Youth Or Experience?

[thaibebop]

I am curious about the likes and dislikes of people concerning age. I was joking around in another forum and made a comment that I always wondered what I would find if I could compare lovers which had a large age gap. I am not just talking of physical comparisons, but emotional and intellilectual comparisons. The over all experience of being with the person as friend and lover.

I know many will say age doesn't matter, and I will agree. Others will say things we have all heard before concerning generalizations between age groups, and I think those generalizations should be taken into account, but not focused on. Others might bring up the mental age of a person rather than their actual age, I say this is important to the discussion. What I am really after here is your wisdom in relation to the topic. What you prefer and what you have seen. Stories are more than welcome.

I also want to stress that this is to be a discussion. I was advised to post here and I agree because I would like to see a clean and adult conversation, as much as possible, about relationships and the differences one finds between age groups.

[kayo]

d'wana shag?

[thaibebop]

no

[kayo]

okay.... Khall is posting right now.. Maybe she wants a shag???

[khall64au]

Well, this is a little more complex than the original discussion TBB. I need to think this over a bit longer, but I think you know what I'm gonna say....

[thaibebop]

Well, this is a little more complex than the original discussion TBB. I need to think this over a bit longer, but I think you know what I'm gonna say....

Remember, I didn't exclude the physical, just wanted people to talk about everything. So, focus on that for now.

[TRIPxCORE]

Well I will throw in my two cents on this one. Age does matter in a relationship. There isn't any way it couldn't matter. The two sides of this equation are physical and mental. For me, that poses a problem. I much prefer the physical attributes of a younger lady. Their smooth skin and delicate features do a lot for turning me on. On the other hand, I can't stand the personality and mental capacity of most of the younger women I have met. They are just way too immature for me. I much prefer an older woman for that aspect. So seeing as I like both women for different reasons, it comes down to which trait takes priority for me. One needn't look any farther than my wife to see which is more important to me. I am 29 and she is 37. No one can call me shallow!

[sbk]

I think, when the age difference is large, age can matter. Not only because of emotional and mental maturity but physical stamina (and I'm not just talking about sex here). When one partner is more physically active than the other it leads to problems: one may think staying in and watching tv is fun while the other wants to go out for dinner and a movie. Compatibility of interests is very important, I think.

Also, mental and emotional maturity should be important: I would think someone with a very immature outlook on life would be very hard to live with in the long-term.

[PeaceBlondie]

In dating people much younger than me, I found that most of them can't really understand events that happened before they were born, or events totally outside their experience. If you're dating someone 20 or even 30 years younger than yourself, and they're from a different country and culture, that's a big gap. After my divorce, I dated a lady the same age as me, and we even remembered the same TV commercials and pop songs. Then I started dating guys from Mexico, China, and Vietnam who were 25 years younger! Regardless of the language barrier, they couldn't relate to my past (and my family situation), and I couldn't relate to how they escaped to America.

thaibebop, your original post didn't mention cultural and language differences - just the age gap - so I've added that. I still date young men, and am considering getting back with my only real lover in Thailand, but it's not easy to bridge the gap sometimes.

[HarryHerb]

I haven't read the other discussion, so forgive me if I repeat anything...

The people who say 'age doesn't matter' tend to be in a relationship with a much younger / older person. But if age really is irrelevant, why aren't they with someone their own age?

Well, because age clearly is an issue when choosing a lover. To state the bleedin' obvious, older people tend to find younger people more attractive than those their own age. In this, men have the advantage - especially in this country - that younger women often require the financial / emotional security that they can offer in lieu of looks and - ahem - peak physical performance.

Thus, as in most relationships, the power dynamic is what can make or break lovers with a large age gap.

Typically, the younger party offers physical attraction, energy, "fun" etc., whereas the older party offers financial / emotional security. There should be no misunderstanding of this.

If both parties are self-confident and self-aware and there's a reasonable balance of power, then there's no reason why it can't work.

Having friends one's own age outside the relationship is probably also necessary to keep it going.

On a personal note, although I have quite a lot of older friends, I can't say I find any of them attractive, so I wouldn't do it. In a relationship, the company of someone who is my peer is infinitely preferable.

[Patsycat]

Well, darlin' oim 42 going on 16.5 and bonkin' a guy of 85....

No, seriously, it's all in the mind and feelings that you hav for that special person in your life regardless of age, race, colour etc.

IF U

Sorry pressed wrong button

IF U CLICK make it work - You only have one life...

[Ausladyinpatong]

Expectations are what matter. What do you want from the relationship? Generally someone your own age is more likely to be on the same wavelength, but not always.

If you're at a certain stage of your life and looking for a lifelong partner, or at least someone to have children with, build a house ect ect...maybe being closer in age is better here.

If you've past that stage of your life it depends on whether you're just out for fun or looking for something more long term.

We all have different priorities and they change over time.

[phibunmike]

My good wife is about 25 years younger than me. When we started seeing each other, I enjoyed her freshness, charm and youth, but thought that in the longer term her "immaturity" might lead to a one-sided relationship and become boring (for me - I am only discussing this from my perspective). However, the cultural differences (she is Thai, I am English) combined with her rich life experiences from an early age (for example running two restaurants when most English kids would still be at school) meant that I learn as much from her as she learns from me. Our areas of knowledge overlap little, so we both learn from each other, every day. I am quite sure that this factor has played an important part in our relationship developing and enduring.

Incidentally, another poster mentioned that the younger party might be more physically active. This is certainly not the case in our marriage - I am the one who enjoys walking and other physical activities to the greater extent.

[thaibebop]

In dating people much younger than me, I found that most of them can't really understand events that happened before they were born, or events totally outside their experience. If you're dating someone 20 or even 30 years younger than yourself, and they're from a different country and culture, that's a big gap. After my divorce, I dated a lady the same age as me, and we even remembered the same TV commercials and pop songs. Then I started dating guys from Mexico, China, and Vietnam who were 25 years younger! Regardless of the language barrier, they couldn't relate to my past (and my family situation), and I couldn't relate to how they escaped to America.

thaibebop, your original post didn't mention cultural and language differences - just the age gap - so I've added that. I still date young men, and am considering getting back with my only real lover in Thailand, but it's not easy to bridge the gap sometimes.

That's a great addition, thanks. I should have put that myself, for my wife just doesn't get my humor or understand the things I did in my past. I being white, male, poor, American, three years younger than her (and we'll just leave at that for now ) and her being Thai/Chinese, Bangkok born and bred, wealthy and respectable, well, we have many gaps!

[thaibebop]

Well, darlin' oim 42 going on 16.5 and bonkin' a guy of 85....

No, seriously, it's all in the mind and feelings that you hav for that special person in your life regardless of age, race, colour etc.

IF U

Sorry pressed wrong button

IF U CLICK make it work - You only have one life...

Ah, but where does the click occur?

If you have a fling what the facts on this person. If you have a relationship, serious kind, what were the facts on that person.

In otherwords, do you find yourself clicking with different people for different reasons? Is an age gap better for a less serious relationship or the other way around? Do you want a relationship with someone who you have gaps with, like PB and myself? I hope I am making sense.

[phibunmike]

Is an age gap better for a less serious relationship or the other way around? Do you want a relationship with someone who you have gaps with, like PB and myself? I hope I am making sense.

Some people say "age is unimportant", others say it is important in a relationship. Both are true. When you have met someone you love, age difference does affect the relationship in various ways. However, I think it is not a factor to use before getting into a relationship. Therefore, age is not important in meeting someone - I wouldn't say "I am looking for a partner aged between xx and yy". But once in a relationship, the age difference, or lack thereof, is a factor in the conversations you have, the misunderstandings, etc.

I feel I know what I want to say but haven't said it very clearly

[somchai jones]

I am 39 and my wife is 36. Been together 15 years and things are great.

However, as she is Muslim and technically speaking so am I, I think the time has come to explore every Muslim man's right to take 4 wives.

I'll be looking for 2 younger models and one older model.

[sbk]

I am 39 and my wife is 36. Been together 15 years and things are great.

However, as she is Muslim and technically speaking so am I, I think the time has come to explore every Muslim man's right to take 4 wives.

I'll be looking for 2 younger models and one older model.

You are probably SOL there as I believe you must have the wife's permission to take on new wives.

[thaibebop]

Is an age gap better for a less serious relationship or the other way around? Do you want a relationship with someone who you have gaps with, like PB and myself? I hope I am making sense.

Some people say "age is unimportant", others say it is important in a relationship. Both are true. When you have met someone you love, age difference does affect the relationship in various ways. However, I think it is not a factor to use before getting into a relationship. Therefore, age is not important in meeting someone - I wouldn't say "I am looking for a partner aged between xx and yy". But once in a relationship, the age difference, or lack thereof, is a factor in the conversations you have, the misunderstandings, etc.

I feel I know what I want to say but haven't said it very clearly

I didn't say that a person makes a decision " I want a fling so where are the 20 year olds." I am saying do you find a pattern, after the fact? Much more psychological.

[somchai jones]

I am 39 and my wife is 36. Been together 15 years and things are great.

However, as she is Muslim and technically speaking so am I, I think the time has come to explore every Muslim man's right to take 4 wives.

I'll be looking for 2 younger models and one older model.

You are probably SOL there as I believe you must have the wife's permission to take on new wives.

Yeah, just being frivilous; there is more chance of the Pope becoming an atheist than my wife agreeing to me taking further wives.

Understandable that she doesn't want to share me though, lucky lady.

[Boo]

your modesty must be a major attraction for her

[somchai jones]

your modesty must be a major attraction for her

Indeed it is....along with many others.

[baileys]

I'd like to put in this "cents in my mind" for two cents.

My 46year old Aussie bf may or may not be considered old or young for some forumites here..but I believe in my age of 36 he still hasnt grown up yet ?!

Though in my age I used to date people in ages a little ahead of mine, I find him to be laidback in everything except for his mutt pets.

[khall64au]

I'd like to put in this "cents in my mind" for two cents.

My 46year old Aussie bf may or may not be considered old or young for some forumites here..but I believe in my age of 36 he still hasnt grown up yet ?!

Though in my age I used to date people in ages a little ahead of mine, I find him to be laidback in everything except for his mutt pets.

"mutt pets"? Surely you don't mean his dawgs? That is so typical of an Aussie male...... I just DON'T get it!

[LaoPo]

I'd like to put in this "cents in my mind" for two cents.

My 46year old Aussie bf may or may not be considered old or young for some forumites here..but I believe in my age of 36 he still hasnt grown up yet ?!

Though in my age I used to date people in ages a little ahead of mine, I find him to be laidback in everything except for his mutt pets.

"mutt pets"?

Please forgive my poor intelligence but what the heck is meant by 'Mutt Pets', although I might have just a small idea...or are Mutt Pets not small ?

Never too old to learn something interesting, right?

LaoPo

[gburns57au]

I'd like to put in this "cents in my mind" for two cents.

My 46year old Aussie bf may or may not be considered old or young for some forumites here..but I believe in my age of 36 he still hasnt grown up yet ?!

Though in my age I used to date people in ages a little ahead of mine, I find him to be laidback in everything except for his mutt pets.

"mutt pets"?

Please forgive my poor intelligence but what the heck is meant by 'Mutt Pets', although I might have just a small idea...or are Mutt Pets not small ?

Never too old to learn something interesting, right?

LaoPo

I think the poster meant "pet mutts" or dogs

[sunshine4you]

Is an age gap better for a less serious relationship or the other way around? Do you want a relationship with someone who you have gaps with, like PB and myself? I hope I am making sense.

Some people say "age is unimportant", others say it is important in a relationship. Both are true. When you have met someone you love, age difference does affect the relationship in various ways. However, I think it is not a factor to use before getting into a relationship. Therefore, age is not important in meeting someone - I wouldn't say "I am looking for a partner aged between xx and yy". But once in a relationship, the age difference, or lack thereof, is a factor in the conversations you have, the misunderstandings, etc.

I feel I know what I want to say but haven't said it very clearly

I didn't say that a person makes a decision " I want a fling so where are the 20 year olds." I am saying do you find a pattern, after the fact? Much more psychological.

Well Im not sure I will answer this correctly either, but I figure I should put my two cents in since I am an older female that prefers dating younger men. Some would jump to the conclusion, that I am going through a mid life crisis. Nothing could be further from the truth, I am a very level headed woman that is not looking to relive my youth. There are many myths involved with the older women/ younger men relationship. Such as, he is looking for a mother or she can't accept the fact she is no longer twenty. For me, whether it be a short term or long term relationship is of no consequence to me. I find that I am just attracted to what a younger man brings to the table in regards to openmindedness and lack of emotional baggage. I believe that younger men that date older women are attracted to the same thing. I have not found a man my age that I can truely relate to. Most are very set in their ways and can be intimidated by a independent intelligent woman. Im not lumping all men in this catagory and I certainly don't wish to offend anyone. This has just been my experience. I just thought i'd through my perspective into the mix...

[khall64au]

Is an age gap better for a less serious relationship or the other way around? Do you want a relationship with someone who you have gaps with, like PB and myself? I hope I am making sense.

Some people say "age is unimportant", others say it is important in a relationship. Both are true. When you have met someone you love, age difference does affect the relationship in various ways. However, I think it is not a factor to use before getting into a relationship. Therefore, age is not important in meeting someone - I wouldn't say "I am looking for a partner aged between xx and yy". But once in a relationship, the age difference, or lack thereof, is a factor in the conversations you have, the misunderstandings, etc.

I feel I know what I want to say but haven't said it very clearly

I didn't say that a person makes a decision " I want a fling so where are the 20 year olds." I am saying do you find a pattern, after the fact? Much more psychological.

Well Im not sure I will answer this correctly either, but I figure I should put my two cents in since I am an older female that prefers dating younger men. Some would jump to the conclusion, that I am going through a mid life crisis. Nothing could be further from the truth, I am a very level headed woman that is not looking to relive my youth. There are many myths involved with the older women/ younger men relationship. Such as, he is looking for a mother or she can't accept the fact she is no longer twenty. For me, whether it be a short term or long term relationship is of no consequence to me. I find that I am just attracted to what a younger man brings to the table in regards to openmindedness and lack of emotional baggage. I believe that younger men that date older women are attracted to the same thing. I have not found a man my age that I can truely relate to. Most are very set in their ways and can be intimidated by a independent intelligent woman. Im not lumping all men in this catagory and I certainly don't wish to offend anyone. This has just been my experience. I just thought i'd through my perspective into the mix...

Seems to me - Sunshine4you- that yours/ mine experience doesn't count around here. So don't bother! Good luck to you, wish you the best in life!! Ciao ! Ciao!!!!

[phibunmike]

Is an age gap better for a less serious relationship or the other way around? Do you want a relationship with someone who you have gaps with, like PB and myself? I hope I am making sense.

Some people say "age is unimportant", others say it is important in a relationship. Both are true. When you have met someone you love, age difference does affect the relationship in various ways. However, I think it is not a factor to use before getting into a relationship. Therefore, age is not important in meeting someone - I wouldn't say "I am looking for a partner aged between xx and yy". But once in a relationship, the age difference, or lack thereof, is a factor in the conversations you have, the misunderstandings, etc.

I feel I know what I want to say but haven't said it very clearly

I didn't say that a person makes a decision " I want a fling so where are the 20 year olds." I am saying do you find a pattern, after the fact? Much more psychological.

Well Im not sure I will answer this correctly either, but I figure I should put my two cents in since I am an older female that prefers dating younger men. Some would jump to the conclusion, that I am going through a mid life crisis. Nothing could be further from the truth, I am a very level headed woman that is not looking to relive my youth. There are many myths involved with the older women/ younger men relationship. Such as, he is looking for a mother or she can't accept the fact she is no longer twenty. For me, whether it be a short term or long term relationship is of no consequence to me. I find that I am just attracted to what a younger man brings to the table in regards to openmindedness and lack of emotional baggage. I believe that younger men that date older women are attracted to the same thing. I have not found a man my age that I can truely relate to. Most are very set in their ways and can be intimidated by a independent intelligent woman. Im not lumping all men in this catagory and I certainly don't wish to offend anyone. This has just been my experience. I just thought i'd through my perspective into the mix...

Seems to me - Sunshine4you- that yours/ mine experience doesn't count around here. So don't bother! Good luck to you, wish you the best in life!! Ciao ! Ciao!!!!

Nothing wrong with having a younger partner in my view, whether you are male or female. My wife is quite a bit younger than me, but then again, quite a few of my friends are younger than me too (some are considerably older). I like people with a young outlook on life, whatever their age, and I think Sunshine4you that is perhaps part of what you are saying.

Khall, I think from some of your other posts that you are also a fun lover, and if your partner is fun then who cares about the age. (Of course, there are many other important attributes of a partner, but those are being discussed - or argued about - in another thread.....).

[MishaMagic]

Is an age gap better for a less serious relationship or the other way around? Do you want a relationship with someone who you have gaps with, like PB and myself? I hope I am making sense.

Some people say "age is unimportant", others say it is important in a relationship. Both are true. When you have met someone you love, age difference does affect the relationship in various ways. However, I think it is not a factor to use before getting into a relationship. Therefore, age is not important in meeting someone - I wouldn't say "I am looking for a partner aged between xx and yy". But once in a relationship, the age difference, or lack thereof, is a factor in the conversations you have, the misunderstandings, etc.

I feel I know what I want to say but haven't said it very clearly

I didn't say that a person makes a decision " I want a fling so where are the 20 year olds." I am saying do you find a pattern, after the fact? Much more psychological.

Well, its good to hear that its working for you. Unfortunately my experience with a seven years younger bf turned out to prove the critics true - I did feel like his mother most of the time, and despite finding him energetic, fun and spontaneous, he was also immature and emotionally demanding. Then he went on a holiday in Thailand, fell in "love" with a local girl who after only knowing him for 5 days was begging him to take her back to Europe, and I realised that he was indeed way too young for me.

I have to say that I am now very attracted to men my age. xxx

Well Im not sure I will answer this correctly either, but I figure I should put my two cents in since I am an older female that prefers dating younger men. Some would jump to the conclusion, that I am going through a mid life crisis. Nothing could be further from the truth, I am a very level headed woman that is not looking to relive my youth. There are many myths involved with the older women/ younger men relationship. Such as, he is looking for a mother or she can't accept the fact she is no longer twenty. For me, whether it be a short term or long term relationship is of no consequence to me. I find that I am just attracted to what a younger man brings to the table in regards to openmindedness and lack of emotional baggage. I believe that younger men that date older women are attracted to the same thing. I have not found a man my age that I can truely relate to. Most are very set in their ways and can be intimidated by a independent intelligent woman. Im not lumping all men in this catagory and I certainly don't wish to offend anyone. This has just been my experience. I just thought i'd through my perspective into the mix...