Valjean

Your two posts above do a rather good job of making my point succinctly… as you state the issue we’re led to believe that anyone who does have sex outside of their marriage is married to some harlot out only for their money as their depraved husband carouses the streets with reckless abandon. You may not be a Christian (in the case of garo) but your sense of moral judgment is palatable.

Let me be clear: this is a very personal thing and I have all the respect in the world for people who live a life where their behaviors are consistent with their values.

I was reluctant to answer the question because if I answer honestly it's not at the intent of the OP. The way the question is asked has an implicit moral judgment if not intended by the OP then just embedded within our language; sex outside of marriage = unfaithful. Here’s a quick definition;

Have I had sex with someone other than my wife? Yes.

Have I been faithful to her? Yes, totally. I've kept every promise I've made, I've been 100% honest about everything, I get up every day and work hard to take care of our family and our future, I've taken her son as my own, I treat her with respect and kindness, I respect her as an individual and give her the freedom she wants to be that person, I treat her family with respect and accept with a smile the obligations that entails. We have the most wonderful relationship between two very independent and self-confident people. It’s a fun, loving, sexually fulfilling, intellectually interesting and trusting relationship between two people who are completely dedicated and faithful to each other.

She just happens to have a relaxed natural view of sex and a man’s desire for something new from time to time. She’s not into some sort of open relationships or threesomes (nothing wrong with that if it rings your bell) – she just told me upfront that she wasn’t interested in putting me in a cage and just wanted honesty in return.

Somewhere up this thread there were some good comments about Asia overall – where I do think there is a less judgmental view of sex not framed by the concept of sin that’s more of a western concept. A Singaporean co-worker told me once about her husband “If I don’t know, it didn’t happen”. I suspect that’s a more common view here in Thailand and across Asia than you’d find in the west. Do they rather nothing happened? Yeah I’m sure in most cases but I do think it’s more accepted and less judged. In my experience I think the issues with extramarital sex here have more to do with face than with sexual morality.

A good tip I learned from one marriage counselor was to ignore everything said before the “but…” and pay particular attention to what comes next.

When I was single and married guys told me that they had no desire for another woman, I didn't believe them. I was sure they were liars.

Now that I have found the right woman, FINALLY found the right woman, I have discovered that I have everything I could want and no desire to stray. Either your relationship is right or it isn't.

i totally agree with you, someone with a brain, if your in real love how could you want anybody else, sex with a loving partner is better than any bit of sleazy back street sex

I’m assuming you’ve place yourself in the demographic “with a brain” which helps with the tenor of the conversation.

There are so many different kinds of people and when you match them up in combinations of two and more it’s some factor of 6,000,000,000 that I don’t know how many zeros to add. For you maybe these things are true – but they are not necessarily some constant of the universe like gravity. (Which I guess if I were an astrophysicist might be even malleable but that’s another subject I know even less about.)

My point is this: take a moment with that oversize cranium of yours and consider that your values and perceptions might not be applicable to all people. There is nothing wrong with your values and perceptions – they are yours and stick by them. I try, like any flawed person, to stay tuned to my true north – and that’s a learning process. What I like, where I take pleasure, what the meaning and experience of love is – these are all very personal to me and a journey of discovery to this day. Along the way I have learned not to let other people define what’s “the right way”. There’s a line of people at my doorstep, waiting to evangelize and moralize a point of view and over time what they say to me has become less interesting than wondering their motivations are to say it in the first place.

This was never meant to be taken so seriously.

There are a lot of deep thinking serious individulas on this board,where do you all drink? All the expats i know here are as mad as hel_l.

I drink at home alone brooding over the meaning of life... (or was that the meaning of wife? )

I think Bonobo was on the right track when he mentioned opportunity. My husband has mentioned that many men in the US are faithful to their wives only due to a lack of opportunity. Of course, a man can do a lot to increase or decrease the opportunity. Where are you more likely to run into opportunity, taking the wife to the movies, or drinking with the guys? Which activity do you choose? If you want to be faithful, you think first and make choices about where you go and what you do to minimize opportunity.

I work for a multi-national and have visitors from around the world come to town. Some are experienced expats or working around Asia and others are newbies. The nightlife in Bangkok is tempting way beyond anything that exists in the US and more men that wives would hope stray for a few hours. The situation and temptation is just too great and it's just too easy. That said I've seen plenty of guys roaring drunk, having the time of their life in go-go bars but are 100% clear that they want to go back to their hotel rooms alone - and they do. I've found it impossible to guess which way a guy will go.

Derek

Dustoff had a good post. When my wife and I discussed getting married we felt honesty was more important than monogamy. We accept each other how we are and within that have complete trust and honesty. Neither of us has a big moral thing about this – people can make their own decisions on that. For us this was a better way. I have a wonderful wife, we take good care of each other. I have the freedom to go have fun, within some agreed upon bounds, if I want but in reality it’s really not that interesting to me. I know I can go out anytime I desire but really the gold is in the relationship. When I’m out with the boys or she’s away up country when she asks me “did you have fun?” she knows 100% that she will always get the honest answer. There’s no guessing or wondering – or guilt or recriminations. And yes it’s a hypocritical one way deal – but it’s our deal and we’re happy. As Dustoff said a relationship is a contract with two individuals and in our contract we both have gives and gets.

Traffic is not that bad unless you try and drive down Sukhumvit at rush hour etc.. Please remember that the majority of Bangkok is not accessible by Skytrain or MRT, which leaves taxis. Taxis tend to go the wrong way, drive badly, try and sell you stuff and be inconveniently full when you need one. A car gives you the freedom to go and do whatever you like, when you like. You can easily travel to places most people don't bother taking a taxi to (don't know the area and whats there etc..) People that think otherwise either simply can't afford a car or never visit any of Bangkok outside of the small farang areas easily accessible by public transport.

As a farang that can afford a car, I politely disagree on the basis that most TV members are farangs than don't live on daddy's housing estate near Don Muang, Thonburi or Bangna Trad.

I would also argue that a taxi gives you freedom to go when you want where you want without having to deal with the stress of driving, finding parking and police fines. Yes some taxi drivers are not fantastic, but the nice thing about Bangkok is we have millions of them at our beck and call. Virtually anytime of day I am no more than 30 seconds from a taxi picking me up when required.

But be my guest, go buy another car and become one of the sheep stuck trying to get on the expressway at 7pm on a Friday night so you can get home in time for your soap opera. From a financial point of view, 200 baht a day in taxi fares (while realitively expensive) is much much cheaper than your 15000 a month car/insurance/petrol payment to own something that does nothing but depreciate. Enjoy your commute tonight. Monday's are generally not as bad as other days in my opinion, at least that's what I have seen during my 20 min BTS ride home everynight.

If you live upcountry, perhaps you need a car, but in Bangkok???

I’ll be the first to admit that having a car in Bangkok is more luxury than necessity. And the economics by my calculation for rent versus own for the out of Bangkok points to rent. However….

I think it was mentioned above that when you have family and kids cars are nice. First off you’ve got the car seat which a cab doesn’t. You have all the kids crap to be carried around. Say you want to take their bike to the park. And times when they fall asleep you can just let them sleep some and wake up slow when you get to where you are.

In my job I have to go around Bangkok, sometimes to out of the way places. I really don’t mind driving in Bangkok and I do find I get to my destination more relaxed – as counter intuitive as that may seem. More comfortable, my music, the little things in the car such as water, lotion, sunglasses, etc. It’s a place where I can leave my coat and tie in the morning on the way to work but have it when I get to the destination. The ability to have members of the team come along with me.

I also have relatives in Bangkok who live down past Bang Na out to the end of some road that you don’t see a lot of taxis. I guess I could get them to give me a ride to where there are some but it’s nice to go door to door without transit changes.

I also own a house and a car is nice for picking up big plants and other oversized household things. (I have an SUV)

We have dogs that like to go for a ride and it makes them happy. That’s important!

Overall sure I could live without a car in Bangkok but I like having it parked there in front of the house next to the motorbike which I love AND the chopper my wife bought that we don’t need next to her car which I sure as heck wish she’d sell. Enough is enough! There is too much of a good thing. But one car I’m happy to have.

you took your car to Laos? So what is involved in the paperwork and what is it like driving in Laos?

All of the paper work can be done at the border.

I had one potential issue when I didn't have the paperwork from the company I was financing the car with giving me permission to take the car out of Thailand. It was Sunday and the Thai border official said I needed to wait until Monday and have the form faxed. For about 20 min. I kept talking with him, about how I wanted to go to Laos *today* and giving him big smiles. I was trying to communicate "how much do I have to pay to deal with this?" but in the end he gave me a big smile, took my paperwork, gave me the stamp and sent me on the way without a baht changing hands...

At the Laos side there was lots of paperwork and when I thought it was all done we got in my car and drove into Laos. A few KM down the road a car comes alongside us and flagged us down. We weren't finished and had to go back. There is some paperwork you can get here that I think makes it much simpler at the border. It wasn't so bad, just took about an hour.

Once in Laos we drove everywhere all the way to about 30 KM from China. Wonderful. You can read at my web site: derekbrn.typepad.com/bangkok/travelogue/page/3/ or google "derekbrn laos road trip"

I've had a car most of the 3 years I've lived in Bangkok. For a time I drove to work - Ari / Saphan Khwai to Wireless Road but the past two years for commuting I take BTS. Mornings aren't so bad to drive but at the end of the day I'm tired and like the quicker ride on BTS to stuck in traffic.

I looked at the economics of owning versus renting for the times I want a car for a weekend trip and it seemed better to rent. But in the end I like being able to have the choice when I want to get into my car and go some place inside or outside Bangkok. I've done a lot of travel around Thailand, and up to Laos in my car and enjoy that. Around Bangkok on the weekends the traffic isn't so bad and I'll use my car to go shopping and doing things.

I also have a motorbike which is great for around the neighborhood trips.

For me I like having a car and the flexibility - I just pick the mode of transport that's best for the situation.

Vonage basic is over 20 dollars a month LIMITED minutes, about 30 for unlimited (they add taxes and hidden fees).

Magic Jack is 20 dollars PER YEAR UNLIMITED minutes.

No comparison on price.

Also, no need to use skype, Magic Jack also offers metered international calls from your US number. I haven't checked the price comparison though.

Skype to Skype international is free - so I'll still use it to call to another Skype user. For my business I have people in the US and India for instance and me in Thailand. We do 3 way conference calls for free. I assume that's a toll call with Magic Jack. Your calculation on Vonage is right on and it's true the the monthly fee advertised and the amount my my credit card statement each month are two different things.

OK sold - just asked my son to order me one. This is 1/4 or 1/5th the cost of Vonage which I've found given the state of bandwidth is problematic anyway. I will still use Skype because I call others outside of the US. Also Skype is easy to set up a conference call.

I'm starting a business here in Thailand but I want to set this up where my office can be anywhere. With Magic Jack + EarthMail (scan my mail to PDF) + email I can work anywhere there's Internet and get communications anyway people want to send them. There's Internet fax also but now I just scan and email things.

Starting a small business with a team around the world some of the web conferencing is great also - still trying WebX, LiveMeeting and others to see what is best and cheapest. If anyone has suggestion on that that would be good. For sharing desktops, presentations, etc.

Thanks for posting this and getting me off my but to order it.

Set up a profile on Facebook and search for Thailand and Bangkok groups. There are a growing number of Bangkok and Thailand groups. There are events and meet-ups for different groups. Coffee cafe meetings,

I just got a Facebook invitation to this fund rasing event that I gather happens every month

Your country's Chamber of Commerce probably has social network nights once a month. As do all the others and these are normaly open to non-members.

Schools and community centers are always looking for English teachers. I suspect if you went to talk to any school near your house and said you'd do English lessons or tutoring they would welcome. I did this in a Bangkok school without any organization (they made the first intro but I just worked with the school from there).

I bet if you started attending some sort of social event once a week you'd find travel companions.

Lastly I had good luck meeting companions, some who were good weekend travel friends, at thailovelinks. Like with any online dating or friendship you need a little common sense but it's easy to find interesting people who are more than happy to go and do things in the evening and weekends. Most like you have jobs M-F.

Good luck,

Derek

I'm going to put in a garden pond in my house in Bangkok. It will be about 2.5 x 5 m. I'd like to try to find an experinced builder to do this. Does anyone know of someone? Or maybe a good pond supply store that might?

Any other resources or ideas welcome.

I'm putting in a pond in our house in Bangkok. Small garden along side the house.

I would would like to know what bookstores might have the best book selection on gardens and ponds in Bangkok.

Also suggestions of nice gardens with ponds we might go look at to get ideas. Jim Thompson House is one idea I had. Maybe some of the hotels. Other ideas?

And if you happen to know a professional pond builder that would be great also. It's going to be about 2.5x5 meters so there's a bit of construction involved.

Thanks

I think the fringes are going to be hard just because the concentration is low and it would seem to be rather random how and when you would meet someone. But I live and work central so I don’t get to the fringes much.

Depending on her background and interests, and willingness to come to central Bangkok, there a plenty of professional networking social meetings. Check out the various Chambers of Commerce web sites for their calendars. Plenty of working single farang guys. For the social networking nights it’s cheap to get a few drink tickets and most are open to the public.

Check out Facebook. There are a number of Thailand groups around different interests that have regular meetings. Some are just fun social groups.

I’m a rather action plan type of person – if you want something you need to have a plan and work that plan. First she needs to be know her target farang is (would be good to define that) and where they hang out. Second she needs to be at that place on a regular basis. It’s a numbers game and if you have persistence things happen. Assuming she’s interesting to at least some of her target I bet if she did one social meeting or networking event a week over a few months she’d start having good things happen.

The Internet dating services can be good – but sides just need patience and common sense.

Article in the International Herald Tribune today on this subject "Unshackled and flush, Russians venture abroad"

Excellent stuff David, not too technical

If I may I'd like to add this to the wiring web page, there for eternity when this topic drops off page one

Thanks for the compliment Crossy, It might be useful to some if we had a Thai translation also.

I've got a certified Thai-English translator on my team and could ask him to do this. I've been thinking about a glossary also of key terms - ones that our Thai mates might not know or could get confused on; ground, line, conduit, etc. Is this doc ready for translation? Would people want more added to it. If I have him do the work it would be good to have one well vetted and edited doc.

I was thinking of this in particular of having this in almost a checklist format that anyone could hand to the Thai electrician handyman and have him confirm all the steps. Perhaps almost in a "Testing Of Electrical Installations In Thailand for Dummies" type format.

Happy to put some work into this and get it done as a thanks for all the help I get here it people want that.

Just for a little shocking humor here's the set up in one bathroom. I figured having an ungrounded outlet between the faucet and soap dish was was good a place as any to put it

Thanks all...

Off to Home Pro to get some 2 prong outlets. It's not so hard to get all the outlets on exterior walls to have a ground, it's some of the ones on interior walls that are problematice. Every room will end up with one or more grounded outlets so that should do the trick for now. Along with tossing all adapters out the door. As I remodel here and there I can always be on the lookout for opportunties to upgrade.

Thanks for the other info as well. One thing that is very clear to me is that my handyman friend of the family knows just enough to be dangerous. But that's why I've promoted myself from DYI to Stupidvisor to oversee the project.

Thanks!

OK let me see if I have this right - and a few more questions...

Using Conduit as Ground

OK think I understand this and to assume that in a world of lesser evils in the case where I can’t for cosmetic or economic reasons get a ground to an outlet the preference is a 2 pin outlet versus a 3 pin with tested via conduit ground? For instance if I test the outlet to the metal screw to the outlet box it shows a good 240v Live to Ground. I could also test resistance. Not belaboring just want to get the best for the situation. I also assume that all 2 pin plugs come from internal grounded devices and are safe and that the dangerous scenario is adapters that allow a 3 pin plug to use the 2 pin outlet. Is that correct?

Ground Wire Protection

Right now my handyman is digging a trench around the house and putting the ground wire in plastic conduit. Then he’s running the conduit up the exterior of the wall to a hole that goes into the interior outlet – which I don’t like the looks of. If I don’t want the pipes on the exterior I could just have a larger channel cut and put them in the wall. I’ll still unclear from this thread if a small channel with just the wire perhaps 1 inch below the service and covered with cement is acceptable. It’s a considerably smaller channel and would just cut clean with one blade and leave less of a blemish and a lot less work.

One House = One Ground or Grounding Zones?

Do all the grounds in the house need to connect to each other and the power panel? Or could there be a zone where a proper grounding rod was put in the ground, the grounding wire that went to a series of outlets connected to that but that grounding never connected with other parts of the house or panel?

Big thanks as always!

Drinks at the bar (lounge area) cost about 350 with unlimited refills on the cashew nuts!

Dinner will cost about 1500 per head to include entree and starter or salad. Water is free and served with delicious bread/snacks!

Food was ok - but I just thought it was a bit dark versus Scriocco which has more light and live jazz musick playing above you.

great.......not too expensive! Where's Scriocco and is it the same price?

I've eaten there and can't imagine 1500 for dinner with side. I find drinks for 2 run 1500. I think it's a lot closer to 4000 per person for dinner. When went there it was over 8000 for two of us with a few drinks but not a bottle of wine. Check before you go unless money is no object.

edit: here are some prices off a review

B1,300 Vertigo Appetizer Plate

B2,500 Grilled Live Phuket Lobster with Fragrant Thai Herbs and spices

B3,400 The Vertigo Seafood Platter (for two)

B5,500 Kobe Beef Striploin – 400 gm

B6,500 Matsusaka Beef Striploin – 400 gm

Some more questions:

What is an "isolation valve" and what purpose are these two? I'm clear on stop cock and check valve.

What is the reason for the alternative flow of water from the main to bypass the tank and pump? To ensure some water if there is no power? (my tank would be at ground level so no gravity feed)

I must say this is the most helpful and friendly forum on TV.

All good stuff ^^^

Do it something like this :-

Gives:-

1. Boost to pressure with pump
   
2. Backup water when supply fails
   
3. Water direct from mains when power or pump fails
   

You may want to add a means of draining the tank and a cutoff for the tank feed for cleaning or tank repair.

Thanks this is great!