How it all ends up.....

[ABCer]

jack244,

I was really moved by your story. I wish you health above all. And I wish you find a good person to live your life with and be happy.

However, I feel you should at least hear my advice and think it over. Apart from my long life experience it is based on following observations from your post.

Your previous wife/gf/partner had been in similar situation before. She had a son whom she gave away (sold?).

She is willing to sell to you your own daughter. And you want this, so that your child benefits in her future life.

I understand you are emotionally involved. It is your child. But there are many complicated issues in such a move.

Think. And think again! Please, do not get angry with what I say. I may be wrong, but I invite you to think...

Is the girl yours?

Are you legally married?

Is she legally yours?

Will her presence negatively affect your family life with another woman?

Will you be around till she gets educated and grown up to look after herself?

You take the girl (and it is a life long commitment!) and you open yourself to extortion from her mother.

Do what your head and heart tells you. But think!

Here is what I would try to do in your place (not that I would like to be in your place!).

First - take away all the money from this equation. Not a cent to mother or family! Say, for at least a year.

She may decide to give her away to you if she sees no profits. If she does, make sure it is legally foolproof. And make sure the girl is yours.

By all means, whatever happens, sever all ties between mother and child. Unless you want the girl to end up at the same bar.

If you want to improve girls chances in life, - never let the family have any cash! Only pay the bills for education! Preferably at a boarding school far away from mother. You know what her mother is like by now.

Raising a child is a 20 year long business. Consider this.

If you have enough money - put it in Trust, with precise instructions as to her education, expenses, etc. to avoid her mother extortion in future.

Do you have any possibility that your family takes the girl for a few years so that she learns English? This alone would improve her chances a lot.

Do not rush head first driven by emotions.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but it is a friendly advice.

Edited August 8, 2013 by ABCer

[Andre0720]

As an example, last week, she was paid her salary, she withdrew it all and offered me it....she reasoned I take good care of her and she loves me (I didn't take it)."

I was framed twice with this 'ploy'.

Were building my confidence to later squeeze as much as possible from me.

Might not be the case in this instance, but be careful.

[ppmacready]

Hope it works out for you this time and also hope your health continues to improve.

They are not all money grubbing untrustworthy blood suckers. Just some are.

I agree, but I'd change that to ''most''.

Also look up Bi Carbonate of soda as a useful tool to keep cancer at bay.

I use i teaspoon a day in a glass of water.

Cost 30baht a month.

http://truthpills.wordpress.com/health/maple-syrupbaking-soda-trojan-horse/

[MobileContent]

As they saiy the first one will always be the wrong one and things can only get better.

[NeverSure]

OK, If you are going to hook up with this teacher, please let me tell you what I'd do including having no children and not getting married.

First look after your health and be well. Best wishes to you.

1. Have the teacher buy herself a new house on the no-down new home scheme if she doesn't already own one.

2. Have the teacher buy whatever transportation she needs, maybe a car if she doesn't have one.

3. Move in with her. If you must get married, at least the home and car and loans are in her name.

4, Agree to contribute a fixed sum to joint expenses, say 50k. Agree that each takes an allowance out of the total.

5. Now use that combined sum for car and house payments, utilities, food and so on.

6. If you have to walk, you haven't lost much. It the relationship lasts a long time her car and house gets paid for a little at a time, much like you paying rent.

Thar ya go.

Yikes. Why get her into debt? If she's happy with her lifestyle, leave her be.

Because I know two school teachers in Isaan who are scammers. They too have multiple farangs sending them money. One is either married to, or has a Thai "brother."

If I ever got married in LOS, even to a school teacher, I would never buy her a house except on installments over many years. Same with a car.

If she wants a house and a car, the best I would do for her is agree to make her payments. Then if she turned out to be bad I could walk. If she turned out to be good, I'd be around to pay off her debts. Up to her.

Those who think that only certified bar girls are con artists may just be in for a big surprise.

[maprao]

oops sorry about the crossing out "of good luck in the future" in my post #32 That was a mistake do not know how that happened

Wish you luck health and Happiness!

[HardenedSoul]

OK, If you are going to hook up with this teacher, please let me tell you what I'd do including having no children and not getting married.

First look after your health and be well. Best wishes to you.

1. Have the teacher buy herself a new house on the no-down new home scheme if she doesn't already own one.

2. Have the teacher buy whatever transportation she needs, maybe a car if she doesn't have one.

3. Move in with her. If you must get married, at least the home and car and loans are in her name.

4, Agree to contribute a fixed sum to joint expenses, say 50k. Agree that each takes an allowance out of the total.

5. Now use that combined sum for car and house payments, utilities, food and so on.

6. If you have to walk, you haven't lost much. It the relationship lasts a long time her car and house gets paid for a little at a time, much like you paying rent.

Thar ya go.

Yikes. Why get her into debt? If she's happy with her lifestyle, leave her be.

Because I know two school teachers in Isaan who are scammers. They too have multiple farangs sending them money. One is either married to, or has a Thai "brother."

If I ever got married in LOS, even to a school teacher, I would never buy her a house except on installments over many years. Same with a car.

If she wants a house and a car, the best I would do for her is agree to make her payments. Then if she turned out to be bad I could walk. If she turned out to be good, I'd be around to pay off her debts. Up to her.

Those who think that only certified bar girls are con artists may just be in for a big surprise.

One or more posters on this thread have run out and bought their wives a house and a car . . . in the wives' names too believe it or not.

They think that largesse of this magnitude proves how much they love her.

[weegee]

OK, If you are going to hook up with this teacher, please let me tell you what I'd do including having no children and not getting married.

First look after your health and be well. Best wishes to you.

1. Have the teacher buy herself a new house on the no-down new home scheme if she doesn't already own one.

2. Have the teacher buy whatever transportation she needs, maybe a car if she doesn't have one.

3. Move in with her. If you must get married, at least the home and car and loans are in her name.

4, Agree to contribute a fixed sum to joint expenses, say 50k. Agree that each takes an allowance out of the total.

5. Now use that combined sum for car and house payments, utilities, food and so on.

6. If you have to walk, you haven't lost much. It the relationship lasts a long time her car and house gets paid for a little at a time, much like you paying rent.

Thar ya go.

Yikes. Why get her into debt? If she's happy with her lifestyle, leave her be.

Because I know two school teachers in Isaan who are scammers. They too have multiple farangs sending them money. One is either married to, or has a Thai "brother."

If I ever got married in LOS, even to a school teacher, I would never buy her a house except on installments over many years. Same with a car.

If she wants a house and a car, the best I would do for her is agree to make her payments. Then if she turned out to be bad I could walk. If she turned out to be good, I'd be around to pay off her debts. Up to her.

Those who think that only certified bar girls are con artists may just be in for a big surprise.

looks like School Teachers(Thai) like that, are everywhere...SIL is one, and siphoning every herd earned dollar from her so called husband from UK...everything is in her name not his (of course....he is a Farang).

And she is proud enough to brag about it....3 houses he knows about plus what is on the side he doesn't know about....

I hope the OP has a complete recovery, and his life changes for the better.

[Straight8]

As an example, last week, she was paid her salary, she withdrew it all and offered me it....she reasoned I take good care of her and she loves me (I didn't take it)."

I was framed twice with this 'ploy'.

Were building my confidence to later squeeze as much as possible from me.

Might not be the case in this instance, but be careful.

Spot on!!

Guys get totally hoodwinked when their little teeruk does all the niceties like pack their clothes away, scrub their back, tidy up the place, put toothpaste on the their brush, you get the picture here, however what does it all mean? Every man here should want the woman to want him for purely love, no other reasons. Be wise, be smart, and throw a few curve balls at them, see how they go. Test them at every chance and you will have a better understanding of where you fit in, within her life.

As for the obvious almighty red flags, asking for financial help or anything baht related therein, run and never look back.

Meeting them in the bar scene and contemplating a serious relationship, then you need serious help.

Good luck in your recovery!!!

[jack244]

jack244,

I was really moved by your story. I wish you health above all. And I wish you find a good person to live your life with and be happy.

However, I feel you should at least hear my advice and think it over. Apart from my long life experience it is based on following observations from your post.

Your previous wife/gf/partner had been in similar situation before. She had a son whom she gave away (sold?).

She is willing to sell to you your own daughter. And you want this, so that your child benefits in her future life.

I understand you are emotionally involved. It is your child. But there are many complicated issues in such a move.

Think. And think again! Please, do not get angry with what I say. I may be wrong, but I invite you to think...

Is the girl yours?

Are you legally married?

Is she legally yours?

Will her presence negatively affect your family life with another woman?

Will you be around till she gets educated and grown up to look after herself?

You take the girl (and it is a life long commitment!) and you open yourself to extortion from her mother.

Do what your head and heart tells you. But think!

Here is what I would try to do in your place (not that I would like to be in your place!).

First - take away all the money from this equation. Not a cent to mother or family! Say, for at least a year.

She may decide to give her away to you if she sees no profits. If she does, make sure it is legally foolproof. And make sure the girl is yours.

By all means, whatever happens, sever all ties between mother and child. Unless you want the girl to end up at the same bar.

If you want to improve girls chances in life, - never let the family have any cash! Only pay the bills for education! Preferably at a boarding school far away from mother. You know what her mother is like by now.

Raising a child is a 20 year long business. Consider this.

If you have enough money - put it in Trust, with precise instructions as to her education, expenses, etc. to avoid her mother extortion in future.

Do you have any possibility that your family takes the girl for a few years so that she learns English? This alone would improve her chances a lot.

Do not rush head first driven by emotions.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but it is a friendly advice.

Good points raised and thanks,

Sure she is mine, no doubt.

As for my family, however embarrassed I was coming clean with them, they would support such a move and BG agrees UK or here. The UK is a big step for someone so young, and the emotional part would be huge for her and I. I am no monster, far from it, I would wish BG to have contact, visits and such.

I feel she would be better placed staying with me, then see how it goes. I am young enough (early 40's), so would be able to do such.

In respect of some posts regarding visits here, yes I am a gold member with both Etihad and Emirates, I lived in Dubai for 3 1/2 years, every month doable to Bangkok, for a few days or holidays. I have many little blue triangles in my passport.

Regards

[Anon999]

Hope it works out for you this time and also hope your health continues to improve.

They are not all money grubbing untrustworthy blood suckers. Just some are.

I agree, but I'd change that to ''most''.

Also look up Bi Carbonate of soda as a useful tool to keep cancer at bay.

I use i teaspoon a day in a glass of water.

Cost 30baht a month.

http://truthpills.wordpress.com/health/maple-syrupbaking-soda-trojan-horse/

I disagree as in my experience, over 25 years both in the UK and Thailand with many Thai's, most are not. That's not to say you should not be careful and what's more you could easily look closer to you home country and find they are worse.

[HOOD Robin]

Hope it works out for you this time and also hope your health continues to improve.

They are not all money grubbing untrustworthy blood suckers. Just some are.

Just some are.... NOT

[arthurwait]

OK, If you are going to hook up with this teacher, please let me tell you what I'd do including having no children and not getting married.

First look after your health and be well. Best wishes to you.

1. Have the teacher buy herself a new house on the no-down new home scheme if she doesn't already own one.

2. Have the teacher buy whatever transportation she needs, maybe a car if she doesn't have one.

3. Move in with her. If you must get married, at least the home and car and loans are in her name.

4, Agree to contribute a fixed sum to joint expenses, say 50k. Agree that each takes an allowance out of the total.

5. Now use that combined sum for car and house payments, utilities, food and so on.

6. If you have to walk, you haven't lost much. It the relationship lasts a long time her car and house gets paid for a little at a time, much like you paying rent.

Thar ya go.

Thai teaches earn about 15k a month don't they ?

[arthurwait]

Hope it works out for you this time and also hope your health continues to improve.

They are not all money grubbing untrustworthy blood suckers. Just some are.

I agree, but I'd change that to ''most''.

Also look up Bi Carbonate of soda as a useful tool to keep cancer at bay.

I use i teaspoon a day in a glass of water.

Cost 30baht a month.

http://truthpills.wordpress.com/health/maple-syrupbaking-soda-trojan-horse/

I was watching a program the other day that was saying turmeric does the same.

[NeverSure]

OK, If you are going to hook up with this teacher, please let me tell you what I'd do including having no children and not getting married.

First look after your health and be well. Best wishes to you.

1. Have the teacher buy herself a new house on the no-down new home scheme if she doesn't already own one.

2. Have the teacher buy whatever transportation she needs, maybe a car if she doesn't have one.

3. Move in with her. If you must get married, at least the home and car and loans are in her name.

4, Agree to contribute a fixed sum to joint expenses, say 50k. Agree that each takes an allowance out of the total.

5. Now use that combined sum for car and house payments, utilities, food and so on.

6. If you have to walk, you haven't lost much. It the relationship lasts a long time her car and house gets paid for a little at a time, much like you paying rent.

Thar ya go.

Thai teaches earn about 15k a month don't they ?

I know one near Sisaket who has a master's degree and earns 30k. She has a farang bought house, and she set out to get that house. Now the other teachers in her school are looking for a farang to buy them a house. One is married, has a Dutch guy on the string, everyone in the school knows it, and when he comes to visit no one will tell him.

This is not limited to bar girls.

[Nana Cowboy]

I've heard many stories like this before but not one with the Big C which makes it worse. Burriram check, Kid check and most of the rest of it. hang in there and make sure the teacher is the right one

[benalibina]

I've heard many stories like this before but not one with the Big C which makes it worse. Burriram check, Kid check and most of the rest of it. hang in there and make sure the teacher is the right one

One can never be sure.

[benalibina]

OK, If you are going to hook up with this teacher, please let me tell you what I'd do including having no children and not getting married.

First look after your health and be well. Best wishes to you.

1. Have the teacher buy herself a new house on the no-down new home scheme if she doesn't already own one.

2. Have the teacher buy whatever transportation she needs, maybe a car if she doesn't have one.

3. Move in with her. If you must get married, at least the home and car and loans are in her name.

4, Agree to contribute a fixed sum to joint expenses, say 50k. Agree that each takes an allowance out of the total.

5. Now use that combined sum for car and house payments, utilities, food and so on.

6. If you have to walk, you haven't lost much. It the relationship lasts a long time her car and house gets paid for a little at a time, much like you paying rent.

Thar ya go.

Thai teaches earn about 15k a month don't they ?

I know one near Sisaket who has a master's degree and earns 30k. She has a farang bought house, and she set out to get that house. Now the other teachers in her school are looking for a farang to buy them a house. One is married, has a Dutch guy on the string, everyone in the school knows it, and when he comes to visit no one will tell him.

This is not limited to bar girls.

All the nonsense about bargirls that only they are on the game of cheat, steal and lying. The girls with a normal job combined with below or middleclass background can be the 1s somebody have to be careful about. PERCEPTION, though misleading !

[Choonpon]

Dear OP,

Thank you for sharing your story. Take special care in your daily diet. And stay happy and optimistic always. That is the best way to fight cancer.

All the best wishes to you.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[HardenedSoul]

Before this turns into the typical TV bargirl/Thai woman hate-fest, it's worth remembering that a lot of guys are just bloody well asking for it.

[NovaBlue05]

So the Ex is perfectly happy to give up her daughter and has already pretty much abandoned her to the care of the inlaws. As a practical matter however, the Ex & parents will need to sell you custody of your daughter to ensure one last payday

[stefb1964]

Thanks for sharing your story here.... I'd take care of my health in the first place. The rest is bonus, although it looks like you got a nice bonus this time.

[Andre0720]

If you allow me one advice to you:

Do not trust your own feelings about any relationship in Thailand/

[Bender]

first thanks for sharing your story, it's with debriefing like yours that some people will finally open their eyes.

And here some of my thoughts while reading your story:

After your fiasco, you should have take some holiday with all your love affair, especialy in thailand.

Even if the new GF is a teacher, its doesnt mean she is a 'good' girl. NOT AT ALL!

Like NeverSure, i have also my share of horror story involving teacher cheating on their foreign bf.

And i swear, its really horror story! She give you her salary: this is the red flag!

Take back at any price, you daughter, unless you want she become like her mother a future whore!

This is a certainty!

4-5 times a weeks i got hit, in bkk- at the market, shop, haircut salon, bts- by dark, ugly, issan girls, they try to do their angel face,

sweet eyes, lovely smile. But what i only see for most of them is a sneaky smile: These kind of girls, truely believe, that we foreigner are really dumb, really easily cheated. And they are not wrong. They hunt newbie foreigner like you...

And last, also wish you a good recoovery, but dont forget here you are the prey(not the white knight, the lovely husband, the good samaritan, just a prey)

[falang07]

I suppose she was in her 20's and you in your 50's or 60's, am I right? What did you expect? Let me say this clear, for all that still do not get this simple fact of life. She stayed with you, an old man in her grandfather's years, just for the money, and you paid her a nice rent and still did not realize this? This was not love, it does not work this way, young girls are not attracted to old chaps, neither are young boys attracted to old ladies. I repeat, what did you expect? It seems the older we are, the less sense for reality we have.

[maprao]

Like all places in the world be careful. I like the post about being the "prey" not the night in shining armour.

Remember some of them play the long game. I am hoping after 15 years i an one of the lucky ones.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Edited August 9, 2013 by maprao

[ABCer]

jack244,

I was really moved by your story. I wish you health above all. And I wish you find a good person to live your life with and be happy.

However, I feel you should at least hear my advice and think it over. Apart from my long life experience it is based on following observations from your post.

Your previous wife/gf/partner had been in similar situation before. She had a son whom she gave away (sold?).

She is willing to sell to you your own daughter. And you want this, so that your child benefits in her future life.

I understand you are emotionally involved. It is your child. But there are many complicated issues in such a move.

Think. And think again! Please, do not get angry with what I say. I may be wrong, but I invite you to think...

Is the girl yours?

Are you legally married?

Is she legally yours?

Will her presence negatively affect your family life with another woman?

Will you be around till she gets educated and grown up to look after herself?

You take the girl (and it is a life long commitment!) and you open yourself to extortion from her mother.

Do what your head and heart tells you. But think!

Here is what I would try to do in your place (not that I would like to be in your place!).

First - take away all the money from this equation. Not a cent to mother or family! Say, for at least a year.

She may decide to give her away to you if she sees no profits. If she does, make sure it is legally foolproof. And make sure the girl is yours.

By all means, whatever happens, sever all ties between mother and child. Unless you want the girl to end up at the same bar.

If you want to improve girls chances in life, - never let the family have any cash! Only pay the bills for education! Preferably at a boarding school far away from mother. You know what her mother is like by now.

Raising a child is a 20 year long business. Consider this.

If you have enough money - put it in Trust, with precise instructions as to her education, expenses, etc. to avoid her mother extortion in future.

Do you have any possibility that your family takes the girl for a few years so that she learns English? This alone would improve her chances a lot.

Do not rush head first driven by emotions.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but it is a friendly advice.

Good points raised and thanks,

Sure she is mine, no doubt.

As for my family, however embarrassed I was coming clean with them, they would support such a move and BG agrees UK or here. The UK is a big step for someone so young, and the emotional part would be huge for her and I. I am no monster, far from it, I would wish BG to have contact, visits and such.

I feel she would be better placed staying with me, then see how it goes. I am young enough (early 40's), so would be able to do such.

In respect of some posts regarding visits here, yes I am a gold member with both Etihad and Emirates, I lived in Dubai for 3 1/2 years, every month doable to Bangkok, for a few days or holidays. I have many little blue triangles in my passport.

Regards

Thanks for your good reaction. I was a bit worried about your sensitivity.

Here is where you're wrong:

- 'no doubt' is not a proof yet. I would make it solid proof. It's easy, painless and doesn't cost much. Do not act as a noble fool. After all you owe it to your family. The last thing they need is to raise a child of a BG and of unknown father.

- 'I am no monster, I would wish BG to have contact, visits and such'. Here you are thinking about your comfort feelings. Think about the child. The younger she is the easier it will be for her to change the life style, language and eliminate bad influences from her mother ( and they will always be there).

- You seem to be lucky in having a good family. If you really care about the child, take her out of this filthy unhealthy surrounding. And explain this to your family, but do not tell about this to the BG. She may think this arrangement to be advantageous to her as a line to get out of Thailand and agree to give the child away. Keep her hopes up but do not put anything in writing. Let her be disappointed later. Make sure the legal side is covered comprehensively and foolproof.

- You say you are in your 40's. But you are sick. Anything can happen. If it does your child will be better off to have an anchor in your family in your country than in a BG in Thailand. Even if she returns here in a distant future.

- And about your newly found love. So, she is a teacher. So, she says she loves you. So, she was smart to offer what you didn't take. She could have been just smart. Never contribute to your future household more than her monthly salary. Never put a large deposit on a house, - let her do it. You can safely buy a car in your name and she can use it. It is high time for you to play it safe. And in a distant future, when the time is right you can take care of your money, your family and your child from BG the way you will think is right. You can not do this now. Things change as changes the way we see them.

I am over 70. Have seen a lot. Take my advice, it is not about you but about the girl. Sorry for being blunt, but such is life. Best wishes, etc.

Edited August 9, 2013 by ABCer

[sinco52]

I would like to bring my Thai girlfriend back to America. I am retired and have only a small SS check (>$1,000) each month with few assets. I don't want to marry her (not now anyway), so how can she get an American Visa to come visit me for (hopefully) 6 months while we/I decide if we should marry.

I should add that she is 46 y/o with very little income and essentially no assets.

Thanks in advance for your considered responses.

[kevvy]

good luck , and the daughter is so lucky to have a one great and caring parent. god bless you both .

[ABCer]

I would like to bring my Thai girlfriend back to America. I am retired and have only a small SS check (>$1,000) each month with few assets. I don't want to marry her (not now anyway), so how can she get an American Visa to come visit me for (hopefully) 6 months while we/I decide if we should marry.

I should add that she is 46 y/o with very little income and essentially no assets.

Thanks in advance for your considered responses.

Oh, God! Did you read the posts above? Why on Earth you want to line up for yet another disaster?

$1000+ SS per month in US! How will you survive? I wouldn't blame US Immigration if they disallow this.

On the other hand, 30,000 Bt a month is enough for Esaan living.

Don't you see that you are a ticket to US? Not even a meal ticket for that.

Sorry, mate, it's your life...