Teenage Thai son by marrage causing many problems

[maidee]

the boy seems to be a serial seamen spreadder with thai male attitude = no consequences for him

let him sort it out, kick him out of the house if he thinks your home is a hotel with no bill

[dao16]

I agree with the army thing. I know it might sound somewhat archaic (believe me, I would never have imagined I would ever say this), but I have seen several wayward young Thai guys completely sort their **** out after a few months in the military.

I have a few friends in the states that say the same thing about their military service, and my Thai brother-in-law did a complete 180 after starting his soldierly life. The discipline he experiences there has spread into the rest of his life (he wasn't criminal or anything....just a lazy guy who did absolutely nothing all day, every day--not now).

[tom21]

interesting post with some very good advice. but no-one has suggested that the op should go to his home country for awhile and let his wife sort it out. of cause if it is not sorted as he wants he shall not return.

[Slip]

Carken, you will have to learn to take the rough with the smooth here. It would be a mistake to get into it with members who are poking a bit of fun.

On topic- The ages of the two in the latest bunk-up are important. I don't know the specifics of the law, but 16 can definitely be construed as 'under-aged' in this country. This is where your money and possessions would come in- to keep the little fornicator out of jail.

I have to strongly disagree with your first sentence. There is no good reason why people should be making fun of somebody in a crisis who is asking for help on TV. No way should he have to put up with it. You are wrong.

You are the second person to comment on this- a previous poster said it sounded like I was being threatening. That was definitely not my intention, and, while I agree with your sentiment, the idea behind my point was that if the OP were to rise to the bait he may find himself in a slanging match with trolls. I can't think of a surer way to get the topic closed which means that he wouldn't get the benefit from those who offer support and advice.

I don't think that the OP was offended as he later thanked me for my post.

[callaway]

Carken, you sound like a caring and loving father. Thailand needs more of your ilk. Kids all go off the rails to varying degrees but rest assured maturity when it sets in will see him develop into a decent human being. I say this because he has had a decent man guiding him through his formative years. We all rebel as teens but eventually see the error of our ways. Hang in there and I am sure the future will turn out ok. Best of luck for the future

[Jaggg88]

Carken, you will have to learn to take the rough with the smooth here. It would be a mistake to get into it with members who are poking a bit of fun.

On topic- The ages of the two in the latest bunk-up are important. I don't know the specifics of the law, but 16 can definitely be construed as 'under-aged' in this country. This is where your money and possessions would come in- to keep the little fornicator out of jail.

The age of sexual consent in Thailand is 15 except where prostitution is involved when it becomes 18. There is other legislation that makes it illegal for older ppl to have sex with under 18's but as both the parties concerned are 16 then no law has been broken.

[tom21]

just noticed I did not answer thr op questions, 1/ you do not have to pay for the wedding in Thailand. the woman's family pay for that. 2/ yes you have to pay for the motorcycle , so just pay for it and let the boy keep the bike. Keep in mind the girl will never find a husband local as everyone knows she is damaged goods, that is why her family want your son to marry her

[Slip]

Carken, you will have to learn to take the rough with the smooth here. It would be a mistake to get into it with members who are poking a bit of fun.

On topic- The ages of the two in the latest bunk-up are important. I don't know the specifics of the law, but 16 can definitely be construed as 'under-aged' in this country. This is where your money and possessions would come in- to keep the little fornicator out of jail.

The age of sexual consent in Thailand is 15 except where prostitution is involved when it becomes 18. There is other legislation that makes it illegal for older ppl to have sex with under 18's but as both the parties concerned are 16 then no law has been broken.

According to wiki- my bold:

The age of consent in Thailand is 15 (with the below caveat) as specified by article 279 of the Thai Criminal Code. The current legislation applies to all regardless of gender and/or sexual orientation.

However, parts of the Prevention and Suppression of Prostitution Act, which disallow any sexual contact with prostitutes under the age of 18, are widely interpreted by some local authorities to cover sexual acts classed as "obscenity for personal gratification". Also from the Penal Code Amendment Act of 1997 Section 283bis, having sex with a child under 18 is a compoundable offense even with the consent of that person. The parent or the child may file charges against the other side if he or she later regrets his or her own action. This ostensibly makes the Thai unfettered age of consent 18.

A high profile example of this application of the law was a statutory rape charge filed against the lead singer of the Thai band Big Ass for allegedly having had sex with a (then) 16-year-old girl. The charge was filed by the girl after the singer refused to take responsibility for her baby. The singer has since been cleared of being the baby's father due to the results of a paternity test and he received 2 years suspended sentence.[75][76]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Asia#Thailand

The fact that the boy is not a legal adult may have an impact, I really don't know.

[tom21]

Carken, you will have to learn to take the rough with the smooth here. It would be a mistake to get into it with members who are poking a bit of fun.

On topic- The ages of the two in the latest bunk-up are important. I don't know the specifics of the law, but 16 can definitely be construed as 'under-aged' in this country. This is where your money and possessions would come in- to keep the little fornicator out of jail.

The age of sexual consent in Thailand is 15 except where prostitution is involved when it becomes 18. There is other legislation that makes it illegal for older ppl to have sex with under 18's but as both the parties concerned are 16 then no law has been broken.

According to wiki- my bold:

The age of consent in Thailand is 15 (with the below caveat) as specified by article 279 of the Thai Criminal Code. The current legislation applies to all regardless of gender and/or sexual orientation.

However, parts of the Prevention and Suppression of Prostitution Act, which disallow any sexual contact with prostitutes under the age of 18, are widely interpreted by some local authorities to cover sexual acts classed as "obscenity for personal gratification". Also from the Penal Code Amendment Act of 1997 Section 283bis, having sex with a child under 18 is a compoundable offense even with the consent of that person. The parent or the child may file charges against the other side if he or she later regrets his or her own action. This ostensibly makes the Thai unfettered age of consent 18.

A high profile example of this application of the law was a statutory rape charge filed against the lead singer of the Thai band Big Ass for allegedly having had sex with a (then) 16-year-old girl. The charge was filed by the girl after the singer refused to take responsibility for her baby. The singer has since been cleared of being the baby's father due to the results of a paternity test and he received 2 years suspended sentence.[75][76]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_Asia#Thailand

The fact that the boy is not a legal adult may have an impact, I really don't know.

in this case all that means is if one side lay charges the other side will do the same so it does not apply.

[glegolo]

Io "ripstanley" Thank you for your reply. Good idea and thoughtfulness. I appreciate it so very much. We live in Tha Yang 2.5 hours southewest of Bangkok. My wife of course loves her son, as I do, his new father ... Her attitude is if son is going to continue with his irresponsible acts then he will be excluded from family and family's help. She is sadened by his actions and loves him but enough is enough, He needs to pay for his own mistakes and pay the consequenses. Like I said she is a loving mother and wants the best for her son(s) but he needs to learn hard lessons in life. Mama and Papa can only do so much. It's time for son to "pay the piper". We are currently in talks with girls family and things are looking better. Will keep you updated on developments. Girls parents have agreed to take son into home and help him if he is willing to work and support daughter with a responsible job. Girls parents seem to be very helpful and not vindictive. It may turn out better than I ever expected. Lets keep our fingers crossed. Maybe son will turn out to be a good man after all. We certainly hope so and are brightened by possible good future.

My own experience is from isaan countryside only!! But I like to tell you that this is very common, that you "raise" the daughters here to be wellmannered educated and aware that they are predestined to take care of mama and papa.....

The sons are doing whatever they like, and it starts in the age of infants already... Actually scary to see the lack of upraising for the boys... The boys that are considered to be the heart and soul of the family.......it´s scary....

Is this what is going on in your household as well???`The young boy is just deadly spoiled by mother and the family.... never learning the hardway of consequenses....???

Glegolo

[tom21]

Io "ripstanley" Thank you for your reply. Good idea and thoughtfulness. I appreciate it so very much. We live in Tha Yang 2.5 hours southewest of Bangkok. My wife of course loves her son, as I do, his new father ... Her attitude is if son is going to continue with his irresponsible acts then he will be excluded from family and family's help. She is sadened by his actions and loves him but enough is enough, He needs to pay for his own mistakes and pay the consequenses. Like I said she is a loving mother and wants the best for her son(s) but he needs to learn hard lessons in life. Mama and Papa can only do so much. It's time for son to "pay the piper". We are currently in talks with girls family and things are looking better. Will keep you updated on developments. Girls parents have agreed to take son into home and help him if he is willing to work and support daughter with a responsible job. Girls parents seem to be very helpful and not vindictive. It may turn out better than I ever expected. Lets keep our fingers crossed. Maybe son will turn out to be a good man after all. We certainly hope so and are brightened by possible good future.

just read this and I hope you know that in thai culture , if your son moves in with the girls parents he is considered that he is her husband so is this what you your wife and son want.

[Mohammed Love]

Perhaps religion may ease his inner sufferings.

[PhuketAmerican]

"If you have a son who does nothing good… deliver him at once into the hands of a merchant who will send him to another country. Or send him yourself to one of your close friends... Nothing else can be done. While he remains with you, he will not mend his ways."

-Paolo of Certaldo, Venetian Merchant c. 15th century.

I am anticipating this with my wifes 10 year old and agree with other advice to make sure he knows you wont bail him out. The most successful children (male and female) I see in this situation are the ones who get the most education. Are your sons fluent in your native language or you fluent in Thai? This another big factor.

Forget the baby mama drama- he'll have to sort that out. When I had girls fighting or their fathers going off, my folks had no interest and I had to sort it out for myself.

Make sure your wife says the same as you and present a united front.

[Rajhulmaheesh]

time for a good ole BeaTdOwN...........hahah1! Boot camp! Sending a boy with a penis to live with a girl? thats brilliant.

Do you really love your step-son?

[Bluetongue]

A lot of theory in this thread. In practise, from my point of view, in Thailand family ties (blood ties) are very strong, even if there is a geographical distance between people. Parents, especially mothers and sisters, will do everything to help, even give all what they have. I have never seen mothers cutting ties with bad boys. A huge percentage of Thai boys act irresponsively because of the very lax thai education, so the situation of the OP is very common. A big number of teen girls get pregnant. So if families were cutting ties for that, it would be huge in Thailand ! Almost every thai kid would be on the street.

For me, if the girl is not pregnant, forget it. No marriage, nothing. Business as usual. If the girl is pregnant, it is a totally different matter. If the kids really love each other, marriage is the best way, although it will probably not last more than 8-10 months. A pregnant girl / young mother is far less attractive. If they don't want to marry, forget it. But the OP will need to make direct arrangements with the girl family to support the kid. In such cases, a lot of boys move to a different part of the country for some time because they are not capable of bearing any responsibility whatsoever. I have not often seen any police in the middle, since Thai people hate police (for good reasons).

Edit : my wife strongly disagrees with me. She says that even if the girl is not pregnant, the girl's family will come and rightfully ask for compensation. This is not law but tradition, and if you don't comply you find yourself in a conflict, and in Thailand conflicts can quiclky lead to violence, even extreme violence. The boy's family is supposed to pay some money so that the girl's familly does not loose face. This can be anything between10,000 or 100,000 or 1 million ... I suppose this is the price for supposedly lost virginity ;-)). I have asked my wife what happens if the girl has several boyfriends. She says the one she likes the more will the the winner ... The conclusion is clear, we have to give bromide to our boys in Thailand.

Thai rak Thai

You're a foreigner, She's a Thai.

She will side with the Thai extracting money from the foreigner every time.

If it were a 100% Thai family, they would tell the girl's 100% Thai parents to clear off and take their teen Thai slapper with them.

Afraid I cant agree with you there A1A I think your anti-Thai jaundice has come out a bit too strong, although normally

you are quite sensible. I have seen numerous village weddings between teenagers (no farang involvement)where either pregnancy or obvious to everyone sexual activity is occurring. In fact at least around here there is a going rate, 20k THB plus gold for show

only in the case of pregnancy, or 30k with no pregnancy with gold for show only, ie borrowed. The families always find a way to

pay even if they are dirt poor someone (not me) lends it to them