scottiejohn

There is something "fishy" about the "tuna less tuna" saga to me! How did @Crossy know about the non tuna tuna and why?

Banned from the general store (again)! After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager: Dear Mrs. Harris: Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, unzipped his trousers and asked "where is the fitting room"?

In/On the same vein; Due to rising costs, I stopped using toilet paper. Instead, I'm using newspaper now Man, The Times are rough. How many teenagers does it take to change a toilet paper roll? Who knows; it's never happened. Why does KFC not have toilet paper? (sorry) Because it's finger lickin good! My wife bought a toilet brush. I tried it. Too rough. I’m going back to using toilet paper. PS; No comment re my sh!tty comments please!

As one gay might say to the other gay "Let's finger out a solution between us and wipe the slate clean!" PS; No offence meant to gays or anyone else!

About yet another "Conspiracy Theory"!

Who cares once they have arrived there!

What will be remarkable, and probably never happen, will be the day FOX News, (sorry any news) Headlines; TRUMP TELLS THE TRUTH; You heard it here first!!

OK!

That's probably just because he wants you to use his services! Show me anything that states you MUST use a lawyer (in Thailand) to make a court acceptable will!

There is no point continuing your discussion with that poster. He is always right! (according to himself and no facts will change that)

At least after the paint has dried and the grass has grown your are left with something useful!

What sport are those two teams playing and what was the score?

How are you going to wri.e meaningful le..rs if you have no le..er (.) on your keyboard?

Going by some of the comments above "England" don't appear to have either!!

And avoiding RTAF fighter jets!

At least your geography is OK in that you know that a "French guy" is also "some European guy!

Only "Awfully expensive" to us poor mortals! To them it's only a trip to Tesco!

Rounders? get a life and lighten up!

You did not answer my question but just responded with off with non related (as usual) throwaway unrelated insinuations!

You just don't get satire do you? This is an international Forum! The word cricket was not mentioned in the OP or the initial responses! There are only a total of 12 teams have that been given Test status by the International Cricket Council (ICC) till date. Test Cricket Playing Nations : List of All Test Teams (cricschedule.com)

Where were you that "so called" day? Can you remember?

If it never happened how can anybody remember it?

Not to me until the person above @Liquorice explained it all so succinctly! You may notice, if you bother to read the OP and replies, that the word "cricket" was never mentioned until then! Well that is all over now and I have had a good innings and so I am now OUT and going for my tea!

Sorry but the articles you quote are all behind paywalls(to me). Do any of them have an actual alleged crime with a link to any substantiated evidence?

Would someone care to explain what this subject/OP is about? "Is England good enough?" At what? The responses to the OP tell me nothing! ????