Thai family member in need of help, Yabba. (Isaan).

[jerome2]

Im in Loei ...phakao

if its not far i'll give it a try with my wife if she want to

only if its a girl ...boy more than 18 no

Edited April 15, 2016 by jerome2

[ResandePohm]

It's good to see peoples comments, who cares. Thnx. Happy to see any more advices.

Btw, if I write wife/gf doesn't matter. And I will not leave my gf who btw is doing good by her job and free in her life. It's her relative who has the problem.

Thankful for more, real advises that some of you already given.

I'd still like to know if your chosen one is your wife or g/f? Otherwise, agree totally wife reply #4

Why do you want to know? It is irrelevant to the OP's issue

Wife or live in G/F in many countries is one and the same thing except that one has an accompanying piece of paper. This is particularly true in Scandinavia where it is recognised officially.

Finally I would suggest to you that it is none of your business or concern.

[sir charles IV]

My advice, keep your nose out of Thai business.

Let them get on with it.

Nobody likes a busy body.

well said. Not to mention coming from a farang. As mentioned by others drug addicts require personal will to quit. Intervention is useless without it. Don't try to be a hero because you're not!!!

[dotpoom]

A person who does not want help....cannot be helped.....that is my opinion from experience of addiction.

[eastendanto]

D. - your Gf will not likely drag you into this type of family problem... though it is true as stated above, that family ties can be strong, the family will also recognize that there is not much anyone can do... as alcoholism, the person has to recognize the problem first - what you can do is be supportive and understanding of your wife...

good luck with it -

Drug Addict, alcoholic, gambling addict all associated with Thais (yeah I know this is a Thai forum).... hang on a mo I'm pretty sure that its a pretty global issue. However I digress re the OP some of you may have seen the prog on BBC TV last year fronted by Stacy Dooley (she comes over as a bit of a div but thats bye the bye) where she did a prog all about Yabba use in Thailand and it's outcomes... not just the addict but the families of addicts and ergo their extended families etc...... it mainly focussed on the kids who were addicted some as young as 8 years old and the harmful permanent psychological effects on the user (particularly the younger users) from extended usage, not to mention the heartbreak to their nearest and dearest. There was a special medical facility in Bangkok that catered for addicted users unable to break the cycle, but from memory most of the patients (inmates) were young males from 8 years upwards........ It appeared that it was a voluntary run scheme and therefore free..... but I cannot remember the name of the place..

Some of the posters have touched on a couple of areas with regards to "getting involved".....I've been with my Thai wife for 5 years (married for last 3) and whilst never had such hardship as drug addiction to deal with my FIL is a drunk and a gambling addict (don't think he has ever won). Up in the village where he lives in Isaan during Song Kran it is legal to gamble out in the open (though this year the military have driven it to be run under cover) and the bankers of such games openly clap their hands in joy when they see him coming.... in the LOS he certainly brings his fair share to these people.... anyway I digress again..... I have tightened the noose around his neck several times now for extorting money out of neighbours (without signing an IOU) on the promise that his farang SIL (me) will pay his bills..... I refused saying not my problem and told my wife to say the same....told her that if she pays those bills, tomorrow there will be a queue around the block with people claiming her dad owed them money (and they would be splitting their spoils with her dad)....anyway thought I'd tied him up and had him safely tucked up this time (this after some other previous shenanigans regarding him obtaining money by extortionate means) anyway surprise surprise a few months ago found out he had been taken loans out from the local council for the last couple of years without ever paying a bean back.......so we've closed that loophole now.... thing is with addicts if they don't want to change then not much you can do.....I could give her dad 1 million baht tomorrow to cover all his debts and he wouldn't pay one of those debts off..... be lucky if the money lasted a week.... he'd be acting the big time charlie with his mates buying all the whisky they could drink and cigarettes they could smoke and then gambling the lot away....when he has no money he pulls the guilty card trick on my wife....and she stands firm for the most part......but daughters n their dads.....

I listen to my wife all the time about her dad and his non stop urge to get money to gamble/drink, but when it affects me directly (meaning I have to help pay the debt) then I'll get involved and close the door on that particular angle the FIL has opened (knowing he is already hard at work thinking of what is the next door he can open), other then that I leave it to her and her sister to deal with....

Gambling addict physically different to drug addict as with the DA you can actually see the addicts physical deterioration happening before your very eyes and therefore the effect on loved ones is far more in your face so to speak. Similar with the alcoholic the effects are pretty visible over time

So for the OP I have only this piece of advice ...... logically your should be there to support you wife in whatever way she wants to handle the situation, but if you cannot detach your emotions from the situation then logic will dictate that you will want to get involved and for you this maybe uncharted territory..... if you follow the latter then suggest tread very carefully and go in with your eyes wide open as too many Farangs go in with eyes wide shut and open them when it's far too late...

Wish you all the luck with the situation

[1BADDAT]

It is enormously addictive psychologically, though

Yes not easy to walk away from.

Plenty of Thais seem to manage their addiction though and I often wonder why.

Somehow they seem to be more resilient than folks in the west that get hooked on methamphetamines.

when I took psychology they said smoking a drug was the most addictive, then followed by shooting it I believe. I think that the fact that the methamphetamine is in pill form might have something to do with it.

[2fishin2]

It is enormously addictive psychologically, though

Yes not easy to walk away from.

Plenty of Thais seem to manage their addiction though and I often wonder why.

Somehow they seem to be more resilient than folks in the west that get hooked on methamphetamines.

You must be kidding right? So Thais have some mysterious DNA that makes them impervious to drugs?

Nobody manages their addiction. Their addiction manages them. And yaba, you are nuts if you say a person can manage it!

[thaiduncankk]

D. - your Gf will not likely drag you into this type of family problem... though it is true as stated above, that family ties can be strong, the family will also recognize that there is not much anyone can do... as alcoholism, the person has to recognize the problem first - what you can do is be supportive and understanding of your wife...

good luck with it -

Drug Addict, alcoholic, gambling addict all associated with Thais (yeah I know this is a Thai forum).... hang on a mo I'm pretty sure that its a pretty global issue. However I digress re the OP some of you may have seen the prog on BBC TV last year fronted by Stacy Dooley (she comes over as a bit of a div but thats bye the bye) where she did a prog all about Yabba use in Thailand and it's outcomes... not just the addict but the families of addicts and ergo their extended families etc...... it mainly focussed on the kids who were addicted some as young as 8 years old and the harmful permanent psychological effects on the user (particularly the younger users) from extended usage, not to mention the heartbreak to their nearest and dearest. There was a special medical facility in Bangkok that catered for addicted users unable to break the cycle, but from memory most of the patients (inmates) were young males from 8 years upwards........ It appeared that it was a voluntary run scheme and therefore free..... but I cannot remember the name of the place..

Some of the posters have touched on a couple of areas with regards to "getting involved".....I've been with my Thai wife for 5 years (married for last 3) and whilst never had such hardship as drug addiction to deal with my FIL is a drunk and a gambling addict (don't think he has ever won). Up in the village where he lives in Isaan during Song Kran it is legal to gamble out in the open (though this year the military have driven it to be run under cover) and the bankers of such games openly clap their hands in joy when they see him coming.... in the LOS he certainly brings his fair share to these people.... anyway I digress again..... I have tightened the noose around his neck several times now for extorting money out of neighbours (without signing an IOU) on the promise that his farang SIL (me) will pay his bills..... I refused saying not my problem and told my wife to say the same....told her that if she pays those bills, tomorrow there will be a queue around the block with people claiming her dad owed them money (and they would be splitting their spoils with her dad)....anyway thought I'd tied him up and had him safely tucked up this time (this after some other previous shenanigans regarding him obtaining money by extortionate means) anyway surprise surprise a few months ago found out he had been taken loans out from the local council for the last couple of years without ever paying a bean back.......so we've closed that loophole now.... thing is with addicts if they don't want to change then not much you can do.....I could give her dad 1 million baht tomorrow to cover all his debts and he wouldn't pay one of those debts off..... be lucky if the money lasted a week.... he'd be acting the big time charlie with his mates buying all the whisky they could drink and cigarettes they could smoke and then gambling the lot away....when he has no money he pulls the guilty card trick on my wife....and she stands firm for the most part......but daughters n their dads.....

I listen to my wife all the time about her dad and his non stop urge to get money to gamble/drink, but when it affects me directly (meaning I have to help pay the debt) then I'll get involved and close the door on that particular angle the FIL has opened (knowing he is already hard at work thinking of what is the next door he can open), other then that I leave it to her and her sister to deal with....

Gambling addict physically different to drug addict as with the DA you can actually see the addicts physical deterioration happening before your very eyes and therefore the effect on loved ones is far more in your face so to speak. Similar with the alcoholic the effects are pretty visible over time

So for the OP I have only this piece of advice ...... logically your should be there to support you wife in whatever way she wants to handle the situation, but if you cannot detach your emotions from the situation then logic will dictate that you will want to get involved and for you this maybe uncharted territory..... if you follow the latter then suggest tread very carefully and go in with your eyes wide open as too many Farangs go in with eyes wide shut and open them when it's far too late...

Wish you all the luck with the situation

You say it is legal to gamble Songkran, bullshit.

[ALFREDO]

D. - your Gf will not likely drag you into this type of family problem... though it is true as stated above, that family ties can be strong, the family will also recognize that there is not much anyone can do... as alcoholism, the person has to recognize the problem first - what you can do is be supportive and understanding of your wife...

good luck with it -

gambling addict my FIL is a drunk and a gambling addict

Wish you all the luck with the situation

I have it a level higher, the problem you describe from your FIL, my Gf from 14 years, 3 children together is a Gambling addict = High Low dice game - (very much) since 8 years and Black Lottery game too.

Can only try to keep it in limits, walk away - children?

No easy solution in sight.

[Khon Kaen Dave]

The thing i feel the most for you,that if ever there becomes a police presence in this problem,either through the dealers or any money being owed,you are going to end up in a world of hurt..The fact that you are a ferang will attract the police and you will have all sorts of problems,that will inevitably end up costing you a great deal of money,and i mean a great deal.Also your involvement may cost you your future in this country.I think you are risking a great deal by trying to be a knight in shining armour.Please listen to the other OP's who are trying to tell you to keep out of this.I know it is a hard thing to consider but there is another world in Thailand that doesn't circulate around drugs.You could be out there enjoying your life instead of trying to remove this monkey from someones back.The thrill of Amphetamine is,and it has to be said,fantastic,at first.It completely puts you in another world,it heightens all senses and feeling of well being.Even the world of sexual pleasure multiplies 10 fold.To give it up after some time is a hard thing to do,and some times even after eing clean for years some will revert back to it.Once tried,never forgotten.I know this,because,as a young man i had an affair with speed during the times of west end nightclubs and disco's.Happily,it only lasted a couple of years,but i found it hard to give up because the feeling is like no other.

I wish you every success in your endevours to help,but know this,,this is Thailand,and normal rules do not apply.

You could end up wishing you had never met these people ,when you are sharing a prison cell with 50 others.

good luck...

[Shiver]

I've had much more exposure to people using Meth Ice than I care to ponder (I guess YaaBaa is much the same issue, if a little more 'dirty' - though I have zero exposure to people using the latter).

Outcomes have varied, from quitting for the sake of others if action is taken quickly enough (like breast feeding babies while 'on' the gear), or totally crashing and burning their life (amplified by increasing financial need well exceeding their ability to procure, since they are convinced they are being very productive working 30-40 hours per shift while achieving nothing, then sleeping for several days), and then those that make a full recovery (aside from the aging, which by observation seems to add close to a year for every month of moderate recreational use, and just sleep when not using, so are unproductive). I've learned to appreciate people with a few extra Kg's of fat as a sign that things are still good.

There is an old joke that goes "a drunk will steal $10 from you, then apologise the next day and return it. The Meth/Coke/Heroin user with steal the $10 then spend the next day helping you to find where you lost it".

One person I 'paid' to break out of the detention centre with the help of a lawyer and a significant fee under the table (not for the lawyer, but those that can make these kind of decisions). That still took 43 days of being incarcerated (up until that point you can consider the accusation to be written in pencil and negotiable, after which it is in ink and the revenue stream moves from the police to the prison), and it didn't solve the problem. One month later that person was back inside and I washed my hands of the issue, saying I'd be there if they pull through to the other side of their own volition. It was a waste of money, time, and painful for all involved (extended family all sat with me in the lawyers office with chinoots in hand) and more importantly I had interfered with allowing normal progress to be made by trying to be a 'do gooder'. They get counselling when inside, and taught a skill of their choice for employment (depending on the skills of volunteers to teach) upon release, but they have to be off the gear for long enough to be able to see the damage they're doing not only to themselves, but also everyone in their lives. It's the only thing I've ever seen that was a stronger bond than Thai family. When they could look at it objectively (that takes time - many months at least, probably a couple of years), and see the hurt they're creating for those they care about and the world of pain they're creating for others, then something positive can happen. I should have done nothing when this particular person in mind got shopped by their dealer so that they themselves could stay out and continue to be an informer (2 names submitted per month are needed, or so I'm told, and they quickly run out of names and start naming innocents which doesn't cut it even in Thai law, but loses friends very quickly for having someone pull a stunt like that on you). The whole thing made me very nervous, especially being farang in their eyes.

Nothing they say can be trusted, words and promises are empty, and phrases like "I can control it" are often used. The only way I know of is to let them go through the psychological detox (much more difficult than any physical sides which are fairly minor in comparison), and hope they can become the person they once were. If they can do that, then they need to keep away from people that influenced them in the first place, and life can be repaired (albeit with permanent accelerated aging and usually a lot of financial and emotional debts to repay). Daily needs can get to horrendous levels if they go in deep. Much more than many of us could afford even if we pooled resources. Gambling and mafia are never too far out of the picture either.

Good luck in whatever role you choose to play (I would suggest none), but it is only them that can solve it, and all the best will in the world from others will only drive them away. Nobody wants to be preached at, especially when they think it is you that is not 'getting it'.

Edited April 17, 2016 by metisdead
Oversize font reset to normal.

[thaiduncankk]

D. - your Gf will not likely drag you into this type of family problem... though it is true as stated above, that family ties can be strong, the family will also recognize that there is not much anyone can do... as alcoholism, the person has to recognize the problem first - what you can do is be supportive and understanding of your wife...

good luck with it -

gambling addict my FIL is a drunk and a gambling addict

Wish you all the luck with the situation

I have it a level higher, the problem you describe from your FIL, my Gf from 14 years, 3 children together is a Gambling addict = High Low dice game - (very much) since 8 years and Black Lottery game too.

Can only try to keep it in limits, walk away - children?

No easy solution in sight.

Stopping finances might help the situation.

[loppylugs1]

Most people here are born with a death wish, leave 'em to it

[laban]

It is enormously addictive psychologically, though

Djingen - there are government programs for drug abusers and the local government hospital, even a small district hospital, will have info on it. There are also high priced private residential programs but very costly. And there is the temple program you refer to, which is http://wat-thamkrabok.org/

The Wat program is free of charge, residential - but voluntary which means she has to want to stop and be motivated enough to enter such a program. Which is usually the sticking point

I took my friend to Wat Thamkrabok a few years ago, he stayed there for 3 weeks and did him some good.

However ya-baa and ya-ice like all drugs are very addictive, when people can't get it or money to get it, they can turn violent (beware). He even did jail for 1 month for being arrested in posession.

My friend stayed off the drugs for 6 months, then stated again but I never gave up, in fact as he got older he gave up and now has not touched any drugs for 4 years. I was patient and it payed off, we are now best of friends.

Edited April 16, 2016 by laban

[cat handler]

Get another gf or wife or whatever she is this minute.

[Rob13]

This is not a physically addictive drug, she could walk away from it in 7 days , if she wants to,

Hugely addictive, and no; if she's hooked she can't just walk away even if she wants.

Horse and water, let the person know there's 'water' available when they're ready.

Edited April 17, 2016 by Rob13

[lostinisaan]

D. - your Gf will not likely drag you into this type of family problem... though it is true as stated above, that family ties can be strong, the family will also recognize that there is not much anyone can do... as alcoholism, the person has to recognize the problem first - what you can do is be supportive and understanding of your wife...

good luck with it -

gambling addict my FIL is a drunk and a gambling addict

Wish you all the luck with the situation

I have it a level higher, the problem you describe from your FIL, my Gf from 14 years, 3 children together is a Gambling addict = High Low dice game - (very much) since 8 years and Black Lottery game too.

Can only try to keep it in limits, walk away - children?

No easy solution in sight.

Stopping finances might help the situation.

She's losing your money, she's a liar to you and many others, but you still believe that you can keep it in limits. Oh my Buddha...-

P.S. Alfredo, have you ever thought that you're helping her with your money to BE an addict?

Edited April 17, 2016 by lostinisaan

[lostinisaan]

OP, there're many ways to Rome. Everything you/ your gf/wife is telling her to stop, creates exactly the opposite. Addicts get the feeling that you want to take them something away what they really like.

There's a guy in my wife's family doing the same shit. But there's no way that I'd have done something.

But here's a little tip you could try, which you can do without having problems. The same happened to a foreigner a few years ago.

Talk about it with your gf, she can talk to the family, then make a nice trip. Bring her to a mental hospital. Once there, there's no escape.

Make sure that she's got enough YaBa in her urine. They'll do a test, if positive, she'll have to stay and things go the way you want it.

Addicts only stop from alone when too many negative things have happened. So help a little bit and pay for the gasoline. Best of luck.

P.S. The mental hospital in Thai ( See Maha Poo) in Ubon Ratchathani seems to be a good address for her.

Edited April 17, 2016 by lostinisaan

[ALFREDO]

D. - your Gf will not likely drag you into this type of family problem... though it is true as stated above, that family ties can be strong, the family will also recognize that there is not much anyone can do... as alcoholism, the person has to recognize the problem first - what you can do is be supportive and understanding of your wife...

good luck with it -

gambling addict my FIL is a drunk and a gambling addict

Wish you all the luck with the situation

I have it a level higher, the problem you describe from your FIL, my Gf from 14 years, 3 children together is a Gambling addict = High Low dice game - (very much) since 8 years and Black Lottery game too.

Can only try to keep it in limits, walk away - children?

No easy solution in sight.

Stopping finances might help the situation.

Right, but she is well known, to be creditworthy and has always some Gold with her too.

[ALFREDO]

gambling addict my FIL is a drunk and a gambling addict

Wish you all the luck with the situation

I have it a level higher, the problem you describe from your FIL, my Gf from 14 years, 3 children together is a Gambling addict = High Low dice game - (very much) since 8 years and Black Lottery game too.

Can only try to keep it in limits, walk away - children?

No easy solution in sight.

Stopping finances might help the situation.

She's losing your money, she's a liar to you and many others, but you still believe that you can keep it in limits. Oh my Buddha...-

P.S. Alfredo, have you ever thought that you're helping her with your money to BE an addict?

She is loosing her money too,

she has land, for the loan sharks, can sale from rice and potato powder harvest.

Until now, I could keep it in a limit, yes, before it gets into a Tsunami.

Helping her to be an addict - NO, did never think so. I did also not start the addiction in her or with her.