What Do You Think When You See A Western Man And A Thai Woman?

[thankuverybig]

for me theres something about the women in this part of the world.they are generally submissive,but they are kind of very secure & head strong in their ways.i think the women run things in the family in thailand,but they are secure enough to let the man take the credit.

[Thai-Aust]

for me theres something about the women in this part of the world.they are generally submissive,but they are kind of very secure & head strong in their ways.i think the women run things in the family in thailand,but they are secure enough to let the man take the credit.

I can't agree with you more. In the family, woman runs the household including finance, children's education, and just about everything else. The husband also knows his place and accepts her dicisions. This of course based on equal/similar educational/socio-economic level.

[Thai-Aust]

Personally, I prefer a woman who is more independent and can think for herself (and has the *ability* to formulate arguments and other constructive dialogue with me.)

This is the major misconception with falang/thai couple. If you meet your partner in Thailand, chances are she can't construct the idea and communicate it in English with you. I'm sure everyone can think for their own but the problem is she can't deliver the message in your language. If you can communicate in Thai, you would probably have to shut her up! Phood makk jing jing!

[sbk]

for me theres something about the women in this part of the world.they are generally submissive,but they are kind of very secure & head strong in their ways.i think the women run things in the family in thailand,but they are secure enough to let the man take the credit.

I can't agree with you more. In the family, woman runs the household including finance, children's education, and just about everything else. The husband also knows his place and accepts her dicisions. This of course based on equal/similar educational/socio-economic level.

Actually, this is a very broad generalization that isn't necessarily true. I know alot of Thai-Thai relationships (my own in-laws included) where the husband controls all aspects of the family's finances. And since they are all local island people I know then yes, they do have the same educational/socio-economic level. As in many things, it depends on the person.

Anyway, this discussion doesn't really concern the topic at hand and it isn't really about what any one guy wants in a girl but what people's opinions are on what other people think of a western guy with a Thai girl.

I think alot of people assume certain things about how people look at them based on their own preconceived notions; ie some people assume that all western women are giving them dirty looks because that is their own prejudice coloring their attitudes.

It is very similar to people who come and can't speak thai and assume that all Thai people are saying bad things about them. Then, once they learn thai, they realize that, in general, it just isn't true and if they are even talking about them at all it isn't something nasty.

The assumptions people make about other people's attitudes and opinions isn't always based in reality.

[Beachbunny]

In reply to the original poster, it's not just farang man/thai wife that gets stares. I've been married to my thai husband for 27 years, but we've only lived in Thailand 3 years. When we go into Pattaya it's the expat men that are staring at us. I see them, I just ignore them the same way I ignore them in the states. I have no idea what is on their minds but It's probably because you don't see that many foreign women with thai men.

We have a lot of expat men and their thai wives as friends. Some seem very compatible with their wives and some their thai wives complain about them behind their backs like they are ashamed to be seen with the western husband.

I think the western men I notice are the tourist men here flaunting their scantily clad thai "grilfriends" around in inappropriate places. Even then it's a glance and I'm on about my business. It seems that when western men arrive here they think anything goes; and even though the thai people seem accepting and may not say anything, but you can bet they are thinking it.

HOWEVER, I will say this, I myself have been snubbed by western women......even when shopping by myself. If I smile at them or try to talk to them it's like their faces are frozen.....so now I ignore them too. Only one British woman was really friendly when I asked her if she lived in the area.

Beachbunny

[thaigene2]

However, I do know that the vast majority of these relationships and marriages would never occur if they were both from similar and more equal socioeconomic environments.I think that given what we know about the majority of statistics and information here, the huge differences in culture, and the mismatched background/educational/economic data, it is safe to say that the amount and ease of these relationships is a statistical anomaly. That being said, I agree with SBK, in that over time the discerning eye can tell the difference. And as a researcher, I can say that the number of "naturally" occuring alliances is much, much smaller than what is actually occuring.

So, that's what I both feel and think. Don't bother flaming me, because I'm not trying to insult you. I am not the one giving you hostile glances on the street. But, I do think.

*edit

Cliche alert Kat..

In the West, girls/women from higher socioeconomic backgrounds marry guys who are builders, etc..I have a few friends like that and suspect you do too. But you're probably right to say that money enters into it - though not just here. Be honest it happens in the West too - a lot!

How many less-than-attractive western women fly off to Greece or Italy or even Muslim countries becuse they want to marry or have a fling with a dark and handsome waiter? These guys are often more than happy to oblige too aren't they? And it sure isn't because they like the women's looks or kind-heart that they're interested! They see an opportunity - same as the thai women see with farang guys.

Since you're a researcher, perhaps you could point to scientifically gathered and triangulated quantitative and qualitative studies to back up your thesis!

[thaigene2]

It's worth also saying that not all of us who are married to Thai women are married to ex-bargirls (but so what if they were..it's the person who matters).

And please bear in mind that one of Thailand's highest society women married a farang, lived in the US with him, had kids with him and is now back here in Thailand (unclear on whether they are still married).

I can't mention the name of this woman as it would run afoul of the Forum rules, and might even be breaking some law...but she is of the HIGHEST social standing - so be careful about derogatory remarks about thai women and their western husbands please..

[thohts]

Reading some of the replies (from the bona fide better sex), I am now nearly convinced that both Thais and Westerners (not all, but some) are thinking the inappropriate things, but it is usually the Westerners who are more expressive about it. This seems to make the most sense.

This, to say nothing of all the good experiences I've had with both Thai and Westerners here. Although generally speaking, I think Western men usually get snubbed by Western women, too, when being friendly to them in Thailand. I guess the assumption is that they couldn't possibly be interested in their type because they're here in Thailand without a Western woman, so they must only be interested in Thai women. (Unfortunately, I think on Thai soil most times this is true.)

I've had plutonic dates with women from France, Italy, USA, Mexico, an Australian aboriginee, Thailand, Russian, Poland, Czech, Peru, Romania, Germany, Philippines, Kenya, Tunisia, and lots of other places I can't recall and I have learned that people tend to think more negative things if two people together don't appear to be from the same background.

HOWEVER, I suppose my question is more of a "how do you, a Western woman, feel when you see "your type" with a Thai woman"? (Of course, some of you may feel that you would never see your type with a Thai woman, but you get the idea.)

[thohts]

It's worth also saying that not all of us who are married to Thai women are married to ex-bargirls (but so what if they were..it's the person who matters).

Although I would never think to have a relationship with someone who worked in a bar in Thailand (because bars here are usually "different"), we must consider that a lot of women work there not by choice, but because they have no other viable options. For a lot of women from poor families, they have a choice of factory work in Bangkok, being a maid in Bangkok, or working in bar. The "no other choice" thinking comes when you consider the pay difference and the fact that you have to help your family back home (because the government doesn't take care of ageing parents, and your Thai husband left you and your child).

So, when I see a woman who I think is a bar girl with a farang, what I will think will depend upon both parties. If the girl is wearing lots of gold and wants to display her wares (including cell phone, which she may talk on incessantly while in the company of her guy), then I will have a very low opinion of them. Call me shallow. But if it looks like a genuine relationship, like the two people are indeed interested in one-another, I tend to think that it's a wonderful thing *even* if she was a bar girl.

For many Thai women, meeting a farang is a tremendous opportunity in the same way that meeting someone smart and successful (to say nothing of personality) is in the West. The difference is that a lot of times the educational, economic, or culture disparities are very obvious. Sometimes it is funny, sometimes it is sad, but sometimes it is truly beautiful.

My girlfriend actually has more education than myself. Although she was poor when I met her, she is "upper class" now, after I encouraged her to start her own business some time ago. I've never felt so close with someone or had so much in common with someone. But when we go out people see tall/short, farang/Thai, etc., etc. I couldn't be happier.

[alaina]

It's worth also saying that not all of us who are married to Thai women are married to ex-bargirls (but so what if they were..it's the person who matters).

And please bear in mind that one of Thailand's highest society women married a farang, lived in the US with him, had kids with him and is now back here in Thailand (unclear on whether they are still married).

I can't mention the name of this woman as it would run afoul of the Forum rules, and might even be breaking some law...but she is of the HIGHEST social standing - so be careful about derogatory remarks about thai women and their western husbands please..

She lost her "high standing" by marring him. The couple you mention are divorced now and to my knowledge the husband did not attend their son's funeral here.

[Sheryl]

He may not have been allowed to. Note that the woman was virtually disowned by her family for marrying a ofreigner, reinstated only after divorce. Upper class Thais tend to disapprove of a Thai woman marrying (much less having a fling with) a western man and I think the female Thai half of farang/Thai relationships get the worst of the nasty glances, but as these occur on Thai wavelength the farang man is often unaware of it.

Back to tohts "I suppose my question is more of a "how do you, a Western woman, feel when you see "your type" with a Thai woman"? , my answer is: it depends entirely on what the rleationship seems to be. If it looks like a serious relationship, I have no problem at all'; good luck to them. If it looks like a casual date I suppose (to be honest) I think it's yet another farang man enamored with Thai women or what he expects Thai women to be like....and if it looks like a commercial interaction, well to be honest, then I think some quite negative things about him and feel sorry for her.

Having lived in Thailand a long time I'm pretty good at making these distinctions but tourists and newcomers arent't, they are also usually astonished by the extent and blatency of the sex trade in Thailand and may tend to assume all the farang/Thai pairs they see are part of it. If the man is a lot older than the women -- and especially if she looks like she might be underage (Thais tend to look younger than they are to many farang) then it's going to push even more buttons.

[thaigene2]

It's worth also saying that not all of us who are married to Thai women are married to ex-bargirls (but so what if they were..it's the person who matters).

And please bear in mind that one of Thailand's highest society women married a farang, lived in the US with him, had kids with him and is now back here in Thailand (unclear on whether they are still married).

I can't mention the name of this woman as it would run afoul of the Forum rules, and might even be breaking some law...but she is of the HIGHEST social standing - so be careful about derogatory remarks about thai women and their western husbands please..

She lost her "high standing" by marring him. The couple you mention are divorced now and to my knowledge the husband did not attend their son's funeral here.

Yes I also understand this is correct. The fact one would lose their social status because they married a foreigner is rather sad isn't it? But it makes the point that not all Thai women who marry foreign/farang men are gold-digging. As for the funeral - this was really sad - but if you're suggesting the father didn't come to it because he didn't want to, I'd have a second thought about that. Do you think he had a choice? But since I don't know the guy, or his situation or all the other complications, I'll leave it there.

[thaigene2]

It's worth also saying that not all of us who are married to Thai women are married to ex-bargirls (but so what if they were..it's the person who matters).

Although I would never think to have a relationship with someone who worked in a bar in Thailand (because bars here are usually "different"), we must consider that a lot of women work there not by choice, but because they have no other viable options. For a lot of women from poor families, they have a choice of factory work in Bangkok, being a maid in Bangkok, or working in bar. The "no other choice" thinking comes when you consider the pay difference and the fact that you have to help your family back home (because the government doesn't take care of ageing parents, and your Thai husband left you and your child).

So, when I see a woman who I think is a bar girl with a farang, what I will think will depend upon both parties. If the girl is wearing lots of gold and wants to display her wares (including cell phone, which she may talk on incessantly while in the company of her guy), then I will have a very low opinion of them. Call me shallow. But if it looks like a genuine relationship, like the two people are indeed interested in one-another, I tend to think that it's a wonderful thing *even* if she was a bar girl.

For many Thai women, meeting a farang is a tremendous opportunity in the same way that meeting someone smart and successful (to say nothing of personality) is in the West. The difference is that a lot of times the educational, economic, or culture disparities are very obvious. Sometimes it is funny, sometimes it is sad, but sometimes it is truly beautiful.

My girlfriend actually has more education than myself. Although she was poor when I met her, she is "upper class" now, after I encouraged her to start her own business some time ago. I've never felt so close with someone or had so much in common with someone. But when we go out people see tall/short, farang/Thai, etc., etc. I couldn't be happier.

Glad to hear you're happy Thots. As for the line about 'wearing all her gold' I think you may find that a lot of women Thais wear all their valuables all the time. It may be more to do with not wanting to leave it in their 'room' since the room is not secure and often shared with others. As for talking on her mobile, it's how they stay in touch with their families more often than not back home in Ubon, Udon or wherever..She's probably talking to her son while the 'guy' is drinking beer!

[kat]

... HOWEVER, I will say this, I myself have been snubbed by western women......even when shopping by myself. If I smile at them or try to talk to them it's like their faces are frozen.....so now I ignore them too. Only one British woman was really friendly when I asked her if she lived in the area.

Beachbunny

Yes, I have to agree with the above quote. I've noticed this as well, mostly with older expat women. However, I also come across women who will smile back, as a gesture of camaraderie.

However, I do know that the vast majority of these relationships and marriages would never occur if they were both from similar and more equal socioeconomic environments.I think that given what we know about the majority of statistics and information here, the huge differences in culture, and the mismatched background/educational/economic data, it is safe to say that the amount and ease of these relationships is a statistical anomaly. That being said, I agree with SBK, in that over time the discerning eye can tell the difference. And as a researcher, I can say that the number of "naturally" occuring alliances is much, much smaller than what is actually occuring.

So, that's what I both feel and think. Don't bother flaming me, because I'm not trying to insult you. I am not the one giving you hostile glances on the street. But, I do think.

*edit

Cliche alert Kat..

1. In the West, girls/women from higher socioeconomic backgrounds marry guys who are builders, etc..I have a few friends like that and suspect you do too. But you're probably right to say that money enters into it - though not just here. Be honest it happens in the West too - a lot!

2. How many less-than-attractive western women fly off to Greece or Italy or even Muslim countries becuse they want to marry or have a fling with a dark and handsome waiter? These guys are often more than happy to oblige too aren't they? And it sure isn't because they like the women's looks or kind-heart that they're interested! They see an opportunity - same as the thai women see with farang guys.

3. Since you're a researcher, perhaps you could point to scientifically gathered and triangulated quantitative and qualitative studies to back up your thesis!

1. Yes, it does happen, but they are mostly of the same nationality or Western background, speak the same language, and are mostly within the same age group or appear to be. That would mean that the biggest difference is income, which you probably also know, is becoming more common because women in the West are earning more than ever before. There are also many educated or intellectual men who do not go the corporate route, so there may be more things in sync than income.

2. We are not talking about the sex trade per se here,we are talking about couples. And it is obvious that you have your own ideas about white foreign women with dark men. I think there is always a question of economic opportunity whenever two people are so unevenly matched, especially economically. It's obvious that sex work and marital prostitution exist everywhere, but in some places, the scale and scope are greater. There is no doubt that Thailand is one of those places.

3. I'm glad that you can use big, obscure words. Why don't you look around, listen to abundant anecdotal information, and visit a bookstore. There is plenty of published research everywhere. You can also read my back posts; I've been through this more times than I care to remember ***flame removed***.

[Beavis and Butthead]

I'm a 45 y/o guy with an 20 y/o gf. My feeling about any looks we get when in public is that I dont care. My gf is super young and hot and I am proud as I can be. We have been together since she was 18. For me being with her in and out of public is like heaven. I have no problem with farang women. I was married to 2 of them and had some great times. At this point this is where I am in life and it's all good.

about my gf: I met her walking on the street one night with some girls who were not good company to keep. She had come from a disco where she could not enter cause of no I.D. I took her under my wing that night and going forward. We have been together ever since. That was a pivotal point in her life and I feel that I may well have rescued her from a potentially bad turn for the worse

Edited July 9, 2006 by Beavis and Butthead

[khall64au]

Actually, WRGAF? I don't think anything... just two beings interacting, and why not?

[thohts]

... My gf is super young and hot and I am proud as I can be. ...

Are you proud *because* she is "super young and hot" or for some other deeper reason that you want to keep secret?

[sbk]

Yes, well, regardless of young and hot this thread isn't really what Farang guys think western women think about their wives, nor even what they think about their own wives (or gf).

so thanks for the input and glad to hear you are happy in your choice, but it really is off topic.

[thaigene2]

2. We are not talking about the sex trade per se here,we are talking about couples. And it is obvious that you have your own ideas about white foreign women with dark men. [...]

Huh??

3. I'm glad that you can use big, obscure words. [...]

"Obscure words?" --- WELL I'M GLAD YOU'RE "A RESEARCHER"..

[sbk]

2. We are not talking about the sex trade per se here,we are talking about couples. And it is obvious that you have your own ideas about white foreign women with dark men. [...]

Huh??

3. I'm glad that you can use big, obscure words. [...]

"Obscure words?" --- WELL I'M GLAD YOU'RE "A RESEARCHER"..

OK, enough off topic banter, back to the topic at hand

[Donz]

Well i have a older super hot Thai gf, People do look at us weird, but I alway thought they think I look like Keanu reeves.

[Thai-Aust]

For many Thai women, meeting a farang is a tremendous opportunity in the same way that meeting someone smart and successful (to say nothing of personality) is in the West.

Pardon me?

[thohts]

For many Thai women, meeting a farang is a tremendous opportunity in the same way that meeting someone smart and successful (to say nothing of personality) is in the West.

Pardon me?

Well.. I didn't say most. It's a lot, nonetheless.

Are you suggesting that a lot of Thai women who have relationships with farang men are actually attracted to them? Indeed, some have genuine attractions. But I think mostly it's an opportunity. If an attraction develops from that (which it oftentimes does) then that's a good outcome.

[Thai-Aust]

Although she was poor when I met her, she is "upper class" now, after I encouraged her to start her own business some time ago.

I think you misunderstood how one can be classified as an 'upper class'. Just because she owns the business, doesn't mean she can claim to be an 'upper class woman'. Certainly not in Thailand.

Edited July 10, 2006 by Thai-Aust

[Thai-Aust]

For many Thai women, meeting a farang is a tremendous opportunity in the same way that meeting someone smart and successful (to say nothing of personality) is in the West.

Pardon me?

Well.. I didn't say most. It's a lot, nonetheless.

Are you suggesting that a lot of Thai women who have relationships with farang men are actually attracted to them? Indeed, some have genuine attractions. But I think mostly it's an opportunity. If an attraction develops from that (which it oftentimes does) then that's a good outcome.

THAT 'oppoutunity' you're talking about can only be applied to women who come from low socio-economic background - at least, lower than the farang guys. And honestly, MANY farang men who merried to some Thai women are NOT SMART AND SUCCESSFUL as quoted. Quite the opposite, actually.

Edited July 10, 2006 by Thai-Aust

[robitusson]

Actually, I try not to look at them at all, the same way many white men here make an obvious presentation of not looking at me, unless it is a look of hostility or smug self-satisfaction. To be perfectly honest with you, I really don't care because I would never be interested in about 99.9 percent of these men, and trust me, some of these happily married men have hit on me despite what they like to say about Western women. The rest are just anonymous, blank faces, and/or glances of interest. *As for their hostile glances, I guess I don't fit their preferred profile of Western women as fat and desperate, which makes it more difficult for them to look down or sneer at me, so their real disposition shines through.

Ooh, scathing! Edited July 10, 2006 by robitusson

[Donz]

For many Thai women, meeting a farang is a tremendous opportunity in the same way that meeting someone smart and successful (to say nothing of personality) is in the West.

Pardon me?

Well.. I didn't say most. It's a lot, nonetheless.

Are you suggesting that a lot of Thai women who have relationships with farang men are actually attracted to them? Indeed, some have genuine attractions. But I think mostly it's an opportunity. If an attraction develops from that (which it oftentimes does) then that's a good outcome.

THAT 'oppoutunity' you're talking about can only be applied to women who come from low socio-economic background - at least, lower than the farang guys. And honestly, MANY farang men who merried to some Thai women are NOT SMART AND SUCCESSFUL as quoted. Quite the opposite, actually.

Yeah im living proof of that

[sbk]

Actually, I try not to look at them at all, the same way many white men here make an obvious presentation of not looking at me, unless it is a look of hostility or smug self-satisfaction. To be perfectly honest with you, I really don't care because I would never be interested in about 99.9 percent of these men, and trust me, some of these happily married men have hit on me despite what they like to say about Western women. The rest are just anonymous, blank faces, and/or glances of interest. *As for their hostile glances, I guess I don't fit their preferred profile of Western women as fat and desperate, which makes it more difficult for them to look down or sneer at me, so their real disposition shines through.

Ooh, scathing!

Perhaps, but also true. I am not attracted to most of the farang guys I see with Thai girls, just not my type. Usually too old, or lets face reality here, women prefer youth and attractiveness to look at just as much as men do.

Besides, that isn't, in all likelihood, the reason farang men with thai wives are being looked at (except donz of course, because he looks like Keanu ).

[Old Croc]

Actually, WRGAF? I don't think anything... just two beings interacting, and why not?

Great attitude and acceptance of life Khall.

As usual, you are a beacon in what can sometimes be a dark sea of ignorance and hatred of the unknown.

[Opl]

If your appearance and behaviour do not tell your whole story at a glance, there is no reason to make a film about your couple.

As a woman, I am sensible to revealing details and try to figure out what keeps people together ( I did not say : attracts).

I would like to say to the 45 man with the hot 20 GF that he is just at the age he will regret in a 20 years time (but do not worry, be happy D!)