End Relation!

[Kido]

Dear Readers,

This maybe my last post in this forum as I can lived on with this painful relation with my BF ,

I met him in a go-go bar and I know first place that money was brige between our relation and it was true after 2 years of loved and he finally go to someoone who can offer him more but this was not my case, my love is real and the pain is real. I can't talk to anyone because I have no friends here.

........................

[Ijustwannateach]

Well, Kido, it's too bad, but you knew what you were doing, right? If you are very sensitive and not super-rich, it would probably be better not to have your relationships based on money, otherwise you will just face disappointment of this type. Next time things the old fashioned, difficult way: date and date and date. Of course, I can't say this is 100% successful, either... but at least you stand a better chance of meeting slightly more real people.

I'm curious- your past posts make you sound VERY much like a Thai, however you claim to be a tourist. What's the deal?

"Steven"

[BambinA]

End Relation!, Painful step.

first at all , im really sorry about your story ..

but that's life.. its happend with anybody from time to time.. just time will cure you.

what do you in LOS? dont know have any friend indeed?

you'd go out more ,,dont stay alone, it will make you sunk with your emotion ..maybe take a vacation ..take a class (as art /cook/photoprapher..etc)

try to make yourself look better .. dont just lets yourself look tired and sorrow ..

last time when my relation was end , my weight lost ..(oh yes.. i think i look better when i look skinny) .. i was so sad , but i hve friends (lucky moi) , i took a course of photographer.. it was really fun

[PeaceBlondie]

Kido, we're all real sorry to hear that you broke your heart over an employee in a bar who rents themselves out to customers. Years ago, I took the advice of a poster whose initials are I, J, W, and T: give the bar personnel money, but not your heart. Meanwhile, find a long term partner who isn't a rental unit, and give him your heart. It worked.

As IJWT suggests, the dating process is long and drawn out, difficult and strewn with heartaches. I'm a little too lazy and jaded to try the dating game again (it really is a game), but it's the only way to find romance and love and long term and moneyless partnerships.

If you want romance instead of quick ecstastic orgasmos, take the difficult path that is more rewarding.

[pkrv]

I must say that this forum is most interesting. Thailand seems to attract people who still seem to be finding themselves, even in later years.

Kido, no one can advise you because there is no reference point for your pain. If you are a lovesick child then this is a ‘rite of passage’ <a good expression look it up if English is not your first language>, there will be many of them (not necessarily gay related) as you go through life.

If you were married with 2.3 children half a dog and one third of a cat plus a Volvo, (i.e. a normal family ) then you are in for the long haul, but could possibly understand the concept of divorce better than most gay people.

If you have already gone through life and have finally realised you didn’t do what you wished….. Hmmm I’m not sure I am qualified to answer that.

There are countless other possibilities for interpreting you including deceit (though I have no reason to believe this).

I guess you are fine as you still look at other forums on Thaivisa, but from a personal perspective when my first relationship of 3 years broke down (whilst I was at college), my stomach knotted up for a week and it took another for the mussels to stop hurting from being so abused, however I certainly did not withdraw, and would recommend against it, regardless of how difficult!

[smo]

Kido, I went through this painful "rite of passage" last summer, at the tender age of 51. However it did not make me feel like I wanted to roll over and die. At least not right away anyway. Strange as it sounds, I'm preparing for a final return to Bangkok, spend some time with the sweet memories, return to the old neighborhood, go to places where we used to hang out (take the bus boat, go to the fish market at Thewet and such). I'll look out for the ghosts of the two of us lovebirds, have a wonderful time watching my own shadow and when I have enough I'll find a way to die peacefully in some dark corner on the 2nd floor of Don Muang Airport's Terminal 2.

It surely sounds strange to me at times that I would want to do that. I still can't understand why (yes, the bf rented himself out to me without a contract and I was in a state of blissful denial and the whole thing lasted a couple of years). Maybe because my cultural VNmese background had this "living with sweet memories" philosophy hammered into my brains, or maybe just the side effects of watching one too many Wong-kar-Wai movies ("Happy Together" for one.)

Time heals all (I would say "most") wounds - a true cliche.

True (and not so true) love never dies - another.

Been there and looking forward to doing that -

smo

[Buki]

You may have your reasons of finding love in the strangest places. But that is not the point, the point is that breaking up with someone you cared or even loved is downright painful.

but the most painful part of any break-up is having no friends to talk to or for support. And being in alone in a foreign country made it more difficult. But you still have that option of not being alone. You still have that option to go out and meet people, not for sex or not for a rebound but for friendship. It provides you time to heal that broken heart. And when you are all healed, then you are ready for another round of loving, with the right person from the right place.

Goodluck to you mate.

[boybrat]

ive been heartbroken SO many times that me heart is covered with scar tissue! but with every heartbreak,you will get wiser. and HARDER.

boyfriends. good to have them around. will not die if you dont. am now in a relationship. love my partner to bits but i can live without him

when my one of my exes asked me if he was the most important person in my life, i told him pointblank, NO. I was the most important person in my life. my family comes next and he comes after that....he was not happy. but its true. boyfriends are replaceable, families are not.

look at us now, im seeing an american guy and he's now in london somewhere with a latino guy! dont believe sweet-nothings, ive learnt not to.

[toptuan]

ive been heartbroken SO many times that me heart is covered with scar tissue! but with every heartbreak,you will get wiser. and HARDER.

boyfriends. good to have them around. will not die if you dont. am now in a relationship. love my partner to bits but i can live without him

when my one of my exes asked me if he was the most important person in my life, i told him pointblank, NO. I was the most important person in my life. my family comes next and he comes after that....he was not happy. but its true. boyfriends are replaceable, families are not.

look at us now, im seeing an american guy and he's now in london somewhere with a latino guy! dont believe sweet-nothings, ive learnt not to.

IMHO...

As an emotional direction to take from breakups, I aspire to the "wiser" part but not the "harder" part. Your emotional journey seems to run counter to ideals like commitment, loyalty, stability, selflessness, tenderness, etc.

Call me a Pollyanna or old-fashioned, but I still think those ideals are worth emulating and striving for. Yup, I've had a few broken hearts too. It does wisen you up. But I hope to God I never become emotionally HARD or callous toward those I love, especially a soulmate.

Previous break-ups and experiences may jog my memory that yes, I am capable living without this person. But I want to love, live, and relate to that person as if we are inseparable. And, I want that person to feel it. Not talking a clinging vine here. Just a strong emotional binding that will take more than a spat or even serious disagreement to dissolve. That kind of attachment/commitment encourages us to work through the difficulties rather than throw in the towel.

Perhaps I'm misreading you, but your emotional direction does seem quite harsh and yes, VERY HARD! Yet, each to their own. We all compensate differently in life according to our backgrounds and personalities. My 2-cents!

Edited January 23, 2006 by toptuan

[Buki]

As the saying goes....

"It is better to have loved, than never to have loved at all."

Did I get it right? hehehe

[thaibebop]

I get this form a Squirrel Nut Zippers song called Plenty More. It has always cheered me and many others I know up.

All the boys are monsters and all the girls are whores, so when you lose the one you love, there's always plenty more.

Never mourn the ones who wanted to leave, kido. They aren't worth your day dreams.

[boybrat]

hi toptuan:

funny u should say that. cos, every time one of the exes suggest a breakup, i tend to say "ok" without any hesitation. they would usually look really surprised at such a reaction. but heck if they dont want me, i do not want them either.

more than once an ex would say something to the likes of me being a heartless cold bitch, they dont REALLY want a split, they still love me, blablabla and a whole bunch of &lt;deleted&gt;. i will shrug pack my things, give them a goodbye hug, wish them all the best, leave and feel like crap for like 3 days. then, i would hit the clubs to look for good old one night stands!

life is too short for long drawn out dramatic breakups. ive got no time for drama and emotions gone berserk.

however, YES! i do have a heart. its just my way of dealing with hurt. oh well...to each his own. though my friends say that im an emotional time bomb waiting to explode. yea right.

[PeaceBlondie]

Remember that partners sometimes don't mean what they say. They may be testing you with an idea, to see your reaction. If they don't speak your native tongue, they may not say it correctly, or you may misunderstand.

boybrat's idea of going along with a suggested breakup reminds me of an old heartless boss I had. Employees would often come in saying, "I want to quit this job." She had a resignation form in her desk drawer, and she'd pull it out and say, "Sign on the dotted line if you really mean it."

My current parttime partner made me an offer to do something, and I thought he was kidding. The third time he made the offer, I accepted it, and I had the time of my life. Since we're not monogamous, the other night we were sitting at the bar and he said, "You butterfly, me butterfly too." I said yes, because I knew he meant it. He tried to pretend he was kidding, but that was his way of saying, "Don't imagine that I'm faithful to you" and my way of saying, "I know that."

[dukkha]

PB sitting at the bar..." ....interesting visual and I would have thought seldom done...

[toptuan]

life is too short for long drawn out dramatic breakups. ive got no time for drama and emotions gone berserk.

however, YES! i do have a heart. its just my way of dealing with hurt. oh well...to each his own. though my friends say that im an emotional time bomb waiting to explode. yea right.

Yeah, I think you have a heart too. All your posts really show a sensitive guy under the surface, who can think pretty deeply and perceptively.

And, you're right about the alternative: drawn out dramatic breakups...drama...emotions gone beserk. That's me!

Back to the OP: Meanwhile, Kido, are you still around? How are you doing a couple weeks later? I know you said this might be your last post, but check in with us if you want, and let us know how you're coping. You do have some friends in Thailand....on this forum!

[Scott123]

....look at us now, im seeing an american guy and he's now in london somewhere with a latino guy! dont believe sweet-nothings, ive learnt not to.

Are you saying your bf is far away and seeing someone else?

interesting....are you sure he is your bf?

[boybrat]

....look at us now, im seeing an american guy and he's now in london somewhere with a latino guy! dont believe sweet-nothings, ive learnt not to.

Are you saying your bf is far away and seeing someone else?

interesting....are you sure he is your bf?

No. he WAS my bf. but we split up and are now seeing other people.