Living And Dying Online

[Ijustwannateach]

2006 marks my twentieth year in electronic communities of various types. I'd like to mark the occasion with a bit of a meditation on how forum community life has expanded and changed, and in some ways contracted. This may initially seem more of a computer-subject post, but please bear with me for the first few paragraphs, as I intend the topic to focus on forum social issues ultimately.

When I was a university student, Internet access was not a universal privilege, even for university students. To get the widest access to the Internet, or even the Bitnet with its Usenet groups, one had to be a professor, graduate student, or an undergraduate in the computer science department (or, one had to have a lot of good friends in that department!). Consequently, the population online was largely young, professional, well-educated, and geeky (not to mention largely male).

Initially, chat programs and forums were mostly written and used locally. All of the programs I used in the first few years online were written (in CYBIL, FORTRAN, C, and so forth) by people I actually knew who were also the admins of the various forums. As the number and range of these forums expanded, occasionally the programmers would pass off the moderator duties to others (called superusers in those days). If it gives you any idea what type of crowd I hung out with in those days, I was the moderator of my university's first role-playing game forum.

The communities were small, local, and incestuous. Nearly everyone knew who everyone else really was (so we referred to each other's real names as often as our handles). Most of us would go drinking at a local pub of a Friday night, go to each other's parties and dinners, and gossip about who was sleeping with whom. Real relationships and feelings were often at stake in material posted online, and there was actually a prejudice against newbies for this reason. People who wanted to belong to this community had to fit into relationships with the real persons the handles represented, and this constrained what they could really do online. As administration was not anonymous and entirely dictatorial, the board writers had absolute power. The group was not numerous, but large enough to be unwieldy all in a room together- 75-100 people, or so.

After a few years, it started to mushroom. Early programmers of what became IRC wrote local versions of this program, which first went into operation regionally. There were a couple of attempts to cross-socialise at this level, too- an ambassadorial crowd of us went on a road trip to socialise with the programmers in Indiana, our closest and first IRC hub. Later, the program nationalised, and there was even cross-fertilisation between our group and some California programmers.

It didn't stop there, of course. I remember the one day (sitting in my home apartment using a genuine TERMINAL- not a PC pretending to be something else!) I was chatting on this early IRC with someone I thought was a fellow university student about games. I offhandedly asked him where he was- turned out the 12-year-old son of a university professor in *FINLAND*! That was the first time I thought to myself: this is really going to change things.

As the range of these programs expanded, ironically the scale and importance of our local group diminished. We had all been big fish in a small pond, relative to the scale of the full internet even as it existed in the 80s. Location, identity, even time became suspended and insubstantial in the new online life.

This is the source of the joys and woes of the new Internet. Social connections among persons of different nationalities, ages, backgrounds, beliefs, time zones, and occupations which would never otherwise have had a chance to take place have become possible as a result of the anonymising, distance-destroying eternity of Net information.

At the same time, persons who have a natural anti-social streak have been able to take advantage of their anonymity to perform social abuses which they would never otherwise have dared. Certainly in the pre-internet days of electronic forums, even if people did not reveal who they were online they were careful to be more polite. The threat was more than simply social, as many of our crowd could easily have done all kinds of illegal electronic things to anyone who was particularly troublesome.

As a result of this double-lensed effect, I am now in touch with persons in dozens of countries, from multiple periods of my life, with whom in the normal course of offline life I would have naturally lost touch. It can be a bit awkward to send that once-a-year message to an old friend from college, only for both of us to realise there is no longer anything for us to talk about which we once held in common. (Still programming in the big city? Yup. Still living with an Asian man in a country halfway around the world? Yup.)

Now everyone is online- even my Mom, who is one of those stereotypical individuals who couldn't even program a VCR (but she can send email- what does that say about VCRs?) Having email is not a stigma of geekiness these days, but almost a career and social necessity in the developed world. The young are all online, and the old are learning- or if not, the young who are online are getting older.

It has only been recently that I have realised this strange telescoping of time which the Internet accomplishes will have another set of profound effects which most of us have been too young so far to experience. People will die online. The last post and the last email will join such sobering artifacts as the last photograph, the last phone call, the last meeting.

The effect can be shocking. The internet is such an effective anonymiser that none of us have any idea much of the time how old anyone is (even if we care). On a number of occasions on various forums in the last year, I have seen death notices of beloved members, usually accompanied by some information about the real person for the benefit of those who did not actually know them. On one of these occasions (not on this forum), I had developed a real fondness and interest in the poster's writing without having any idea how old and ill he was. I heard of his death with a tremendous sense of surprise and disappointment. And, of course, those posts are still there, as is the person's account.

There has already been a legal case (by the family of a dead U.S. soldier in Iraq, I believe) suing for the right to access a dead man's email account. I have the feeling that rather than risk these kinds of SNAFUs, more and more people will declare a will or leave a secret record of their accounts and passwords for just such contingencies- or maybe not, if they don't wish their heirs to know about certain parts of their lives.

Between the stretching out (potentially for a lifetime) of our social connections, the shrinking of the world, and the immortalising of our associates, I believe that a new set of rituals and conventions will eventually be established regarding termination of one's online relationships and the end of life online. It will make our lives more painful in some respects- because to know more people and learn to love them means that we will lose more of them, and more often. However, I think the huge ocean of acquaintance made available to us and its infinite variety more than makes up for this pain, and is the flip side of the same coin which is the price of the Internet and life online.

I already have met many "real world" friends as a result of making "forum" friends. Some of these forum friendships are strong enough that I find them more rewarding in certain respects than certain relationships with people I see in the real world every day. As an example, this year I was supposed to meet Kenkannif, a fine person whom I consider a dear friend, for the very first time with his family on Christmas day for dinner! As it turned out, I was very unfortunately unable to attend as a result of serious illness; but I am determined that we *will* meet before long [so fair warning, Ken!]. A number of other posters from here and from other forums have had very jolly and rewarding times meeting in the real world. However, though we know how things started, and how they are going on now, I believe that the future of these Internet societies may be very exciting and important indeed.

I have no idea how long this forum will survive, or how long I will keep posting on it (some people say it has been too long already!). Supposing it should last for 20, 30, 40 more years of my life!

"Steven"

Edited January 14, 2006 by Ijustwannateach

[Ulysses G.]

GREAT post!

[Patex]

Never felt the urge to become aquainted with someone out of the net personally. I like the idea to communicate with clean naked brains. I think this is the real benefit of internet you not have to think about sex, age, race, illness, ugliness aso. You not have to travel or leave your family/friends, just sit in your favorite chair provided with the food and drinks you like and ''len'' (play) internet. People dying online??

[Ice Maiden]

That was an excellent post IJWT

I think words are very powerful things even communicated throught text they have the ability to do almost anything. They can create strong relationships or create mayhem.

We use words everyday be it through a telephone, voice or a text message so I see no difference if these words are spoken through an internet forum. They are beautiful things that hold so much power if you really take some time and think about it.

The internet is branded geeky to a certain level but I've heard geeky to be the new cool

It depends how we use the internet. Within reason it is a great thing but when addiction arises it really isn't such a great thing and could be the death of us and our time.

I personally have some great internet friends on this forum who know who they are and I'm glad I've "met" them.

[the_heart_thief]

I used to hate internet and I never wanted to rely on computers, but it is a necessary evil. (with many benefits) Now, I'm resigned to using it just because I needed to.

[paulfr]

I used to hate internet and I never wanted to rely on computers, but it is a necessary evil. (with many benefits) Now, I'm resigned to using it just because I needed to.

Hating technology is very common. We all have a fear of the unknown and since few of us know how our cars or microwave ovens work we fear them to some extent. But nearly all technology brings benefits to our lives in the form of saving money or saving time or communicating with others.

In the case of computers, what was thought to be a device to do computation and work has really become a communications medium. And since communicating with others is one of the most satisfying experiences in life, computers have become our friends ..... or a "necessary evil" to some.

The bad news is that technology can be misued (driving while drunk).

The good news is it is going to get better and better each year.

Cheers

[Thetyim]

Good post.

It must also be a great tool for the disabled who can make new friends and talk on equal terms

[bolognamare]

I have no idea how long this forum will survive, or how long I will keep posting on it (some people say it has been too long already!). Supposing it should last for 20, 30, 40 more years of my life!

Do you want a good answer to this good question?

Look to page 66 of the "The Economist" of 14th-20th January 2006.

Everyhting depends from this kind of people.

Personally i have the same fear, but this article (and not only) makes me see a little light in the bottom of the tunnel.

First to go in Thailand and first to use Thaivisa.com, there wasn't neither the tunnel, there was only the sad-dark-low-dying of my brain (i'm 32) and of my dreams and expectations from life.

Thanks Thaivisa.com! the owner and the admin of the forum (don't know his name) is in the short list of my heroes.

Thanks to every poster too to exist!

Edited January 15, 2006 by bolognamare

[bolognamare]

Look to page 66 of the "The Economist" of 14th-20th January 2006.

If, after reading the article, you will read this:

http://it.news.yahoo.com/060120/195/3kryw.html

then you probably will understand a lot of things about the sorts of this crazy world.

Thanks Google!

Your best skill : "Don't be evil!" is our best insurance for our future.

[bolognamare]

http://it.news.yahoo.com/060120/195/3kryw.html[/url]

Sorry the link was in my language look there for english:

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2...tent_514063.htm

[AsiaWolfie]

Internet has changed my life almost 100% (for example, I live around 10.000 km away from where I was born and raised)..... though today not everything is perfect in my life, I dont wanna have back the old life and the old times..... even I am not a young person anymore, I can be lucky that internet started to exist NOW, and not only when I am retired already.....

[astral]

I first met e-mail at Tandem Computers, when I joined them in 1981.

It was a wonderful tool for the company employees to exhange information.

We also had access to the company "Problem Database".

There was no access outside the company in those days, but what the heck

we had much better communications than most companies.

Visiting a new city I could ask colleagues there to recommend and possibly book a hotel

for me. Some even offered accommodation.................

All very normal today, but cutting edge at that time.

I felt very lost when I came to Thailand in 1985 and lost that line of communication.

It was the mid 90's before the internet arrived in Thailand for the ordinary person, and even then

it was very limited.

Today I rely on e-mail for most of my business and personal communication.

I think I am a better correspondant because of it. People who I might have written to

once a year now get e-mails much more frequently.

Back in the UK I would use reference libraries, but in Thailand I am not sure such resources exist,

except at universities?

There was the British Council, but not much good for technical data.

The world wide web makes those libraries redundant for me. Most of the information I need to access

can be found on the web. It is truly wonderful.

My own computer helps me track my correspondance, accounts and Photos in a way that my parents

could only have dreamed of.

I sometimes wonder if my children spend too much time playing games on the computer,

but have to admit that the games develop skills that I do not possess..........

Who knows what will happen in the next 20 years.

Thanks for a thought provoking post.