Helping the Thai family out.....

[belg]

you give money once

than they start to be addicted to it

ask the white buffalo for some more

he always says yes and have plenty of it

[winstonc]

you give money once

than they start to be addicted to it

ask the white buffalo for some more

he always says yes and have plenty of it

correct we give her parents nothing,they just gamble and drink it away,and he likes a brass or 2,so end of,,,,,if they abuse it ,they lose it,,,her dad was a headmaster,should get 22,000bht a month but debt,means 1,600 a month,,so the parasites can get on with it i say,,but thats just me,,remember if you get the hard luck story,ask the girl if any of her family have died from starvation,the answer will be no,,,,,they were ok before you came,so they will be ok now,,,,,, ,,or say you already look after your own folks back home,,,

[johnlandy]

I completely support my wife in her supporting her family, any good Thai should be sending at least a few thousand baht per month to help out their parents, especially (but not only) if they are in need. If you claim your wife doesn't do this, perhaps she's found it best to do it on the sly, which to me is a shame.

Up to her how much or how often, it's out of her money, which may ultimately mostly come from me, but she has to choose between her personal shopping needs, savings for the future etc balanced against what she wants to do to help them, including emergencies, periodic ceremonies whatever.

I don't even know for sure, but believe most of the time she'd average 3-4,000 a month, and she's got three siblings doing at least that much.

Any good Thai would have provided for their children.

Well said. I find it more disturbing if a girl with parents who are not well off financially don't help them out on a monthly basis.

It is a fact that (those with money excepted) Thais are not good at managing money, they gamble, drink to excess, set up a SME which goes tits up in short order 'because the don't know what they are doing, or how to do it' and yet "know everything" and so many girls are forced onto the game so she can meet her parents expectations and fulfill her guilt ridden obligations.

OK I would have parted with a lot of serious money in the past before I got to control my altruistic bent. In most cases 'enough is never enough'

And even Thais believe that many a girls survival is down to one of two things "winning the lottery or snagging a farang"

[rotary]

As some have said always better to help them help themselves. Each situation is different for sure but a few rules are:

(1)You are not in the west so do not pretend something is cheap just because it is cheaper than western prices. keep things in prospective.

(2)Do not let things get out of control, we all have different comfort levels and resources, but make sure they are not taking advantage of you assuming you are stupid

(3)Use common sense. If it is something you would not do in your own country, in most cases you should not do it in Thailand.

(4)Do not get hung up in a "FACE" thing such as big expensive weddings or fancy houses you will never live in or at best spend a few weeks a year in UNLESS that's what you want to do. In many cases the girls are showing off for the village at your expense.

(5)Add some more common sense to all of the above.

I do not mind the odd cash call for a few thousand baht for a water pump if I know they needed and take care of it or help make a tractor payment in a bad year for crops or help with Moms dentist work she really needs. That's fine and fair if I can afford it. Even help with a few hundred or thousand baht to help elderly parents get by or support a kid if you can afford it is good but getting set up to send large sums of cash back each month for no other reason than supporting drunks and lazy family is a bad thing for all. Many times "tough love" is the best treatment for all parties.

Really its the same pit falls in all countries, just different terrain.

[ABCer]

There is a huge difference in my view between giving money, making presents and helping to improve life.

I never give money to anybody. There is some disrespect or patronizing in this. Especially when people need them.

I give lots of presents (in my opinion!? ). I pay for Tertiary Education, serious Medical treatment. I have made a Will. All these things are different from giving money.

In fact I do as I please, without any regard to being considered 'A Good Man' or 'A Bad Man'. I really do not care about things outside of my mind.

Edited June 25, 2013 by ABCer

[Donnie Brasco]

Actually, the one massively significant element in my success here has been my Thai family's generosity and unreserved largesse. "Popup" (everybody in the gang calls him Popup) Yapootdangdang the Yapooydangdang famiy's patriarch was clever enough to have been born into a family of Chinese loansharks.

About 60 years ago in what is now suburban Bangkok, GrampaPopup's payday loan business for troubled farmers afforded him special access to what had been Bangkok's market garden area. Within a few decades, Popup owned it all and my Thai wife's immediate family benefits from GrampaPopup's work ethic and entrepreneurship.

These days GrampaPopup's on the board of several banks and the Yapootdangdangs are <deleted>' loaded.

Upon arriving here from an English teaching career less than a decade ago I met an aspiring TV journalist who advised me to do two things; stay out of lower Sukhumvit and start hanging around the Jazz Bars in Lang Suan. Together we cruised the playgrounds of Bangkok's ne'er-do-well set and soon found an endless supply of damaged-goods, forked-and-flung, and overseas-schooled women.

Due to my handsome (think ananda everingham) looks and useless lifestyle, I had in no time impregnated Popup's youngest granddaughter, the semi-attractive late-twenties, Australian-schooled, pizza-saralee fed Khun Wideonpiak to be the father of her first child. After a whirlwind 71/2 month pregnancy my little hi-so bride, "Wide" gave birth to a bouncing baby girl who bore an incredible resemblance to Popup's driver. This darkly handsome lad with washboard abs had left the Yapootmaisoopap's recently to help his Mom with the family farm in Si Saket but had died a lingering death after a tragic shooting mishap had left him with massively perforated rectum, colon, and lower tract from 12 22 cal. wounds.

After a word with Wide's daddy and GrampaPopup I secured a position as English editor of a major brokerage house, a house, three cars, a nanny and a gardener.

I love my Thai family.

[BoonToong]

When I met my wife she was already sending monthly amounts back to her mum and sister, whatever she could afford, so I/we continue to do this now that we are married.

I recently wanted to increase what we send (it's only 5,000 THB) but my wife said no because she did not want to 'spoil' them (my interpretation). We also send money for house repairs and doctor visits when needed and also an amount each month to help one of the kids in the family go to school.

To me it is no different to sending money to my own family in the UK if I think they need some help.

[NoshowJones]

I rarely lend, but when I do, it's only as much as I can afford to never see again and not be bothered about.

I would never lend money and no one in my wifes family has ever asked me too. The thought that anyone who lends money knowing that they will never get if back, I cannot understand. Knowing that it will never be paid back is all the more reason I would never lend. These people who ask anyone to lend them money having no intention of paying it back are just taking the p--s.

[David48]

When I met my wife she was already sending monthly amounts back to her mum and sister, whatever she could afford, so I/we continue to do this now that we are married.

I recently wanted to increase what we send (it's only 5,000 THB) but my wife said no because she did not want to 'spoil' them (my interpretation). We also send money for house repairs and doctor visits when needed and also an amount each month to help one of the kids in the family go to school.

To me it is no different to sending money to my own family in the UK if I think they need some help.

Sure, everyone's mileage is different though ... 5,000 Baht a month is probably just the right amount to grease the wheels without giving the impression of being a Bank ...

.

[technologybytes]

Perhaps every relationship and set of circumstances is different, so we won't all agree.

I occasionally help with a contribution towards something like a new bathroom or some enhancements to the family home, but really in the 10 years that I have been with my wife (we are not actually married, but its a permanent committed relationship) its worked out at about 3-4,000 baht per year at most.

Of course my wife sends money to help her family on a frequent basis, and ultimately that money comes from me, but her other sisters who are not with foreign partners contribute more or less equally.

In Thailand it works like this.. parents look after children, they do their best and try to get them an education if they can.. then the children look after the parents later in life.. This is fair and a decent system that on the whole works better than the western model.

If you want to live in Thailand and marry a Thai girl it seems fair to help support her family if it's not a strain on your own finances to do so. After all, if you marry then they are your family also.

[arthurwait]

Actually, the one massively significant element in my success here has been my Thai family's generosity and unreserved largesse. "Popup" (everybody in the gang calls him Popup) Yapootdangdang the Yapooydangdang famiy's patriarch was clever enough to have been born into a family of Chinese loansharks.

About 60 years ago in what is now suburban Bangkok, GrampaPopup's payday loan business for troubled farmers afforded him special access to what had been Bangkok's market garden area. Within a few decades, Popup owned it all and my Thai wife's immediate family benefits from GrampaPopup's work ethic and entrepreneurship.

These days GrampaPopup's on the board of several banks and the Yapootdangdangs are <deleted>' loaded.

Upon arriving here from an English teaching career less than a decade ago I met an aspiring TV journalist who advised me to do two things; stay out of lower Sukhumvit and start hanging around the Jazz Bars in Lang Suan. Together we cruised the playgrounds of Bangkok's ne'er-do-well set and soon found an endless supply of damaged-goods, forked-and-flung, and overseas-schooled women.

Due to my handsome (think ananda everingham) looks and useless lifestyle, I had in no time impregnated Popup's youngest granddaughter, the semi-attractive late-twenties, Australian-schooled, pizza-saralee fed Khun Wideonpiak to be the father of her first child. After a whirlwind 71/2 month pregnancy my little hi-so bride, "Wide" gave birth to a bouncing baby girl who bore an incredible resemblance to Popup's driver. This darkly handsome lad with washboard abs had left the Yapootmaisoopap's recently to help his Mom with the family farm in Si Saket but had died a lingering death after a tragic shooting mishap had left him with massively perforated rectum, colon, and lower tract from 12 22 cal. wounds.

After a word with Wide's daddy and GrampaPopup I secured a position as English editor of a major brokerage house, a house, three cars, a nanny and a gardener.

I love my Thai family.

[krisb]

The main reason for supporting the older Thais is no old age pensions. Must be terrible for plenty who have no kids willing to help out.

[Markaew]

If you need to pay for harmony, you need a new a family.

[doji]

I’m married into a much richer family, so the money has been flowing to our direction instead of another way around.

Esp every NewYear time, we always receive around 10k bths each year. We had tried repeatedly telling them to stop. Eventho we’re fully grown and working adults, but somehow they still see us as 2 little kids LOL.

[bangkokfanatic]

Sure, everyone's mileage is different though ... 5,000 Baht a month is probably just the right amount to grease the wheels without giving the impression of being a Bank ...

.

Interesting figure - my GF & I (well, it's actually in her name as can be expected) have a very large plot of land on top of a hill in Chaiyaphum province on which we have just completed 2 houses - 40m apart. The biggest house is for us, the other for the relatives. The houses look very similar from the road (but the relatives "finishes" were a bit cheaper). We have set aside 3 Rai for the houses and gardens. The rest is farmed by "Young brother" assisted by other family members. They share the profit.

19 year-old "Young brother" is a good worker and has done quite a bit of the labouring / gardening work, including putting in 1.9km of concrete / barbed wire fencing. Planting about 40 trees, hauling a serious amount of rock for a 100m retaining wall etc. We pay him 5,000THB a month - he does about 10 days work per month on our land - the rest for himself on leased neighbouring land. In addition they get free power, water & (new) house. I'm told that to rent an equivalent house would be in excess of 5,000THB per month.

In our absence he is expected to look after the place. Frankly is the only relative that I can trust. Once the landscaping draws to a close he will still be paid the same amount. He spreads some THB to the mother-in-law as well (he gets it because the mother-in-law plays cards and can't be trusted to get it herself). We also let him use our "tuk-tuk" truck and have paid to have his motorbikes all fixed up (cheeky SOB started using mine!).

Recently he stuck his hand out for more - 10,000THB per month - and was told, emphatically, "No" by my GF. He threatened to move out and my GF offered to help him pack. He backed down over a 3 day period.

I consider that I have "helped out" enough - but expect that I will continue doing so. I built quite a nice compound because I intend to retire there in a few years and also wanted a nice place for our daughter to live, not like the old family home. My GF maintains that her relatives can earn their own living. She doesn't want to "help" her relatives so much that they stop working....

[steinpat]

Any good Thai would have provided for their children.

Well said. I find it more disturbing if a girl with parents who are not well off financially don't help them out on a monthly basis.

I think you understood wrong.

Author says that the Thai culture of children giving money to their parents is wrong.

That to be "good" Thai parents should help their children like in his home country.

It is very common for western kids to ask their mum and dad for help, but any mum or dad that needs to ask the kids for help is very ashamed. Old people are supposed to plan and earn and save so they can take care of themselves without any help.

Some people don't understand other cultures and judge everything by their own culture standards for what is good and bad.

Edited June 25, 2013 by steinpat

[David48]

Any good Thai would have provided for their children.

Well said. I find it more disturbing if a girl with parents who are not well off financially don't help them out on a monthly basis.

I think you understood wrong.

Author says that the Thai culture of children giving money to their parents is wrong.

That to be "good" Thai parents should help their children like in his home country.

It is very common for western kids to ask their mum and dad for help, but any mum or dad that needs to ask the kids for help is very ashamed. Old people are supposed to plan and earn and save so they can take care of themselves without any help.

Some people don't understand other cultures and judge everything by their own culture standards for what is good and bad.

... and welcome to Thai Visa ...

AFP ...

.

[NCFC]

I’m married into a much richer family, so the money has been flowing to our direction instead of another way around.

Esp every NewYear time, we always receive around 10k bths each year. We had tried repeatedly telling them to stop. Eventho we’re fully grown and working adults, but somehow they still see us as 2 little kids LOL.

Doesn't always have to be money that you give. Being a good role model for the family can make a difference. I help out around the house with the cooking and cleaning, asking if there are jobs to be done, waking up early and doing things rather than lie about the house all day watching television. By setting an example the other family members don't have an excuse for being lazy.

Also we have three teenage boys in the extended family who are in that grey zone of being occasional tearaways, drinking, drug-taking, being part of gangs. So I spend time with them, talking and being a father figure as their real dads have either rejected them or are meth heads themselves. A lot of their problems stem from a sense of not belonging and as outsiders ourselves we should be able to relate to teenage kids in a way their families can't.

There's a lot we westerners can give that doesn't require giving money.

[khunPer]

I said from the beginning of the relationship with my GF, that I did not wish to support a Thai family. If that was what she was aiming for, I was not the right partner. We agreed upon that.

However, I did help, apart from the gifts, food and little money when visiting the village. I gave 200k for house improvements – mainly an indoor kitchen and bathroom – which also benefits us, when visiting the village. Furthermore some house equipment, as my GF lived there for a time, such as laundry machine, vacuum cleaner, new TV, some furniture’s etc. I also helped with steel-plates for a new roof, but that was quite cheap. They had no car and my GF had saved up some earning from work herself, and I added up the remaining to buy a good second hand around 350k, registered in my GF’s name.

The family do farming, work hard, no drinking or gambling, and seems do fine. The younger brother wished a farmer education and my GF and I decided to support with 3k a month for the time, he needed to stay (live) at the school/university, I think it was around two years. This was a kind of investment in the family future for the farm – and them being able to take care of themselves.

So yes, even I did not wish to support on a regular base, I did help with some improvements – all together around 700k.

Improvement in the farm business I helped with in that way, that they could borrow money without interest, for example 800k to buy a big tractor, and pay the loan back over a number of years. And that have working fine, they do pay back around 100k every year, and they have been able to improve the farm business, beginning to make quite good money, invest in more equipment, and buying more land.

Sometimes they may ask my GF for some help, which is her own “business” with her own money, mainly if they run low during the growing season and need fertilizers etc. Normally it is agreed as an interest free loan, which is paid back after the harvest is sold. My GF have also bought some farmland for her own money, letting the family use it, and they pay a share of the harvest – around the normal fees in the area, which are between 500 and 1000 baht per rai.

Sometimes they have borrowed up to 100k from me, as a kind of interest free cash credit, for a couple of moth, if they have invested too much that year, buying more land or equipment. They always pay back as agreed upon.

The family says, that they had never been able to move up, without our help.

So like the OP said, helping once with a major improvement in farm (or business) and home, may be a good “investment” for the farang-member of the family – in my opinion much better, than ending up supporting some level of money for ever monthly. However, this requires that the family is doing some work themselves. My GF and I has agreed, that the younger brother is having his future in farming and shall take over, including the farm land, but then it shall also be his responsibility to take care of the parents – and we will take care of our own family.

So far this agreement has worked out fine. The small gifts or little extra money on special occasions are that more appreciated – and it goes both ways, because we also get something from them, when they visit us.

More often we hear horror stories about supporting a Thai family, than the good stories. It is a little difficult subject, because we foreigners do not like to support a family the way it is a tradition to do in “old-fashioned” Thailand, where children is a kind of retiring investment. We are used to, that our children are an expense and when they finish school and education, they hopefully shall be able to take care of themselves, and we have our own retirement savings, when we grow old. So it’s like having feet in both worlds, when you get mixed into a Thai family. And what may be right in one family, may not work well in another. I my opinion, it is a major thing to agree upon with your Thai partner, before moving together or getting married.

[EyesWideOpen]

Actually, the one massively significant element in my success here has been my Thai family's generosity and unreserved largesse. "Popup" (everybody in the gang calls him Popup) Yapootdangdang the Yapooydangdang famiy's patriarch was clever enough to have been born into a family of Chinese loansharks.

About 60 years ago in what is now suburban Bangkok, GrampaPopup's payday loan business for troubled farmers afforded him special access to what had been Bangkok's market garden area. Within a few decades, Popup owned it all and my Thai wife's immediate family benefits from GrampaPopup's work ethic and entrepreneurship.

These days GrampaPopup's on the board of several banks and the Yapootdangdangs are <deleted>' loaded.

Upon arriving here from an English teaching career less than a decade ago I met an aspiring TV journalist who advised me to do two things; stay out of lower Sukhumvit and start hanging around the Jazz Bars in Lang Suan. Together we cruised the playgrounds of Bangkok's ne'er-do-well set and soon found an endless supply of damaged-goods, forked-and-flung, and overseas-schooled women.

Due to my handsome (think ananda everingham) looks and useless lifestyle, I had in no time impregnated Popup's youngest granddaughter, the semi-attractive late-twenties, Australian-schooled, pizza-saralee fed Khun Wideonpiak to be the father of her first child. After a whirlwind 71/2 month pregnancy my little hi-so bride, "Wide" gave birth to a bouncing baby girl who bore an incredible resemblance to Popup's driver. This darkly handsome lad with washboard abs had left the Yapootmaisoopap's recently to help his Mom with the family farm in Si Saket but had died a lingering death after a tragic shooting mishap had left him with massively perforated rectum, colon, and lower tract from 12 22 cal. wounds.

After a word with Wide's daddy and GrampaPopup I secured a position as English editor of a major brokerage house, a house, three cars, a nanny and a gardener.

I love my Thai family.

Always good to see a success story !!!! The endless stories of farang buffaloes being gently milked while being relieved of all their money is boring.... :-)

Edited June 25, 2013 by EyesWideOpen

[steinpat]

I said from the beginning of the relationship with my GF, that I did not wish to support a Thai family. If that was what she was aiming for, I was not the right partner. We agreed upon that.

However, I did help, apart from the gifts, food and little money when visiting the village. I gave 200k for house improvements – mainly an indoor kitchen and bathroom – which also benefits us, when visiting the village. Furthermore some house equipment, as my GF lived there for a time, such as laundry machine, vacuum cleaner, new TV, some furniture’s etc. I also helped with steel-plates for a new roof, but that was quite cheap. They had no car and my GF had saved up some earning from work herself, and I added up the remaining to buy a good second hand around 350k, registered in my GF’s name.

The family do farming, work hard, no drinking or gambling, and seems do fine. The younger brother wished a farmer education and my GF and I decided to support with 3k a month for the time, he needed to stay (live) at the school/university, I think it was around two years. This was a kind of investment in the family future for the farm – and them being able to take care of themselves.

So yes, even I did not wish to support on a regular base, I did help with some improvements – all together around 700k.

Improvement in the farm business I helped with in that way, that they could borrow money without interest, for example 800k to buy a big tractor, and pay the loan back over a number of years. And that have working fine, they do pay back around 100k every year, and they have been able to improve the farm business, beginning to make quite good money, invest in more equipment, and buying more land.

Sometimes they may ask my GF for some help, which is her own “business” with her own money, mainly if they run low during the growing season and need fertilizers etc. Normally it is agreed as an interest free loan, which is paid back after the harvest is sold. My GF have also bought some farmland for her own money, letting the family use it, and they pay a share of the harvest – around the normal fees in the area, which are between 500 and 1000 baht per rai.

Sometimes they have borrowed up to 100k from me, as a kind of interest free cash credit, for a couple of moth, if they have invested too much that year, buying more land or equipment. They always pay back as agreed upon.

The family says, that they had never been able to move up, without our help.

So like the OP said, helping once with a major improvement in farm (or business) and home, may be a good “investment” for the farang-member of the family – in my opinion much better, than ending up supporting some level of money for ever monthly. However, this requires that the family is doing some work themselves. My GF and I has agreed, that the younger brother is having his future in farming and shall take over, including the farm land, but then it shall also be his responsibility to take care of the parents – and we will take care of our own family.

So far this agreement has worked out fine. The small gifts or little extra money on special occasions are that more appreciated – and it goes both ways, because we also get something from them, when they visit us.

More often we hear horror stories about supporting a Thai family, than the good stories. It is a little difficult subject, because we foreigners do not like to support a family the way it is a tradition to do in “old-fashioned” Thailand, where children is a kind of retiring investment. We are used to, that our children are an expense and when they finish school and education, they hopefully shall be able to take care of themselves, and we have our own retirement savings, when we grow old. So it’s like having feet in both worlds, when you get mixed into a Thai family. And what may be right in one family, may not work well in another. I my opinion, it is a major thing to agree upon with your Thai partner, before moving together or getting married.

What some people here call "a little" others call "stupid buffaloes".

Up to you but if you can't afford it have to say No from the beginning.

Start out giving then stop = big trouble for your wife maybe she have to choose you or them.

[WorriedNoodle]

My Thai relations don't need any improving and are harmonious enough already.

I wish I could be as generous as you but my relations are not poor people in need of my or anyone else's help.

We give to the disabled child center in Bangkok

Somehow, reading the first two lines of your post makes the third rather hard to believe.

[David48]

I said from the beginning of the relationship with my GF, that I did not wish to support a Thai family. If that was what she was aiming for, I was not the right partner. We agreed upon that.

However, I did help, apart from the gifts, food and little money when visiting the village.<snip>

I was reading your post KhunPer and I can understand your opening statement of refusing to give anything ... "that (you) did not wish to support a Thai family"

Then an ... OK ... some gifts and a little bit of money when you visit.

So I read and read more of your generosity.

I've done the sums for you below ...

"I did help with some improvements – all together around 700k."

Now, say those improvements and appliances like washing machines have no value after 10 years, they have depreciated to $0

- that's 70,000 Baht per year.

"800k to buy a big tractor" ... because you said no interest, I presume they borrowed that money from you?

@ 8% interest (which is what they would easily pay on an unsecured loan), so reducing the Capital borrowed by 100,000 Baht each year

- that's 288,000 or 28,000 a year

"younger brother wished a farmer education"

- over ten years the 72,000 Baht is 7,200 Baht.

. 70,000

. 28,000

. 7,200

105,000

That's a 105,000 Baht a year ... a lot different from paying no money at all.

I'm not having a go at you, I contribute money to the gf's Parents Farm.

Just wished to show to you that, indeed, you are being a generous man ...

.

[Dararasmi]

Over the years, I've "helped" hundreds of Thai families.

[happysoul]

Hello,

some nice answers here.

As already said, helping parents is a cultural habit. And different from western culture. That's why i try to make a living here, because it's different. I like it.

Regarding the subject, i also help the family when needed. I just made it clear with my wife that we could help willing people, not lazy one's, we are not rich enough. And she manages the help. Works well up to now and we have good relations with the entire family. We are now living at the father's house waiting ours to be finished. Seems ok up to now and they don't see me as the "rich" foreigner but as a normal person that works as anybody.

Trying to have a happy life and sharing it with the beloved.

Cheers

[khunPer]

I said from the beginning of the relationship with my GF, that I did not wish to support a Thai family. If that was what she was aiming for, I was not the right partner. We agreed upon that.

However, I did help, apart from the gifts, food and little money when visiting the village.<snip>

I was reading your post KhunPer and I can understand your opening statement of refusing to give anything ... "that (you) did not wish to support a Thai family"

Then an ... OK ... some gifts and a little bit of money when you visit.

So I read and read more of your generosity.

I've done the sums for you below ...

"I did help with some improvements – all together around 700k."

Now, say those improvements and appliances like washing machines have no value after 10 years, they have depreciated to $0

- that's 70,000 Baht per year.

"800k to buy a big tractor" ... because you said no interest, I presume they borrowed that money from you?

@ 8% interest (which is what they would easily pay on an unsecured loan), so reducing the Capital borrowed by 100,000 Baht each year

- that's 288,000 or 28,000 a year

"younger brother wished a farmer education"

- over ten years the 72,000 Baht is 7,200 Baht.

. 70,000

. 28,000

. 7,200

105,000

That's a 105,000 Baht a year ... a lot different from paying no money at all.

I'm not having a go at you, I contribute money to the gf's Parents Farm.

Just wished to show to you that, indeed, you are being a generous man ...

.

Thanks for your calculations David.

If you read my post, I also said in the beginning: »However, I did help…«

And the interest I could have from the money in the bank or bonds are nothing like 8%.

Furthermore, house improvements and car were as much a benefit to my GF and me, when we stay in the village – but at the same time also a benefit useful for her family. Alternative for her living some time in the family home at the village with a newborn baby – she would prefer to raise in her well known village, where she had her network – we would have to rent a house somewhere else for around two years and probably employ a nanny, which would end up at least the same cost. A house where we prefer to stay you cannot rent for less than 15k/m, and rent of a car is another 15k/m, so that is 720k for two years. On top come other expenses. Therefore it was a choice of the best for everyone. So looked from that point of view, I more likely saved some money and my GF’s family still enjoys me saving money.

The OP asked a question about what other TV-members do to help out the Thai family financially – and my little story is an answer to that, and to other TV-members, who may be interested, having thoughts about how to handle their situation with a Thai family and financial support.

My statement from the beginning of our relationship about, that »I did not wish to support a Thai family«, was to make clear, that I do not like to be bound for an ongoing monthly financial support, which most likely will raise over the years, rather than fall. Helping a family up, so they have a good business and can take care of themselves, may be your best long-term investment in a Thai relationship.

(Edit, smileys)

Edited June 25, 2013 by khunPer

[Mondeo]

you give money once

than they start to be addicted to it

ask the white buffalo for some more

he always says yes and have plenty of it

True, my biggest mistake with my first gf there. Went with her to Buriram to meet her folks for the first time, and started tipping people from the moment someone helped me carry bags and stuff from the car to their house. After that, there were always people around handing me water to drink, massaging my neck...and so on. That relationship ended cos of the demanding parents, siblings, aunts, uncles...that might have been different if I didnt start pouring money over them in th first place.

Edited June 25, 2013 by Mondeo

[Mondeo]

Any good Thai would have provided for their children.

Well said. I find it more disturbing if a girl with parents who are not well off financially don't help them out on a monthly basis.

I think you understood wrong.

Author says that the Thai culture of children giving money to their parents is wrong.

That to be "good" Thai parents should help their children like in his home country.

It is very common for western kids to ask their mum and dad for help, but any mum or dad that needs to ask the kids for help is very ashamed. Old people are supposed to plan and earn and save so they can take care of themselves without any help.

Some people don't understand other cultures and judge everything by their own culture standards for what is good and bad.

Haha, yes you are right. It was meant the other way around, blame on my from posting from bed five minutes before I fell asleep.

Anyway, I like the way the children helps the parents that are struggling.

[charliemike11]

I am not rich my Thai wife and I are carers In the Uk,

I built a nice sized 3 bed bungalow for my mother in Law and her 2 grandchildren she was raising from my savings as they desperately needed a decent house (*550kbht) 7 years ago I knew being Thailand I would never own it myself and have never thought of it as my house its for THEM to live in... Father in law died years before I came to Thailand, This family is poor from remote village in Udon Thani district.

Mother in law is 65 and not very able bodied (arthritus, blood pressure probs, poor sight) but doesnt drink alcohol or gamble or wander far from her house...... I bought a pregnant cow and in time the cow delivered 4 calfs which created an income on selling.

MIL has rice farm which she works to best of her ability with the sister and son in law not very big but makes enough to last about 9 months supply of rice every year which they care about passionately.

Wifey has always worked and sent money to her mother to raise her 11 year old daughter (not mine) even before I met her...

I brought Wifey to the Uk as she wanted to be with me and work to help support her mother and child.....every month for the last 6+ years wifey has sent over 10k per month from her own wages to her mother and child..... I am proud of my wifey for doing this.....

I myself pay 270 pounds a month to pay my fathers mortgage due to ill health and 200 pounds pm to my mothers mortgage due to ill health both in the UK....so we are supproting 3 families + ourselves... but I as you can see am paying more to my falang parents than wifey is to her mother......

Each to there own but I have one life and family and I supprort them because I can

[arthurwait]

Perhaps every relationship and set of circumstances is different, so we won't all agree.

I occasionally help with a contribution towards something like a new bathroom or some enhancements to the family home, but really in the 10 years that I have been with my wife (we are not actually married, but its a permanent committed relationship) its worked out at about 3-4,000 baht per year at most.

Of course my wife sends money to help her family on a frequent basis, and ultimately that money comes from me, but her other sisters who are not with foreign partners contribute more or less equally.

In Thailand it works like this.. parents look after children, they do their best and try to get them an education if they can.. then the children look after the parents later in life.. This is fair and a decent system that on the whole works better than the western model.

If you want to live in Thailand and marry a Thai girl it seems fair to help support her family if it's not a strain on your own finances to do so. After all, if you marry then they are your family also.

Until the divorce.