Hash House Harriers

[svenivan]

Report of Run #51: Saturday, January 19, 2008

Hares: Helping Hand assisted by Hand Cock

Location: South bank of Mae Kok River west of Chiangrai Beach

Twenty five showed up for S2ATO 51st hash including twelve male adults and eight females plus four kids. As usual all the adult males were expats and all the Thai adults were females. The kids were a rainbow in between.

Helping Hand started the group off with a helping hand. Adolescents Spare Wheel and his side kick Dollar set a fast pace from the beginning. Unfortunately neither was particularly cognoscente of the rules governing the use of paper. They ignored the first check and happily led the pack for another ten minutes until Reverse Thruster asked who had last seen paper. At this point the group was in the middle of an empty flood plain which required the hashers to scatter in every direction. Doesn’t Matter Horn discovered a trail above the river bank and Do It Yourself ran straight up the steep bank scattering paper as he went. The crowd tried to follow but a herd of twenty cows began to chase Super Glue and Pat on the Back. Young Darling was first to reach the bank but slipped half way up. The sight of blood prompted the sweep Hand Cock to declare that the trail headed in a different direction.

The trail squeezed between the river’s edge and a suburban populated area. There were tracks crisscrossing the area from every direction. It seems our hares could not resist a crossing without making a check. Hence there were checks every 200 meters. However the narrow expanse of the coastal plain required multiple false trail lines to prevent hashers from falling upon “in” trail on the way out and vice versa. Unfortunately Do It Yourself unconstrained by the absent Do It Better, finding himself along on a different papered track, endeavored improve the trail by running in reverse order spreading paper where it was missing along the way. This created multiple parallel tracks adding unneeded complexity to the initial efforts of our Helping Hand.

In the absence of the beloved Nam Ron and Barefoot Beer Lao Bob, MANipulator declined to compete and contented herself walking amongst the masses. Between Wild Woman, Joy Stick, the two Oileds and Tight Socket she was rarely at a loss for company.

The booze was securely locked in the scribe’s vehicle. So FRB’s had to suffer with coffee at a nearby resort until Wirgin Bluce appeared with the keys. They quickly made up for lost time. Eventually G.M. Shocking was torn long enough from his bottle to call a circle. Ably assisted by Pat on the Back and daughter Boy Magnet there was never a shortage of toasting materials. The hares were so tickled to be honoured, in spite of their efforts that they danced a little jig to celebrate. Mark, son of Young Darling, was likewise toasted as a virgin. Young Darling got his name in recognition of his proclivity to preface all men’s names with “young,” regardless of age and all women’s names with “darling” regardless of looks and disposition. Various epithets were proposed for his better half Pom including Pommy Bastard, Pom Express, Old Pom and Old Fruit but the decision was put off to another time, should she ever reappear. Likewise Rob, who runs a pickling business, attracted names like Thai Prick, Thai Pecker and Pickles but as this was only his second run, the G.M. postponed the selection to next month.

Ever the long range planner the G.M. called Loose Spoke into the circle in recognition of his willingness to hare the February hash. Thus lubricated, the spirit of volunteerism flowed through the pack and soon Flaps and Do It Yourself came forward to do March and May respectively.

The G.M. expressed a desire for club memorabilia particularly t-shirts. Such items are usually issued to mark special events like our recent 50th hash or to recognize individuals who have done a fixed number of hashes like mile stones. The greatest challenge is to identify some graphic design capacity. Wirgin Bluce promised to inquire among other hash groups about how they got their art work done.

Flaps took over the circle in order to criticize Young Darling. The latter had polluted the environment by spilling his blood upon pristine bank side. He didn’t even stop to clean up the mess he created, after scattering red-tinted sand in every direction. With this admonishment to be environmentally friendly, the circle broke up to resume discussions at the follow up On! On!

Notes by Wirgin Bluce

[soap]

Here are the directions to the February 16th hash:

As you drive north from central Chiang Rai on the super highway, you will eventually reach the traffic light at the road to the airport. About 900 meters beyond the traffic light you will see Bandu market on the left and the pedestrian bridge over the highway.

About 200 meters past Bandu market, turn left toward Pong Prabaht waterfall and Pong Prabaht resort. There are lots of signs in Thai on the corner. The road is #1151.

After following this road about 7.5 km, it will make a 90 degree curve to the left. There is a sign here, marking a right turn to Pong Prabaht resort (but don't turn to the right – follow the road to the left.

After making the curve to the left, you will pass the Huai Luang reservoir on the left. About 300 meters after the curve, you should see the blue Soi 6 sign (and the HHH sign, as well).

Turn left onto Soi 6 and follow this road for about 2.9 km to the meeting point (HHH sign).

We will start the hash at 3:30. See you there.

On! On!

Loose Spoke

[svenivan]

Report of Run #52: Saturday, February 16, 2008

Hare: Loose Spoke

Location: Ban Du Forest below Pong Pra Baht Waterfalls near Huai Luang Reservoir

The 52d run turned out by some odd coincidence to be remarkably similar to the 41st run (March 17, 2008). Even the hare was the same. It started and ended in the same location although the routes out and in seemed to be reversed. The report of that 41st run is attached.

The hardest part of the run was finding the starting point. One was to travel 7.5 kilometers from the Asia Highway and then do a sharp left where the signs point right to Pong Pra Baht. That was our hare’s way of favouring those who can read Thai. The Huai Luang Reservoir was to be just around some corner. That of course is where we found the reservoir after traveling several kilometers along the road. Those who kept the faith and progressed this far, were then rewarded by a series of four reassuring signs as they drove ever deeper into the wilderness.

A total of 28 people showed up including three kids. Seventeen were farang of whom all but three were men. There were eight adult Thais, all female except for one. Nine were virgins, three female and six males: three hailed from England, three more came from Belgium, there was one Australian and two Thai boys.

All newly arrived hashers were immediately greeted by Hash Cash, Do It Yourself with his hand out to collect the meet’s contribution. Names thus recorded in his attendance list stand as concrete testimony as to how one wasted this Saturday afternoon.

The run began full of trepidation. The Hash Beer had yet to arrive. Her better half, Hand Cock confessed that Helping Hand had escaped to Chiang Mai but promised to appear before the run ended with his vehicle fully loaded with iced beer.

Some of the virgins never miss a trick. Uncle Colin loaded a back pack with water and compelled his ten-year old nephew Bart to carry it. Fifteen-year old brother Bond was wise enough to hide at the time. His better half Deidre avoided confrontation by turning back after the first hill.

Nam Ron accompanied by Bush Wacker and closely followed by MANipulator, Do It Yourself, Stoned and Pickled Prik set a fast pace up the hill. By the time they got to the second hill, they literally smelled the freshly arrived beer. Ignoring paper and the protestations of the sweeping Loose Spoke, they turned in the direction of the wind and arrived back at the parking lot just in time to welcome the belated Hand Cock.

The more virtuous hashers like Well Oiled, Doesn’t Matter Horn, Scotch on the Rocks and your faithful correspondent led the unsuspecting virgins around the well-littered course. All remarked upon bucolic scene while politely ignoring the white mess of paper which the hare had left behind. Virgins who couldn’t maintain this leisurely pace joined the stragglers headed by Wild Woman, Oiled Well, Boy Magnet, and Pat on the Back inevitably accompanied by Superglue. These recidivists finally arrived at the finishing point almost an hour after the short-cutting Front Running Bastards.

By this time the time the FRBs abetted by the temporary Hash Beer, had drunk far more than the club could afford in beer so the G.M. Shocking quickly called for a circle. The hare, Loose Spoke and virgins were honoured with the usual down-downs then attention shifted to Rob, whose name selection had been deferred from the last gathering. The crew quickly voted to name him “Pickled Prik” in recognition of his pickling contribution to local cuisine.

Past G.M. Nam Ron then took over and ordered this faithful correspondent, Wild Woman, Well Oiled and Oiled Well into the circle. Why, he asked, did these folks arrive late. Well Oiled protested that he did not arrive late. According to him, the others arrived early. No deed, good or bad, goes unpunished and hence these culprits were also honoured with the usual down-downs.

The business thus concluded the group broke up, led off by the hare, Loose Spoke who was eager to get away from the mess he had created. Too late we realized that the better half of Doesn’t Matter Horn had managed to elude a name despite attending at least three times. That outstanding piece of business will not be neglected at the next circle.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

As you all understand we have a lot of fun every month, the third Saturday. And you are all welcome to share !

[Sparkles]

Report of Run #52: Saturday, February 16, 2008

Hare: Loose Spoke

Location: Ban Du Forest below Pong Pra Baht Waterfalls near Huai Luang Reservoir

The 52d run turned out by some odd coincidence to be remarkably similar to the 41st run (March 17, 2008). Even the hare was the same. It started and ended in the same location although the routes out and in seemed to be reversed. The report of that 41st run is attached.

The hardest part of the run was finding the starting point. One was to travel 7.5 kilometers from the Asia Highway and then do a sharp left where the signs point right to Pong Pra Baht. That was our hare’s way of favouring those who can read Thai. The Huai Luang Reservoir was to be just around some corner. That of course is where we found the reservoir after traveling several kilometers along the road. Those who kept the faith and progressed this far, were then rewarded by a series of four reassuring signs as they drove ever deeper into the wilderness.

A total of 28 people showed up including three kids. Seventeen were farang of whom all but three were men. There were eight adult Thais, all female except for one. Nine were virgins, three female and six males: three hailed from England, three more came from Belgium, there was one Australian and two Thai boys.

All newly arrived hashers were immediately greeted by Hash Cash, Do It Yourself with his hand out to collect the meet’s contribution. Names thus recorded in his attendance list stand as concrete testimony as to how one wasted this Saturday afternoon.

The run began full of trepidation. The Hash Beer had yet to arrive. Her better half, Hand Cock confessed that Helping Hand had escaped to Chiang Mai but promised to appear before the run ended with his vehicle fully loaded with iced beer.

Some of the virgins never miss a trick. Uncle Colin loaded a back pack with water and compelled his ten-year old nephew Bart to carry it. Fifteen-year old brother Bond was wise enough to hide at the time. His better half Deidre avoided confrontation by turning back after the first hill.

Nam Ron accompanied by Bush Wacker and closely followed by MANipulator, Do It Yourself, Stoned and Pickled Prik set a fast pace up the hill. By the time they got to the second hill, they literally smelled the freshly arrived beer. Ignoring paper and the protestations of the sweeping Loose Spoke, they turned in the direction of the wind and arrived back at the parking lot just in time to welcome the belated Hand Cock.

The more virtuous hashers like Well Oiled, Doesn’t Matter Horn, Scotch on the Rocks and your faithful correspondent led the unsuspecting virgins around the well-littered course. All remarked upon bucolic scene while politely ignoring the white mess of paper which the hare had left behind. Virgins who couldn’t maintain this leisurely pace joined the stragglers headed by Wild Woman, Oiled Well, Boy Magnet, and Pat on the Back inevitably accompanied by Superglue. These recidivists finally arrived at the finishing point almost an hour after the short-cutting Front Running Bastards.

By this time the time the FRBs abetted by the temporary Hash Beer, had drunk far more than the club could afford in beer so the G.M. Shocking quickly called for a circle. The hare, Loose Spoke and virgins were honoured with the usual down-downs then attention shifted to Rob, whose name selection had been deferred from the last gathering. The crew quickly voted to name him “Pickled Prik” in recognition of his pickling contribution to local cuisine.

Past G.M. Nam Ron then took over and ordered this faithful correspondent, Wild Woman, Well Oiled and Oiled Well into the circle. Why, he asked, did these folks arrive late. Well Oiled protested that he did not arrive late. According to him, the others arrived early. No deed, good or bad, goes unpunished and hence these culprits were also honoured with the usual down-downs.

The business thus concluded the group broke up, led off by the hare, Loose Spoke who was eager to get away from the mess he had created. Too late we realized that the better half of Doesn’t Matter Horn had managed to elude a name despite attending at least three times. That outstanding piece of business will not be neglected at the next circle.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

As you all understand we have a lot of fun every month, the third Saturday. And you are all welcome to share !

A big thank you for a very pleasant afternoon and especially to Sven for getting us to the start point and delivering us home. I would recommend a "Hash " to anyone who wants to find out what body parts have reached their "use by date".

We look forward to joining you again. Mike and Tip

[soap]

Hi All,

DIRECTIONS TO S2ATO hash on the 15th march near Huay Sak start 3-30 PM

1) Head South out of Chiang Rai on the A1 towards Phayao (and Bangkok!)

2) At the Mae Kon sii yaek traffic light intersection at Little Duck hotel, Turn left onto the 1020, towards Thoeng.

3) Set odometer to zero, or take a reading

4) Go thru the 1st set of traffic lights on the Thoeng road (1020) at 14.3kms

5) Don't turn yet, it's less than 1 km now ...slow

6) Go straight ahead over the concrete bridge

7) Turn RIGHT down beside the Wat (at 15kms).

- Sign reads " The Enlightened One Hermitage"

- look for HHH sign on RHS

BTW: (On your LHS opposite the turning beside the Wat you will see:

i) 49km sign to Thoeng, then

ii) a sala shop (wooden garden gazebo thingys), then

iii) 3 very tall radio masts.)

8) Drive 1.8kms out through the village on surfaced road

9) Park near the barrier at the "Y" (saam yaek) junction just after the end of the concrete road. Your odo should now read 16.8 kms from The Little Duck.

10) Run will start from here.

DIRECTIONS TO THE ON-ON-ON

After the circle is done, we plan to head off to eat at raan ahaan Plaa Pow Pak Sot .

Directions:

Go back to C-Rai

Drive north past Big-C

Plaa Pow Pak Sot has a red fish sign. It'll be on your RHS as you go north.

It's on the slip road beside the main drag.

Do a "U" turn.

Plaa Pow Pak Sot is now on the LHS (as you head south), before UBC/DSTV, well before Big-C.

Chok dee

Flaps

[soap]

Hash House Harriers

The Chiangrai “Start slowly and taper off “ Hash

Founded 15 November 2003

Report of Run #53: Saturday, March 15, 2008

Hare: Flaps assisted by Joy Stick

Location: Huay Sak

Twenty-one intrepid hashers showed up for the 53d run. Nine were female and seven of these were Thai. The rest were expatriate men including one adolescent. This is a good turn out considering that many of the core membership had temporarily abandoned Chiangrai for greener pastures.

The hash had trouble getting started. In the original notice the Hash Scribe confused everyone by announcing a 3 p.m. starting time. This was soon corrected to 3:30 but it did not prevent the Oileds showing up a half an hour late.

We knew we were in for something special when Flaps, the hare announced that the run would take the FRBs 45 minutes. Walkers might take somewhere between an hour and a day. A car along with some water would be waiting at the half way point for anyone who couldn’t make it to the end.

Square Rooter who had disappeared to Chiangmai after helping to found this hash, made a guest appearance on this occasion. Recognizing that he was less than welcome, he set off at the earliest opportunity pursued by Nam Ron, his dog Bush Wacker and Doesn’t Matterhorn. Finding the company uncongenial, the latter dropped back on the pretext of holding the barbed wire open for the following masses. However anyone after Swiss Roll had to fend for themselves. MANipulator knew better than to chase after such men. The exertion could spoil one’s makeup.

The trail passed through several orchards each divided by a series of barbed wire fences. Then it climbed steeply through a dense teak forest to a chedi at the top of a hill. Virgins Ian and Kelly foolishly followed Rodger and Ann little realizing that they hadn’t been around long enough to get hash names. Rolling, Stoned, Well Oiled and Hand Cock gave them space to avoid any debris falling their way.

At the half-way mark Joy Stick guarded water and melon but the promised car never appeared. After hopeful procrastination, Wild Woman, Oiled Well, Shocking, Pat on the Back with the inseparable Super Glue finally gave up and continued to trek. This led down to the Huay Sak reservoir where one had to crawl under a bamboo gate and slide along barbed wire fence to avoid tumbling down a precipitous cliff.

Substituting for the absent Hash Cash, Shocking wrote down the names of all who paid dues. All these showed up at the end of the day. Any cheapskates who went missing were left to pay for their sins.

After toasting the usual hares, virgins etc G.M. Shocking announced that henceforth until the anniversary in November the hash would begin at 4 p.m. The only exception to this rule would be the two Oileds who should anticipate a 3:30 departure. Flaps followed up with some comments on haberdashery. He began by warning that Virgin Ian’s pants which stretch below the knee could constrict movement. Square Rooter’s shorts which reveal a lot of mid-thigh is a commendable but unsuccessful effort to distract attention from his face. All might admire Wirgin Bluce’s sartorial splendor, ripped as it is with multiple threads hanging down like chads to knees.

The beer exhausted and darkness falling, the group disbanded to reassemble at the Jam Pi restaurant near the new airport for the On! On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

[soap]

SONGKRAN HASH

paddy boy and godzilla our back in town to hare a special

songkran hash that will take place on 12TH APRIL START 4-OO PM

> . So please join us on April 12th at 4 pm at

> Paddy Boy's farm behind MFLU. He guarantees you will

> enjoy yourselves

>

> For those in need of directions, drive north on the

> Asia Highway past Rajapat U. At the traffic light N

> of Rajapat, take a right towards Golden Pines Resort.

> Continue on that road about 10 km. When you see a

> monstrosity being built on a hill to your left (ie

> Great Wall of China), take a left and go about 2 km.

> Paddy Boy's farm is on the left. Look for HHH signs

>

[soap]

Hash House Harriers

The Chiangrai “Start slowly and taper off “ Hash

Founded 15 November 2003

Report of Run #54: Saturday, April 12, 2008

Hare: Paddy Boy assisted by Godzilla

Location: Paddy Boy farm behind Mae Fah Luang University

Altogether 24 people showed up for our Songkran run. This exceeded expectations. Fifteen were guys, including one Thai, Pat on the Back’s nephew Bill. Only eight women showed up and one child, Superglue.

The Oileds set a new record for punctuality. This time they didn’t appear at all. Also missing was MANipulator who still mourns the loss of Barefoot Beer Lao Bob. The absence of Boy Magnet was likewise keenly felt by the male contingent of our hash.

Wild Woman made her arrival noted by greeting one and all with some water down the back and Songkran blessings for the Thai new year.

The two hares were the last to show up. They appeared suddenly panting and dripping sweat. Apparently they had just arrived in Chiangrai three hours before and had immediately set out to lay the trail. Godzilla appeared particularly haggard. He used to be known as Stiffy before marriage and fatherhood overtook him.

Nam Ron, Do It Better, Belgian Organ, Ian Swan and Brussels Sprouts took off in the front only to be frustrated by the first back check which liberally interpreted the rules for trail resumption. With the help of some villagers the last became first as Pat on the Back, Nut, Rolling, Stoned, Super-glue, and Noi found the way forward and briefly led the pack.

The trail led through vast plantations of rubber trees each separated by barbed wire fences. Each required its own strategy slipping under, stepping over or sliding through the different barbed strands. To the astonishment of all, our fearless leader Shocking demonstrated the agility of a calypso dancer squeezing beneath wire.

The irrigation canals along the rice fields presented a different kind of challenge. Do It Yourself, Stuart and Pickled Prik hung back to encourage the stragglers along but being off paper the latter could find no way to cross the canal. Hand Cock, Rudy, his consort Mam, Doesn’t Matter Horn and Swiss Roll determined to go through the fields directly to them while Wirgin Bluce got distracted by Wild Woman who had found paper leading off in a different direction. The bamboo poles she placed across the ditch were strong enough to support her and Bill but they completely collapsed when your correspondent tried to follow.

Meanwhile among the Front Running Bastards, Bushwacker faithfully following his master Nam Ron, excited a herd of cattle to stampede. She was not so bold with a set of buffalo which the FRBs had to pass in the final stretch.

Sasha, Paddy Boy’s daughter greeted these FRBs with a water gun upon their return. By the time the last stragglers arrived a half hour later her hospitality was exhausted. Not so her mother Awe who welcomed us with hot dogs and fruit. Meanwhile Godzilla’s better half Maem was completely preoccupied with their 5 month-old Amy whose determination to drink shows a great hasher in the making.

At the circle afterwards the GM Shocking explained that we have free S2ATO t-shirts for anyone who had done six runs since the 4th Anniversary Hash in November. These included Pat on the Back, Super-glue, Nam Ron, Hand Cock and Wirgin Bluce. Pickled Prik, Ian Swan and his concert Noi were so taken by the beauty of the shirt that they insisted upon getting one without first submitting to six runs. For this pleasure they paid 200 Baht per shirt. The GM Shocking then gave a shirt to the two hares Paddy Boy and Godzilla as a personal gift in appreciation of their hospitality. These two do not live in Chiangrai and are lucky to attend two of our hashes per year. In order to preserve the uniqueness of this shirt, all had to promise not to resell it on Ebay.

One couple having completed three runs, cried out for a hash name. In appreciation of his nation’s musical tradition, Roger shall be known henceforth as “Belgian Organ.” His most appreciative wife, Ann thus acquired the name “Wants More.”

Paddy Boy’s father Limbo did not go on the run. He claimed he had done 500 runs over the years but now he is conserving his strength to attend church and repent for past indulgences.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

[svenivan]

Hash 2008-05-17 16.00

Next hash will be outside Ban Huay Sak.

From Big C go south, turn left towards Toeng (road 1020).

After 12 km you come to Huay Sak, pass the traffic light (probably not

working) and after 300 m you have a temple on your right side. Turn

right after the temple (HHH-sign).

After 2.5 km you come to a T-junction, turn left (HHH-sign) and go on

for another 2.5 km.

Park on left side on the road (HHH-sign).

From Big C it will take around 30 minutes.

We will start 16.00 so please be there in good time!

Everyone welcome!

Do It Yourself

(Hash Cash)

[soap]

Report of Run #55: Saturday, May 17, 2008

Hares: Hash Cash Do It Yourself assisted by Do It Better

Location: On road circling the Huai Sak reservoir at the Do It farm

Twenty people showed up for the 55th run evenly split between men and women. As usual all the men but only one of the women was farang.

Just before the run began, rain came down in a deluge. Hash Beer Hand Cock, Smoked Weiner, Polly Molly immediately sought refuge with Reverse Thruster in his car. They then headed off to the Do It farm where they promptly got stuck in the mud.

Meanwhile a brigade of umbrellas and raincoats set off in the direction that Do It Yourself promised one would find paper. Unfortunately all of the powder and much of the paper had disappeared in the rain. That hardly discouraged Front Running Bastards (FRBs) Nam Ron and Able Semen as they had Bushwacker to assist them. She picked up the hare’s scent and unfailingly guided the FRBs through the checks which had dissolved in the rain. Hence the FRBs arrived at the trail’s end in record time but did nothing to assist the progress of those behind them.

Second in were Stoned, Rolling and Virgin Christine. These three had previously been walking with G.M. Shocking and Wirgin Bluce until they realized that no one had seen paper for several minutes. The latter two retraced their steps where they found a washed out false trail sign. Meanwhile the ever helpful virgin ran forward and stumbled upon paper. Rolling and Stoned joined her and thus circumvented two thirds of the trail leaving the G.M. and Hash Scribe to worry whether we would ever see these three in this life again.

Cutting across fields in pursuit of the echoing On! Ons! Shocking and Wirgin Bluce managed to rejoin the main body of hashers. These were entirely female plus Superglue who as usual closely followed his mother, Pat on the Back. Thanks to the constant chatter it was not difficult to recognize Wild Woman who was accompanied by her niece Deuan and virgins Bee and Noi Na. Boy Magnet however was more difficult to identify in the absence of the usual male sniffers.

When the rain stopped Reverse Thruster, Polly Molly, Smoked Weiner and Hand Cock dared to get out of the car and follow paper backwards from the Do It farmhouse. They ignored the FRBs but when they came upon Stoned, Rolling and Christine they turned back towards the farm house on the assumption that the others could not be far behind. Thus nine of the twenty hashers arrived prematurely at the end and this accounts for the severely depleted beer stocks when the others arrived.

The first order of business upon assembly at the farm house was extricating Reverse Thruster’s vehicle from the mud. That done he, Polly Molly and Smoked Weiner took off before the Hash Cash had time to collect.

The second order of business was flogging t-shirts. The G.M. conscripted his daughter Boy Magnet to model it and succeeded in enticing Virgin Christine to buy one. Conveniently there was no mirror available. Christine will not discover until she reaches home that the t-shirt looks a lot better on the nubile Boy Magnet.

The third order of business was honouring Ian Swan with a hash name. In recognition of his passion for sailing, he shall be known henceforth as Able Semen.

The final order of business was recognizing Virgin Noi Na who hid previously while Virgins Christine and Bee were subjected to the down down. Noi Na excused herself saying she was talking to her husband in England . Then our fearless and most popular G.M., a Liverpool taxi driver confiscated the phone and told the distant husband exactly where he could get off.

Next month’s scheduled hares are Pat on the Back and MANipulator. However in the absence of the usual man to manipulate (Barefoot Beer Lao Bob), there is no certainty about the outcome. The G.M. will investigate.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

[kumsamut]

can i join next one?

[soap]

can i join next one?

hello kumsamut

of course you can take part in our next hash,

the chaingrai HHH meet once a month,the next date is june 21st

so come along and have some fun,its for young and old alike

last saturday the youngest was 6 and the oldest was over 60

you can run the couse if you want or like most of us just walk the course at our own pace.

directions will be posted on thai visa

on on

[soap]

CHAINGRAI HHH NEXT HASH JUNE 21ST START 4.00PM PROMPT

hi troops

your FAVOURITE GM together with PAT ON THE BACK our the hares for

the june hash that will have the FRBS running around like the headless

chickens they are.

DIRECTIONS TO THE HASH AT HUAY SAK

head south past the BIG C at the next set of traffic lights (opp LITTLE

DUCK )turn left on to the 1020 THOENG ROAD travel this road till you pass

KILOMETRE STONE ELEVEN 500 metres past KS11 take the RIGHT TURN HHH SIGN

that leads to a goverment forestry department (in thai) travel this road for

aprox 3.5k HHH SIGNS and park up by the forestry office

allow 30 minutes from the BIG C start 4.00pm prompt

ON ON

shocking

[soap]

Report of Run #56: Saturday, June 21, 2008

Hares: G.M. Shocking assisted by Pat on the Back, Boy Magnet and Superglue

Location: Doi Puy Forest Reserve south of kilometer stone 11 on the Thung highway

This run hared by our most popular G.M. attracted one of the best turn outs our group has ever seen. Forty-one people including six children showed up. Among the 35 adults there were 18 men, all farang and 17 women of whom only nine were Thai. Ten of the participants were virgins.

There were so many vehicles that parking became a problem. Virgins Rafaele and Lek however found a novel solution. They parked their car vertically by crushing their hood down into a ditch.

Well Oiled and Oiled Well showed up ahead of time which led to some confusion. Everyone checked their watches thinking there must be some mistake. This and the late arrival of Nam Ron accounted for the delay in getting started.

This hash was uniquely blessed on this occasion by the guest appearance of its founder Brain Health accompanied by his consort Just Perfect. So long had the founder absented himself that the hash has been giving serious consideration to renaming him “Frigid” short for “Never Comes.” Displaying the leadership for which he is famous, Brain Health threw himself into the lead once the hare declared the run open. However following the club dictum “Start Slowly and Taper Off” he was soon overtaken by five- year olds Kenji, Smoked Weiner, Pauli and Neen.

This run had been billed by the G.M. as the “headless chicken” run. He accordingly gave the horn to the man whose head looked the smallest in proportion to his body. Once Hammer Head took off, we never heard the horn again. No one knows whether he was too far ahead or he couldn’t figure out how to blow the thing.

Nam Ron closely followed Hammer Head until he fell from exhaustion. Then the paternal instinct conveniently seized him and he turned back with his more faithful dog Bushwacker to search of his wayward son, Kenji.

Many of the Front Running Bastards (FRBs) were virgins including Stoned’s daughter and a volunteer working with the Hash Beer, Hand Cock. If Doesn’t Matter Horn managed to squeeze in ahead of the Hash Cash Do It Yourself, it was only because Do It Better was not present to trip him up.

The Piti Suksa Montessori school faculty appeared in force. Long-serving Dirty Harry showed up for his third run accompanied by Dao. Anne also came with her husband Rudolf. Yuliya and her daughter Pauli have finally recovered sufficiently from the 4th Anniversary run in November to try hashing again.

The trail was mostly flat but passed through a wide variety of flora including grasses which towered over the head, tunnels through bamboo forests and rice paddies. Wild Woman made sure she would not get lost by obliging the hare’s son Superglue to accompany her. Along the way she collected the other mostly Thai ladies including Noi Na, Lek, Swiss Roll, Rolling, Oiled Well, Joy Stick and Nely. Not far ahead of this group were Reverse Thruster, Well Oiled, Jolly Molly, Pat and John. The last named is Noi Na’s husband who phoned from the U.K. during last month’s circle prompting the G.M. to tell him exactly where to get off. Flaps made himself noticed by tripping the Hash Scribe and then demanding an explanation from the victim for the mishap in the circle.

Rafaele, Mickey, Ben and Yvon managed to avoid detection which raised questions as to whether they hid in the bushes and drank beer until the FRBs returned 45 minutes after departure. In any case they somehow reemerged in time to treat themselves to the fine feed which Pat on the Back had prepared for the more deserving folk.

Once again nubile Boy Magnet modeled the unique S2ATO t-shirt and generated such interest that our stock quickly sold out of certain sizes. First among the feverish buyers was our founder G.M. who could not get his hands on one fast enough.

In the following circle the founder G.M. tried to make amends for his sins by presenting super-size yellow “snake head” hash t-shirt to the biggest G.M. in our troop’s history. He also presented some Bangkok hash write ups, which he noted, neglects to give any demographic details.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

[soap]

NEXT HASH SATURDAY 19TH JULY START 4 PM

Hi all We will be holding our 57th HHH run in Chiangrai at Phii Daeng and my house in Santiburi on Saturday July 19 beginning at 4 pm. To get there starting at the Big C go south along the Asia highway and then turn left at the first traffic lights (Highway 1020). Follow the signs indicating Santiburi ie around kilometer 7 turn left at the three-way intersection and then travel another 2 kilometers. Turn right into the golf course complex and then turn right again at the first opportunity. Now you are on the complex ring road. Travel 2 kilometers along this road without taking any of the turn offs to the left. There are no turnings to the right. You will pass a large pond on your left and eventually you will see a HHH sign pointing left. Turn in here. That is our house. Phii Daeng and I will be the hares. We will have some food afterwards. It would help us to plan if you would indicate whether you are planning to attend. On! On!Wirgin Bluce

if you wish to attend PM SOAP

[soap]

Report of Run #57: Saturday, July 19, 2008

Hares: Wirgin Bluce assisted by Wild Woman

Location: Wild Woman house in Santiburi Golf complex

The prospects for a successful hash in the middle of July looked unlikely as the rain deluged on three successive days prior to the event. However to everyone’s amazement the clouds cleared on the appointed day only to return with a vengeance once all had gotten safely home.

One of the first to arrive was the founder G.M. Brain Health. The unlikely presence of such a distinguished hasher at a second successive hash after so many years absence confused some people who thought they must have come to the wrong address. However parking was so easy that no one turned away looking elsewhere. Even Rafaele was able to find a place to put his car without falling into a ditch or climbing a tree.

By 4 pm there were seventeen men and sixteen women plus eleven children present. Our super efficient Hash Cash, Do It Yourself had collected. The one conspicuous absence was the temporary Hash Beer, Nam Ron. No one wanted to leave without assurance that the essential stocks had arrived. When he did appear, we learned that Nam Ron had heard rumours that Wild Woman had blown the budget for the party afterwards. He suspected that some lazy individuals had come to the hash with no intention of leaving the home base. So rather than risk these dissidents consuming all the beer while the true hashers went running, he refused to offload the beer until he returned.

Facing the prospect of a long, dry spell the entire group felt a powerful impulse to start as soon as possible in order to put an early end to the impending agony.

A new recruit with 15 years hashing experience in Phuket led the group off the starting block. His name is Allo, Allo and his answer to every question was predictably “Yes, no” or “No, yes.” Closely following this intrepid Front Running Bastard were Nick and Nile Weldon, visiting grandsons of the notorious Jiggs Weldon who long time Chiangrai residents recall fondly. Other FRBs included the fore-mentioned Brain Health, Do It Better, Nam Ron, Rolling and Stoned.

The first check was easily solved but the second was complicated by the presence of irritated cattle who justifiably decided to charge the FRB intruders. In their cowardly haste to withdraw from the field, the FRBs failed to find the way forward. This necessitated some delay while they stumbled about trying to inspire their adversaries to attack someone else. Eventually Allo Allo stumbled upon some paper which the hare had thoughtfully deposited behind a distant bush. Rather than attract attention to himself the FRB whispered On! On! to the next in line in hopes that he could escape without attracting the bulls attention.

Meanwhile many in the second wave of hashers caught up. Inspired by such easy success, Doesn’t Matterhorn abandoned Swiss Roll to chase after the front runners. Meanwhile Nam Ron heard vociferous complaints from his five-year son Kenji and reluctantly dropped back.

Mike Olsen brought his nubile daughter Josephine and his niece Plaeng. He then walked in their shadows all the way around the course for fear that some uninhibited males might get the wrong idea. Close on Mike’s heels were Shocking, Loose Spoke, Well Oiled and Rafaele. They left their spouses Pat-on-the-Back, Tight Sprocket and Lek far behind. Well Oiled even persuaded Oiled Well not to run this day claiming some medical condition. Idling with her at the home base were Do It Yourself, who took the precaution of wrapping a bandage around his ankle, and Pailin wife of Jim McAlear who brought along their three-year old child to keep her busy. Just Perfect took off in her car threatening to come back for the party.

Boy Magnet and Wild Woman’s niece Deuan got lost in the rush to fresh beauty.

Lek and her nieces Sasipha and Viradi could not bear to part from their fashionable high heels and wore them until they could no go longer. Then they completed the course barefoot.

The fourth check had five possible outlets. The actual way forward skirted a hill but in the confusion, Stoned thought he heard the On! On! coming from beyond the hill top. So he helpfully scattered paper along the road going straight up thus adding a new false trail for the grateful lot who followed.

The last check had no obvious way onwards. The one gate was locked, well covered with barbed wire and marked with the false trail symbol. The FRBs repeated asked the farmwife which way the hare had gone but she claimed she did not know. At least a half hour was wasted in their frivolous search. Meanwhile Yulia, Polly, Dirty Hairy, Naly, Smoked Weiner, Reverse Thruster, Jolly Molly, Ray Weldon (the under-performing progenitor of FRBs Nick and Nile ), Nam Ron and Kenji who brought up the rear saw the FRBs wandering about the distant orchard and decided to shortcut across the rice fields. Then they got frustrated because they found thorns instead of paper.

Eventually Doesn’t Matterhorn returned to rice fields and ran another half kilometer until he found a place he could easily enter the Santiburi complex. Then he ran back to Wild Woman house and thus became the first one in.

Meanwhile Rolling deceitfully prevailed upon the farmwife’s Thai female solidarity to reveal where the trail led onwards. Mistaking her appeal for sincerity the girl pointed to the back of the house, where Rolling quickly discovered a gap which the others had overlooked. To the farmwife’s horror, she then cried out the On! On! and the race was back on.

There was one last deviation. This led on to a peninsula which faced the back of Wild Woman’s garden across 100 meters of water. Not to be discouraged, Nick and Nile stripped to their shorts and plunged in. Mike now hot after two hours chaperoning, did likewise as did Nam Ron.

Now clean and dried, the temporary Hash Beer jumped in his car and tried to escape with the booze. However before departing Kenji demanded the ice cream which Wild Woman had promised. Meanwhile Do It Yourself having patiently guarded the car (while nursing a bottle of water) forced him to offload.

Upon arrival the gang immediately set upon a fine repast prepared by Wild Woman with help from Lek (lasagna), Pailin (Yum) and Jolly Molly (fruit). So absorbed were the hashers in this gastronomic distraction that they dared to ignore the GM Shocking’s repeated calls for a circle. Eventually the night came to an end but not before all the food was eaten and the beer consumed.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

[soap]

DIRECTIONS FOR CHAINGRAI HASH ON SATURDAY 16TH AUGUST

START 4PM PROMPT ALL WELCOME

from BIG C

(1)travel south,at the 2nd set of traffic lights (white temple)turn right.

(2)travel this road for aprox 2.6k immediately after the cement works turn

left HHH sign.

(3) travel this road for aprox 3.8k then turn right HHH sign.

(4) travel this road for aprox 600 metres and park up when you run out of

concrete road

allow 35 minutes from BIG C

from CHAINGRAI/OLD CHAINGMAI ROAD

(1) travel south till you pass kilometre stone ELEVEN,600metres past kms11

turn left on to the 1208 HHHsign.

(2) travel this road for aprox 2.1k just before the cement works turn right

HHH sign.

then follow directions 3 and 4 above

the hare for the hash is ABLE SEMEN

ON ON

[lannaman]

Has any consideration ever been given to moving the Hash to a Sunday. I'm a working teacher and Saturday is my busy day. I'm sure there are other teachers who may be in the same position, who would come if the day was changed. If it was on a Sunday once in a while it would be nice.

I managed to come once with my Thai ('er indoors) and we thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon. (Actually she's usually 'er outdoors, cleaning the car and doing the gardening in a conical hat while Lannaman's surfing the net!)

Best wishes to you hashers with those funny names.

[soap]

Has any consideration ever been given to moving the Hash to a Sunday. I'm a working teacher and Saturday is my busy day. I'm sure there are other teachers who may be in the same position, who would come if the day was changed. If it was on a Sunday once in a while it would be nice.

I managed to come once with my Thai ('er indoors) and we thoroughly enjoyed the afternoon. (Actually she's usually 'er outdoors, cleaning the car and doing the gardening in a conical hat while Lannaman's surfing the net!)

Best wishes to you hashers with those funny names.

hello lannaman

thank you for your post,the CHAINGRAI HHH was formed in november 2003 and i think

ever since then the recognized date for the hash is the third saturday of the month,i would think if we started to change

from saturday to sunday you would get some people who for one reason or another cant make sunday but can make saturday,

so its a case of "if its not broke dont fix it"

we dont start the hash till 4pm so if you can adjust your lessons please come along and have some fun

ON ON

[soap]

due to our renowed hash scribe wirgin (shakespeare)bluce

rushing off after the hash to a chaingmai temple in order to

meditate for the next ten days and who wishes it to be known

that the rumour he his drying out is completly untrue,

the following notes have been compiled by the very willing and

able semen

> The August Hash was held on Saturday, 16th August, 2008.

> The event was attended by a total of 25 people, of whom

> there were 11 men, all of the farang persuasion, 10 were

> women, comprised of 9 Thai ladies and 1 from the US of A.

> The Hash commenced shortly after 4 pm and all proceeded

> smoothly for the relatively short distance of 1.5 kms or so.

> Then it did not! It seems that the paper trail, leading away

> from a check near to a small hut by a stream, could not be

> found. This had the unfortunate effect of causing everyone

> to take the wrong trail from that point onwards.

> In fact, the Hash split into two groups here. The first

> appeared to pick up the final 3.5 kms of the trail, which

> they then followed, so completing a much abbreviated version

> of the intended trail. This group finished their "short

> course" in 38 minutes. Brain helth was first home, followed

> closely by 'Allo 'Allo, then Do It Better, and dosent matterhorn

> The other group, after toiling away in the rice fields in

> their fruitless search for the paper trail leading from the

> hut, then followed what seems to have been the correct trail

> but in the wrong direction. After some 1 hour and 30

> minutes, they reluctantly bowed to the inevitable and

> summoned a lift back to the finish. At the point from which

> they telephoned for transport, they had completed about 75%

> of the trail, or some 6 kms.

> Both the Hare and the Writer are sorry at this outcome to what, otherwise, had all the

> makings of a successful Hash. Regrettably the Hare is unable

> to change history and can only express regret. The Writer

> could change history, I suppose, but will not!

> To turn to more positive aspects of the day, it was

> generally felt that the terrain was well suited to a Hash,

> and that the location, or what little was seen of it, was

> attractive and most picturesque. A return visit was mooted.

> The Hash was fortunate to have found a resort under

> construction in the area. The owner was happy to allow the

> Hash to make use of a small sala within the grounds of this

> resort and so it was that we were able to provide some hot

> food as well as the more traditional liquid form of

> refreshment, prior to the Circle being formed. The catering

> was of a very high standard, as the Writer has already come

> to expect of Pat on the Back. Our collective thanks go to

> pat on the back and boy magnet for making all of this happen so splendidly.

> And so to the Circle!

> There was one Hash Virgin, namely Ashley, the sole farang

> lady. It is to be hoped that this will be the first of

> numerous Hashes for you Ashley.

> In addition, there were two Hash christenings. To be

> totally accurate, there was only one since namrons offspring insisted

on being named power ranger but then compomised with danger ranger

> the second went ahead and so congratulations go to Stuck in

> the Mud, so named for somewhat obvious reasons. I am quite

> sure that the soubriquet (that was entirely for the benefit

> of Allo Allo if he has bothered to read this far!) is

> totally unjustified in all other respects!

> Brain helth offered a thank you to the providers of transport

> which retrieved the Second group

> The GM thanked pat on the back and boy magnet for their splendid work in

> feeding for the Hash. Perhaps not 5000, but they certainly

> catered admirably for 25!

> And, of course the GM made a few comments regarding the

> trail, the Hare, the dubious nature of the Hare's

> parentage etc., etc., etc. I expect you get the drift of it

> all. Hey ho!

> Finally, Stoned was thanked for having agreed to organise the

> September 2008 meeting of the Chiang Rai Hash House

> Harriers.

> (Note: any similarity to actual events, places or persons

> whether living or otherwise is purely accidental)

ON ON

[mcgriffith]

due to our renowed hash scribe wirgin (shakespeare)bluce

rushing off after the hash to a chaingmai temple in order to

meditate for the next ten days and who wishes it to be known

that the rumour he his drying out is completly untrue,

the following notes have been compiled by the very willing and

able semen

You guys (and gals) remind me of my informal sportbike riding club back in the US.

Lots of fun, and personalities, and crashing/burning....

On On!

[brahmburgers]

when and where is the next one?

[soap]

DIRECTIONS TO HASH 20TH SEPTEMBER START 4-00PM ALL WELLCOME allow 35 minutes from big c

>

> Head South from Big C and turn left down 1020 Highway

> towards Thoeng.

>

> After 10 K you will pass a service station on the right -

> blue green leaf -

> and it is time to start slowing down. Do this slowly so

> that the driver who

> is probably about 1 M behind your rear fender doesn't

> run into you.

>

> At 11 K ( just before the 11 K mileage post) there is a

> small intersection,

> Soi 7, with a bus stop shelter on the right - HHH sign.

> Turn right here and

> after 150 M - HHH sign - turn left. Proceed for another 650

> M until you come

> to a tee intersection and then turn right - HHH sign.

> Another 400 M and you

> are there.

>

> On On

>

> Stoned

[soap]

Report of Run #59: Saturday, September 20, 2008

Hares: Stoned assisted by Rolling

Location: Doi Puy park south of kilometer 11 on the Thoerng highway

The heavens opened and the rain poured down beginning around 3 pm. The prospects for a successful hash looked dismal. Nonetheless 22 intrepid hashers including two virgins and two children, showed up for the occasion. Overlooking some details like dual nationalities, the demographics followed the usual pattern: fourteen males all farang and eight women all Thai.

By popular demand the temporary Hash Beer Nam Ron is forced to off-load the booze before the run started. Having learned from past suffering, the addicts needed to ensure that there would be no more enforced sobriety waiting for the Hash Beer to arrive at the end of a run!

By way of introduction, Stoned, the hare explained that this trail was inspired by the hash rule that there are no rules. He also assured the assembled gathering that they would get their feet wet. Thus encouraged the group set off.

As usual Allo Allo took off in the lead closely followed by Nam Ron who had abandoned his family for the day. Other reckless contenders included Do It Yourself, Do It Better, Doesn’t Matterhorn and Able Semen.

The trail was ideally suited for rainy season conditions. It moved through rice paddies, forest tracks and laterite service roads. There were no slippery heights to conquer. Moreover the hare kept his promise: feet did get wet. There were also ample opportunities to confuse the trail direction which the hare delighted in confounding. Unfortunately the FRBs did a less than a perfect job in clarifying the way forward. This obliged the frontrunners among the walkers notably Pickled Prik and your faithful correspondent, to refind the way forward in several instances. As a result the chasm between the FRBs and the others widened. Whereas the former arrived in 45 minutes, the latter took 50 minutes longer. These included among others Pat-on-the Back, Superglue, Wild Woman, Andrew, two virgins, Well Oiled and Oiled Well. The practical consequence of this delay is that the beer was nearly all gone when the slow ones struggled in. Blank stares of disbelief greeted the spectacle. Virgins Barry and Jan were heard to wonder aloud how anyone in conscience could collect 100 Baht extra per person for such a pathetic stock of beer.

Rolling minimized the grumbling by producing sticky rice packs with jerked beef. There were also two spicy Thai dishes notably Jao Bong (fermented fish paste with dried chilies and herbs) and Prik Num (smashed fresh chilies with herbs) which separated the sheep from the goats when it came to culinary delights. Unfortunately the supply proved insufficient once Well Oiled got into it.

In the circle afterwards Jolly Molly complained that the devoted scribe kept confusing her name. This raised the question of how she acquired such a disgusting name in the first place. A suggestion was made that the name should be changed to “Incoming” in honour of the motorcycle which was just then invading our circle. At that point our all time favourite G.M. Shocking cut the discussion short by declaring hash names to be sacred and therefore unchangeable.

Pickled Prik was welcomed back after four months absence and awarded a t-shirt after promising he would not sell it at enormous profit on E-bay. Lacking the excitement of our nubile model, Boy Magnet, other efforts to sell the t-shirt found no takers.

Allo Allo’s spouse Khun Meow came forward for naming. After much creative deliberation the group decided to call her “Goodbye, Goodbye.”

At the call for volunteer hares, Smoked Weiner raised. His mother Jolly Molly and absent grandfather Reverse Thruster were given the opportunity to choose the month later. Pickled Prik also indicated a willingness to serve.

Nam Ron confessed that he had failed to rehydrate his dog, Bushwhacker at the end of last month’s hash. So he wanted to publicly thank your faithful scribe for sharing his internal waters with his dog while he sprayed the plants in a shady corner of the gathering place.

Do It Yourself was likewise called into the circle to recognize his services as “best Hash Cash ever.” This being Lent he claims to have gone dry and sports a beard to prove it. However when offered a coke to salute his noble status, he insisted on a double beer because this is his only opportunity to break his vows.

At the conclusion of the circle our all time favourite G.M. declared that for the next three months he would abandon Chiang Rai for the sweet climes of jolly England. As a parting gesture he nominated Able Semen to replace him. In the election which followed Able Semen narrowly edged out Bushwhacker to become the replacement G.M.

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

[soap]

Hi all

As you have all been anxiously anticipating the next hash will begin promptly at 4 pm on Saturday Oct 18. To get there drive out the Old Chiangmai Road to the 16 km stone (going south from Den Ha). It is about 2 km past the turn to Kurn Korn Waterfall. Park at a lake on the left side of the road.

on on

wirgin bluce

[soap]

Report of Run #60: Saturday, October 18, 2008

Hares: G.M. Able Semen assisted by Nam Ron

Location: Near Ban Pong Sai off the Old Chiangmai Road

Thirty two folk showed for the hash. Thirteen were male and farang as always. Eleven were female but only eight of them were Thai. Our number of farang women is increasing! There were seven virgins but five of them jumped in the car and ran off before we had an opportunity to down down them. That left Ria and Phongsri to face the honours alone. These data do not include David and Mint about whom more is said later.

There were eight children. Nike, Cela and Katiana numbered among the disappearing virgins together with their parents Joel and Tricia. The others included Boy Magnet and her brother Superglue. Their participation along with their mother Pat on the Back was assured by the long reach of our most popular G.M. ever. Shocking phoned repeatedly from UK to ensure that his family was coming. Rolling’s daughter Benz and Nam Ron’s son Kenji completed the child rostrum.

This hash was brought to us grace of the same people who produced Run #58 in August. As all will recall, Able Semen laid the paper and Nam Ron led at least half the group so far astray that a car had to be sent to fetch them.

Perhaps illustrative of exactly how short memories can be, at the end of the September hash, Able Semen managed to nose out Bush Whacker (Nam Ron’s dog) to be elected temporary G.M. This was to complete the remaining term of the most popular G.M. ever, Shocking. When the man who volunteered to hare the October hash, Hand Cock delayed his return from abroad, the new G.M. rose to the challenge. Can you guess who he then chose to assist him? You guessed it: Nam Ron!

At the start of the run, the newly elected G.M. explained at great length and detail exactly how he had laid out the run and what hashers could expect. It all seemed very clear and straight forward. Midway along the trail they would find two clearly marked two options. L indicated the long route which was 7.5 kilometers long. S stood for “short” which was 4 kilometers long. He would sweep the long run and Nam Ron would do the short one. All this was clearly understood, the group set out with great confidence.

The trail led mostly through teak forest with cool deep shade. Occasionally we came upon vistas of large ponds and stretches of rice fields. The scenery was as beautiful as we ever find it. The checks were cleverly laid and every effective. They stymied the Front Running Bastards repeatedly allowing the most walkers to regroup. Twice this truthful scribe, a walker, found himself briefly ahead of Allo Allo, our most determined FRB.

For most of the group, progress was rapid. Do It Yourself and Do It Better, Peter Doesn’t Matterhorn and Pickled Prik joined in FRB duties. Mike worked up a sweat zealously chaperoning his nubile daughter Jo. In this task, he was eagerly assisted by otherwise tardy Hand Cock, Graham, Doc and Stoned. Rolling, Benz, Swiss Roll, Goodbye, Goodbye, China and the newly reappeared Scotch on the Rocks monitored from a distance. In fact it was all going so well that all but the stragglers chose to do the long run.

Unfortunately the slow ones were very slow indeed. These were the five virgins mentioned above whom Wild Woman and Pat on the Back plus her brood (Boy Magnet and Superglue) stayed behind to shepherd on. They wisely chose the short route. However as they were the only ones to take the short route, they had to break all the checks themselves. This was additionally challenging, as not being FRBs, Wild Woman and the Pats on the Back had never had to break checks before.

Had there been a sweep there should not have been a problem. By prior agreement Able Semen went on to sweep the long route and Nam Ron was to follow on the short one. However even “the best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men oft go awry.” Nam Ron had invited a friend, David a teacher whose job ended at 4 pm, to come. He assumed that the guy could make the 20 km ride out to the site in less than 20 minutes but that isn’t what happened. When he and Mint arrived 45 minutes late there was no way Nam Ron could sweep the whole short route so he decided to do as much as he could in reverse. Then there were more complications.

At one juncture in the road Nam Ron told son Kenji to go the easy route while he and David ran up a hill. It is along this easy trail that your faithful correspondent came across Kenji and Mint going in the wrong direction. He persuaded Kenji to turn around and follow him but not without difficulty. Kenji cried all the way in misplaced loyalty for the father who had abandoned him. Meanwhile Nam Ron reaches the intersection and missing Kenji decides to abandon his sweep. Unfortunately Wild Woman, the three Pats and five virgins had yet to reach that point.

It is now getting dark and it is becoming increasing difficult to find paper. To make matters worse, this honest reporter who served as temporary Hash Beer had locked all the beer in his car. He gave the key to Do It Yourself who is usually a FRB but he passed it to Peter Doesn’t Matterhorn. Peter fearing he would lose the key, he gave it to the G.M. but as sweep Able Semen would be among the last to arrive. So there was no beer for the FRBs.

Now worried that she might be stuck in the woods for the night, Pat on the Back phones for help. Word reaches Allo Allo and Peter Doesn’t Matterhorn who unaccustomed to sobriety, run off to excise their mounting frustration. They reach the struggling stragglers and bring them back just as the last light is fading.

As the darkness deepens, G.M. Able Semen calls a circle to honour himself and Nam Ron as hares. Your faithful correspondent is called upon to lead the gathering in song but he is slow coming up with the words. So Allo Allo steps in with his unique tune which is unlike anything ever heard in this group before.

David and Mint hop on their motorcycle and skip out before the Hash Cash could get hold of them. That is unfortunately the only blemish on his otherwise impeccable collection record. Thus a tiny opening now exists for future Hash Cashes to exceed the record established by indomitable Do It Yourself, hitherto hailed as the most efficient Hash Cash ever.

Next month, the third Saturday falls on November 15 which unfortunately coincides with the cremation of the King’s sister. As the government has asked all organizations to postpone any public events planned for that day, we will have to do likewise. Our G.M. will announce a new date after consultation with the hares.

On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce

[brahmburgers]

I keep meaning to get to one of the runs, but keep missing 'em. mostly because I don't stay abreast of the schedules. It seems I always find out right after the most recent run. so it goes......

[soap]

CHAINGRAI HHH 5TH ANNIVERSARY HASH NOVEMBER 22ND START 3PM

Come one come all to the CR HHH 5th Anniversary Hash. To commemorate this momentous occasion there will be a LONG route (aka ball-breaker) for those who dare and a walker's route for the rest. To pay respect to the King's Sister's memory, the date will be moved from the 15th until the 22nd. And since the days are getting shorter we will move the start time to 3 p.m. The run will be at Nam Ron's farm. To get there travel 11 km down the Old Chiang Mai road until you get to Suan Dok village. Between the 11 and 12 km stones, turn right into the village and follow the signs. Alternatively, drive south on the superhighway until you get to the stop light for the White Temple. Turn right and go approx 5 km past the temple until you get to the old CM road. Go straight across into the village and follow the signs.

The party will continue late into the night so if you wish to camp bring a tent and sleeping gear and enjoy the bonfire. Also bring a towel and take a dip in our swimming pond after the run.

Hope to see you there as it should be a hash to remember!!

On-on,

Nam Ron

[svenivan]

CHAINGRAI HHH 5TH ANNIVERSARY HASH NOVEMBER 22ND START 3PM

Come one come all to the CR HHH 5th Anniversary Hash. To commemorate this momentous occasion there will be a LONG route (aka ball-breaker) for those who dare and a walker's route for the rest. To pay respect to the King's Sister's memory, the date will be moved from the 15th until the 22nd. And since the days are getting shorter we will move the start time to 3 p.m. The run will be at Nam Ron's farm. To get there travel 11 km down the Old Chiang Mai road until you get to Suan Dok village. Between the 11 and 12 km stones, turn right into the village and follow the signs. Alternatively, drive south on the superhighway until you get to the stop light for the White Temple. Turn right and go approx 5 km past the temple until you get to the old CM road. Go straight across into the village and follow the signs.

The party will continue late into the night so if you wish to camp bring a tent and sleeping gear and enjoy the bonfire. Also bring a towel and take a dip in our swimming pond after the run.

Hope to see you there as it should be a hash to remember!!

On-on,

Nam Ron

We are all looking forward to this very special Hash!

So everyone that has not been to a Chiang Rai Hash before, this is the time to go!

/Hash Cash

edit: Hash House Harriers, drinkers with a running problem!

Yes, we serve beer after the Hash!

Edited November 19, 2008 by svenivan

[soap]

Report of Run #61: Saturday, November 22, 2008

Fifth Anniversary Run!

Hares: Nam Ron assisted by G.M. Able Semen

Location: Nam Ron farm in Suan Dok village off the Old Chiangmai Road

There were 26 adults and 5 children showed up for our fifth anniversary hash. As usual, all 15 of the men were farang. Eight of the eleven women were Thai. Five were virgins plus two children. Almost all present were local residents. Exceptions included Square Rooter and Anti-Virus who were among the seven Chiangrai people who attended our group’s inaugural run. The former abandoned us after the fifth run to sin in Chiangmai whereas the latter fell victim to the bright lights of Bangkok three years ago.

That unbeatable combination of Nam Ron and G.M. Able Semen put together yet another run with the same predictable results. This time they put together two A to B runs.

Most people chose the broad and easy path which began in the Srisun Nam Korn ( Season Korn River ) resort off the Khun Korn waterfall road. In the absence of a sweep Hand Cock and Helping Hand trailed behind to ensure that there were no droppings like the last time Nam Ron and Able Semen did their thing. Polly, her Virgin friend Nayu and Smoked Weiner set a fast pace from the beginning. Pickled Prik trailed with his Virgin wife, Maew as their four year-old son Jimmy was determined to walk the route on his own. Virgin Kenneth’s wife Em showed no such pride. She hopped on Kenneth’s back every time mud appeared. The most exciting moments involved crossing the edge of an overflowing dam through a couple of inches of fast flowing water. Then one had to step along the top of wall two meters long which traversed a ravine three meters deep filled with muck and jungle. Fortunately no one fell although Wild Woman and Able Semen’s friend Dang seemed a little shaky. Do It Better crossed with her usual speed and grace. MANipulator gave up her running passion to keep her new husband, Virgin Stuart in sight.

There was some dispute about who was first in. Nam Ron declared that twelve-year old Third Wheel was the first to cross the imaginary finishing line but Stoned maintained that such abstract concepts are meaningless. As the final objective is to reach the beer, Stoned claims that the honour belongs to him. Rolling can testify to his speed and duration. Do It Yourself, the Hash Cash eager to monitor beer consumption likewise took note. Loose Spoke was too laid back to notice. Helping Hand diversified the diet by donating a large bottle of wine.

Four hashers dared do the 9 kilometer Ball Breaker. It began in the hills behind the Wild Woman farm further along the Khun Korn waterfall road. Able Semen who laid the paper claimed that it took him only 1 hour 45 minutes. Two and a half hours later with no runners in sight, people began to think about Able Semen’s first effort (Hash #59) when a truck had to collect the forsaken. As dusk fell Belgian Waffle appeared with tales of beautiful views, diminishing paper and a meandering river which crossed the trial seven times prompting Yuliya to doff shoes repeatedly. In the end Nam Ron rushed a jeep out to rescue her, virgin Raymond and Square Rooter who claims he selflessly stayed back to lead the other two to safety. Dirty Harry’s motorcycle got bumped in the haste.

Given the delay the four ball busters were lucky to find any beer left. However the fine buffet which Nam Ron organized, had nothing remaining for them.

The sun now long gone, Nam Ron turned on spotlights to prolong the social agony. The G.M. called a circle to toast the hare and the virgins. Absent the provocation of our beautiful model, Boy Magnet, there was absolutely no interest in t-shirts. It was proposed to name Yulia, “Put In”, recalling her country’s leader but a final decision was postponed until the next time she dares to show up. For lack of a better alternative, the entire mismanagement committee was reelected for another year. Thus endith the fifth anniversary.

On! On!

Notes by Hash Scribe Wirgin Bluce