Tapster

@JAFO

 

I have contributed posts to this thread because I'm interested in what people find uniquely difficult in expat life in Thailand..............because I am finding some things uniquely difficult!

 

I have traveled extensively worldwide and lived in several different towns and cities in the UK, then more recently, in South Africa.

 

I have never failed to integrate socially or culturally. I have never failed to find a group of people with whom I share things common. I met and married my wife in South Africa.

 

I have always set down roots in the places I've lived, and have felt that I could stay there for ever.........until something came along to move me to the next place.

 

BUT...........in Thailand, after four years, I still don't feel rooted.

 

My wife and I went all-in and moved a 40 foot container of our stuff here. That's everything we own. We were in it for the long haul, after an exploratory visit of seven months together, and many visits to LOS for me, since 1988.

 

We still haven't hung all our pictures on the wall. There are still packing boxes looked through but not unpacked. Something isn't working for us here.

 

Whatever it is is quite subtle, but pervasive through our lives here.

 

Threads like this are interesting to me because I'm trying to work out if I can make things improve here, or whether we need to make another very expensive move elsewhere. I don't really want to spend that sort of money!!!

 

I'm truly happy for those who love Thailand and have a great life here. 

@Gecko123

 

Replying below in blue..........

 

I have two questions. First, you said that there are a lot of "non-authentic" and "dysfunctional" people here. What I'm trying to get at is why you think that is the case?

 

Why are there a lot here? The reasons fit the dysfunction...............I'm going waaay out on a limb here and stress that not everyone is like this. I'm being horribly judgmental and in many cases unfair and in many cases, just plain wrong! However, there are enough in these groups to make them recognisable to many.

Whatever contributed to their becoming dysfunctional in some way, almost certainly comes from the development of their character years before, and is not mainly due to the effect of Thailand.

Aaaand..... I'm probably saying something about myself here!

 

*puts tin hat firmly in place*

The sun, the beaches and the sea! (In Phuket anyway)

The 24/7 holiday atmosphere and the constant availability of things to satisfy one's basic drives.

These things attract all sorts of people but commensurately, more of those looking for an easier life because of their need for superficial sources of happiness.

Every touristy, developed beach paradise, attracts more than it's fair share of slackers and dead beats. It's universal.

 

For some people it may be the lack of strictly-enforced laws, easily available criminal and not-so-criminal opportunities provided by a land where you can do anything as long as your behaviour doesn't attract attention, and you don't tell anyone. It's appealing to the streetwise survivor for whom there are only two kinds of people, predators and prey. Contact with them doesn't make expats more open and forthcoming.

 

There are men who find a life of booze and sleaze, living the dream. Are they dysfunctional? Not to all, but Thailand is a magnet for them. Does their presence make living in Thailand a more enriching experience?
 

Men who haven't got what they want from relationships in their own country and find the idea of a compliant wife or partner to look after them, appealing. Sooner or later they learn the power of the Thai woman but coming here in the first place may be driven by lack of fulfillment at home. People driven by forces like that, don't make for a strong, vibrant, expat community. 

 

I'm going off at a tangent, but the idea that in Thailand, similar to being on the Internet, you can be anyone you want to be must be appealing to some.

The exact opposite of "authentic".

Thousands of miles from home, spinning a yarn with nobody who knows the real you, to tell anyone any different.

 

I'm sure I will think of more judgmental sh*t as soon as I post this but you can see where I'm coming from.

The presence of a much greater percentage of 'slightly dodgy' people than in the population of an average First World town or city, makes for a less happy expat experience, for me anyway.

I got on very well in the UK and South Africa (post-apartheid) for many years, so I don't think the issue lies completely with me.

 

Second, if you are saying that some undesirable expat behavior is simply a reaction to unfriendly, untrustworthy behavior by Thais, (which is something I never considered before but will give a lot of thought to) wouldn't that suggest that foreigners would be rushing into the arms of other foreigners, banding together as a coping mechanism?

 

OK, once one learns to get the best out of Thai people, enjoying the parts that are to be enjoyed and steering clear of the darker areas, I think you can protect yourself from anything especially negative.............though it's presence is something that doesn't enhance the expat experience.

 

Expats have a moan about issues with Thai people, but don't band together. Why?

Maybe because dealing with Thai ways is such a daily issue that it would get very boring very quickly, like discussing the weather??

We all just have to get on with it.

 

And wouldn't that also suggest that as soon as the person who was behaving dysfunctionally in Thailand returned home their behavior would become more conventional? (something which I kind of doubt).

 

I think people have almost all brought their dysfunctions with them. A change in the view usually doesn't make your deeper problems get better or worse.

 

The "informing on neighbors" comment surprised me. I haven't really experienced much of that where I live in central Thailand.

 

It's a thing in Phuket, because of the larger numbers of the aforementioned types of people, and the larger numbers of desperate people.

 

 

 

 

@weri

 

I hear you.

 

Essentially you are saying the oft-said thing:

 

"If you don't like it, go home"

 

I don't think that's exactly relevant here. We're discussing a facet of the Thai expat experience that really exists. It isn't a matter of not being able to fit in. It's a thing, a real thing that is created by experiences expats have in Thailand. Even you said "be careful what you do". Keep yer nose clean, mate and go under the radar. It's a bit more necessary in Thailand than in other countries.

 

Maybe some people do leave the country as a result, but that's not really the issue. The issue is that Thailand gives people this feeling whereas I think very few other countries do.

4 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

But I believe that Thailand's expat community suffers from some unique dysfunctionality. The way expats interact in a European capitol, and how they interact in Thailand is not the same. In Thailand there is much more distrust and insecurity than you find in most other ex pat communities, even in other Asian countries such as Singapore, Tokyo or Hong Kong. I have long been puzzled by this, and am interested in hearing anyone's theories as to why this is the case.

 

I completely agree, and have just written an honest, revealing and long post to explain my thoughts and experiences..........................then deleted it because of an underlying feeling of mistrust and suspicion and a need to play my cards close to my chest.

 

Sad but true! 

 

I hope that not everyone has experienced this aspect of expat life Thailand, however it is real and has certainly made my experience here less fun than it might otherwise have been.

 

Theories/reasons as to why Thailand (Phuket....not representative of the whole country) is like this:

 

• Too many non-authentic people with hidden issues/agendas, their numbers way out of balance compared with groups in people's home countries.
   
• Dysfunctional people (men) whose main reason for living here is to make up for something they lack.
   
• A system which encourages people to inform on their neighbours, whether it be to jail a young Russian woman for cleaning some random coral pieces in her garden, to make a British man flee the country because he did some electrical work for someone who wanted the luxury of communicating in English, the older lady who was reported to immigration for helping a friend with the gardening.........and the list goes on.
   
• The subliminal feeling of being unwelcome in the country, which only comes after a while, brought on by enough experiences with Thai authorities and citizens. There are plenty of lovely Thai people, but the feeling is still there.
   
• Widespread corruption and lack of the rule of law.

 

 

 

 

 

No, of course 79 isn't a healthy, middle-aged person. I didn't mean to imply that he was such a person. I'll phrase my sentence better next time.

 

@Just1Voice

 

That's an incredible story. I'm glad you're OK now.

 

If you just plain can't afford something like that life-enhancing operation, it's amazing how people will support you!  Did you know any of these people personally, or were they strangers?

 

 

Whaaaat!!

 

I think it must be because of his age. That's waay over the top for a healthy middle-aged person.

I used to be "outraged of Stroud", that's near Cheltenham!

 

4 minutes ago, alfalfa19 said:

a hate-filled , cynical curmudgeon

I don't think I'm a a hate-filled , cynical curmudgeon but the decision to come on a quite expensive holiday and not to spend 50-60 quid on travel insurance, strikes me as irresponsible. Then to rely on internet begging to get them out of trouble shows lack of pride in being able to sort things out for oneself/lack of dignity, shame, or just not giving a ****.

 

As scouse123 said, many of us slightly older people were taught to have more self respect than to use such methods that would leave us mortified to be known as "the one who used Go Fund Me".

 

That said, such fund-raising sites certainly have their place in seeking to pay for circumstances that have arisen despite the best efforts of the fundee, such as poor little Timmy who needs a radical treatment only available through private healthcare.

 

This particular problem could largely be made to go away by the introduction of compulsory travel insurance for travelers to Thailand, or anywhere else. If people forgot, I'm sure Thai immigration would love to sell them a policy before they were allowed into the country. They would definitely have the money at the start of their holiday.

I know this is a very old thread but if there's anyone still reading, can you tell me if there are any taxes on household goods being exported from Thailand (in this case, to the UK)?

 

Many thanks    

32 minutes ago, billd766 said:

23 hours ago, sandemara said:

Marry a Thai citizen or make any serious investment. The country is a swamp full of crocodiles perfectly camouflaged for the existing environment. You're just another herd animal with unjustifiable pretensions. . Never kid yourself that you're a predator,  or even in control.

 

Total and absolute rubbish.

 

@billd766

 

Obviously, Bill, you're entitled to your opinion, however sandemara's post isn't far off some people's experience of Thailand.

I can identify with the sentiment.

 

If you're fortunate enough to to speak Thai and to be as integrated into society as is possible for a farang, you might be lucky and not have had a whiff of these aspects of the Western experience here, but I think many people have. 

 

 

Thanks to everyone, this is a very useful thread, full of some of the deeper truths about Thailand. 

 

My 'never' is....... 

 

Never wait until the end of a tradesman's job to point out what you have found wrong with it. Always monitor the progress and micromanage as necessary. 

 

Before I realised this rule, a painter drew a knife on me when I asked him to redo some areas after he thought he'd finished. 

 

 

So, here's what happened. 

 

Unfortunately my wife is in hospital and I have been so preoccupied that I didn't go to immigration within the seven days after the 90-day date. 

 

No problem, I thought. I'll just get a letter from the hospital explaining our situation and the compassionate immigration officer will let me off our 2,000 THB fine (each), for being late. 

 

No so. 

If the computer says your late you get fined, that's it, in all cases. 

No letter, argument or pleading will make any difference. 

 

I learned two things:

 

 - Always go within the 14 days before / 7 days after window. 

 

 - The late fine is 2,000 THB whether you are one day late or one year late...... These were the exact words of the immigration officer. 

 

 

@GOLDBUGGY

 

I apologised for my error in post #8, yet you wade in, days after the event, to tell me so again. 

 

Please get a life. 

I have a Husqvarna chainsaw. 

 

They are easily as good as Stihl. I'm surprised that nobody seems to have heard of them. 

Er, of course, no passport!!

 

Silly me!

I didn't know that.

 

It seems strange that someone can do the report for you when you might not even be in Thailand!

Thanks for the fast reply Joe!

 

I wasn't sure about that. I will do it today.

 

Cheers!

 

 

 

 

The 90-day report is due this week for my wife.

 

She has been ill for several days and it's getting worse so we're off to the doctor today, and maybe hospital.

 

Can I do the 90-day report for her, or does she have to be physically present at the immigration office?

 

If she can't appear in person, can I get a doctor's note or something like that?

 

Many thanks for any help.

 

 

 

@lungnorm

 

Facts will not win you over.

 

I'm sorry I don't have a better way.

 

 

@khunPer

 

I read what you said.

 

I get private Eye every fortnight.

 

There was no humour or satire in your posts.

 

Tapster out.

 

 

@khunPer

 

Yeah, but the global warming thing isn't about Thailand or your experience.

 

It's the cumulative data from the whole World, over a long period and therefore is statistically valid.

 

There is global warming taking place and it's Man-made.

 

 

 

 

 

@little mary sunshine

 

Er........pedantic poster here..................

 

....pretty sure we only have wet and dry here, don't we?

 

Or maybe you're talking about your winter, spent somewhere else?

 

 

Nope, still doesn't work for me.

 

We need a UK visa for my wife later this year. I'll find out nearer the time.

 

Loving the rain and cool weather, here in Phuket!

 

 

Has anyone had any luck buying these in LOS?

 

Cheers