Thai Govt Urged To Focus On Unwanted Pregnancy Problems

[UbonOz]

My wife's daughter was pregnant at seventeen, she turned eighteen in January, baby was born in March.

I was more than happy to pay for her education and hopefully get a decent job, that is now not the case.

She went off with the b/f and lived in his overcrowded Thai house. She then decided after the baby was born that a farang home is more comfortable and pleaded with her mother to return, which has now happened, minus the boyfriend.

Everything is now a total circus, she is just too young to have children, does not have a clue. Of course mother does it all. I feel rather isolated now.

I am not happy at all with the situation and do not see why I should finance her stupidity.

Wife and I are off to the UK in three weeks for six weeks and the daughter will be staying with the grandmother, I can see problems already as MIL is not very tolerant.

Anyway, will see what happens.

[DrTuner]

I've simply informed the older daughter (11y) of how things work and where babies come from. She's savvy to the mechanics now and knows what condoms are for (and I guess so are all her friends too, as she's most likely passed the juicy information forward), haven't made the speech Bagwan mentioned yet, but I will in the future. If the combination of information and a threat hanging over the head won't keep her from getting knocked up before the right time, nothing I can do there. On the other hand I wouldn't mind having grandkids, so I don't want to push some sort of permanent "spaghettimonster will eat ya if you touch da ding" kind of BS into her head.

Then again, I'm Finnish, we run around naked fresh from a Sauna, no biggie talking about sex for me. A large part of the humanity populating the globe does seem to have some sort of problem talking about anything remotely related to sexuality.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Freedom of choice is the key factor here

Yes, if a 15 year old want to have unsafe sex and then get pregnant, well, bad luck for her. The "freedom of choice" has already been used. She chosed to have unsafe sex and was unlucky. It's like the lottery, you can't claim your money back if you don't win.

What an idiot. The upcountry girls here getting knocked up in the rice fields often well before 15 BTW haven't ever received decent sex ed, and are often raped.

Of course termination is a moral option, even if it's through her stupidity.

My wife and I had a long serious talk with my daughter when she was about 15 years of youth and had her first serious boyfriend.

I start those conversations with my daughters from 6-7 on, and they could lecture at a high-school sex ed class by 11, but would probably be censored by the school board if in the US. A couple of relevant links.

My parents let me have bring girlfriends over from 15 on including sleepovers and knew to knock and wait before poking their head in.

Sex is good, sex is fun, they're going to do it no matter what parents try to do unless you're going to lock them up and watch them 24/7, no reason to punish them for being the perfectly natural animals we are. Just do your best to teach them to be smart about it.

[Semper]

The upcountry girls here getting knocked up in the rice fields

I thought you were staying in BKK? And about the "idiot thing", reread your own topics about... you know what.

[gand]

"Unwanted Pregnancy" The only solution is abortion. Anything else is a waste of time and money.

[Skywalker69]

Sex is normal human behaviour and we are very good at it, better than most other animals who are restricted to seasons, we can do it at anytime, and usually do. Trying to regulate it by law has never worked, even education fails when confronted by basic instincts. We all accept childhood immunisations against various childhood diseases, could we accept all children at puberty being implanted with a contraceptive capsule?

And it´s fun also tax-free.

[ydraw]

If the combination of information and a threat hanging over the head won't keep her from getting knocked up before the right time, nothing I can do there.

Well, actually there is something you can do. You can get her on the pill - or a subdermal contraceptive implant which is even better because she doesn't have to do anything for that to be effective.

[DrTuner]

If the combination of information and a threat hanging over the head won't keep her from getting knocked up before the right time, nothing I can do there.

Well, actually there is something you can do. You can get her on the pill - or a subdermal contraceptive implant which is even better because she doesn't have to do anything for that to be effective.

Yes, sure, I'm trusting on her to tell me when the time comes and I'll supply the protection - no questions asked and I'll even throw suppressing her mom's curiosity into the deal

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[Bagwan]

My wife and I had a long serious talk with my daughter when she was about 15 years of youth and had her first serious boyfriend. We told her that indulging in sex before she was 18 was against the law although the police probably wouldn't do anything if her partner was also under age. We made it quite clear that if she became pregnant she would be on her own. We would not be washing out shitty napkins or getting up in the middle of the night to attend to the mite. We were not prepared to act as unpaid babysitters or financially bale her out. We had done the child bearing and raising bit and didn't intend going through it again. My wife and I had become parents of two by the time we has reached the age of 22 and now we wanted to catch up on some of the fun things in life that we had missed out on. Mums and Dads had lives too we reminded her. Whether we would have carried out our intentions is a moot point but at the time we certainly meant what we said.

My son was similarly lectured and told that he would have to stand by his girlfriend if he got her pregnant and financially support her at the very least, or there would be dire consequences for him.

Part of growing up and acting as an adult was taking responsibility for one's own actions and making the best for all concerned of any that they got wrong. The message I am pleased to say hit home and later on when they had settled down with their partners both thanked us for taking such a stern if old fashioned line.

My thoughts are that Hell will freeze over before a Thai parent took a similar stance.

And what did your daughter between 12 and 15?

All the normal things that little girls did 40 years ago before the moral decline, which included being a quintiscential 'Daddy's little girl'. Perhaps you are not old enough to remember such times? Twelve year old girls didn't dress up to look like tarts in those days - or act in such a manner. 'Proper LIttle Madams' were few and far between in those days.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

The upcountry girls here getting knocked up in the rice fields

I thought you were staying in BKK? And about the "idiot thing", reread your own topics about... you know what.

Sorry, don't know which of the many topics we've disagreed about you might be referring to. And apologize for the insult, you've got a right to your opinion as misguided as I may think it to be.

I meant here as in Thailand. But I am intimately involved with many upcountry Thais here in BKK, regularly visit the provinces, my kids go stay upcountry to visit grandma/grandpa, aunts/uncles etc.

I have personally met four mothers under 15 in the past three months, only one of them gets any support from the father. And I know dozens of girls whose first sexual experience was forcible rape, all by people in or close to their family, and nearly all have kept the event a complete secret not only from the local community but even from their parents.

My 3 and 5 yo babies already know about inappropriate touching, and I will make sure they feel OK about sharing anything at all with me their whole lives.

Edited May 13, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[ydraw]

If the combination of information and a threat hanging over the head won't keep her from getting knocked up before the right time, nothing I can do there.

Well, actually there is something you can do. You can get her on the pill - or a subdermal contraceptive implant which is even better because she doesn't have to do anything for that to be effective.

Yes, sure, I'm trusting on her to tell me when the time comes and I'll supply the protection - no questions asked and I'll even throw suppressing her mom's curiosity into the deal

You're kidding yourself if you think your daughter is going to come to you and tell you that she's considering having sex with someone.

[DrTuner]

You're kidding yourself if you think your daughter is going to come to you and tell you that she's considering having sex with someone.

Ok, I'll just lock her in her room until she's 18 and let her out then, seems like a bulletproof way. Or I could put send her into some closed religious institution, that would sort it out. Ah, better yet, hire a private detective to track her for the next few years, with instructions to shoot any male that gets closer than two feet.

As for forcing one to use chemicals during teenage years on daily basis just in case .. not my thing.

http://www.kindredco...daughter/p/1353

A great many of the estimated 300 million women worldwide who have been or still are on the Pill began while not only legally children but, more importantly, when their bodies, and reproductive systems, were still developing. As such they’re not only vulnerable to all the usual side-effects—a heavy enough load for any girl or woman—but in addition there are further dangers associated with ongoing use of these drugs from such a young age.

Let’s be clear; the Pill carries serious risks to a teenager’s health. It’s metabolised in the liver and causes more than 150 chemical changes in a girl’s body, many of which are still not fully understood.

Just as a curiosity, my father did kid himself as well and when my sister asked, got her on the pill. It was a long ago and parental consent was needed for a prescription. Not every children has trouble talking with their parents.

Point being, if kids are going to fool around and you've made it awkward for them to come to you for a bit of help, you can be sure they'll eventually just proceed without telling you anything, possibly unprotected. Even 10% chance of them talking about it first is better than 0%.

In my home country we had a nurse at school who would give free condoms to any one who popped by to ask. It was made clear in the sex ed classes that there would be no problems whatsoever from visiting her. Zero pregnancies in school, although there already was a bit of action going on. And this was 30y ago.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Relevant link to what looks like a decent programme.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

You're kidding yourself if you think your daughter is going to come to you and tell you that she's considering having sex with someone.

If you raised them right of course they will.

They just have to be able to trust - from experience not word-promises - that you won't try to force your opinion and advice down their throat, just advise them as an older and wiser friend would.

And also make sure they have other sensible adults in their lives to talk to if they prefer.

Both my parents knew when I started to have sex, and I knew with all my kids, same with experimenting with drugs.

The trick is start talking about all this sort of stuff long before they are exposed to it via the media or their friends, so they're already familiar with the topic domain and have at least some idea of how to make sense of it. Let's you "frame" the discussion as well, and they know it's OK to come to you to talk about absolutely anything.

Only way to be a responsible parent IMO.