Getting Married To A Thai Girl

[meemiathai]

My girlfriend is from a relatively poor rice farming family in Ubon Ratchatani. We've discussed this, and she told me that 100,000 Baht is appropriate.

Would it really be appropriate to make a counteroffer? Should I try 60,000?

Hahaha.....this is funny.............how did she come up to that amount? Pls ask her...... How does one deem the amount is appropriate?

Counteroffer??? Do you think women are livestock mate? How about counteroffering with 50 buffaloes? Sorry couldnt resist............

Heng...it depends on where they have the ceremony and reception....and how much they are willing to spend on it. Sometimes the "gestures" do not cover the cost! Unless their parents are filthy rich, I doubt they are going to get a deed to a big house/land. I think the monetary issues should not exist in wedding/pre-weddings. Causes a lot of tensions and "fights"........which may or may not happen later in the marriage anyway

I love your avatar!

[SK1972]

hmmm...........meemiathai.......

I say it like I see it

[HarryHacker]

Humm...more importantly who is the grass?

[rod_kalashnikov]

 

[SK1972]

Rod............. OMG, how old are you then???? You said she was just a few years your senior..................

[rod_kalashnikov]

 

[warriors]

Mamma WANTS AS MUCH AS SHE CAN GET

[Up2U]

Not many responses on-topic. Too many people getting their posting numbers up.

Trying to be sensible - sin sodt is usual in the country areas, less so in the cities. The amount depends on various factors - how old is the girl / eldest daughter or nong sao / previously married / has children / sole support for parents / parents have money / girl has money.

If she is young, eldest daughter, no previous convictions, no ankle snappers, then the price would be higher than any other alternative.

Depending on the circumstances of the family, anything up to 100,000 baht would be correct. The lower category can mean much lower dowry. My wife had been married previously, I put 10,000 baht in the dish and got it back later - purely 'show' money. But I have since built a house for the parents, am now negotiating for a house for myself and family.

In response to another poster, do not ever believe that you can ignore the rest of the family. This is part of the paraphenalia that comes with the goods you are buying. Whether you think you can live 500 km away from them and forget about them, your intended assures you that her family will never be in your life, whatever, expect to see at least half a dozen cousins, brothers, sisters, mum and dad at least once a year - maybe some more frequently. And they won't pay their own way while staying with you. And your wife will always listen to her mother more than to you.

Just accept it all and get on with your own life, do not complain about it. Your wife willl probably get fed up with them as soon as you, especially when she has to make the same housekeeping cover the extra mouths. And cut down on visits to the hairdresser.

[SK1972]

In response to another poster, do not ever believe that you can ignore the rest of the family. This is part of the paraphenalia that comes with the goods you are buying. Whether you think you can live 500 km away from them and forget about them, your intended assures you that her family will never be in your life, whatever, expect to see at least half a dozen cousins, brothers, sisters, mum and dad at least once a year - maybe some more frequently. And they won't pay their own way while staying with you. And your wife will always listen to her mother more than to you.

Just accept it all and get on with your own life, do not complain about it. Your wife willl probably get fed up with them as soon as you, especially when she has to make the same housekeeping cover the extra mouths. And cut down on visits to the hairdresser.

Wow!!!!!! I have never heard of a man who would not complain yet. How do you expect to get on with your own life when you said her relatives will always be in your lives? Especially when you mentioned that she will always listen to her mom more than you................ This will never end!

[chanchao]

> Especially when you mentioned that she will always listen to

> her mom more than you......

Well that just depends doesn't it... Not only does my wife listen a lot more to me than to her mother, I actually get on with her mum a lot better than she does herself most of the time.

I'd be happy to have her live somewhere close-ish to where we live. Just not in exactly the same house, but there's no way my wife would go for that.

Getting back on the topic of bride prices, and I think I've posted this before, if she's been married before and ESPECIALLY if she has kids, any bride price (other than ceremonial) is completely out of the question.

And personally I object to ceremonial bride prices as well. It looks horrible and in *MY* opinion makes a foreign guy lose face big time in front of his friends and family.

Cheers,

Chanchao

[Sulaphat]

The sin sod should not be the source of friction and considering what you will probably have to spend on other things eventually (house, car, children, etc.) it becomes irrelevant over time, regardless of size. Ask your wife what amount would be appropriate and let her have face.

I really don't understand why people get bent out of shape over giving sin sod to the wife's parents.

[SK1972]

Khun Sulaphat

I really don't understand why people get bent out of shape over giving sin sod to the wife's parents

Well, it all depends, its not the culture of the farangs where the children have to give money to their own parents let alone their in-laws. As much as they want to respect the TH culture, its quite difficult when some TH parents get overboard and ask for ridiculous amounts..........and most times it never stops......

Once again, I reiterate, not all the time but most times

[Sulaphat]

Well, it all depends, its not the culture of the farangs where the children have to give money to their own parents let alone their in-laws.  As much as they want to respect the TH culture, its quite difficult  when some TH parents get overboard and ask for ridiculous amounts..........and most times it never stops......

Once again, I reiterate, not all the time but most times

I suspect that many factors come into play when the amount of sin sod is contemplated. One of them may be the in-laws unreasonable expectations, perhaps motivated by greed. Another may be the bride's desire to help her parents or maybe show respect to her parents. Might not it also be a way of finding out what kind of person the prospective son-in-law is, either intentionally or unintentionally?

[Pepe']

As I said earlier in this thread. My wife's mom or anyone else never asked for a dime.

We are preparing to celebrate our fifth anniversary. My wife's been a real doll.

So I bought her her dream car for the occassion, a 2005 Mercedes Benz C class.

If they had asked for some dowary it think it might have really turned me off at the time.

Good things come to one who is patient. Now she's got the car the houses in So Cal and the bank accounts and I'm happy to share it all with her.

Small minds get small bhat...

[ParrotHead]

Small minds get small bhat...

And big baht makes big head for small mind.

[meemiathai]

The sin sod should not be the source of friction and considering what you will probably have to spend on other things eventually (house, car, children, etc.) it becomes irrelevant over time, regardless of size. Ask your wife what amount would be appropriate and let her have face.

I really don't understand why people get bent out of shape over giving sin sod to the wife's parents.

One of the very few sensible farangs!

It is illogical to want to marry an indian and say you don't want dark skin.

Also to marry a farang girl and say you don't want western mentality.

[Pepe']

Small minds get small bhat...

And big baht makes big head for small mind.

After all when it's all said and done everything is relative...

[SK1972]

Might not it also be a way of finding out what kind of person the prospective son-in-law is, either intentionally or unintentionally?

Sulaphat.....what about what kind of woman she is? If all she wants is money, thats already a bad sign. I dont know why some TH women think that her future husband is to "repay" her parents for bringing her up and etc. Isnt that their responsibility as her parents?? Dont get me wrong, I love my parents but they NEVER expect me to do that.

Another may be the bride's desire to help her parents or maybe show respect to her parents.

Giving them money is a way of showing respect? I think thats a funny way of showing it.

I would think that if a man is "expected to pay the dowry", it should be up to him and the woman to come up with the amount, not her parents. Why should the prospective parents-in-law get all "bent out of shape about the amount"? Wouldnt it be more important that their daughter is HAPPY and with a good man instead of "haggling over the amount" as if they were trying to sell something and causing friction among the couple?

Before anyone gets overlysensitive about this, thats just my opinion as a woman, not asking anyone to agree with it. You can have your own opinions and views.

[Sulaphat]

Might not it also be a way of finding out what kind of person the prospective son-in-law is, either intentionally or unintentionally?

Sulaphat.....what about what kind of woman she is? If all she wants is money, thats already a bad sign. I dont know why some TH women think that her future husband is to "repay" her parents for bringing her up and etc. Isnt that their responsibility as her parents?? Dont get me wrong, I love my parents but they NEVER expect me to do that.

Another may be the bride's desire to help her parents or maybe show respect to her parents.

Giving them money is a way of showing respect? I think thats a funny way of showing it.

I would think that if a man is "expected to pay the dowry", it should be up to him and the woman to come up with the amount, not her parents. Why should the prospective parents-in-law get all "bent out of shape about the amount"? Wouldnt it be more important that their daughter is HAPPY and with a good man instead of "haggling over the amount" as if they were trying to sell something and causing friction among the couple?

Before anyone gets overlysensitive about this, thats just my opinion as a woman, not asking anyone to agree with it. You can have your own opinions and views.

Sulaphat.....what about what kind of woman she is?

Yes, that, too.

If all she wants is money, thats already a bad sign.

Yes. A large one saying "DON'T DO IT".

I dont know why some TH women think that her future husband is to "repay" her parents for bringing her up and etc.

Perhaps some kinds of knowledge are more difficult to come by than others. Maybe this is one of those instances.

Isnt that their responsibility as her parents??

Yes. But what is wrong with respecting the fact that the parents lived up to their obligations and showing such respect in the normal Thai cultural context?

Dont get me wrong, I love my parents but they NEVER expect me to do that.

Possibly it has as much to do with the wife's sentiments as with the parents' expectations?

Giving them money is a way of showing respect? I think thats a funny way of showing it.

Maybe. But not necessarily unusual within the context of Thai norms.

I would think that if a man is "expected to pay the dowry", it should be up to him and the woman to come up with the amount, not her parents.  Why should the prospective parents-in-law get all "bent out of shape about the amount"? Wouldnt it be more important that their daughter is HAPPY and with a good man instead of "haggling over the amount" as if they were trying to sell something and causing friction among the couple?

I think I suggested in my original post that the husband ask his wife what was appropriate. I also don't recall that it was the in-laws that were proposing to "haggle" over the dowry.

Given all the issues and financial obligations that will arise during a marriage, I again suggest that the amount of the sin sod is immaterial.

[IamMaiC]

Given all the issues and financial obligations that will arise during a marriage, I again suggest that the amount of the sin sod is immaterial.

Veryyyyyyy True!!!!!!

[SK1972]

Sulaphat.......right....I do agree with you, the "sin sod" or dowry should be immaterial. Ever notice the word is SIN sod You should tell that to the greedy parents!!!!!!!!!!

Yes. But what is wrong with respecting the fact that the parents lived up to their obligations and showing such respect in the normal Thai cultural context?

Well, if the parents are just having kids for that sole purpose, they shouldnt be having any at all. Once again, I dont think respect should be "monetary". I, as a parent would not expect my kids to "pay me back".

[frequentatore]

As I said earlier in this thread.  My wife's mom or anyone else never asked for a dime.

If I remember correctly, your wife is Chinese-Thai... it makes a big difference!

[IamMaiC]

Well, if the parents are just having kids for that sole purpose, they shouldnt be having any at all. Once again, I dont think respect should be "monetary". I, as a parent would not expect my kids to "pay me back".

Veryyyy Veryyyy True

[Pepe']

As I said earlier in this thread.  My wife's mom or anyone else never asked for a dime.

If I remember correctly, your wife is Chinese-Thai... it makes a big difference!

How so?

[plachon]

Sulaphat.......right....I do agree with you, the "sin sod" or dowry should be immaterial. Ever notice the word is SIN sod You should tell that to the greedy parents!!!!!!!!!!

Ever notice the second syllable of the Beloved Leader's name? And the first syllable sounds like the thing rhyming with PAX we all know is as inevitable as birth and death. What does that tell you about what's in store for LOS?

As for "kha sin sod", it's not the end of the world if you do pay it, as then you can get your familial obligations out the way at the beginning of the marriage, and not end up having to buy the in-laws a new house or pick-up later on. There's no fixed rule on it, and it does vary between region to region and family to family. Some (most) families see it as a cherished tradition if they have a daughter, but like land it's been subject to the laws of severe and hyper over-speculation in recent years, so be prepared to strike a bargain or risk losing the deal!

[SK1972]

so be prepared to strike a bargain or risk losing the deal! 

They think 100,000 THB is appropriate for "sin sod"........I am sure they are just trying their luck....

Sulaphat...........thats what I meant by "haggling"...........in a more discreet word..negotiating the "price of the daughter" which I find ridiculous.....they seem as if they are selling their daughter.

I reiterate, I think the "sin sod" (if they are forced to "pay") should be up to the man and the woman, not influenced by every "tom dick and harry" (parents and relatives).

Best thing is to just forget about "sin sod"! Just be happy and live life! Most greedy parents seem to forget that............

[Crush]

I gave 10,000 Pounds last week to the Parents of my wife, 740,000 baht.

Why?

Cos i can afford to give 20 times more and still not skip a heartbeat.

If you are poor just give a packet of biscuits or whatever else you can afford. I am sure the complainers are just too poor to get married in any style, therefore they complain about the Sin Sod, if you don't like it, just move on, and for those of you that cannot afford to give a few quid to the family of the girl you love, what are you doing trying to join the family in the first place?

Stick to western women who have no family values is my advice to the poor amongst you.

[SK1972]

Crush.....wow, that was very generous of you. I am sure all the women in Thailand would marry you in a heartbeat and all parents would pay you to marry their daughters!!

I am sure the complainers are just too poor to get married in any style, therefore they complain about the Sin Sod, if you don't like it, just move on, and for those of you that cannot afford to give a few quid to the family of the girl you love, what are you doing trying to join the family in the first place?

I do not think that the men here are poor, its just the principle. "Why should they give their hard earned money to strangers???" They may be the woman's parents but they are still strangers UNTIL the wedding takes place. Not everyone is born with a "silver spoon in his mouth". I doubt anyone wants to marry a woman where the family is "greedy",  the woman would tend to be the same too.  So what if the man cannot afford to pay the outrageous amounts "demanded" by the family, "Are you trying to imply poor people should get married???"

Stick to western women who have no family values is my advice to the poor amongst you

Well, if part of the family values is GREEDINESS, you can keep them! Western women with no family values?? I think that should also imply to the western MEN....including you then. Fair is fair.....why is it only women have no values ??? Arent western men and women from same nationalities brought up in the same environment/country? Are you implying your mother and sisters do not have values???

I gave 10,000 Pounds last week to the Parents of my WIFE, 740,000 baht.

Hey guys, he just proved my point right, once you give you never stop....he is already married but still has to "pay" his wife's family...

Before you get all huffy, I am not a bloke but a woman, not farang nor thai.

[apocadelic]

That's a lot!!!!!

Good for your gf...

no more comment cuz i'm still too young for that...lol

Good luck ,man

[Dr. Burrito]

For us, it was just enver brought up. We went down to the Amphur, tied the knot, and that was that.

On the other hand, we did give them an amazingly handsome little grandson that makes everyone smile all the time.