Why Is It So Popular to Be Vague About Relationship Status?

[benalibina]

It seems, and experienced it myself regularly, that some thai women dont know when a white lie is needed or not. Not telling the truth is like a national sport. Never trust a person who lies to you.

That's a bit harsh. I'd say never fully trust someone who has lied to you. You're both better off.

Depends on which kind of relationship one holds with the other.

[1BADDAT]

Ohhh....honesty and the truth are not universal then ?

In a word, no - not in the real world.

How long have you lived in Thailand?

[Beetlejuice]

I normally enjoy your posts quite a bit, but that's a little harsh, mate. I'm hacking it just fine, and I'm not blaming anyone for my problems. My current gf has all her cards on the table, or she hides em rather well. It's just a simple question about my observations here and a difference between cultures. It doesn't need to get more personal than that.

Because you have mentioned that Thais can apparently do what they want to us and blame it on the Burmese, that to me has strong tones of referring to the recent tragic murder case of a young British couple that has nothing to do with the theme of this thread and that I consider is in extremely bad taste.

[eldragon]

I normally enjoy your posts quite a bit, but that's a little harsh, mate. I'm hacking it just fine, and I'm not blaming anyone for my problems. My current gf has all her cards on the table, or she hides em rather well. It's just a simple question about my observations here and a difference between cultures. It doesn't need to get more personal than that.

Because you have mentioned that Thais can apparently do what they want to us and blame it on the Burmese, that to me has strong tones of referring to the recent tragic murder case of a young British couple that has nothing to do with the theme of this thread and that I consider is in extremely bad taste.

Okay. I get it. And you're right. I was just trying say I feel I have very little rights or leeway here when it comes to physical confrontations with locals (or anyone else). So if some Thai guy wants to kick my ass or worse bc I'm unknowingly seeing his girl, then... Well, that would just be a bad situation.

[laobali]

Ohhh....honesty and the truth are not universal then ?

In a word, no - not in the real world.

How long have you lived in Thailand?

7 years in Thailand, 1 in Bali and 8 in Laos. Truth and honesty are not the same. Belief comes into it.

[laobali]

It seems, and experienced it myself regularly, that some thai women dont know when a white lie is needed or not. Not telling the truth is like a national sport. Never trust a person who lies to you.

That's a bit harsh. I'd say never fully trust someone who has lied to you. You're both better off.

Depends on which kind of relationship one holds with the other.

I don't think it does. No one is perfect. Wishing this were true can even lead to depression.

[watcharacters]

of course it was. anything that can feed into how different (read strange) thais are to the western model of so called rationality is fodder for thr thai bashing so popular here.

You have a very low threshold for what to interpret as thai bashing.

+1

[1BADDAT]

Ohhh....honesty and the truth are not universal then ?

In a word, no - not in the real world.

How long have you lived in Thailand?

7 years in Thailand, 1 in Bali and 8 in Laos. Truth and honesty are not the same. Belief comes into it.

Fair enough. At least you have a well rounded background to base your decisions on.

[The Deerhunter]

"Never mention the word addiction, in certain companeeee. And she tells you she's an orphan after you have met her famileeeeee" from "She talks to angels - The Black Crowes." Had a gf like that back home but no problems here. You must look good enough for people to want their options kept open. I never had that problem. LOL

[arthurwait]

This supposedly covers all.

[benalibina]

Ohhh....honesty and the truth are not universal then ?

In a word, no - not in the real world.

How long have you lived in Thailand?

7 years in Thailand, 1 in Bali and 8 in Laos. Truth and honesty are not the same. Belief comes into it.

Well they are closely linked, are they not ? Belief in what....themselves, religion or...?

[laobali]

Ohhh....honesty and the truth are not universal then ?

In a word, no - not in the real world.

How long have you lived in Thailand?

7 years in Thailand, 1 in Bali and 8 in Laos. Truth and honesty are not the same. Belief comes into it.

Fair enough. At least you have a well rounded background to base your decisions on.

Thanks, and for what it's worth, several other continents and countries before that. I base my decisions on my own experiences and personal relationships. They are different for everybody. Luck comes into it. Some people seem to be naturally luckier than others. I am living in a different environment now (out of Asia) and am happier for it. There are happy singles, couples and families in every country of the world.

Edit: I should add there are plenty of unhappy ones too! While it's not necessarily the culture/religions/beliefs of people of the country that is the cause, trying to reconcile the differences between two people of different backgrounds can be difficult. Those who cannot should probably separate.

Edited October 23, 2014 by laobali

[Beetlejuice]

I normally enjoy your posts quite a bit, but that's a little harsh, mate. I'm hacking it just fine, and I'm not blaming anyone for my problems. My current gf has all her cards on the table, or she hides em rather well. It's just a simple question about my observations here and a difference between cultures. It doesn't need to get more personal than that.

Because you have mentioned that Thais can apparently do what they want to us and blame it on the Burmese, that to me has strong tones of referring to the recent tragic murder case of a young British couple that has nothing to do with the theme of this thread and that I consider is in extremely bad taste.

Okay. I get it. And you're right. I was just trying say I feel I have very little rights or leeway here when it comes to physical confrontations with locals (or anyone else). So if some Thai guy wants to kick my ass or worse bc I'm unknowingly seeing his girl, then... Well, that would just be a bad situation.

Yes, you are right to a point. As foreigners living in a foreign land we have virtually no statutory rights here and in many cases if involved in any disputes with Thais the farang will come off worse.

This is why in my opinion for those of us who are living here for the long term or intend to stay in Thailand for the long term should learn at least some basic Thai so that we are able to partly cross over into their world and deal with the Thais on their terms and on our own terms, a sort of compromise without us being oblivious as to what's going on.

Regarding getting into physical confrontations with Thais, I have lived here, actually 31 years today and can hand on heart honestly say I have never had any physical disputes with anyone since I first plonked myself over here. I put this down to having learned how to curb my western aggression and knowing what makes Thai people tick and how they think. One thing I have learned and experienced is that by having the right attitudes Thais will move mountains for us, trust me on this one.

I truly believe that the ways to a successful, stress free and peaceful lifestyle in Thailand, is to lower the expectations, except that we are the outsiders and to respect and enjoy the Thai ways of life. There is no reasons why we need to put up with any BS, and sometimes have to stand our ground, but I try to do this Thai style and it works every time without fail and without any major incidents.

[KhnomKhnom]

Here are answers instead of guesses and cheap shots.....

1. Women..........

a. Married women are a bit vague in case a better situation comes along and change can happen.

b. Unmarried women living with bf wish they could brag they are married, but cant, so are vague.

c. Unmarried women with no partner certainly do not want to admit that, so are vague

2. Men......

a. Men do not want to get married with the idea that it 'ties them down' and thus the married ones are vague.

b. Men living with gf want to leave open idea of getting a different, or better, gf, and thus are vague.

c. Unattached men likely want to brag about 'their freedom,' but want others to think that they CAN get a girl, so are vague.

Unuf for you ?

[samsensam]

samsensam, on 23 Oct 2014 - 03:28, said:

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

The best way to explain this is that in the west we have "marriage" and we have "de facto" relationships. Same same.

yes and no; the difference being in the west we are clear that we are either married or not married, in Thailand they are often vague about their relationship status which is the point the OP is making.

[AYJAYDEE]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

To be frank, who cares.

If people tell me they are married but in actuality are only living together or just in a relationship, what difference does it make?

Was it really worth the OP`s while creating a thread on such a totally insignificant subject?

of course it was. anything that can feed into how different (read strange) thais are to the western model of so called rationality is fodder for thr thai bashing so popular here.

Not Thai bashing. I never implied it's wrong (although, privately, I don't agree with it). Just wondering where the behavior comes from, since it often times seems unnecessary, and sometimes totally obvious that a girl is deceiving me or one of my friends. Granted, I know this happens in the west, but it's not nearly as common, or as blatant. Western girls usually cover their tracks a bit better.

lol! your not thai bashing or saying its wrong for thais to do. youre only wondering why thais do it, all the while admitting that western girls do it too but more surreptiously' without wondering why western girls do it!! do you think maybe thai girls do it for the same reason girls the world over do it sparky???? lol

[AYJAYDEE]

of course it was. anything that can feed into how different (read strange) thais are to the western model of so called rationality is fodder for thr thai bashing so popular here.

You have a very low threshold for what to interpret as thai bashing.

you have a very high oblivion threshold when it comes to recognizing thai bashing

[AYJAYDEE]

oops, repeat

Edited October 23, 2014 by AYJAYDEE

[phutoie2]

of course it was. anything that can feed into how different (read strange) thais are to the western model of so called rationality is fodder for thr thai bashing so popular here.

You have a very low threshold for what to interpret as thai bashing.

you have a very high oblivion threshold when it comes to recognizing thai bashing

wind your neck in, nothing wrong with Thai bashing when appropriate, far too many on here with thin skin. Thais are well equipped to look after themselves and certainly do not need foreigners pontificating here.

[AYJAYDEE]

of course it was. anything that can feed into how different (read strange) thais are to the western model of so called rationality is fodder for thr thai bashing so popular here.

You have a very low threshold for what to interpret as thai bashing.

you have a very high oblivion threshold when it comes to recognizing thai bashing

wind your neck in, nothing wrong with Thai bashing when appropriate, far too many on here with thin skin. Thais are well equipped to look after themselves and certainly do not need foreigners pontificating here.

wind your neck in, js is well equipped to look after himself and certainly does not need foreigners pontificating here.

[eldragon]

i agree, i come across this all the time.

e.g. someone tells you they're married and then they tell you they're not married... because they didnt sign the paper.

there is a general vagueness that seems to permeate the life of a thai whether this is intentional or just the way they are i dont know. its all part of the colourful tapestry of living here

To be frank, who cares.

If people tell me they are married but in actuality are only living together or just in a relationship, what difference does it make?

Was it really worth the OP`s while creating a thread on such a totally insignificant subject?

of course it was. anything that can feed into how different (read strange) thais are to the western model of so called rationality is fodder for thr thai bashing so popular here.

Not Thai bashing. I never implied it's wrong (although, privately, I don't agree with it). Just wondering where the behavior comes from, since it often times seems unnecessary, and sometimes totally obvious that a girl is deceiving me or one of my friends. Granted, I know this happens in the west, but it's not nearly as common, or as blatant. Western girls usually cover their tracks a bit better.

lol! your not thai bashing or saying its wrong for thais to do. youre only wondering why thais do it, all the while admitting that western girls do it too but more surreptiously' without wondering why western girls do it!! do you think maybe thai girls do it for the same reason girls the world over do it sparky???? lol

Western girls do it bc they want to get laid, and not nearly as often.

Edited October 24, 2014 by eldragon

[micmichd]

Thai concept of relationship

[micmichd]

The Thai concept of Family is different from Westerners.

While Westerners regard only blood relatives (and maybe the blood relatives of spouse) as being part of theiThailand is quiteilies, Thais may also include neighbours and friends. Thai society is quite matrimonial, and in their socialization they grow up to help each other.

You will also find part of this concept if you ever come to an Afro American culture e.g. where everyone of the same colour of skin is regarded as a Brother or Sister, so this should not be too strange for you.

[micmichd]

You're beginning to see the light, but it's still heavily shaded. If she had told you the truth (really, you only have her version of things) mightn't you have walked away?

If she told me "I have a bf in Germany, but I'm not sure about him" I'd still see the girl and approach the situation accordingly.

She (Thai woman) doesn't think the same as you (farang). Apart from generalisations you are two individuals. There is no right answer.

Ohhh....honesty and the truth are not universal then ?

[micmichd]

Honesty may be a universal ethical concept, truth is a question of proof.

[1BADDAT]

Never thought i would agree with Ayjaydee but my experience is the same. For example if we have a family day at work all the girls always come and introduce their boyfriend or husband and the kids.

I do not think you understand the context in which the OP is stating. He is talking about speaking to a person who is in a relationship describing their relationship status while the other party (boyfriend, husband...etc) is not present.

Of course if someone introduces you to their husband, boyfriend and the other person is present they are going to be honest about their status. And in your case describing "family" day at work, what a shock that they brought their "family" to work introduce them as such. Do you really expect to bring a guy they are dating or cheating on their husband with? Everyone in the office probably already knows who is married, has a boyfriend...etc..

[tubby johnson]

I'm vague about my relationship status in Thailand. It makes life so much better here.

[eldragon]

I'm vague about my relationship status in Thailand. It makes life so much better here.

For sure. In fact, it's amazing how being straightforward about this matter actually works against you here.