Thai Relatives

[wana]

after dinner ,stand up and thank them for coming to visit you

tell them its been great to catch up and all but you need your beauty sleep

open the door and wish them a safe trip home

[TommoPhysicist]

I have actually solved this problem, with female friends and relatives anyway.

When said, hanger on arrives, sit very close, look deep into their eyes, visitor is immediately banned from entering the house again. It can take two or three evenings to have the desired effect.

Like I said, only used this for females, works 100%.

Edited April 12, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[theblether]

I have actually solved this problem, with female friends and relatives anyway.

When said, hanger on arrives, sit very close, look deep into their eyes, visitor is immediately banned from entering the house again. It can take two or three evenings to have the desired effect.

Like I said, only used this for females, works 100%.

So you prefer a house full of guys then??

Is there something you're trying to tell us Tommy??

[TommoPhysicist]

I have actually solved this problem, with female friends and relatives anyway.

When said, hanger on arrives, sit very close, look deep into their eyes, visitor is immediately banned from entering the house again. It can take two or three evenings to have the desired effect.

Like I said, only used this for females, works 100%.

So you prefer a house full of guys then??

Is there something you're trying to tell us Tommy??

I've only ever had the problem of extra females trying to move in for extended periods of time.

Some of them brought a guy, but when they go, he goes.

[theblether]

I have actually solved this problem, with female friends and relatives anyway.

When said, hanger on arrives, sit very close, look deep into their eyes, visitor is immediately banned from entering the house again. It can take two or three evenings to have the desired effect.

Like I said, only used this for females, works 100%.

So you prefer a house full of guys then??

Is there something you're trying to tell us Tommy??

I've only ever had the problem of extra females trying to move in for extended periods of time.

Some of them brought a guy, but when they go, he goes.

Hmmm, I'm thinking about flying into Nan next week and I'm looking for a drinking partner........do you promise not to sit too close to me and look into my eyes?

By the way it's 29.

[TommoPhysicist]

Hmmm, I'm thinking about flying into Nan next week and I'm looking for a drinking partner........do you promise not to sit too close to me and look into my eyes?

By the way it's 29.

Are you picking up the bill? can you also pay for 52 Thai relatives that want to come?

[theblether]

Hmmm, I'm thinking about flying into Nan next week and I'm looking for a drinking partner........do you promise not to sit too close to me and look into my eyes?

By the way it's 29.

Are you picking up the bill? can you also pay for 52 Thai relatives that want to come?

Ehm....it's OK....I'll just stay in CM then

Remember I'm Scottish!!!

On topic though......I sometimes forget how hand to mouth many Thais live, I can see the attraction of knowing that there is somewhere they can go at Songkran and get a good drink and feast.

If I was living here I would factor it into my annual budget and roll with it..............

[givenall]

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

I have one rule no family stay over night

[Semper]

Posted with Thaivisa App http://apps.thaivisa.com

I have one rule no family stay over night

How about a BG?

[tombkk]

Re the Western culture posts.......

I would say as a rule of thumb Western culture should rightfully come second to Thai culture if you choose to marry a Thai and live in Thailand.

On the other hand you need to learn how to discern between Thai culture and Thai taking the p*ss.

Yes, sure.

[tombkk]

It must say, no one would dare to do that at my house. They are reluctant to come over, even when invited. I must be doing something right.

Our favorite houseguest did just fly up from Bangkok last night but she is a pleasure to have around for a few days. Nearly as lovely as my wife.

No one would dare stay at your house? You must be a nice family member to have.

[tombkk]

Obviously, the family visits are fine unless it becomes a routine with long long stay each time and empty fridge left afterwards.

As some posters have already mentioned this issue should not be related to Thailand, or thai traditions. People live together, they can have routines, plans so they have to make decisions together. My wife understand this and whenever someone would like to visit us and stay longer she asks me beforehand. I quite like her family and friends too but would not like them to occupy the house for several nights without asking me.

I agree with this. Being a good host and family man does not mean that you have to accept that the whole family moves in. There is indeed a line.

[HeavyDrinker]

Tom, I think the point here is the invite thing. I love having a houseful but only when I'm prepared for it.

We have her brother and sister in law and their kids ((who cheat at sock cricket) here now and it's lovely but only because I was warned and her brother loves a beer and makes an effort.

I've known pals who have been "invaded" and they've never even been thanked...

It's all about respecting your values.

Edited April 13, 2012 by HeavyDrinker

[villagefarang]

It must say, no one would dare to do that at my house. They are reluctant to come over, even when invited. I must be doing something right.

Our favorite houseguest did just fly up from Bangkok last night but she is a pleasure to have around for a few days. Nearly as lovely as my wife.

No one would dare stay at your house? You must be a nice family member to have.

You are probable right. They would much prefer I were the village idiot… loud, drunk, animated and amenable to paying for them to do as they wish. I am disciplined and controlled, quiet and reserved. I don’t smoke, drink, gamble, raise my voice or my hand to others and I don’t tell others how to live but in my home you follow my rules. If they are putout or intimidated by the fact I do not live the life of a poor village farmer, I don’t really see the downside of that.

I suppose it should be noted that all of my wife’s family have homes of their own to stay in so there is no need to stay with us and in those homes they make the rules.

[tartempion]

OP, you failed to educate your wife in these matters.

When we moved over here, 1km from my wife's family, she told them they should not visit us without being asked and to stay away from the fridge.

They do comply for more than 10 years now.

At the risk of starting a fight that's ridiculous. To make it even worse you appear to be proud of it, what is going through your mind when you impose a rule like that in this most family friendly of countries?

In fact even more to the point in which country is it acceptable to say to family members don't visit without an appointment?

Theblether, you should READ what I wrote before before commenting, thinking after reading might help also.

SHE told her family, and I did not need to educate her in all things farang, my wife found out on her own you don't do some things in farang culture.

And NO, family does NOT come first in our relationship, which is a godsend to me, none of that crap, thank you.

[2unique]

you pretty much have to wear this one and let your wife know the "guidelines" for future visits as you've obviously been lax in your wife training classes. :-P

no forewarning so no extra food and drink - tough tits etc

you never know when you may need them in future so don't burn bridges.

My wife's parents live close so they do pop round unannounced however they usually bring plants for the garden, beer or stuff and have their own key in case we are out. Now with the kid they're always available for babysitting and taking/collecting her from school. Now they pop round unannounced to see their granddaughter but grandparent training over time makes sure they never come too early, take over the place as their own or abuse the privilege of having a key.

[woody087]

Tom, I think the point here is the invite thing. I love having a houseful but only when I'm prepared for it.

We have her brother and sister in law and their kids ((who cheat at sock cricket) here now and it's lovely but only because I was warned and her brother loves a beer and makes an effort.

I've known pals who have been "invaded" and they've never even been thanked...

It's all about respecting your values.

exactly

[arthurwait]

Yes, as Westerners we would appreciate it. But this is not a Western country.

I'm sure many Thai men would also be as equally peeved if the wife's family turned up unannounced out of the blue...

I'm sure many men, Thai or otherwise would be equally as peeved if their wife turned up unannouced out of the blue.

[kaptankremin]

you pretty much have to wear this one and let your wife know the "guidelines" for future visits as you've obviously been lax in your wife training classes. :-P

no forewarning so no extra food and drink - tough tits etc

you never know when you may need them in future so don't burn bridges.

My wife's parents live close so they do pop round unannounced however they usually bring plants for the garden, beer or stuff and have their own key in case we are out. Now with the kid they're always available for babysitting and taking/collecting her from school. Now they pop round unannounced to see their granddaughter but grandparent training over time makes sure they never come too early, take over the place as their own or abuse the privilege of having a key.

That to me is perfectly acceptable - but what the OP is on about is a herd of them turning up - not the grandparents, a cluster of vultures that will probably eat everything in the house, drink all his beer or spirits then disappear into the night!

His wife needs a good spanking!

[arthurwait]

I have actually solved this problem, with female friends and relatives anyway.

When said, hanger on arrives, sit very close, look deep into their eyes, visitor is immediately banned from entering the house again. It can take two or three evenings to have the desired effect.

Like I said, only used this for females, works 100%.

So you prefer a house full of guys then??

Is there something you're trying to tell us Tommy??

I've only ever had the problem of extra females trying to move in for extended periods of time.

Some of them brought a guy, but when they go, he goes.

That's good. I hate when people don't clear up after themselves on fireworks night.

[kaptankremin]

A few years back, we too were invaded by this kind of infestation - at the time, I was living at the MIL so I really couldn't say too much as it wasn't my house.

However, after buying those huge 13 litre cans of cooking oil and having it eaten in a week, I started to lose it! It was if they were bathing in it! This used to last me months - but the scavengers would deplete it in less than 7 days!

Later, you would find that they had been in the fridge and opened cans of Tomato Puree - took a spoonful and probably chucked up - they just want anything that is free.(They would use a knife - as they didn't posess a tin opener - and hack their way into any canned food you were stupid enough to leave in their fridge- seriously - they would chop open a can of anything just to try it - vultures!

So, being a kind soul, and as I had to work in Shanghai, I used to stock the fridge up (That they liked to pillage) before I left - It always gave me a great sense of satisfaction getting on the flight out of Thailand to China, knowing that the top third of every bottle of Coke or Sprite was filled with PISS!

One of the bottles was made up by my wife, not me! It consisted of fermented umbilicle cord from my son, apparently, Thais believe this will bring harmony to the family! I doubt it was a refreshing drink - but probably better than drinking 30% piss!

Edited April 13, 2012 by kaptankremin

[tombkk]

Tom, I think the point here is the invite thing. I love having a houseful but only when I'm prepared for it.

We have her brother and sister in law and their kids ((who cheat at sock cricket) here now and it's lovely but only because I was warned and her brother loves a beer and makes an effort.

I've known pals who have been "invaded" and they've never even been thanked...

It's all about respecting your values.

I agree. I live in Bangkok and my "in-laws" (we are not married yet), come over sometimes. An uncle and aunt live with us, but that is by agreement. MIL sometimes stays for a few days in the guest room. Often I know about it in advance, sometimes I don't. But they are all educated and civilized people.

In a very recent post in this thread, I just read about "vultures" opening every can in the fridge just because it's free - I have no such experience. Over here, there is mutual respect.

[xthAi76s]

OP, you failed to educate your wife in these matters.

When we moved over here, 1km from my wife's family, she told them they should not visit us without being asked and to stay away from the fridge.

They do comply for more than 10 years now.

At the risk of starting a fight that's ridiculous. To make it even worse you appear to be proud of it, what is going through your mind when you impose a rule like that in this most family friendly of countries?

In fact even more to the point in which country is it acceptable to say to family members don't visit without an appointment?

Appropriate in US. The delivery of the message is better handled with some tact and respect, but the message can be delivered nonetheless. I would not dare allow someone into my home if they showed up without having made prior arrangement unless they were in need of some help. I would walk to the door, and simply tell them, politely, that they cannot come in because something is being done in the house or that my wife and me are arguing something very private and important.

And, as for the silly comments about accepting certain behaviors because we're in Thailand... How quaint a concept. The truth is that if you are in a respectful relationship where there is communication and deeper understanding of each others' boundaries and preferences, then you are less likely to have something like this occur.

What happens often (not necessarily in the case of the OP, bc I of course don't know him) is that guys marry uneducated whores or just uneducated farm girls (or the like), and the two not being able to really communicate effectively find themselves in a relationship that is glued together by economics of money and sex. The communication and deeper understanding of each other is hard to navigate as there is no single language they both speak fluently enough to actually sit down and have deeper, meaningful conversations with each other.

This type of crap does not happen with educated girls and in marriages (or other relationships) where there is proper communication. Even within a good percentage of Thai only families, this kind of thing does not happen with consideration.

EDIT:

I'm quite convinced that many of these issues are simply caused by socioeconomic class issues rather than cultural issues. Has less to do with Thailand and more to do with marrying into poverty and lack of education perhaps on the part of the majority chavs and similar who come over here and the farm girls they tend to marry. Respectable families in Thailand are normally quite a world different.

Edited April 14, 2012 by xthAi76s

[maxme]

So... Pretty much of your conversations with ur wives go sth like this:

Wife: "Yes?"

Husband:"No."

Wife:"Yes?"

Husband:"Ok!"

[harada]

Flee the scene, phone the wife every couple of days,when the freebies run out they will leave,been there done that.

[wana]

invite a dozen of your own farang friends around for a party and cram them all in on top of the dozen thai spongers in the living room

get drunk and obnoxious ,guzzle down a few six packs ,burp and fart ,publicly scratch your balls and do anything else you think they might not like,tell your friends to do the same

when someone realises there isnt room for all these people ,tell your wife its not good manners to refuse guests and really ,your farang friends are basically family anyway as a farang in thailand

sometimes you have to fight fire with fire

[klikster]

Respectable families in Thailand are normally quite a world different.

+1

[maxme]

invite a dozen of your own farang friends around for a party and cram them all in on top of the dozen thai spongers in the living room

get drunk and obnoxious ,guzzle down a few six packs ,burp and fart ,publicly scratch your balls and do anything else you think they might not like,tell your friends to do the same

when someone realises there isnt room for all these people ,tell your wife its not good manners to refuse guests and really ,your farang friends are basically family anyway as a farang in thailand

sometimes you have to fight fire with fire

I do hope that u haven't turned that to a habit.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Yes you should be pissed off,as I would be,

Thais have to realise.we westerners also have a culture,

which does not always welcome unannounced guests without prior arrangement,

<deleted> isn't it obvious its B****y rude to say the least.

Is that so hard to understand???

I completely disagree. It's up to you, personally myself I am polite and welcoming and happy to contribute to a party, say B200 per head.

Even if you don't actually enjoy the visit, I feel it's my obligation to help my wife and be a reasonable host, especially at an important time like Song Kran.

Do not vacate the premises unless you're sure your wife will kick them out herself, you may find them all moved in more solidly when you get back 8-)

And all within reason, depends on your patience, tolerance and generosity. When my limit's been reached, then it's appropriate to let everyone know their welcome is up. Best to do this during the daytime, give a few hours' notice and treat one last round of food (not booze).

Yes you might have to put up with wifey pouting but I'm sure you've learned to deal with that by now.

If you need to be very firm, then do so, but without showing anger or even irritation.

Once this instance has passed, teach your wife about the crazy farang custom of people calling ahead, or even god forbid asking if it's convenient rather than dropping by. If you make it clear this is important to you, she should take it seriously, but of course that doesn't necessarily mean she'll be able to enforce it wrt her relatives.

If you take a really unpleasant hardline about this, don't expect them to be supportive if you're ever in need in the future.

Personally I find the extended family of my children's mother to be a joy and a lifesaver in times of need. And they help keep their daughter in line for me too, usually taking my side in any disputes. Her father still doesn't know we're divorced after four years though, no one dares tell him the truth 8-)