Friend In Need

[Doonagirl]

Hi need some advice from wise ladies in this forum. My male friend is living in Thailand and I am going to visit him in a couple of weeks. He broke up wiv his thai girl of 8mths a few wks ago and has just been told she is now 2mths pregnant. He is in total shock and not sure what to do, I feel like I am going into a war zone, I do not want to turn up to have his ex girlfriend stabbing me in the back, apparently she is a bit of a physcho.

Any advise would be great

xxxxxxx

[LaoPo]

Sorry, I'm not a wise Lady. Just a male.

Be careful and think twice, especially if his gf is 'a bit of a psycho'. Quite a nasty situation your bf, his ex-gf and you are in...

Give it some more time than the few weeks you are talking about.

Good luck.

LaoPo

[Doonagirl]

thanks for the advise, yes I am planning on heading over at the end of this mth now give them time to sort out their differences......still a bit worried as I hear thai girls can become very jealous

of farang women and may not understand we are just good mates.

Sorry, I'm not a wise Lady. Just a male.

Be careful and think twice, especially if his gf is 'a bit of a psycho'. Quite a nasty situation your bf, his ex-gf and you are in...

Give it some more time than the few weeks you are talking about.

Good luck.

LaoPo

[LaoPo]

thanks for the advise, yes I am planning on heading over at the end of this mth now give them time to sort out their differences......still a bit worried as I hear thai girls can become very jealous

of farang women and may not understand we are just good mates.

Sorry if I misunderstood you. If you are just good mates it's another story, but yes, she could understand the situation a little different than it actually is.

Maybe it would be wise to tell your friend NOT to inform her about your whereabouts (hotel, arriving time etc.).

Be careful in any circumstances.

LaoPo

[Doonagirl]

No probs, the funny thing is I guess we were planning on becoming more than just good mates but this has thrown a spanner in the works as the saying goes.

All the advise I could give to my mate is that he is to be totally honest with the thai bird and whatever happens the outcome is that he is going to be a dad and I will be there to support him (ive been practising my karate moves just incase things get a bit hairy) and whatever he decides to do.

[LaoPo]

I will leave it to the wise Ladies here on the Forum...there are some really helpful Ladies here, believe me.

Good Luck

LaoPo

[Soph]

Hi Doonagirl, im not exactly sure about what you want advice on - is it about whether you should come or not, or about what to do about your mates situation.

I would say that you should definately come to support your friend, but also remember that his head will be a bit of a mess right now, and you may need to give him and the Thai girl some time to work out what they really want to do - as at the end of the day, it is a baby on the way, and whatever happens he has to support the girl. Its a silly situation for both of them to be in, and I would think, if you were thinking of getting together with this guy - well, I would stay well away for the time being whilst he gets it sorted out. Just be a good friend to him.

It take two to tango and all that, so he has to take full responsibiliity for the baby, so whether it means marrying the girl or whatever, you should be there to support him (and her) all the way.

Im sure the Thai girl wont kick off with you, what with a baby on the way - though you never know Good luck with that!!

[sbk]

Agree with Soph on this one, sounds like he needs to get his life in order before he goes any further, best to just be a friend.

Ask him what he wants, does he want you to come out or does he need some space to work things out with his ex? That might be your best indicator of what to do next.

[Boo]

Come out for a holiday but book some time away from him as well, give them a chance to sort themselves out, whatever was going to happen with the guy, can't happen yet. He is going to be a father & he has a responsibility to his ex-gf, regardless if they split up or not.

As for her turning pyscho, well, try to empathise with her. Her fellas just dumped her & she is 2 months preggers, she is going to be having a lot of hormones issues anyway & if she is a bit of a nutter generally, then I would suggest not showing too much affection towards him in public places (even matey hugs etc) & if she turns up wanting to talk to him when your around, make yourself scarce & stay out of their business as much as possible (in front of her)

She is going to be feeling totally insecure anyway, being dumped & up the duff, let along with a female friend hanging around him esp. if her friends know she has been dumped, she wil have lost a lot of face & being pregnant & dumped is a big humiliation for any women.

Just as a side note, has he had it confirmed that she IS actually pregnant or is it just her word for it? It isn't unheard of for women to lie about these things?

All things to consider when you go out, if she is preggers, then show her some courtesy & sensitivity. If your mate hasn't had proof, suggest he gets it ASAP.

Regardsless, come for a holiday, have a great time but stay out of their business, it will only cause you grief to get too involved

[the gent]

Assuming pregnancy is real and paternity not in doubt, the honourable course of action would be to provide a reasonable bung now and credible guarantees that financial support will be available until she either finds another chap or the child finishes their education, whichever comes first. That generally does the trick. Should you consummate your relationship with your mate it may be advisable to avoid flaunting the fact in front of his former paramour. Remember, farang fight to win, Thai fight to kill. Their temper once aroused is frightening to behold...........

[BKK90210]

Hi need some advice from wise ladies in this forum. My male friend is living in Thailand and I am going to visit him in a couple of weeks. He broke up wiv his thai girl of 8mths a few wks ago and has just been told she is now 2mths pregnant.

He is in total shock and not sure what to do,

First shock - disbelief.....usually follows by anger or deny....then acceptance....then negotiation

Don't worry these are common reactions in human psychology

I feel like I am going into a war zone, I do not want to turn up to have his ex girlfriend stabbing me in the back, apparently she is a bit of a physcho.

You just answered your own question! If I were you I would have 2 options...

1) Stay away from him at this time. Let's him come to term with his situation and give him the time enough to sort out his own problem. It's the problem between those 2 alone! You don't need to add yourself to the problem they're having!

or

2) Go to thailand and have fun since you've been planning your trip....but stay far away from them and especially him as possible at this time. You should not be involved in someone else problem or giving any advices to the problem at this early stage. Let's him work out for the solutions himself first, you don't want to get blamed later on if the situation worsen because of your advice!

Just remember - there are 2 people involved here....and you heard the story from one side only....but there is always 2 sides of the story!

From a woman

xxxxxxx

Edited February 27, 2006 by BKK90210

[alaina]

Should you consummate your relationship with your mate it may be advisable to avoid flaunting the fact in front of his former paramour. Remember, farang fight to win, Thai fight to kill . Their temper once aroused is frightening to behold...........

Agree with this and I bolded the important part.

A few important things to remember:

This girl has just completely lost face by being dumped AND pregnant before marriage.

Thais generally read romance into any situation where a man and a woman are alone together. "Just mates" probably will not be believed.

The above goes double if two people are seen entering the same hotel.

This guy may not understand quite how psycho his ex may or may not be. Denial is common in these situations. Recently, I had a friend break up with his girlfriend of a few years. He thought it would be fine and didn't even bother to change the locks. His ex came straight to his condo and attacked him with a knife, going straight for his heart.

Personally, I wouldn't risk it. If she wants to meet him, she should at a coffee shop or just someplace public and part ways publicly as well, preferably with at least a third person. If there really is a baby involved, things will take a loong time to cool off.

[britmaveric]

Uh stay away - Thai lady scorned = disaster. Remember Thai lady network is watching, so just because you think the coast is clear, someone inevitablely will report back to her about what her former love is up to!!!!

[seville]

Doonagirl,

I'd give them a lot of space, a lot. Like maybe have your holiday somewhere else in the Kingdom and let him come see you there.

If the baby is his, he is going to be dealing with situation for the rest of his life and things are going to be indeed messy. Britmaveric is right.

[NordicMan]

If I was him, I'd make sure the girl really is pregnant and really with him. I've had two ex-gf tell me they were pregnant a few weeks after i dumped them (one malaysian, one singaporean). In both cases they just made it up.

[somchai jones]

Hi need some advice from wise ladies in this forum. My male friend is living in Thailand and I am going to visit him in a couple of weeks. He broke up wiv his thai girl of 8mths a few wks ago and has just been told she is now 2mths pregnant. He is in total shock and not sure what to do, I feel like I am going into a war zone, I do not want to turn up to have his ex girlfriend stabbing me in the back, apparently she is a bit of a physcho.

Any advise would be great

xxxxxxx

Hopefully she's not pregnant.

I don't say this because I feel sorry for you, your boyfriend or his ex-girlfriend but rather because if she is pregnant, then it doesn't bode well for the child does it?

[Uma~~]

Hi need some advice from wise ladies in this forum. My male friend is living in Thailand and I am going to visit him in a couple of weeks. He broke up wiv his thai girl of 8mths a few wks ago and has just been told she is now 2mths pregnant. He is in total shock and not sure what to do, I feel like I am going into a war zone, I do not want to turn up to have his ex girlfriend stabbing me in the back, apparently she is a bit of a physcho.

Any advise would be great

xxxxxxx

I assume she is 2 months pregnant with his kid right?

I have heard stories of girls getting pregnant and telling several 'boyfriends' that they are the father and getting them to send money, be sure a DNA test gets done for the sake of your friend.

[will2go]

Yeah... as in Nordic Man's case as well - you first want to see the test results with your own eyes to confirm she's not making it up (it happened to me but she couldn't produce the proof and ultimately admitted she made it up) and, if she really is pregnant, MAKE SURE TO GET ITS PATERNITY CONFIRMED. This too is not an uncommon problem over here with some of those with psycho tendencies... If she is really on the way with his kid, give him only long-distance support as a third party hanging around at this point in the affair will help no one - it's THEIR deal to work out.