How Much How Little?

[soic]

Do Thai women have sex in daylight hours?? My "so-called wife" says she does not like this and puts fequency of sex on a one day on, one day off schedule, after all the days activities are finished. There is no allowence for taking into consideration the mood of the moment, ie spontaneity. I think the concept does not exist in her mind. If I did not initiate anything, she might never have sex. Needless to say, I have had quite enough of her. This has gone on since I have known her, for 18 months.

Obviously she does not enjoy sex, perhaps due to conservative upbringing and/or past traumas. Not unusual among Thai women, another poster -- I think earlier in this same thread -- has same problem but a very different attitude about it...i.e. he loves his wife and is prepared to work through it. This kind of thing can be worked through successfully, but it takes patience and love. You sound like you have run out of patience and you don't sound in the least like you love her....which undoubtedly contributes to the problem. A woman who is afraid of or otherwise adverse to sex is hardly going to thaw for a man who doesn't care about her as a person. You simply sound angry that she is not as you want her to be, rather than empathetic about what might lie behind her inhibitions...and you certainly don't sound at all invested in the "marriage" (what exactly is a "so-called" wife anyway?)

Might I suggest that you do some introspection about whether or not you really want and are prepared for a relationship as opposed to a one-sided arrangement wherein you get what you want, in the way you want it. If it's the latter you'd do both yourself and the female population a favor by sticking to commercial trabnsactions and avoiding marriages, legal or otherwise. Marriages imply commitment to giving as well as receiving, to giving the other person's needs and feelings equal priority...and to really loving and caring about the other person.

I agree with Sheryl on this one. There should be a lot more to a relationship/marraige than just sex. A Mia Noi isn't your answer... if sex is the ulitmate outcome, then rent it. I would hate to think that you take on a virginal Mia Noi/second wife and lock her into a relationship that will amount to put up, or put out as in this case, or you'll get another and another and yet another... During my second marraige with 10 years behind us, my ex went through a stage of not wanting sex. We were both troubled by it, we cared enough for each other to find the cause. It was medical, we got it fixed and continued with our relationship for another 4 years. We never considered breaking up over sex, or looking for other sex partners. Our marraige ended years later, but it had nothing to do witih sex. It appears that the sex part is a demand on your part. In love and in business, much of what you get depends on how you ask for it. Everyone gets their guard or defenses up when approached with a demand. Try giving a little, you'll get a lot more in return, it's funny how love works that way.... give it a shot before putting another "girl" into that position.

[a2396]

Do Thai women have sex in daylight hours?? My "so-called wife" says she does not like this and puts fequency of sex on a one day on, one day off schedule, after all the days activities are finished. There is no allowence for taking into consideration the mood of the moment, ie spontaneity. I think the concept does not exist in her mind. If I did not initiate anything, she might never have sex. Needless to say, I have had quite enough of her. This has gone on since I have known her, for 18 months.

Obviously she does not enjoy sex, perhaps due to conservative upbringing and/or past traumas. Not unusual among Thai women, another poster -- I think earlier in this same thread -- has same problem but a very different attitude about it...i.e. he loves his wife and is prepared to work through it. This kind of thing can be worked through successfully, but it takes patience and love. You sound like you have run out of patience and you don't sound in the least like you love her....which undoubtedly contributes to the problem. A woman who is afraid of or otherwise adverse to sex is hardly going to thaw for a man who doesn't care about her as a person. You simply sound angry that she is not as you want her to be, rather than empathetic about what might lie behind her inhibitions...and you certainly don't sound at all invested in the "marriage" (what exactly is a "so-called" wife anyway?)

Might I suggest that you do some introspection about whether or not you really want and are prepared for a relationship as opposed to a one-sided arrangement wherein you get what you want, in the way you want it. If it's the latter you'd do both yourself and the female population a favor by sticking to commercial trabnsactions and avoiding marriages, legal or otherwise. Marriages imply commitment to giving as well as receiving, to giving the other person's needs and feelings equal priority...and to really loving and caring about the other person.

I agree with Sheryl on this one. There should be a lot more to a relationship/marraige than just sex. A Mia Noi isn't your answer... if sex is the ulitmate outcome, then rent it. I would hate to think that you take on a virginal Mia Noi/second wife and lock her into a relationship that will amount to put up, or put out as in this case, or you'll get another and another and yet another... During my second marraige with 10 years behind us, my ex went through a stage of not wanting sex. We were both troubled by it, we cared enough for each other to find the cause. It was medical, we got it fixed and continued with our relationship for another 4 years. We never considered breaking up over sex, or looking for other sex partners. Our marraige ended years later, but it had nothing to do witih sex. It appears that the sex part is a demand on your part. In love and in business, much of what you get depends on how you ask for it. Everyone gets their guard or defenses up when approached with a demand. Try giving a little, you'll get a lot more in return, it's funny how love works that way.... give it a shot before putting another "girl" into that position.

Be careful about making generalizations here. The main problem is really not sex, it is communication or lack thereof. There is little emotional interaction and connection and never was much. She has zero interest in learning English and teaches me no Thai. I think the root of this difficulty lies in the fact that this so-called marriage was a corrupt bargain in the first place, that was based upon and arranged for money, not love. She once told a friend that her Mother forced her into this, primarily for monetary gain. All you dowery lovers out there take note. I am a sensible and reasonable person. I have tried to discuss these problems with her as best as can be, given the language limitations. These are complicated personal matters that are difficult to to discuss in any country, let alone in Thailand with all the sexual taboos in society here. I am not making demands, but I have reasonable expectations of give and take, honesty, sincerely and cooperation. 18 months of this is quite enough.

[bina]

how or why did u get in to this relationship from the very beginning?????????? someone put a knife to your throat? banged her up??? what????

i know of arranged marriages (lots of them where i live) that have more warmth and understanding in their relationship then u seem to.....

[a2396]

how or why did u get in to this relationship from the very beginning?????????? someone put a knife to your throat? banged her up??? what????

i know of arranged marriages (lots of them where i live) that have more warmth and understanding in their relationship then u seem to.....

You raise a good question. I was lovestruck and stupid to a large degree. The relationship seemed to have the right "ingredients" I thought, but I think she was faking a good deal of the initial "electricity" and attraction factors. I thought things would warm up eventually, but that has not happened to any extent. I think her expectations are considerbly lower than mine and she seems to be perfectly satisfied to let things go on as they are. That will not be the case.

[soic]

I thought things would warm up eventually, but that has not happened to any extent. I think her expectations are considerbly lower than mine and she seems to be perfectly satisfied to let things go on as they are. That will not be the case.

I was struck by the "would warm up eventually". In almost every new relationship I've ever known or heard of... things generall didn't warm up later, they cooled off. The beginning of a relationship is when two people's hearts are on fire and they can't get enough of each other. Both of them are perfect in the other's eyes, passion is like a raging inferno. People warming up and learning to love each other usually comes from an arranged marraige. I know that still happens in some regions in the east and middle east, but in a "free" relationship, the passion is usually hottest at the beginning, and has to be stoked and rekindled throughout the relationship. Not the other way around...

[sbk]

Just out of curiousity a2396, does your wife work? Does she have small children to raise?

Alot of times women can be just too darn tired to have sex. And have you considered that maybe she doesn't enjoy your technique?

I don't mean to sound confrontative or attacking here, just trying to point out that there are two people in a relationship and perhaps things might work out better if you put yourself in her shoes for a day or two. Try to understand her life and then decide if she was being manipulative or if there are other issues at hand that you can't see on the surface.

[a2396]

Just out of curiousity a2396, does your wife work? Does she have small children to raise?

Alot of times women can be just too darn tired to have sex. And have you considered that maybe she doesn't enjoy your technique?

I don't mean to sound confrontative or attacking here, just trying to point out that there are two people in a relationship and perhaps things might work out better if you put yourself in her shoes for a day or two. Try to understand her life and then decide if she was being manipulative or if there are other issues at hand that you can't see on the surface.

My lady is 36 and quite attractive. There are no children. She or I have never had any. She quit her job about 10 moths ago & now takes care of the house and watches television in most of her spare time. It could be she does not like my technique. She once told such to a friend. I think she was used to Thai men jumping her and going at it like a rabbit. Maybe she likes that. It is not my style. I like things slow & relaxed. There are certainly plenty of issues under the water, since it is not possible to discuss much with her.

[LaoPo]

Just out of curiousity a2396, does your wife work? Does she have small children to raise?

Alot of times women can be just too darn tired to have sex. And have you considered that maybe she doesn't enjoy your technique?

I don't mean to sound confrontative or attacking here, just trying to point out that there are two people in a relationship and perhaps things might work out better if you put yourself in her shoes for a day or two. Try to understand her life and then decide if she was being manipulative or if there are other issues at hand that you can't see on the surface.

My lady is 36 and quite attractive. There are no children. She or I have never had any. She quit her job about 10 moths ago & now takes care of the house and watches television in most of her spare time. It could be she does not like my technique. She once told such to a friend. I think she was used to Thai men jumping her and going at it like a rabbit. Maybe she likes that. It is not my style. I like things slow & relaxed. There are certainly plenty of issues under the water, since it is not possible to discuss much with her.

You have done a lot of explaining and talking about your wife and your possible future Mia Noi. Don't you think it's about time you talk with your wife and explain you want a divorce since you're not satisfied with the relationship now....mainly based on the lack of your desired style and frequency of sex; apart from the fact that the two of you are not willing or able to communicate...

...instead of talking about a Mia Noi on the side (or not)?

You call your wife a Lady, so she deserves honesty, class and style.

You are, im my opinion, comparing her (36) with a 20 year old girl you're obviously in love with, which is not fair towards your wife, besides the fact you didn't even 'consume' sex with the 20 year old.....you might run into another disaster in life here again.

Be a man and if you can't settle your 'disputes' in life and sex with your Lady...divorce.

I've seen too many men in my life, jumping from one relation/marriage into another. That's not the way to do it IMHO.

One has to finish completely with 1 marriage before jumping into another bed, but that's my simple view.

I divorced once, just once, but that was not because of another Lady; it was because the marriage failed; and it takes 2 to Tango, you know.

Where a marriage fails 2 people are responsible for the failure, not 1, like you're trying to point the failure towards your Lady-wife here!

LaoPo

[soic]

It may be tacky to ask... but could weight and age be a factor? I mean... if I were a beautiful young lady... I would imagine it might be difficult to get excited about a 300lb old guy slobbering over me. Before you take offense... I'm 43, and slightly overweight myself... by about 30lbs, I guess that's more than slightly. Anyway... luckily, I don't have that problem, but I used wonder how my ex-girlfriend and ex-wife could be excited about sex with me... I mean realistically. Overweight Old guy, beautiful and sexy young ladies. It wasn't an issue for them, it was more of an issue to me. I get flaterring comments all the time, western, european and eastern ladies, but I still feel self-concsious. Could that be a possibility?

[sbk]

If you really love someone Soic, then a bit overweight doesn't really matter.

The beauty of the person is on the inside, not the outside. I think far too often people expect some kind of physical perfection from a person that is unrealisitic. How many men complain about their wives weight gain after having kids? How unfair, coming from someone who can have absolutely no idea the physical changes a woman goes through when pregnant.

If the relationship is real then and the love is honest then physical imperfections are unimportant. And to be totally honest, if the person is obese then a loving spouse would probably be more concerned about their health and their life then their appearance.

[soic]

I agree sbk, but with the earlier statement... about the lady wanting to "get it quickly overwith" and him wanting to take it slow. I can't see a "beautiful young lady" being super sexed up for prolonged sex with an "old fat guy" Love or No Love!!!! Honesty may not be the best policy... and love aside, there is still attraction and arousal factors.... I wouldn't go to a mall and expect every teenie bopper to look at me and think I'm a stud. Nor would I expect my wife to continue to feel amorous towards me if I didn't at least make an attempt at taking care of myself. Weight, Hygiene, clothiing, attitude, there are several parts of ourselves that make us desireable as well as disgusting. Love can conquer a lot... but it is foolish to think that love can hide all of our faults. I'm not talking about pregnancy, or regular aging... I always was even more attracted and in love with my wife when she was pregnant... and understanding, supportive and helpful when she wanted to lose weight. I even understood when one of my ex's pointed out that I should try to lose some weight.

[phibunmike]

Yes, Thai girls enjoy sex during daytime - at least my wife does. After lunch is a splendid time for it. Another good time is early evening - I am sure I am not alone in that my performance is not as good after a few drinks - climaxing takes forever - so it can be nice to have sex before going out for dinner or whatever.

Going back to earlier comments about missionary position, I think it has two very positive points: that you can look at each other as you make love, not just the face, but the entire body if you raise your upper torso by extending the arms (I think this is still admissible as missionary position); and secondly, if you move slightly up the body from the "natural" position, i.e. the male moves his body closer to the head-board (assuming by this stage you are still on the bed and facing the right way round ), this enables the thrusting penis to provide extra stimulation to the clitoris .

Perhaps this is all too personal to share with a bunch of strangers.......

[a2396]

Just out of curiousity a2396, does your wife work? Does she have small children to raise?

Alot of times women can be just too darn tired to have sex. And have you considered that maybe she doesn't enjoy your technique?

I don't mean to sound confrontative or attacking here, just trying to point out that there are two people in a relationship and perhaps things might work out better if you put yourself in her shoes for a day or two. Try to understand her life and then decide if she was being manipulative or if there are other issues at hand that you can't see on the surface.

My lady is 36 and quite attractive. There are no children. She or I have never had any. She quit her job about 10 moths ago & now takes care of the house and watches television in most of her spare time. It could be she does not like my technique. She once told such to a friend. I think she was used to Thai men jumping her and going at it like a rabbit. Maybe she likes that. It is not my style. I like things slow & relaxed. There are certainly plenty of issues under the water, since it is not possible to discuss much with her.

You have done a lot of explaining and talking about your wife and your possible future Mia Noi. Don't you think it's about time you talk with your wife and explain you want a divorce since you're not satisfied with the relationship now....mainly based on the lack of your desired style and frequency of sex; apart from the fact that the two of you are not willing or able to communicate...

...instead of talking about a Mia Noi on the side (or not)?

You call your wife a Lady, so she deserves honesty, class and style.

You are, im my opinion, comparing her (36) with a 20 year old girl you're obviously in love with, which is not fair towards your wife, besides the fact you didn't even 'consume' sex with the 20 year old.....you might run into another disaster in life here again.

Be a man and if you can't settle your 'disputes' in life and sex with your Lady...divorce.

I've seen too many men in my life, jumping from one relation/marriage into another. That's not the way to do it IMHO.

One has to finish completely with 1 marriage before jumping into another bed, but that's my simple view.

I divorced once, just once, but that was not because of another Lady; it was because the marriage failed; and it takes 2 to Tango, you know.

Where a marriage fails 2 people are responsible for the failure, not 1, like you're trying to point the failure towards your Lady-wife here!

LaoPo

You have some good points and I am not saying that the balme is 100% on her. I should have never continued the relationship after I saw some serious "red flags" with her from the beginning. Firstly, was a fixation about money and making sure it was "ponyed up" monthy on a regular schedule. Secondly, was "railroading" me innto Bhudda weding ceremony the second day I arrived in her home city. Thirdly, was refusing to have sex with me for 3 months, until a satasfactory dowery was handed over. Forthly, putting ferquency of sex on a rather inflexible schedule. (Spontaneity is not in her dictionary). Fifth, Refusing to learn English or teach me Thai. Attempts at discussing these issues and to reach some resolution usually turns into a major argument.

Needless to say, I am in this as a result of my own stupidity by hoping for the best with a woman who I at one time had quite a lot of attraction. And for further clarification, I am not a 300 pound uncouth slob. My opinion is that she entered into this farce of a marriage for money and is holding her nose trying to make the best of it now. I would say I deserve better.

[Boo]

I would say I deserve better.

I agree, however you came to be in this situation, you & your wife need to move on IMO. For both your well being & sanity, you aren't living a life. I hope you both find what you need or want in the future.

[a2396]

I would say I deserve better.

I agree, however you came to be in this situation, you & your wife need to move on IMO. For both your well being & sanity, you aren't living a life. I hope you both find what you need or want in the future.

Thank you.

[farangsay]

I saw this forum and felt like a voyeur checking it out.

I saw the post and had to look. Voyeur no question now.

The cap fits so wear it.

Then I thought of a story I heard years ago in France.

Some orginisation started a survey on how often people made love , had sex , whatever.

The returns came back at 100% with just an acronym : MMS

So they sent people out to find out what MMS meant

Apparently it changed according to the age group.

For young people it was "matin , midi , soir" (morning , midday and evening).

For middle aged people it was "mardi , mercredi , samedi" (Tuesday , Wednesday , Saturday)

For the oldies it was "mars , mai , septembre" (March , May , September).

[CANA]

I agree with Khall64au. In a past relationship we had a rule: at least once a day during the week, at least twice on Saturdays and all day Sundays. 'Twas great.

[soic]

My wife and I have a rule too... if we feel like it, we do it. We don't schedule or plan it. If when we kiss it leads to more, then we do... if we're both tired, we don't. We usually do though... I remember after one particular harried day, the wife said, "Ti Rak, is it ok if tonight we don't do?" I told her "Of course, I'm in love with all of you, not just that". We kissed good night and next thing I knew, I was in bed with an animal. I asked her "what's up with this, I thought you were tired!", said "Sorry Ti Rak, I change my mind!". It was a whole lot more fun... Spontaneity... ain't it grand!

[thaibebop]

I agree with Khall64au. In a past relationship we had a rule: at least once a day during the week, at least twice on Saturdays and all day Sundays. 'Twas great.

My wife and I have a rule too... if we feel like it, we do it. We don't schedule or plan it. If when we kiss it leads to more, then we do... if we're both tired, we don't. We usually do though... I remember after one particular harried day, the wife said, "Ti Rak, is it ok if tonight we don't do?" I told her "Of course, I'm in love with all of you, not just that". We kissed good night and next thing I knew, I was in bed with an animal. I asked her "what's up with this, I thought you were tired!", said "Sorry Ti Rak, I change my mind!". It was a whole lot more fun... Spontaneity... ain't it grand!

Are these rules spoken and agreed upon rules?

[soic]

Well yes, I guess you could say that our lack of rules or schedule were agreed on early in our relationship. She thought at first that since I was a Farang, sex was the biggest motivator in our relationship. I ended that myth right off the bat. We talked a long time... she mentioned the Mia Noi thing, and frequency... as I said, it was early on. She was feeling me out. I told her to get one thing clear... I was in love with her, not her equipment or the way that she would satisfy me. I wanted her love and devotion not a sex slave. I told her that when she felt like it, we would and vice-versa. If either one of us didn't feel like it, then the other should understand. We've learned to guage each others needs. We give an take... there have been times when I wasn't exactly feeling amorous and still satisfied her, and she too has done the same for me. There have also been times that one or the other just didn't want to or didn't feel like we could and have understand. Those times are very few. I tend to get more with her than I ever did with any of my previous relationships, just by the offering the freedom to say yes or no, without any fear of guilt or worry about infidelity based on sexual gratification. Love goes a long way towards understanding, sex is a by product of a loving relationship, not the foundation, or at least it shouldn't be.

[thaibebop]

Well yes, I guess you could say that our lack of rules or schedule were agreed on early in our relationship. She thought at first that since I was a Farang, sex was the biggest motivator in our relationship. I ended that myth right off the bat. We talked a long time... she mentioned the Mia Noi thing, and frequency... as I said, it was early on. She was feeling me out. I told her to get one thing clear... I was in love with her, not her equipment or the way that she would satisfy me. I wanted her love and devotion not a sex slave. I told her that when she felt like it, we would and vice-versa. If either one of us didn't feel like it, then the other should understand. We've learned to guage each others needs. We give an take... there have been times when I wasn't exactly feeling amorous and still satisfied her, and she too has done the same for me. There have also been times that one or the other just didn't want to or didn't feel like we could and have understand. Those times are very few. I tend to get more with her than I ever did with any of my previous relationships, just by the offering the freedom to say yes or no, without any fear of guilt or worry about infidelity based on sexual gratification. Love goes a long way towards understanding, sex is a by product of a loving relationship, not the foundation, or at least it shouldn't be.

I had a relationship once in which such things were discussed and in a rational manner....it wasn't a healthy relationship.

[soic]

I have to say that for all the years of searching and the failed marraiges, I think that I've found my equal. We're close to the same age, have the same ideas, goals and well... drives. We're in tune with each other. I look forward to every moment that I can spend with her. She is truly my best friend, there isn't anything that I don't or wouldn't do without her. I'd do anything to see her smile. I guess that's healthy... I know that I can't and wouldn't change that for the world.

On a side note... when I was a young lion on the prowl, I always got more "attention" by not being a hound. The girls that were the most hounded used to talk to me about my "friends" and asked why they were such hound dogs. I used to get more offers than the guys that chased it. Life was so grand. It's amazing how your ears and mind will get you more than your pecker will.

[Bangkokbabay]

I just say -

Yiiii~Haaa Cowboy! Let's go for a ride

Giddyup!

Edited June 1, 2006 by Bangkokbabay

[thaibebop]

I just say -

Yiiii~Haaa Cowboy! Let's go for a ride

Giddyup!

What? Who is Giddyuping?

[Samart]

So when was the last time you all had sex?

[soic]

So when was the last time you all had sex?

You'll have to be more specific:

1. In a fantasy?

2. With myself?

3. Or with another person?

You'd get 3 different answers...

1. Just a few minutes ago

2. 3 days ago

3. 4 months, 1 week, 3 days, 14 hours and 35 minutes ago.

[LaoPo]

So when was the last time you all had sex?

You'll have to be more specific:

1. In a fantasy?

2. With myself?

3. Or with another person?

You'd get 3 different answers...

1. Just a few minutes ago

2. 3 days ago

3. 4 months, 1 week, 3 days, 14 hours and 35 minutes ago.

Are you living in a remote desert?

LaoPo

[soic]

So when was the last time you all had sex?

You'll have to be more specific:

1. In a fantasy?

2. With myself?

3. Or with another person?

You'd get 3 different answers...

1. Just a few minutes ago

2. 3 days ago

3. 4 months, 1 week, 3 days, 14 hours and 35 minutes ago.

Are you living in a remote desert?

LaoPo

Actually I'm staying on a base in Iraq, on a small site. My quarters are approximately 100yds away from my office. 24 hour manned security gate, living amongst the security staff. I'd say that I"m pretty well isolated. I have to take a car from one of my employees to go to the PX, which occurs about once every two weeks. I work 12-14 hours a day, 7 days a week for 4 months, till my next R&R. So.... yeah.... Thanks!!!

[LaoPo]

So when was the last time you all had sex?

You'll have to be more specific:

1. In a fantasy?

2. With myself?

3. Or with another person?

You'd get 3 different answers...

1. Just a few minutes ago

2. 3 days ago

3. 4 months, 1 week, 3 days, 14 hours and 35 minutes ago.

Are you living in a remote desert?

LaoPo

Actually I'm staying on a base in Iraq, on a small site. My quarters are approximately 100yds away from my office. 24 hour manned security gate, living amongst the security staff. I'd say that I"m pretty well isolated. I have to take a car from one of my employees to go to the PX, which occurs about once every two weeks. I work 12-14 hours a day, 7 days a week for 4 months, till my next R&R. So.... yeah.... Thanks!!!

Take care! I do not envy you....

LaoPo

[soic]

So when was the last time you all had sex?

You'll have to be more specific:

1. In a fantasy?

2. With myself?

3. Or with another person?

You'd get 3 different answers...

1. Just a few minutes ago

2. 3 days ago

3. 4 months, 1 week, 3 days, 14 hours and 35 minutes ago.

Are you living in a remote desert?

LaoPo

Actually I'm staying on a base in Iraq, on a small site. My quarters are approximately 100yds away from my office. 24 hour manned security gate, living amongst the security staff. I'd say that I"m pretty well isolated. I have to take a car from one of my employees to go to the PX, which occurs about once every two weeks. I work 12-14 hours a day, 7 days a week for 4 months, till my next R&R. So.... yeah.... Thanks!!!

Take care! I do not envy you....

LaoPo

It's not that bad, you get used to it. I will have been in theater for 3 years and 3 months tomorrow. It's actually harder on my wife and kids, they all want me home and I can't quit just yet. I need to buy a few more things to get ready for early retirement. I'm working at it though.