interracial relationship disapproval ADVICE PLEASE

[spidermike007]

Move on. Find another man. It is not worth it. Family is too important to the average Thai. This will always be an issue. Give him his walking papers this evening. Not worth wasting another day with this. Unless he is willing to write off his family, but chances are he would end up being a sad sap. Why get involved with someone who has parents that have such small minds and such tiny hearts?

Why move on?

She wants to marry the son, not the parents! It is their lives that matter! ,,,,,,,,,, &*^@ the parents!

Good luck to you infinity 8

Because very few Thais are able to divorce themselves from their families, or look their folks in the eyes, and tell them they are behaving ridiculously. Because these tiny people will cause their son and his woman, endless pain and suffering. Because the bigotry they possess will not go away. Because life is too short to make a life with someone who belongs to such a dark hearted clan. I have fifty more reasons. Leave. Today. No hesitation. Get those bags packed. Say your goodbyes.

I disagree entirely, having had an interracial relationship in the UK 40 years ago. I stood my ground with my parents (my father in particular) and they ended up not only respecting my decision, but adoring my girlfriend once they realised the happiness she gave me!

If however the man puts his parents first in this situation, he is showing considerable weakness, and Infinity 8 would indeed be better without him.

No thai can think for themselves, they controlled by parents usually the mother.

Very few Thais are emotionally equipped to stand up to their parents, and say mom, dad you are completely wrong and misguided. Unless and until they can do that, they are lead around on a leash, and the parents will have little respect for them.

[empireboy]

Give it time... be yourself... and never forget that other people's opinions of you are none of your business and therefore should be no concern of yours!

[tkramer]

Blood is always thicker than water...

[HerbalEd]

I have know a significant number of couples who had parent rejection problems. However, almost all came around eventually ... some better than others. Even the hard core parents who at first totally rejected their child's bf or gf totally fell in love with the grandchild(ren) and all was forgiven on both sides.

The challenge for you is to consistently show your respect tof them (even in the face of cold rudeness) while also maintaining your personal dignity and self respect. It may be a delicate balance but with support from your b/f I'm sure you can do it.

Edited January 30, 2015 by HerbalEd

[SGX]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

Never had a relationship with a Thai Chinese, but I did with a Chinese girl. The Chinese are Very racist and hate their girls seeing Farangs.

Her father offered me a load of money to just go away. I refused saying I loved his daughter not his money. The next day she was sent away to stay with an uncle at the other side of the country!

If a Chinese girl gets involved with a Farang she is referred to as a "Banana", Yellow on the outside and white on the inside.

I used to work very closely with the Chinese community and saw this many times.

Chris

similar thing happened to me. When parents found out we getting married, They shipped her off. My ex was a surgeon , you would consider, she could think for herself. Nothing stops parents word on chinese thai daughter.

[SGX]

Move on. Find another man. It is not worth it. Family is too important to the average Thai. This will always be an issue. Give him his walking papers this evening. Not worth wasting another day with this. Unless he is willing to write off his family, but chances are he would end up being a sad sap. Why get involved with someone who has parents that have such small minds and such tiny hearts?

Why move on?

She wants to marry the son, not the parents! It is their lives that matter! ,,,,,,,,,, &*^@ the parents!

Good luck to you infinity 8

Because very few Thais are able to divorce themselves from their families, or look their folks in the eyes, and tell them they are behaving ridiculously. Because these tiny people will cause their son and his woman, endless pain and suffering. Because the bigotry they possess will not go away. Because life is too short to make a life with someone who belongs to such a dark hearted clan. I have fifty more reasons. Leave. Today. No hesitation. Get those bags packed. Say your goodbyes.

I disagree entirely, having had an interracial relationship in the UK 40 years ago. I stood my ground with my parents (my father in particular) and they ended up not only respecting my decision, but adoring my girlfriend once they realised the happiness she gave me!

If however the man puts his parents first in this situation, he is showing considerable weakness, and Infinity 8 would indeed be better without him.

I agree with spidermike , lose him is best easier now than later . your relationship wont work . if you want it to work maybe leave the country with him.

[kennypowers]

I would add to this debate that well-off/financially comfortable Thai-Chinese (BKK) have a very different attitude to North, Northeast Thais when it comes to cross-cultural relationships. While my MIL wasn't best pleased with her daughter dating me, one of my friends was literally told to "go" by his Thai-Chinese (BKK) GF's father.

[spidermike007]

Move on. Find another man. It is not worth it. Family is too important to the average Thai. This will always be an issue. Give him his walking papers this evening. Not worth wasting another day with this. Unless he is willing to write off his family, but chances are he would end up being a sad sap. Why get involved with someone who has parents that have such small minds and such tiny hearts?

Why move on?

She wants to marry the son, not the parents! It is their lives that matter! ,,,,,,,,,, &*^@ the parents!

Good luck to you infinity 8

Because very few Thais are able to divorce themselves from their families, or look their folks in the eyes, and tell them they are behaving ridiculously. Because these tiny people will cause their son and his woman, endless pain and suffering. Because the bigotry they possess will not go away. Because life is too short to make a life with someone who belongs to such a dark hearted clan. I have fifty more reasons. Leave. Today. No hesitation. Get those bags packed. Say your goodbyes.

I disagree entirely, having had an interracial relationship in the UK 40 years ago. I stood my ground with my parents (my father in particular) and they ended up not only respecting my decision, but adoring my girlfriend once they realised the happiness she gave me!

If however the man puts his parents first in this situation, he is showing considerable weakness, and Infinity 8 would indeed be better without him.

I agree with spidermike , lose him is best easier now than later . your relationship wont work . if you want it to work maybe leave the country with him.

Exactly. If he is enough of a man to distance himself from his folks, to protect you and the relationship, that might work. Only after he tries to get his parents to see the light. But, he may have to be firm with his parents, something very few Thai people would even dream of doing, since they are brainwashed into thinking that parents are somehow superior to them, or wiser. We all know that is often not the case. Sounds like these creaky old folks are narrow minded, and perhaps too class conscious. And God forbid they are afraid of what their friends, family or neighbors will think of them. If a heart to heart discussion does not work, you may want to try what I tried, after I left home at the age of 15. My father was giving me alot of attitude, and I said to him, "You know something Dad, I am on my own now. I make a living, I have a place to live, and I am dependent on your for nothing, as you know. So, we are almost peers. It is up to me how much I want to be with you, call you, or hang out with you. You are not making it easy. You are not making it pleasant. You need to change your attitude toward your son. If you do not, if you cannot, maybe I will choose to create some distance between us. It really worked. He changed overnight. His attitude was corrected in a day. I realize the Thai mindset is different. But, unless he is dependent on them for income, or financial stability, there may be little to lose by trying something like this. It may shock them into behaving more kindly the woman their son has chosen.

[PattayaPhom]

Thai/Chinese rate the sin sod on paleness of skin. You being white they are most likely worried about how many millions of Baht they will have to pay your parents if you marry. Broach the subject and assure them your parents would be happy with the same amount as if you were Thai/Chinese.

[PattayaPhom]

Double post

Edited January 30, 2015 by PattayaPhom

[Tassie Norm]

Wow, great advice thank you soo much. I have some ideas. And he is the kind of man Im willing to do what it takes for. ,)

You come across as a very genuine, albeit naive, lady. Forget the forum crap, follow your own feelings - with emphasis on feelings - good luck and judgement

[Siamjim]

i was once in the same situation, but i married her. but years of interference from both families took its toll and she gaved up.. lasted 5yrs. 7rs later i married an isan woman, again she isn't chinese. but this marriage is still going after 15yrs and will, in part my wife has no family, and my family gaveup hope on me...lol

[umbanda]

People do not marry a man or a woman.."marry" also its families. Romance time is wonderful. After marriage, romance is shared with reality that includes other people's families and cultures.....and most of the times, children, that are the ones that suffers most for parent's mistakes.

Voice of experience...unfortunately.

[nithisa78]

You sound very sincere , grounded , truthful.

Stay away from this external matter. Don't allow it to be important. drama

Let it be. They will then come to you or shun the matter. Enjoy your life.

We don't catch butterfly by making a chase. We wait quietly and the butterfly comes to rest by we.

Ignore notions about interacial and focus on relationship and the meaning of same.

Negotiate one you can thrive in, quality of survival. Negotiate prespective. The good life is a negotiation.

Live at cause. Chok Dee

[LuckyLew]

The only way you will know if his parents accept you is for you to meet them

IMO the sooner the better as this is obviously an issue that you are concerned about

Once you meet them you will know pretty quickly if they accept you or not and you and your BF might have to make some serious decisions.

If the parents cannot see that their son is happy with you then it is them that have the serious issues

[bangkokjulia]

All that matters are you and your bf. If he loves you, and you love him, gaf what everyone else thinks.

[thaipo7]

Some the Thai relatives did not approve of a marriage between me and my Thai wife. The Grandfather didn't even attend the wedding. This was over 42 years ago and all those who did not approve are dead.

[poweratradio]

If they disapprove there is pretty much nothing you can do about it.

IF you are serious about him & he you, then just try to show the standards they expect in terms of dress & behavior when you are around them. I personally never did that as there is nothing wrong with who I am or how I behave & dress but if you can see the relationship progressing & it will appease some of the disapproval, then "suck it up" when you see them & toe the line.

Also if you bf isn't supporting you to his family then he isn't worth being with.

Don't quite get the description of the family given by OP. Traditional Thai/Chinese??? Never heard that before.

[Beetlejuice]

No we both work and he is a very hard worker.

How old are you and how old is your boyfriend? What do you do in Thailand? And what work does your boyfriend do?

I am asking these questions in order to establish the reasons why his parents may disapprove of this relationship. many young farangs have relationships with Thais that are sometimes no more than a big adventure although they may not realise this at the time. Also if you did marry this guy, is he able to support you in Thailand or would it be possible for him to live with you in your home country. If you stay in Thailand and decide to make home here, how about your visa status, could you remain here long term.

Perhaps his parents have also considered what I have mentioned above. All very nice, romantic and the dream of starting a family and living happily ever after, but are you being realistic to yourself or living in a fantasy that this so-call romance has a future?

Edited January 30, 2015 by Beetlejuice

[marios]

If he is a traditional Chinese Thai then he is, in all probability, affluent. The edge the farang normally holds is that he is 'rich' whereas the other party is poor.

If you are of independent means yourself and of a matching age AND you learn the language then there could be a chance. All these of course are based on the assumption that he is rich. The Chinese as we all know consider wealth a virtue.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Bigstef]

Never had a relationship with a Thai Chinese, but I did with a Chinese girl. The Chinese are Very racist and hate their girls seeing Farangs.

Her father offered me a load of money to just go away. I refused saying I loved his daughter not his money. The next day she was sent away to stay with an uncle at the other side of the country!

If a Chinese girl gets involved with a Farang she is referred to as a "Banana", Yellow on the outside and white on the inside.

I used to work very closely with the Chinese community and saw this many times.

Chris

I had the same experience in another life, the lady was nice bu family a pain in tha a..

[tommybhill]

I think the more time you spend with his family they will grow to like you. This was evident in my situation. My wifes family did not want her with a farang man to begin with but eventually I won them over. Its fear of the unknown. Hopefully they will one day realise how weird they were for disapproving of your relationship just because your not the same race or culture.

[Docno]

Never had a relationship with a Thai Chinese, but I did with a Chinese girl. The Chinese are Very racist and hate their girls seeing Farangs.

Her father offered me a load of money to just go away. I refused saying I loved his daughter not his money. The next day she was sent away to stay with an uncle at the other side of the country!

If a Chinese girl gets involved with a Farang she is referred to as a "Banana", Yellow on the outside and white on the inside.

I used to work very closely with the Chinese community and saw this many times.

Chris

Yes, but...

Status can bridge these problems.

Singapore is 80% Chinese and some are very conservative.

I have worked there in the financial industry, and Western top-managers are clearly more easily accepted as husbands, especially when earning seven figures, 555.

I beg to differ. I had a Singapore-Chinese girlfriend for over 12 years. We couldn't marry because her parents said they would disown her, and her filial piety prevented her from making a full break from her parents. I have a doctorate and was a university professor in Singapore, so status and finances were not the issue. It was all about race. Her parents refused to meet me in the time we were together (and she would beg me not to push the matter). Just about every week her mother would try to convince her to find a nice Chinese man, these confrontations often leaving her in tears. We parted on good terms a couple of years ago, and we're still good friends, but she basically sacrificed her 'fertile' years (she turns 40 this year) because she couldn't defy her parents.

I've seen the same thing many times here... many of my colleagues experienced the same. And they all say the same thing. The only thing that works is to ignore the parents--they may not even show up at the wedding--but as soon as you have kids, all is forgotten and you can't get rid of them.

[manarak]

Never had a relationship with a Thai Chinese, but I did with a Chinese girl. The Chinese are Very racist and hate their girls seeing Farangs.

Her father offered me a load of money to just go away. I refused saying I loved his daughter not his money. The next day she was sent away to stay with an uncle at the other side of the country!

If a Chinese girl gets involved with a Farang she is referred to as a "Banana", Yellow on the outside and white on the inside.

I used to work very closely with the Chinese community and saw this many times.

Chris

Yes, but...

Status can bridge these problems.

Singapore is 80% Chinese and some are very conservative.

I have worked there in the financial industry, and Western top-managers are clearly more easily accepted as husbands, especially when earning seven figures, 555.

I beg to differ. I had a Singapore-Chinese girlfriend for over 12 years. We couldn't marry because her parents said they would disown her, and her filial piety prevented her from making a full break from her parents. I have a doctorate and was a university professor in Singapore, so status and finances were not the issue. It was all about race. Her parents refused to meet me in the time we were together (and she would beg me not to push the matter). Just about every week her mother would try to convince her to find a nice Chinese man, these confrontations often leaving her in tears. We parted on good terms a couple of years ago, and we're still good friends, but she basically sacrificed her 'fertile' years (she turns 40 this year) because she couldn't defy her parents.

I've seen the same thing many times here... many of my colleagues experienced the same. And they all say the same thing. The only thing that works is to ignore the parents--they may not even show up at the wedding--but as soon as you have kids, all is forgotten and you can't get rid of them.

Well, I witnessed something else, but I guess all people are not the same, even if they are all Chinese.

[cgphuket]

Most "Chinese-Thai" people worship money and the family controls the wealth. If they threaten to cut him off he will choose family over love.