Kop khun kap

[LandOfWiles]

Do you normally say kop khun kap/ka when:

 

1) On your way out of a restaurant (where food was good/ok)

2) When buying stuff in shops

 

As an Englishman, I had to get used to saying thanks/kop khun kap a lot less often than back home. Thais only seem to say kop khun kap when they really mean it - if at all. In shops I have stopped saying it since the guy who runs a shop in my building gave me some pretty big hints - I think he almost felt uncomfortable that I would thank him and not the other way round. However, I still say it when leaving restaurants. The other day I heard the owner of a local restaurant saying "falang" and "kop khun kap" and laughing with a customer as I left. Today when I ate there again he said "ok" when I paid him as if to encourage me to do the same. I still said "kop khun kap" as normal and he just smiled. I am pretty sure I am not following protocol here. My Thai partner tells me it's ok to say thanks if I want, but that is not the impression I get. Like with waiing incorrectly, Thais are pretty serious about correct language usage from what I can tell. 

 

So does anyone have any advice here? 

Edited February 10, 2017 by LandOfWiles

[tgeezer]

It all depends on you, as a foreigner you will behave like one until you adapt to the people around you. You are already doing this with the chap in your building, have a laugh with him at yourself.
I have been playing golf for ten years now with the same chaps. When I first met them I knew Thai and how to wai, and combined it with removing my hat and shaking hands as we do in England after a round. Even though I was only one among six they dutifully deferred to me, waiing cap in hand, sometimes starting a wai then seeing my cap coming off changing and removing their's, waiing cap on, quickly removed to shake hands, having cap in right hand shaking hands all sorts of confusion and awkwardness. Bless them, It wasn't the Thai golf way, they had just retired and taken up golf at the same time, I was the golfer who set the standard which they took to be the golf way. We soon learned how wrong it was for Thai golf and so we abandoned my English ways, I wai with my cap on saying "kop khun krap" and "pop gan mai wan jan na krap".
So my advice would be to be yourself, it never does any harm to be over polite, also a smile is polite too and can cover almost any faux pas. Don't be afraid to speak properly too, people sometimes like to see a farang using good Thai they often follow suit to be helpful.


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[Horatio Poke]

I say "kop khun kap" whenever it pleases me to do so and I would advise anyone else to do the same, in Thai or English.  If it feels right, do it.  Your partner advises the same - " My Thai partner tells me it's ok to say thanks if I want....".  That seems like excellent advice to me.

 

I see no need to apologise or feel awkward about being courteous and if others are so ignorant and uncouth as to laugh at your dedication to courtesy, respect and good manners then it says a lot more about them than it says about you, none of which shows them in a good light.

 

Thanks for starting this discussion,

and good luck.

Edited February 10, 2017 by Horatio Poke

[rijb]

The more you stretch out the 'kap' (kaap) the more polite it is.

[Briggsy]

On 10/02/2017 at 5:55 PM, rijb said:

The more you stretch out the 'kap' (kaap) the more polite it is.

Are you quite sure about this or is this a tongue in cheek comment?

[rijb]

1 hour ago, Briggsy said:

Are you quite sure about this or is this a tongue in cheek comment?

It's true here, in Chiang Rai.  Not sure about other provinces.

[tgeezer]

Old men like me like to say คร้าบ. Smart polite young men say  ครับผม crisp and clean.


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[naboo]

Been saying thanks at the shops for 9 years, never had anyone laugh at me.

 

Its not the Thai way, but I'm not Thai and I don't think its wrong to show Thais how we do things.

[LandOfWiles]

Ok - thanks to everyone who replied. I will stick with my current system. To be clear, those in the restaurant weren't laughing in a mocking way but more along the lines of "farangs are so polite! ". The staff is always very welcoming when I visit. I had a similar experience in Lotus when the woman on the fish counter bagged up some shrimps for me and I said kop khun kap. She laughed and made some remark to her colleague - again not in a nasty way. It's not something that keeps me awake at night; I just wanted to get it right. But as naboo says: we are different and there's nothing wrong with that. It's hardly the worst charge in the world is it: being overly polite :-) 

Edited February 11, 2017 by LandOfWiles

[Katia]

I struggle with this.  I'm used to my "please" and "thank you" and I'm trying to wire my brain that "mai ao" is not considered "unpolite" here and it's okay to use it rather than the "No, thank you" I would use in the U.S.  ("mai ao thuung" is something i got used to when refusing a bag at the store just because I wasn't sure at first how to translate the seemingly-softer "I don't need a bag," as I would have said in the U.S..  I even asked my Thai teacher how to say it and she gave me a weird look and told me just to say "mai ao.")

 

I can't stop myself from using "Kaw ...  noi," though, to switch just to "ao" (like when ordering food at a restaurant).  I know the latter is perfectly acceptable.  I just can't do it.  (Maybe I spent too long in service jobs listening to impolite customers and their "I want..." in snotty tones of voice when saying it in English.)

 

I've never been made fun of, even good-naturedly... but in Bangkok they're surely used to the ways of Westerners, so might not see it as being as strange as they might in less-tourist-populated areas.  I've gotten the impression that people think it's a bit strange, but never overly so.  Guess I'm glad that they're bemused by me being *too* polite rather than the other way around!

 

(I wonder how Thais fare upon going to some Western countries where their accustomed manner of speaking might be considered not-so-polite...)

[BayLay]

The expression, and perception, of being "polite" is a cultural thing.   In English, using "Please" and "Thank you" is one of the most basic forms of good manners.  In Thai, one of the most basic forms is adding "krup" or "kah" AND/OR slightly stretching out the sound at the end of the sentence..

In many cases, Thais will use non-verbal cue to show consideration to the person they interact with:  this can be a smile, a nod, an eye-contact, or it can just be an absence of something rude. 

There is nothing wrong with saying "Thank you".   Thais will notice it since that is not the usual practice, and so they don't take that for granted.   Sometimes they may be feel a little embarrassed (in a good way), and the laugh is usually a way to deal with that.  They appreciate being thanked.

 

How Thais fare upon going to some Western countries where their accustomed manner of speaking might be considered not so polite?  Not that different from how Farangs fare here: Some embrace the new culture and learn to say thank you and please more; Some don't even notice or just don't care; Some will do both, saying "Thank you" with a smile.

 

[LandOfWiles]

1 hour ago, BayLay said:

The expression, and perception, of being "polite" is a cultural thing.   In English, using "Please" and "Thank you" is one of the most basic forms of good manners.  In Thai, one of the most basic forms is adding "krup" or "kah" AND/OR slightly stretching out the sound at the end of the sentence..

In many cases, Thais will use non-verbal cue to show consideration to the person they interact with:  this can be a smile, a nod, an eye-contact, or it can just be an absence of something rude. 

There is nothing wrong with saying "Thank you".   Thais will notice it since that is not the usual practice, and so they don't take that for granted.   Sometimes they may be feel a little embarrassed (in a good way), and the laugh is usually a way to deal with that.  They appreciate being thanked.

 

How Thais fare upon going to some Western countries where their accustomed manner of speaking might be considered not so polite?  Not that different from how Farangs fare here: Some embrace the new culture and learn to say thank you and please more; Some don't even notice or just don't care; Some will do both, saying "Thank you" with a smile.

 

Thanks for posting.

 

What you have written mirrors my own experience. Good point about smiling too. Smiling, instead of saying "sawadee kap", is something that I learned to do early on here for people that I see frequently. I reserve "sawadee kap" for new people or people that I have not seen in a while, although sometimes I just say "sabuy dee mai kap" instead. 

[Gentlemc]

Anytime, when someone give something to you or help you.