickle my reluctant, jaded side into actually admitting a bit of hope. i will pass it on to my friend for what it is worth.

[Jai Dee]

Well I've slept with my sister and my Thai gf. The gf was definately a better experience.

Evidence please...

When my husband and I started going out he proposed to me after 3 months. He said he knew I was the one and wanted to make sure he didn't lose me. It seemed unrealisitcally quick to me at the time but since we celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary last August he obviously knew what he was talking about.

Sometime some of us intuitively know that we've found the so-called "pot-of-gold"... and act on it.

Intuition (or gut-feeling) is something we all need to come to grips with...

Chai-Mai?

[LaoPo]

He knows she's a good girl and if she is having sex with him, she must be ready to get maried.

?

LaoPo