LaReina

1. The Female Always Makes the Rules

2. The Rules are Subject to Change at any Time without prior Notification.

3. No Male can Possibly Know all the Rules.

4. If the Female Suspects the Male Knows all the Rules, she must Immediately change some or all of the Rules.

5. The Female is NEVER wrong.

6. If the Female is Wrong, it is because of a Flagrant Misunderstanding which was a Direct Result of something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must Apologize Immediately for causing Misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without Express Written Consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be Angry or Upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain Calm at ALL Times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, Under NO circumstances, let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. Any attempt to Document these Rules could result in Bodily Harm.

14. If the Female has PMS, All Rules are Null and Void.

Now, if I can just get my husband to understand these so very simply rules.... .... ... ...

I think as a whole, the female members of this website are really friendly and helpful when they can be.

Plus tend to give some really good, non condensending advice.

This "might" be the wrong section to post the question, but there is nothing patronising about it.

Wow.. a lot of different experiences from different people.

If you are REALLY worried, just live in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana for a year. Then you can live anywhere in the world, and unless it is blatant in your face racism, you will never notice a thing.

But I am with bonviveur on this topic that was supposed to be about hair. As long as she smiles, and has a good attitude, dresses nice (not like bum as appearance are everything here in Thailand) she will be fine, and have a blast. A nice smile and a great attitude will take you a long ways here in Thailand.

The only person I have ever met that was black who had a negative experience in Thailand, had chopped off all her hair, never smiled, just looked un-happy and miserable, and did not dress cute. I think this affected the way people treated her.

If she can find a job and make friends quickly as opposed to sitting at home being lonely and miserable, then she should be A-okay, but it will take some getting used to.

As for getting her hair done, she should bring all her supplies with her. But as someone said there is a place on Nana (a Thai lady married to an African) that does hair.

On another note, walking up to a stranger and asking where they got their hair done is also a good way to meet and make friends when she first arrives. It can lead to lunch dates and social networking in general.. and not only amongst black people but other western women.

She can pm if she wants..

"I got da motts.."

Teej: I loved your (essay) response. How come you can not accept pm's?

Sad but true, all races at some time or the other looked down on members of their group that were darker in colour. Only thing is Caucasians in general seem to have gotten over it, while every other groups (from Indian, to Blacks to Latinos to Asians) still hold that superiority chip on their shoulder.

At the end of the day it boils down to a group of ignorant people needing an ego boost to feel good about themselves. People who are confident in who they are, where they have come from and where they are going, never feel the need to look down on others. No matter what (natural or un-natural) shade they are.

Carrying them on your person is risky via plane. Depending on the quantity and the mood of the person checking, they can seize and fine you big time.

As for the guy who went through Holland, if I am not mistaken the EU has some pretty strict copy right protection laws, what can fly in the US does not even fly in Europe (eg ebays recent law suit for selling fake stuff). An imitation bag can get seized in Europe but in the US can fly by as long as it is not branded as the real item.

What would they have done to you if you could not pay the fine though??

Do not bring anything electrical with you..dont even buy a transformer. Best you sell and re-buy should you decide to return, or leave it with a relative.

Do not bring shoes that are not sewn. The heat can un-glue anything glued.

DO not bring anything with a lot of rubber? Like on speakers and such. That will disintegrate over time.

Limit your leather goods, if your house is not properly temperature controlled, it can mold on you.

However, bring all your good leather belts.

If you are extremely large (ie big and tall), bring your clothes.. large as in anything bigger than a size 40 waist.

If you get migranes and you are picky as to what you take, then bring your alleve with you.

If you ever need tums or rolaids, bring that too.

Your luggage limit is a good 50 lbs x 2, plus your carry on.. that is quite a bit of clothes and other what nots.

As others have said, bring only items of sentimental value. Anything else, you can purchase here.

You can get very good bargains from expats on their way out if you are not picky on what you buy here (in terms of electrical stuff)

But if you JUST have to bring a container.. then the things to know are:

In the US we move according to the weight of our belongings as opposed to the volume. So, if they underestimate the weight, and say they gave you a quotation of 4,000 USD, they can tack on another 1,000 if your shipment weighs more than they calculated. I have no idea how to get around this.

How much are they charging you in the estimation.. (quote), as in what weight amount.

You can also pack yourself to avoid the old "one pillow per box" move.

But to swing from your move..

Your bank accounts?? Will you close your bank accounts?? If after 6 months you have no activity they will go dormant and then after another 6 months to the state. At which point you HAVE to return to the states to fix the problem. So.. set up your online banking to have 5USD go from checking to savings every month and or vice versa.

Your credit cards? Do you want to cancel your cards? If you do and you want to return to the US, with no job and no address in the US you will be hard pressed to get another card....

Do you want to maintain a US presence but not necessarily have your mail go to a friend or relatives house then...

What about your drivers license? Do you want to lose it? Or still be able to renew it??

Set up a mailbox address with one of those mail forwarders and have everything come to your new PO BOX, which for all practical purposes reads like a home address. Then once every couple of months you can have them UPS or Fed-Ex your mail to you here. They will even sort out the junk mail for you. If you should do this, do not let them send your mail by regular USPS. Your mail will go missing in Thailand.

As for anything that you can set up to be paperless.. set them all up paperless.. your bank statements, and credit cards.. and have them send you the monthly bill reminder by email so that you can make sure your credit cards are in tact.

Is your family freaking out that you are moving so far away, how will they call you? Set up a VOIP account (I like Skype) in which case you can buy a phone number (for any area code you want) and your mom/siblings?/kids?? can call and check up on you (as a local call) when they feel the need. For a little bit more, you can have an international plan which allows you to call any western number for as long as you want to. In addition, all 1-800 numbers on Skype are free.

feel free to pm me if you want

I stand corrected, "Moving Companies" as opposed to "Shipping Companies" will sock it to you.

When confused, always ask a TV member as there is a wealth of information floating around here.

You can also send by UPS, 25 KG in one of their boxes for about 6,000 baht. Gets there all the time.. and they rarely check what is in it.. By ship is always cheaper than by air if you have a lot to move. The only problem is the shipping companies here will sock it to you every which way they can.

But I have a question for some of the folks here who are familiar with the local/expat/international movers located in thailand.

Is it true that all boxed items need to be held in a warehouse for customs to inspect what is being shipped out of the country, as opposed to loading directly into a container, and then the entire container x-rayed??

Does anyone know how this works...

This is neither a male nor a cultural thing. It is a lack or regards to a persons feeling, playing the field, player thing. Hardly limited to the male species as I know of women who do the same. Well maybe not to the extent of returning home and coming back engaged.

But I suppose the most logical explanation was, he already had a gf back home, whom he was planning to marry before he met you.

The good news is, you were with him for only a couple of weeks and not years AND! it has made you a smarter woman and you have MOVED on..

I don't know.. privitisation .. only helps the rich get richer.. and there are loads of poor people who ride those trains on a daily bases. There are fares for 2 baht here in bangkok, and for 3 baht I can take a 30 minute ride to Hua Lampong. (an hour ride for me by taxi)

Efficient or not, it helps the masses of poor people.

If they want to become more efficent, then bring in someone from the private sector to shake things up and re-vamp it. But to hand it over completely?? WIth the wages the average person makes??

Ask an average thai person if they ride the BTS or Undergound.. and they will tell you it was made for the tourists and the rich people. They can not afford it.

It is being organized by the same folks bringing in David Copperfield, and I think they bring in some of the big singers that come into bangkok too.

The millionaire show is like a big european thingy and this is the first time it will be held in thailand, and it is appropriate in that Asia has the most millionaires in the world.

Basically it will feature luxury items and such, with Corum watches, and Colani from Germany, a gold (as in gold) porsche and stuff like that. People who visit of course will have the option to buy stuff if their pockets run deep enough.

If you never can make it to one of the shows in europe (where I am sure the entrance fee is a killer) then it might be fun to go to one in Thailand, just to check it out.

Kind of like going into Hermes in Siam Paragon and having the staff waiting on you while knowing that Oprah W. couldn't get into the one in Paris (when she wanted to).

Anyone know if rosemary grows well here, and if I can get a plant or seeds? I got used to using fresh in the US.

When we eat out, it's typically at a falang place. They all serve Thai food, too, so I can get my curry fixes.

You can buy Rosemary plants at Chatuchak market on the plant market days (Wednesday and Thursday). I think like most herbs, you need to place it in the worst soil and then they will thrive. You can always ask the vendor for re-planting instructions.

Buckwheat.. I say we just have monthly cookouts at your house and just go down the list.

I was not going to respond to your recent post, and the fact that you used the term “possibility”, made what you wrote less harsh (If I may say so).

However, there are quite a few differences between men in general and women, especially depending on the country you were raised in.

Women tend to be more compassionate, caring, worried, and willing to get themselves into a predicament if they think for one moment, that what they are doing can help another human being or life form.

Men (fathers, husbands, boy friends) tend to be more distant, less compassionate, and with the exception of going to war, less willing to get involved in affairs which they feel are none of their business, and tend to advice the females in their lives to do the same.

“One of the most telling characteristics of those with emotional or substance abuse problems is that there is a desire to help others in perceived similar situations. The outreach is not motivated by true altruism, but is a means by which those with the problems can help themselves. Often, problems can be unintentionally exaggerated or embellished to facilitate the need for intervention.”

Substance abusers.. sure.. they see weird things anyway. But to lump domestic violence with substance abusers is wrong.

For a person to admit that they have been the victim of domestic violence is a big step, and only a person who has been in such a situation is fully capable of helping another individual who is currently in that situation as they KNOW the mind games that kept them in their situation.

To all the supporters of the gf's right to refuse the pre-nup. Do you think it is fair that she will enter a marriage with all her assests protected, and thus does not need to work "hard" as someone suggested (towards the OP) to keep the marriage going? While he is left completely vurnerable.

The first MAJOR fight.. will go like this..

I will divorce you and take all your property in Canada.

NOT, because she USED to be a BG, but because she is a female, and that will be her ammunition for life.

And he will be paranoid for their entire marriage.. He will spend the first 5 years wondering if he did the right thing.

I wasn't going to say any more on this subject, especially as it seems OP had made up his mind a few posts ago, so (seems to me) everyone's flogging a dead horse, anyway, but I really hope I'm reading this part of your post wrongly, LaReina.

What this seems to be saying to me is "Women will use their legal claim to a man's property against him, because that's in their nature" . If this is what you're saying, my only response to that would be "Do not judge an entire gender by yourself". As I've already said, I've been through it & all I took was half of something jointly owned which I had put into financially. In fact it wasn't even half, because he took advantage of my need for money at that time & gave me a vastly reduced price. So, not all women will do that, it's not in all of our natures.

If I'm wrong in my interpretation, LaReina, I apologise, but could you clarify what you do mean by that statement?

I apologise, and I stand corrected, and thank you for pointing that out. That was a generalised statment and it should not have been.

You are asking for quite a bit of personal information, that I doubt you will get. Especially since you are looking for middle-aged women.

May I suggest, you get in touch with the American Women's Club. They have a meeting group for women who are getting divorced, or think they are about to get divorced and stuff along those lines. That group might help you with the "single" again question.

Then you can also ask them for members who might meet the other criteria you are looking for.

There is also the British Womens' group (a little harder to reach), the German womens group.. hard to talk to, the Dutch Women, and International Womens association.. and I am sure one of them can help you ..

p.s. what is your definition of middle aged? as in how old is old?

One more thing..

To all the supports of the "no prenup". IF YOU had property that was absolutely protected.. no if's, and's, or but's about it, and a person who also had propety but it was NOT protected wanted to marry you.. then.. honestly speaking, would you STILL feel that it is a sign of mis-trust on their part, to ask you to afford them the same protection which you already have?

Honestly speaking.. would you not feel it is only FAIR to put thier mind at ease?

OR would you feel, you deserve the protection being given you.. and they don't?

my GF is not in that situation. she has all of her family's land in her name. but if we ever do divorce then thai law naturally protects what was hers & what was mine before marriage (not to mention that non-thai's can't own land, i understand that). but what if thai law didn't protect her land & non-thai's were allowed to own land. do you not think there would be discussion about protecting that land in the hopefully very unlikely (but there is always a possibility) event of divorce? i would certainly expect there to be.

i wish canadian law viewed pre-marital interests of a person the same way as thai law does but it doesn't. canadian law leaves it up to the individuals to decide what to protect in the event of a divorce by way of a pre-nup.

And therein lies the problem and a possible solution. I am assuming that most posters (with the exception of DM and CG) are from countries whoose laws concerning marriage are a little more fair towards a person who has worked hard prior to marriage.

Even with community property laws, what was yours BEFORE the marriage remains yours after a divorce. What was earned TOGETHER while married is fair game and community property.

These are just logical rights the courts afford most of us, to protect people. In your case, you do not have the courts to protect you, you have to protect yourself. She on the other hand, is protected, and canadian law can not force her to loose what she already has, but can force you.

SO.. solution..

• Marry in Thailand, and never move back to your country. That way, your assests are protected under thai law.
  
• Consult a divorce attorney and find out how the canadian divorce courts view marriage situations where one parties assests are protected by their govt. If by default the Canadian courts automatically rule the same provisions for her citizens before dividing whatever property is owned should a divorce occur.
  
• Find out if she can divorce you in Canada from Thailand, or if like the US, she would need to establish residency.
  
• People with money protect themselves all the time, find out exactly what your choices are in canada (from a divorce lawyer) that does not involve a pre-nup.
  

But on the otherhand.. forget all that I have just written above. That's crazy, that is planning for a divorce when you should be happy planning for your marriage.

If you guys can't compromise on a pre-nup then how will you be able to compromise on anything else later in life? If you NEED to live in Germany and she does not, then what? She stays behind?

IF she gets to canada and feels it is too cold and she misses her family before you have your nest egg inorder then what? you have a long distance marriage?

To all the supporters of the gf's right to refuse the pre-nup. Do you think it is fair that she will enter a marriage with all her assests protected, and thus does not need to work "hard" as someone suggested (towards the OP) to keep the marriage going? While he is left completely vurnerable.

The first MAJOR fight.. will go like this..

I will divorce you and take all your property in Canada.

NOT, because she USED to be a BG, but because she is a female, and that will be her ammunition for life.

And he will be paranoid for their entire marriage.. He will spend the first 5 years wondering if he did the right thing.

Ohh Andrea you are brining back terrible memories..

I have had the eye lash hang loose while at a wedding.. the "hoe like shoe" straps break/cut while on the dance floor, I lost my balance but luckily my dance partner caught me and the ultimate was...

Dancing at a Disco while on Vacation and my pants ripped in the front. From the zipper to the middle of the crotch.. I know.. go ahead and say it.. easy access. What killed me was that my undies, where not black thus the rip was very obvious.

I think you already know what is best for you. You need to put yourself in her shoes and think what is best for her and find some common ground. i.e I think you need to pin down why she feels so strongly. You are both taking risks in marriage. She may well be thinking, if 5-10 years down the line you leave her, as many spouses do her chances of remarriage are few and far between. You've already shown you have considered the possibility of you parting ways. Who will then help provide for her and her family?

eg if you promise an absolute amount of cash, or % you're guaranteeing something. Given that Thailand is much cheaper, I'm sure she could go a long way on say 10% (arbitray amount) of what you have. Anyway just a thought or two as a compromise. If you left with 90% I'm sure you'd consider it worth the risk, no matter how good/bad she treated you.

Who was providing for her family before you/a man came along?

Men are so weird. Half of you complain about losing all you owned in the divorce, and yet you think of compensation for marriage and a persons in ability to find another mate when older.

How twisted is that?

Why not focus on a wife who is a partner, who can stand on her own two feet, an equal, instead of somone that has to lean on you, and be compensated if you decide to part ways at a later stage in life. It is almost as if secretly there is a desire to be the all controlling God in the relationship so that she is completely dependant in which case she would need compensation. A wife with a severance package.

If you did not come along, and no-one married her, who would support her in her old age? The Thai social security system?

If you marry and move to Canada then it is HER responsibility to get her self a good education, and pick a good major, and think of how SHE can help support her family back in Thailand. She needs to think of the BOTH of your retirement plans... and what would happen (heavens forbid) if you were to get sick, or something were to happen and you can no longer be the 100% bread winner.. and QUIT worrying about the Pre-nup.

On the flip side if you do not want her to be the best that she can be, well .... then.... then that is another story.

actually only the court can allow it to happen.. So if they side with the wife then yes, if they think that it is not in the best interest of the child then no.

Okay I am all up in agreement for the pre-nup, and that is kind that the OP mentioned that she was a bar girl (because he wanted to lay ALL the cards on the table).. BUT.. Damian... sweetie.. Can we not give her the benefit of the doubt?

She WAS a bar girl, and is no more.. besides we have no idea what made her become one in the first place.

If the OP is in love with her and has been dating her, lets assume that her past is her past.. and lets just treat her reaction like a woman who

a. Feels insulted

b. Is in it for the money

Afterall, you don't have to be a bar girl to wipe a man clean in a divorce. hel_l hath no fury like a woman scorned.. is all it takes..

hmmm actually Kat, I was not being condenscending. I read what you wrote and thought about it.. and I realised that I know only so much. I ACTUALLY felt the need to apologize.

Unless you are referring so something else, and not my reference to my response to you.. in which case, I would love to know what you feel I said that is "condenscending".

SBK: Mystery shopper is a person who walks into a store and shops but is not really a customer but somone checking out the store for customer service, and how well they are treated etc. I THINK.

Eek: That is too funny.. the setting you up part. The man is good for you but not good enough for them. I just have taxi drivers trying to take me out. DANCING!! If I was not such a chicken I might have taken one up on their offer.

If I was loaded, I would have had my husband sign a pre-nup. If my husband were loaded and he asked me to sign one, I would not have bat an eye. I would have signed it because!!!!!!!! I love him, and want to be with him, and if that is what it takes to make him happy, then so be it.

Would I be offended? Not one bit.

Why? Because I know what happens when people stop loving each other, and because I would understand that he has worked hard to get to where he is.. (and I know that not all pre-nups stand up in court, and all I need to do is have a couple of young ones anyway), and it would mean that I would have to work extra hard to keep the relationship going..

A Farang guy I know.. was having a rough time in his marriage and he brought in a lawyer one day and asked his wife to sign over (a LOT of) her rights to make him feel secure. Guess what.. she didn't even bat an eye. She looked at him, tilted her head to the side as if in disbelief that he did not trust her, and then signed the papers..

But then again, she is educated.

NR: Ohh that is soooo true.. I actually had a friend.. okay an American Friend, approach someone who was obviously from a different country while in the states and said:

dooooooooooo yoooooooooooooooooooooooooou speaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak Ennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnglish?

and I thought, "how is dragging out your words going to help them?"

But.. here in thailand, I would not mind if people dragged out words when they speak to me. People speak so fast that my brain is still on the "Pai" while they have finished with the "Nai Kah" and moved onto another topic.