Uncertain Future

[mark henry]

Hi all,

would really appreciate some advice; my marriage is looking a little rocky and i'm pretty uncertain as to where it's going. Need to know where i stand if it all goes wrong in terms of our 18 month old son and my home.

This is the situation; Married my wife in Thailand x2, official "office" ceramony (well hardly that really just signed some papers) which i believe is recognised here in the UK and Buddist ceramony.

Married nearly 3 years, she now has her permament visa.

She does not work, so cannot contribute to the mortgage ( which i'v had for about 8 years) or anything else.

We have a son, 18 months.

I am not a high earner, i work for the local authority. What happens if we split? My worse fear is i get kicked out of my own home as i know my son is legally entitled to a roof over his head.

As a side issue we are off to Thailand end of this month for a holiday/see the inlaws. My wife has mentioned "loosing" me in Thailand resulting in me coming home alone!! Sure this would solve the financial stuff but may mean i don't see my son no more, i thought i cannot do not want to even imagine.

Any advice appreciated.

Mark

[Pink Mist]

lose her in pommyland mate, if she wants to travel back then tell her to buy a ticket

[kurgen]

I hope she hasn't taken out any life insurance for you.

If you're worth more dead than alive to her she may lose you for good.Wouldn't be the first time it had happened in the LOS.

Don't stand to close to the balcony

[Pink Mist]

I hope she hasn't taken out any life insurance for you.

If you're worth more dead than alive to her she may lose you for good.Wouldn't be the first time it had happened in the LOS.

Don't stand to close to the balcony

they are in soapdodgerland mate

[mark henry]

I hope she hasn't taken out any life insurance for you.

If you're worth more dead than alive to her she may lose you for good.Wouldn't be the first time it had happened in the LOS.

Don't stand to close to the balcony

funny..but it has crossed my mind, she has got a "hot heart"

My family are concerned about me, there are aware of the situation and have told me to be careful in LOS!

[TAWP]

As a side issue we are off to Thailand end of this month for a holiday/see the inlaws. My wife has mentioned "loosing" me in Thailand resulting in me coming home alone!!

What does this even mean?

That she is afraid she will loose you to another woman, or that she will acidently 'loose track of you' in a tiger reservation park?

[MiG16]

makes me sad to hear about all these stories that show some women can infact be cruel

would be good to check with some lawyer about what the liabilities will be for you? in the case of divorce. and yes perhaps best not to go into the village of the in-laws at this time. if you cant avoid it, make sure they know you are keeping people informed of your whereabouts. some friends in thailand.

gee I never realised relationships can have such dangerouds side. being a member of thaivisa has definitely made me see lots more than I was ever aware of

good luck

[GuestHouse]

Get in touch with your local marriage councilor service and see if you can sort this out before it gets worse.

In the meantime, get hold of your child's passport(s) and take them over to your parents/families' house for safe keeping.

If you think she's planning to do a runner with the child go speak to a lawyer and see what help you can get to prevent that happening.

Whatever you do, try to prevent this going to divorce court in the UK.

The result will be she'll grab your house, savings and maintenance and then promptly sell up and head back to Thailand.

Some important questions to ask.

Does your child have a Thai Passport? - If so there is an increased risk of her being able to keep the child in Thailand.

For now, and until you can calm things down or get them sorted out, I would cancel the holiday to Thailand.

[Pink Mist]

where are you now mark?

you still have controll in pommyland

[mark henry]

As a side issue we are off to Thailand end of this month for a holiday/see the inlaws. My wife has mentioned "loosing" me in Thailand resulting in me coming home alone!!

What does this even mean?

That she is afraid she will loose you to another woman, or that she will acidently 'loose track of you' in a tiger reservation park?

The latter me thinks!

[mark henry]

To answer some questions i'm still here in Blighty and my son does have a passport.

I'm confused myself as whats best to do. The choice's i have are: 1/ Keep my feelings inside (Thai style!) and make the best of the marriage for the sake of my son. This is not so difficult the problems largley stem from me in that i want a loving/sharing/equal(ish) relationship, she don't, as long as i don't ask anything from her (affection, sex, sharing of feelings ect) and continue to provide for her (and family) then no probs.

2/ Let her "loose" me in Thailand and/or grab her and my sons passport/airline tickets and come back to UK early alone (at least i'll have a home to live-in). Then perhaps i could bargin with her;ill send money to help her support our son if i can visit once a year?

3/ Continue to try for the marriage i want and risk loosing everything?

Bit grim a?

[MiG16]

To answer some questions i'm still here in Blighty and my son does have a passport.

I'm confused myself as whats best to do. The choice's i have are: 1/ Keep my feelings inside (Thai style!) and make the best of the marriage for the sake of my son. This is not so difficult the problems largley stem from me in that i want a loving/sharing/equal(ish) relationship, she don't, as long as i don't ask anything from her (affection, sex, sharing of feelings ect) and continue to provide for her (and family) then no probs.

2/ Let her "loose" me in Thailand and/or grab her and my sons passport/airline tickets and come back to UK early alone (at least i'll have a home to live-in). Then perhaps i could bargin with her;ill send money to help her support our son if i can visit once a year?

3/ Continue to try for the marriage i want and risk loosing everything?

Bit grim a?

All i can say it option 1 is a no go!

[GuestHouse]

I think you would be better to go talk to a marriage councilor, your options may be wider than you think.

The earlier you get help the wider your options are.

But I do wish all three of you the best of luck.

[JacknDanny]

Hi all,

would really appreciate some advice; my marriage is looking a little rocky and i'm pretty uncertain as to where it's going. Need to know where i stand if it all goes wrong in terms of our 18 month old son and my home.

This is the situation; Married my wife in Thailand x2, official "office" ceramony (well hardly that really just signed some papers) which i believe is recognised here in the UK and Buddist ceramony.

Married nearly 3 years, she now has her permament visa.

She does not work, so cannot contribute to the mortgage ( which i'v had for about 8 years) or anything else.

We have a son, 18 months.

I am not a high earner, i work for the local authority. What happens if we split? My worse fear is i get kicked out of my own home as i know my son is legally entitled to a roof over his head.

As a side issue we are off to Thailand end of this month for a holiday/see the inlaws. My wife has mentioned "loosing" me in Thailand resulting in me coming home alone!! Sure this would solve the financial stuff but may mean i don't see my son no more, i thought i cannot do not want to even imagine.

Any advice appreciated.

Mark

Its sounds to me Mark, as though you are in a loveless relationship and having read previous posts of yours, you also believe that she is just in it for the money!!

I would start weaving my web of deceit in order to achieve self preservation.

First off, stop sending money back home and cancel the holiday. Tell her funds have run low, chance of losing your job etc etc. If she wants to go alone , let her.

Whatever monies you get now, syphon into a personal account held only by yourself and keep all evidence out of the house. Drain evrything in joint names, out . Eventually she may give up voluntarily and go back home. Under NO circumstances allow her to take your son to Thailand.

[midas]

Mark I feel very sorry for you mate

It sounds from how you are describing your marriage that there is not much

companionship left and in fact your son may be the most important of the equation now?

Why are you going to make the trip to Thailand yourself if there is so little

left in your relationship ? I think for you

to do so can risk leading to problems.If i were in your position, I would spend

a bit of money ( but it could be a good investment ) to consult a top

family law expert in the UK ( where at least the law

means something and can be enforced ) to see if there are any grounds

for keeping your son in your care while you're wife makes the journey

to Thailand on her own....... You could suggest that she goes to see if

a period of absence from you will make her appreciate you more but your son

needs to stay with you while she goes alone . I definitely would not let her

go on her own with your son and I just don't see that point of you

accompanying her ?

[sumrit]

Just been reading your previous thread where your not too happy about helping to support your wife's familiy.Has somebody in the UK told her what she could get from a divorce?Sounds like if you don't continue with the support she'll get the money another way.Get some advice from a solictor, my wife wasn't entiled to half of my house as she thought she was but then we didn't have any kids.

[ThaiPauly]

Hi all,

would really appreciate some advice; my marriage is looking a little rocky and i'm pretty uncertain as to where it's going. Need to know where i stand if it all goes wrong in terms of our 18 month old son and my home.

This is the situation; Married my wife in Thailand x2, official "office" ceramony (well hardly that really just signed some papers) which i believe is recognised here in the UK and Buddist ceramony.

Married nearly 3 years, she now has her permament visa.

She does not work, so cannot contribute to the mortgage ( which i'v had for about 8 years) or anything else.

We have a son, 18 months.

I am not a high earner, i work for the local authority. What happens if we split? My worse fear is i get kicked out of my own home as i know my son is legally entitled to a roof over his head.

As a side issue we are off to Thailand end of this month for a holiday/see the inlaws. My wife has mentioned "loosing" me in Thailand resulting in me coming home alone!! Sure this would solve the financial stuff but may mean i don't see my son no more, i thought i cannot do not want to even imagine.

Any advice appreciated.

Mark

Its sounds to me Mark, as though you are in a loveless relationship and having read previous posts of yours, you also believe that she is just in it for the money!!

I would start weaving my web of deceit in order to achieve self preservation.

First off, stop sending money back home and cancel the holiday. Tell her funds have run low, chance of losing your job etc etc. If she wants to go alone , let her.

Whatever monies you get now, syphon into a personal account held only by yourself and keep all evidence out of the house. Drain evrything in joint names, out . Eventually she may give up voluntarily and go back home. Under NO circumstances allow her to take your son to Thailand.

I would echo these remarks I am afraid.

The chances are that if you go to Thailand you may never see your Son again.

Personally I think the remark "Loose you in Thailand" could mean that she could sneak off with your Son to somewhere you cannot find her.

Self preservation is the order of the day here Mark, and that of your relationship with your Son.If you want to be part of his life then you have to fight on your own turf..not on somebody elses.

In Football...the Home team normally wins, you are in a similar sitaution

Good Luck to you

TP

[GuestHouse]

I'd also start working on options for your son.

I'd hate to have a child left to life's chances in Thailand.

[mark henry]

Thaks all for your advice. Re; the holiday. As i said i'm not a high earner it's taken two years for me to save the money to go to Thailand and despite our problems i'm kinda looking forward to it! i do see it as an opportunity to get our marriage back on track. My wifes Sister is having our son for a week so we can go to Phuket together. I want this opportunity to see if my wife really wants to be with me/loves me and i'll act according to how that goes. Well thats the plan anyways.

I reakon a lot of our problems are to do with my wife having to take care of our son full time, she just ain'nt used to doing stuff for herself. She is basically a very sefish woman, now thats not a critisisim its just a fact. as i'v said on previous threads her life was get up go to work from 10am till 9/10pm 6 days a week, Sunday lay in bed go shopping thats it with little/no deviation! She's never really had to think about anyone else other than herself her Mum did pretty much everything at home.

I always remember her saying that she thought Paris was in America! Maybe a stupid comment for me to say but for me it tells me a lot about her view of the world/self/others.

[MikeRay]

Why did you marry her, it´s obvious why she married you.I couldn´t live with that. I don´t know much about the law in England, but perhaps it´s possible to sign over the house to your parents, clear your savings and find a way to hide that.That will take some time but it should work, in case of the son I think you´ll be on the stronger side at home than in LOS. A lifelong right of abode in "your" house, better education and lifestyle for your son in England should prevent at court that he´ll go to stay with his mother in Thailand.That would lead that she´ll has to stay in England with your son. As I understand that her intentions are not staying in England she´ll rather leave the son with you and go back to LOS.What debt could she sue you the if you have to take care for a son, having "no savings" and only a lifelong abond for your house.Then you´ll only have a percentage of your income lost to her.Sure it´s going to be dirty at court, but you have the advantage to prepare everything with an attorney in your home country.I would say go for "1" another year or so and prepare your life with your son and without her

[Pink Mist]

best of luck

[TAWP]

Don't give your kid away to the care of any of her relatives, ever, if you are having problems.

What do you think happends then?

[ColPyat]

Thaks all for your advice. Re; the holiday. As i said i'm not a high earner it's taken two years for me to save the money to go to Thailand and despite our problems i'm kinda looking forward to it! i do see it as an opportunity to get our marriage back on track. My wifes Sister is having our son for a week so we can go to Phuket together. I want this opportunity to see if my wife really wants to be with me/loves me and i'll act according to how that goes. Well thats the plan anyways.

I reakon a lot of our problems are to do with my wife having to take care of our son full time, she just ain'nt used to doing stuff for herself. She is basically a very sefish woman, now thats not a critisisim its just a fact. as i'v said on previous threads her life was get up go to work from 10am till 9/10pm 6 days a week, Sunday lay in bed go shopping thats it with little/no deviation! She's never really had to think about anyone else other than herself her Mum did pretty much everything at home.

I always remember her saying that she thought Paris was in America! Maybe a stupid comment for me to say but for me it tells me a lot about her view of the world/self/others.

Reading your posts i would definately NOT go for this holiday in Thailand. If your wife does not have just temper tantrum than chances are high that you are not going to see your son anymore after you handed him over to her family. Legal proceedings in Thailand can take very long (years!), and as a non resident farang you are at a huge disadvantage.

You are much better off coming to some seddlement in the UK.

[phusingpete]

Thaks all for your advice. Re; the holiday. As i said i'm not a high earner it's taken two years for me to save the money to go to Thailand and despite our problems i'm kinda looking forward to it! i do see it as an opportunity to get our marriage back on track. My wifes Sister is having our son for a week so we can go to Phuket together. I want this opportunity to see if my wife really wants to be with me/loves me and i'll act according to how that goes. Well thats the plan anyways.

I reakon a lot of our problems are to do with my wife having to take care of our son full time, she just ain'nt used to doing stuff for herself. She is basically a very sefish woman, now thats not a critisisim its just a fact. as i'v said on previous threads her life was get up go to work from 10am till 9/10pm 6 days a week, Sunday lay in bed go shopping thats it with little/no deviation! She's never really had to think about anyone else other than herself her Mum did pretty much everything at home.

I always remember her saying that she thought Paris was in America! Maybe a stupid comment for me to say but for me it tells me a lot about her view of the world/self/others.

Paris , Texas

[JacknDanny]

Thaks all for your advice. Re; the holiday. As i said i'm not a high earner it's taken two years for me to save the money to go to Thailand and despite our problems i'm kinda looking forward to it! i do see it as an opportunity to get our marriage back on track. My wifes Sister is having our son for a week so we can go to Phuket together. I want this opportunity to see if my wife really wants to be with me/loves me and i'll act according to how that goes. Well thats the plan anyways.

I reakon a lot of our problems are to do with my wife having to take care of our son full time, she just ain'nt used to doing stuff for herself. She is basically a very sefish woman, now thats not a critisisim its just a fact. as i'v said on previous threads her life was get up go to work from 10am till 9/10pm 6 days a week, Sunday lay in bed go shopping thats it with little/no deviation! She's never really had to think about anyone else other than herself her Mum did pretty much everything at home.

I always remember her saying that she thought Paris was in America! Maybe a stupid comment for me to say but for me it tells me a lot about her view of the world/self/others.

I guess Risk v Reward. How much do you want her v How much do you want your son??

If it was me, there is no way I would risk my not being able to see my son. You have to accept that is VERY possible once you get to Thailand

If you want to see what your wifes true feelings are, then stay in England, get some of your family to baby sit, and spend some quality time with her

[quiksilva]

^^^Cant help but agree and I also want to add my voice to saying that the holiday is a poor idea at best.

You are very likely to lose your boy here, its happened to people I know, its not just idle talk.

Seriously, try and resolve this in the UK.

[mark henry]

Thaks all for your advice. Re; the holiday. As i said i'm not a high earner it's taken two years for me to save the money to go to Thailand and despite our problems i'm kinda looking forward to it! i do see it as an opportunity to get our marriage back on track. My wifes Sister is having our son for a week so we can go to Phuket together. I want this opportunity to see if my wife really wants to be with me/loves me and i'll act according to how that goes. Well thats the plan anyways.

I reakon a lot of our problems are to do with my wife having to take care of our son full time, she just ain'nt used to doing stuff for herself. She is basically a very sefish woman, now thats not a critisisim its just a fact. as i'v said on previous threads her life was get up go to work from 10am till 9/10pm 6 days a week, Sunday lay in bed go shopping thats it with little/no deviation! She's never really had to think about anyone else other than herself her Mum did pretty much everything at home.

I always remember her saying that she thought Paris was in America! Maybe a stupid comment for me to say but for me it tells me a lot about her view of the world/self/others.

Paris , Texas

Stupid me..of course thats what she meant!!

[Douggie Style]

There may be an alternative to sort it out 'Thai style'.

Get a local Thai who is respected by your spouse to listen to both sides, you may be able to work out a settlement far more equitable and less acrimoniously than the legal pathway (not to mention cheaper and quicker).

Of course this depends a lot on who the Thai is. I have in the past been contacted by the someone from the consulate (yes I almost fell of my chair in amazement) wanting to sort out a clients marital problems quote 'thai style' rather than go through the courts.

Are there any fair minded local Thai friends, you can speak to it about? If so if might be advantageous to put the situation to them.

You are the only one who can sort it out, think strategically and clearly before you make any moves. Having a friend with some nous to speak to might clear your mind.

Accepting a bad relationship for the childs sake is very noble, but usually is either not necessary or leads to bad outcomes.

best of luck

[mark henry]

Just been speaking to my Mum, reakon she's been speaking to you guys tells me i'm crazy to be going to Thailand (she's convinced the wife will have me bumped-off cos "there like that in them third world countries"!). Problem is i know i'll go for reasons i'v already stated.

As with any relationship on the rocks you never really know how much of whats going around in your head is fantasy?

My wife usually makes these rather hurtful comments ("i'll loose you in Thailand") when she's pissed with me and i being a bit soft take it to heart.

Anyway i take on board whats been said and think i'll just be careful and look for signs that might be of concern (like a knife in the back) and if things don't look good i'll grab the passports/tickets and get out with my son early back to Blighty.

cheers again.

[JacknDanny]

Just been speaking to my Mum, reakon she's been speaking to you guys tells me i'm crazy to be going to Thailand (she's convinced the wife will have me bumped-off cos "there like that in them third world countries"!). Problem is i know i'll go for reasons i'v already stated.

As with any relationship on the rocks you never really know how much of whats going around in your head is fantasy?

Was it a fantasy when she tried to stab you the other day??? (as per your description on another thread)

Mark, what you do is your business, but when you sit back and see the general advice from people who are over here and have had good and bad relationships with Thai girls, then the common denominator is DONT COME!!!! until you have resolved the problem. The reason I am so persistant is that for some reason, you are NOT thinking of the welfare of your child