Virgil

Just a few thoughts that hopefuly arent too much of a ramble.

Maybe worth thinking from the parents side.

The Parents  worked hard to put her thru uni??

How old are they?

Are there other useful brothers or sisters to help look after them?

Thai parents invest in their kids so they can take over the business if wealthy or look after them in old age.

Whipping the daughter off to OZ may be upsetting to them.

Get AE over to aust for three mths and dont marry her!

See if she can genuinely cope with living here.

If you are in Sydney need help with meeting some thai gals for her to som tam with here let me know.

My lady knows heaps ,and has one sister here and has had one other sister visit recently....she didnt like it ,they love it and would never go back to thailand.

Talk thru with AE these family expectations,dowry sure ,but dont forget you will be seen as wealthy falang ,make sure you set expectations up front regarding ongoing money back home,the requests WILL come.

Spend the three mths ,let her go home,and think about things,you need to cool off and think about things too.

Sure lovely to look at,great sex,but do you have a real connection?

What will she do if she comes back to stay?

DO you  ,Does she want kids?

The more work you put in up front the easier it will be..

Finally the visa.

Keep records of everything now

Phone calls

Emails

Photos

You will need to show about 6 mths or more to make the ghouls at oz embassy happy.

Thanks for the reply mate ... is good. Her parents are in their late 40's. Both are school teachers. Her mother told me that they will each get 250,000bt if they retire when they are 50. More if they work longer. They own several parcels of land, each costing around 200,000bt. No doubt, they are paying the bank for these. They have a small farm where they grow rice. They have about 6 cows and are building up stock ... 4 had calfs this year. I think they are pretty well looked after financially. They have 3 other daughters ... the youngest would also like to live in Oz ... and gives me no end of cheek when I'm there.

I am worried about her meeting other Thais here in Oz ... there has been some bad press regarding Thai girls working in the wrong industry .... I used to share an office suite with an Immigration Lawyer who specialises in asian immigration. He was forever trying to get passports back for "unlucky" Thai girls who wanted to return home ... but that's another story.

I was planning to take her to the Temple in Annandale. And to the Thai new year festival at Darling Harbour ... hopefully she will meet some good people there.

Snoophound ... the sex is a small part of the equation and didn't feature in my first trip to Thailand. We have the same wicked sense of humour and love for dancing. We like the same movies and same music. There is no point in her bringing any of her CD's ... I've got most of them ... and they ain't cheap pirates either ... haha ...

Ae will have a degree in Business English ... she will have 3 months work experience in hotel management too. She wants to work in the travel / hospitality industry.

Her 3 months here will include 2 months at a full time english school in Ultimo. It will be just like going to work ... hopefully ... we will be having a normal life ... well, as normal as we can, apart from the Easter and Anzac long weekends.

Thanks for your advice.

Virg'

What ever he's going to pay is probably not all that bad. People who think a dowry is not important are just being cheap. If you want to know what a pay out is really like, don't marry a rural Thai farm girl; marry a middle class Chinese girl. You'll really feel the hurt in your wallet then.

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No, it's not about being cheap mate. It's not that at all. I earn the money. I will decide how it's spent. That's what it is. I choose to spend it on flying Ae out her for 3 months. I choose to spend it on $2,500 worth of English lessons. I will choose to spend it on a nice engagement ring and honeymoon in Europe (if we can swing the visas for her). I do not choose to spend my money supporting her family or extended family, some of whom have already expressed an interest in what I do, what I earn and what I own. There is a marked difference between being tight with your money and being smart with it. I will probably pay a dowry, once I establish what is fair and reasonable.

Her parents pay for Ae's Uni fees and dorm.

Ae's current position is that her mother always thinks about herself and never thinks about Ae.

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Did Ae ever stop to appreciate the sacrifices her parents have made for her?

Have you?

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Yes mate, I have had that discussion with her ... on several occasions. But then, isn't that what parenting is about? My parents made the same concessions for me - they sent me to a private school but never had a new car ... never.

In my opinion, it's a parent's duty to do the best that they can do for their children:- spiritually, morally, socially and economically.

Spent time together IN PERSON first mate, not a couple of weeks, a couple of months at least.

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Yes, Ae will be spending 3 months in Sydney with me ... starting next month. We organised the visa when I was there at Christmas. What an event that was ... While she is here she will be attending full time english class for 8 weeks ... this is hopefully going to simulate some sort of "normality" about her time her, so that it's not just one big holiday for her.

Gentlemen,

I am new to the Forum and new to Thailand. A year ago, almost to the day, I met a Thai girl on the internet. Needless to say, I fell in love. Over an hour a day with the web-cam and over an hour a night on the phone lead me to Thailand in October and again over Christmas.

I've spent six weeks with her family, who are wonderful. The girl is perfect, but you guys know that already, right? Her parents are both teachers and speak basic English ... read "basic". She, "Ae" (not her real nickname) studies Business English at a Uni in Isaan. Her English is good enough to speak with my parents and brother. My family chats with her on line occasionally. I would say that things have been progressing well. Ae will be visiting me in Australia next month and staying until the end of May.

I'm sure that I will ask her to marry me. Yes, I'm hooked on her charm, beauty and love. We can't get enough of each other and I stay up too late every night chatting to Ae on the phone.

Now! The problem is this, cost of the wedding. Ae is from a small town. Everyone in the town knows her, her family, and me. But I know nothing about Thai wedding customs. I've bought a book called Culture Shock Thailand, but it is not very useful. Ae's mother has put forward a proposition which both Ae and I consider outrageous. Frankly, it would be cheaper to marry in Australia and we are considering it. However, I love the family and Ae would still like a traditional style wedding. I'd like to offer that to her.

So, I have some questions that I hope can be answered by you experienced farang expats to set my mind at ease:

1. What would you consider to be a fair dowry for a Uni graduate who's parents are primary school teachers in rural thailand?

2. Is the dowry something that is negotiable?

3. Ae's mother claims that she will give most of the dowry back to us after the wedding. Have any of you had a similar experience in this regard? Why is a little bell ringing in the deep, dark, recesses of my mind?

4. What are the typical costs associated with a country wedding ... in Isaan?

5. What would happen if I put my foot down and set the limit that I would pay ... non-negotiable? Would love conquer all?

6. Why does everything have to be "Thai Style"? Don't westerners have a culture? Has anyone tried to go 50/50 .... I believe it's called ha-sip ha-sip? What would happen if I insisted on some of the western traditions?

7. Shouldn't they consider that I do all the travelling, and will have to pay for Ae to come to Oz, and future trips, phone bills and the like? Doesn't this enter into the equation at all?

A bit about me: 38, fit, professional with my own business, house and car. Never planned to meet a Thai girl ... it just happened. Not supporting Ae financially, except for when she arrives her for three months. Married before. Divorced 5 years ago.

A bit about Ae: calls me everyday. 21, vivacous Uni student. Always wanted to marry a farang and would like to live in Oz. Has no assets. Her parents have their house, a farm, about a dozen cows, pigs, chickens, the manditory Hi-Lux, 3 motorbikes and pay for Ae's Uni fees and dorm.

Ae is annoyed about her mother's proposition and hasn't spoken to her mother for over a week. Her mother is normally on line to chat with me ... but not this week. Ae's current position is that her mother always thinks about herself and never thinks about Ae. She thinks the dowry is too much (so do I) and is frightened that the issue is going to end the relationship. It won't. I'm not a rich man, but I can afford what they are asking. The question is SHOULD I pay?

Gentlemen, I fear my ship is sailing too close to the wind and am in need of a good pilot on this one. Any input or advice would be most welcome either here or via email.

Thanks

Virg'