eTiMaGo Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Long story short, over the past couple of years there's been a pretty cute girl of Chinese ethnicity, mid-to-late 20s, working at the local post office, and we've exchanged the occasional smiles and banalities, nothing more. I've been out of a semi-serious relationship with another girl for about a year now, and been finding more and more excuses to go to the post office since I'm a painfully shy guy, unfortunately, and chatting up girls is not something I can do easily, especially in Thai! I'm quite afraid of making some kind of faux-pas and offending this girl in some way, so would appreciate some advice. Am I right to assume postal workers with some seniority are relatively well-educated (i.e some university) and well-paid? We've chatted mostly in Thai but she has not hinted at any English speaking ability. I don't mind conversing in Thai, but find it much easier to get my point across in English! I want to step things up a notch and invite her out for dinner, but I think it would be too forward to propose that right off the bat? I've been advised by some to bring her a box of cookies, or flowers, but the post office seems far too public for that? Also, as far as I assume, she is single (unmarried, anyway, no ring), once again would it be too blunt to ask her right away mee fan mai? sonjai mee fan farang mai? I was thinking of asking her if she was on facebook, and gathering information from there, but it's kinda creepy? Or also potentially creepy, "accidentally" bump into her at the food court when she's on lunch break? I think she is interested in me, she was actually the one to start asking personal questions (basic stuff like where are you from, how long have you been in Thailand, etc), and I think she tries to play the queue number system so I end up at her counter more often. But those are just assumptions! So, what do you ladies and gentlemen think? Advice, comments, constructive criticism would be much appreciated Thomas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 I would say the most effective way to find out is to have a thai friend, preferably female, check it out for you. Send her in to let the post office girl know that someone is interested but is shy & wants to know if 1) she is available 2) willing to go on a date. The usual routine is to go out with a group or at least another couple first, this is to protect her reputation & also for her safety in case you turn out to be a creep. If that goes well you can take it from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 and don't ask her if she would be interested in a farang boyfriend, it is way too forward. Boo's got it right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manarak Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Boo's variant is probably the safest. mee fan mai... depending on pronounciation, she might think you ask if she has fake teeth or what the dream of her life is. But if she already has been asking you personal stuff, it would be relatively easy to slip into the conversation that you are now staying alone. This would be totally without risk - it is not even a question, but being a Thai, she will get the message, and you can see if she makes an overture. A reply like "me too" or "I live with my sister/aunt/uncle" is a straight invitation to ask her out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eTiMaGo Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 Thanks, ladies I was joking about the farang boyfriend thing And I can't type Thai, but I can pronounce teeth, dreams and boyfriend differently (I hope so, anyway!) I'll ask my friend's wife to head to the post office for me next week! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jombom Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Good, and a lunch with one of her mates, would be much safer than dinner, which is far too formal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manarak Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) Thanks, ladies I was joking about the farang boyfriend thing And I can't type Thai, but I can pronounce teeth, dreams and boyfriend differently (I hope so, anyway!) I'll ask my friend's wife to head to the post office for me next week! Good luck!!! (but I'm not a lady, LOL) Edited September 2, 2011 by manarak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrahamF Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Thanks, ladies I was joking about the farang boyfriend thing And I can't type Thai, but I can pronounce teeth, dreams and boyfriend differently (I hope so, anyway!) I'll ask my friend's wife to head to the post office for me next week! Just make sure that your friends wife talks to the correct postal clerk!!! Good luck and now you have to keep us updated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkkjames Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Get creative man. Dont just walk in and tell the girl she is a beauti. appeal to her senses. Mail her a box of chocolates. (right migsy?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pammalitta Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 According to OP, from my opinion, i don't think postal office workers are well-educated, possibly manager or higher positions, they are. Also it depends on the area you live in as well. In a small city, they tend to have lower education compare to the big city. I just took a peek in their recruitment, it varies from grade9, vocational degree and rarely bachelor degree. About being well-paid, i don't think so. The salary starts from 203, 224 baht a day up to 9-10k baht a month (only if they have a bachelor degree)if they become a government officer (since we have used term "government employee" rahter than "government officer" which are not only different in terms but other things as well such as healthy benefits and work contracts and so on). About the language barrier, i think u need to figure out yourself... so far i've never asked a girl out for a date. About a girl being single or not... u mentioned she doesn't wear a ring. I don't think you should apply western cultures to here. She may have a boyfriend who doesn't live with her, or she may have a boyfriend who lives with her or she is married but doesn't wear a ring or she's a mistress or in case you both are meant to be to each other, she is Single. Some girls, as far as i have heard, are quite easily distracted and open themselves to better options. They may have boyfriends/husbands but they are not satisfied with them and they don't mind going out with other men either Thai or Farang for better things. No matter how educated they are or how much money they make. Most of my female friends have gotten master degree at least and some doctoral degrees and are dating quite decent men. Still at some points, some of them are not happy with their boyfriend and they date with other men time to time. I think this also applies to men as well. Don't get me wrong about it. I agree with other posts to ask a favour from your thai female friend to check her out. Perhaps she knows someone at the post office? so you can get insiders' information. I'm sure if she is still single, they know that too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beano2274 Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 another guy here. Why not buy a box of chocolates, and ask for one of the postal boxes to pack it in, then with her looking pack the box. Do not write an address on it, go to her when your number is called and give her the box, then when she sees no address on it, ask her to write hers on it. See what the reaction is. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eTiMaGo Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Good luck!!! (but I'm not a lady, LOL) How was I supposed to know that Just make sure that your friends wife talks to the correct postal clerk!!! Good luck and now you have to keep us updated! Hahaha always a risk, and as they rotate shifts, there's sometimes another lady at her counter... risky... According to OP, from my opinion, i don't think postal office workers are well-educated, possibly manager or higher positions, they are. Also it depends on the area you live in as well. In a small city, they tend to have lower education compare to the big city. I just took a peek in their recruitment, it varies from grade9, vocational degree and rarely bachelor degree. About being well-paid, i don't think so. The salary starts from 203, 224 baht a day up to 9-10k baht a month (only if they have a bachelor degree)if they become a government officer (since we have used term "government employee" rahter than "government officer" which are not only different in terms but other things as well such as healthy benefits and work contracts and so on). About the language barrier, i think u need to figure out yourself... so far i've never asked a girl out for a date. About a girl being single or not... u mentioned she doesn't wear a ring. I don't think you should apply western cultures to here. She may have a boyfriend who doesn't live with her, or she may have a boyfriend who lives with her or she is married but doesn't wear a ring or she's a mistress or in case you both are meant to be to each other, she is Single. Some girls, as far as i have heard, are quite easily distracted and open themselves to better options. They may have boyfriends/husbands but they are not satisfied with them and they don't mind going out with other men either Thai or Farang for better things. No matter how educated they are or how much money they make. Most of my female friends have gotten master degree at least and some doctoral degrees and are dating quite decent men. Still at some points, some of them are not happy with their boyfriend and they date with other men time to time. I think this also applies to men as well. Don't get me wrong about it. I agree with other posts to ask a favour from your thai female friend to check her out. Perhaps she knows someone at the post office? so you can get insiders' information. I'm sure if she is still single, they know that too. Thanks, I'm in the Bangkok suburbs, but yes, can't make any assumptions. I guess the only way to know is... talk to her... As for the ring/boyfriend thing, sure, what you said can apply to men and women of all countries, really... But I really would hate to be the guy to break an existing relationship, it sucks when it happens to you and I don't want to cause it upon others. another guy here. Why not buy a box of chocolates, and ask for one of the postal boxes to pack it in, then with her looking pack the box. Do not write an address on it, go to her when your number is called and give her the box, then when she sees no address on it, ask her to write hers on it. See what the reaction is. That's really corny but I like it! I think I might even be able to pull it off, she's in direct line of sight of the packing counter... hmmmmmmmm... Actually we have a bit of a running joke. At her counter is the machine to print out the queue coupons. And at least one out of 5 person coming in have no clue how to use it, and end up bugging her about it, where she has to reach over the counter and press the button for them. There's already a big sign in Thai with instructions, but nobody seems to read it. So I am thinking to make a sign with step by step pictures and big words on "How to get your Queue ticket", in Thai and English of course, maybe a flashing LED arrow pointing at the printer button. This would really be a gift to the post office, but it should benefit her and really break the ice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pammalitta Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Actually we have a bit of a running joke. At her counter is the machine to print out the queue coupons. And at least one out of 5 person coming in have no clue how to use it, and end up bugging her about it, where she has to reach over the counter and press the button for them. There's already a big sign in Thai with instructions, but nobody seems to read it. So I am thinking to make a sign with step by step pictures and big words on "How to get your Queue ticket", in Thai and English of course, maybe a flashing LED arrow pointing at the printer button. This would really be a gift to the post office, but it should benefit her and really break the ice? Isn't it easier just to ask her out? I'm sure any girls will be happy if someone shows interests in them or ask them for a date straight away rather than being subtled about it. But that's just my opinion.. as a direct and straight-forward person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eTiMaGo Posted September 4, 2011 Author Share Posted September 4, 2011 Isn't it easier just to ask her out? I'm sure any girls will be happy if someone shows interests in them or ask them for a date straight away rather than being subtled about it. But that's just my opinion.. as a direct and straight-forward person. Yes, but I'm not the kind of confident guy who can pull that off... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TallGuyJohninBKK Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 (edited) It seems pretty simple and obvious to me... Just walk up to her counter, hand her your address and phone number on a slip of paper, and then ask her, with a big beaming smile at her, if she can make a "home delivery" for you... If she's interested at all, something good's going to result from that approach... On the other hand, if she calls security, you pretty much will know it's a no-go... And, from my experience, the typical Thai post office counter worker seems to have about the same educational and training level as the typical Robinson's department store sales girl... Nothing wrong with that... but they're not PhDs... Edited September 4, 2011 by TallGuyJohninBKK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrFrank Posted September 4, 2011 Share Posted September 4, 2011 Pay attention to Boo and follow her advice; she has it absolutely right. The other options like the unaddressed box or slipping her your address might sound like fun but they are a minefield of potential misunderstandings and embarrassment, mostly for her. You have to remember that things like gift giving and receiving, non-introduced men and women exchanging personal information and even providing a helpful sign for a public office are all subject to rules of etiquette that are entirely different to what you are probably used to. Boo's approach will give you a clear answer, one way or another, and is potentially flattering for the lady concerned, rather than awkward or embarrassing. Good luck to you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eTiMaGo Posted September 5, 2011 Author Share Posted September 5, 2011 Pay attention to Boo and follow her advice; she has it absolutely right. The other options like the unaddressed box or slipping her your address might sound like fun but they are a minefield of potential misunderstandings and embarrassment, mostly for her. You have to remember that things like gift giving and receiving, non-introduced men and women exchanging personal information and even providing a helpful sign for a public office are all subject to rules of etiquette that are entirely different to what you are probably used to. Boo's approach will give you a clear answer, one way or another, and is potentially flattering for the lady concerned, rather than awkward or embarrassing. Good luck to you both. Thanks for the sobering reply, like I said originally, I do want anything potentially embarrassing for her. My past relationships have been with girls I had gotten to know through school, work or the internet first, so this is still pretty new to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robkey69 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Hard to say if she's educated or not...But I have seen even college educated women working at McDonald's in Thailand. I like the business card idea, maybe write on there I'd like to take you to lunch sometime for the great service you have given me. Also how big of age gap is there between the 2 of you? Actually I have found the well educated Thai's to be extremely snooty and class conscience. In fact I'm married to one like that, who won't even give a bar girl the time of day....Just remember Thai women really don't care so much about "being in love" its security 100% for them no matter what social/economic climate they come from.... Better to hookup with a less educated nice and sweet Thai girl... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regine Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 (edited) Actually I have found the well educated Thai's to be extremely snooty and class conscience. In fact I'm married to one like that, who won't even give a bar girl the time of day....Just remember Thai women really don't care so much about "being in love" its security 100% for them no matter what social/economic climate they come from.... Better to hookup with a less educated nice and sweet Thai girl... suay tae roob jub mai hom Edited September 29, 2011 by regine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 One derogatory comment deleted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ijustwannateach Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 And do it before too long!!! I am unfortunately too often in a similar 'flirty' situation when I simply want to be friendly and socialise with women staff workers, but I fear that many potentially interested single women are responding positively simply because I'm not sending out predatory or creepy vibrations, and appear single and unthreatening (ok, maybe even slightly attractive). However, I'm gay. When I don't escalate or appear to show further interest, eventually some of the women seem to project a 'what did we do wrong?' aura, and it becomes awkward. So would be good if you made some encouraging move before long. SBK's idea is the best, if you can set it up- the fact that you DO have Thai friends would be a big plus. If you had no way to accomplish it- then a simple note wouldn't be the worst thing you could do. Name, email, ph#- then the ball's in her court, and a phone call isn't that big a risk. Then things can go as slowly as both parties are comfortable with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madjbs Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 Actually I have found the well educated Thai's to be extremely snooty and class conscience. In fact I'm married to one like that, who won't even give a bar girl the time of day....Just remember Thai women really don't care so much about "being in love" its security 100% for them no matter what social/economic climate they come from.... Better to hookup with a less educated nice and sweet Thai girl... Sorry but that is just complete rubbish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IanForbes Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Follow Boo's advice or leave her a short note asking her and a friend to LUNCH, not supper. If she agrees you can take it from there. A simple note to her personally will not draw attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veryruay Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Is too straight forward asking her have a bf or mind a farang bf.....way too much for the first step. Secondly, w/o a ring doesn't means that she is not married, engaged or w/o a bf. Don't make yourself a joke after realizing actually she has a partner. Two scenarios, - Oh it's my pleasure to have a farang bf..... ( Walking ATM ) - Oh sh1t, this farang is picking up girls on the street, wanted a cheap thrill? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobobo Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 beano2274 You are a pro !!!!:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazykopite Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 another guy here. Why not buy a box of chocolates, and ask for one of the postal boxes to pack it in, then with her looking pack the box. Do not write an address on it, go to her when your number is called and give her the box, then when she sees no address on it, ask her to write hers on it. See what the reaction is. Gee I was going to say the same thing Good idea !!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazykopite Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Do as you would do in your home country " ask her out " what is so hard about that at the end of the day it will be one of two answers Yes or No it is that simple, and if the answer is no change your post office if it embarrases you to go in there, however from what you have said I am sure she will accept your invitation Good Luck !!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaicruze Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 (edited) If i was single again one day i would never pursue a woman. ever. if they come to me fine, if not, just enjoy the peacefulness of not having to deal with a woman. just be by yourself and do whatever you want. anyway, just cut the crap. if you want to go somewhere with her, say hey, remember me? the creepy guy? yea. so.. you want to go to dinner with me? there's this great restaurant over there. if she says no and has an excuse, she doesn't like you. move on. If there's something in Thailand that you'll find a lot of are pretty girls, so get over it in 1 second and say OK BYE!. Edited September 9, 2012 by thaicruze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaicruze Posted September 9, 2012 Share Posted September 9, 2012 (edited) another guy here. Why not buy a box of chocolates, and ask for one of the postal boxes to pack it in, then with her looking pack the box. Do not write an address on it, go to her when your number is called and give her the box, then when she sees no address on it, ask her to write hers on it. See what the reaction is. oh brother How about how about this one.. Hi! Hey. What time do you get out? OK. You have plans today? Because you're coming with me to dinner. I want you to try this place... yes? yea. your friend can come too. Done. Get a couple of them. One of them should bite. Edited September 9, 2012 by thaicruze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovelaos Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 another guy here. Why not buy a box of chocolates, and ask for one of the postal boxes to pack it in, then with her looking pack the box. Do not write an address on it, go to her when your number is called and give her the box, then when she sees no address on it, ask her to write hers on it. See what the reaction is. oh brother How about how about this one.. Hi! Hey. What time do you get out? OK. You have plans today? Because you're coming with me to dinner. I want you to try this place... yes? yea. your friend can come too. Done. Get a couple of them. One of them should bite. +1. However, the last post by the OP was over a year ago!! My guess is he did the chocolate thing and it went t*ts up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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