scottiejohn

Two young hedgehogs were learning survival tactics from their father. 
"Today, I want to tell you about one of our biggest dangers. 
That road out there," instructed dad. "There will be times that you need to cross it and if you're lucky, a car won't come along. But if it does, just make sure that you stop in the middle of the road so it will go over you without touching. 
Just watch me and you'll see what I mean." 
Dad went out into the middle of the road and waited patiently for a car. 
"It's coming," he shouted, "now you'll see what..." He never finished speaking. The two young sons heard a sickly crunch as he was flattened on the road. 

"I meant to ask him what we should do if a 3-wheeler or steamroller came along," said one to the other. 
 

I don't want to brag at my age but I just climbed the stairs from the Livingroom and into another room and actually remembered immediately why I went in there!

Ok It was the bathroom, but still!!

PS;  I also found the laundry basket!

22 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I tried a Brail version but my touchscreen objected and apparently gave me a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death), although of course I couldn't see it!

I should have written "When I was Blind drunk" I tried a Brail version but my touchscreen objected and apparently gave me a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death), although of course I couldn't see it!

Too late now, it seemed funny to me at the time.

1 hour ago, billd766 said:

I am so glad that joke had sub titles.

I tried a Brail version but my touchscreen objected and apparently gave me a BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death), although of course I couldn't see it!

29 minutes ago, kannot said:

Dwarf Shortage

Please come up with something bigger please, as the actress said to the Bishop!

1 hour ago, Daffy D said:

Say what you want about deaf people...………………….

Why bother? They can't hear you!

????

"Mummy, mummy, are little birds made of metal?" 
"Of course not, darling, why do you think that?" 

"I just heard daddy say he'd like to screw the a*se off the little bird next door." 
 

A COCKSURE YOUNG LAD (IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE!)

A young (a well underage) boy walked into a bar and asked for a bottle of beer and 20 fags. 
"Now, now," smiled the buxom young barmaid, wagging her finger. "Do you want to get me into trouble?" 
He replied, "Not at the moment, I just want me beer and fags. But if that’s what you want  I’ll meet you out the back at closing time, Bye the way make sure you bring your own condoms as the chemist and barbers won’t sell em to me".

THIS IS NOT FUNNY-JUST SAD BUT TRUE

TEACHER TO KIDS AT SCHOOL
"We all use our fathers surname as our last name.  Please tell me if you know your Mummy’s last name and how you know."
Kid: "Mommy’s last name must be ‘Honey’ because that’s what dad calls her."

Teacher: "That’s sweet. What’s her first name, do you know?"

Kid: "Sorry, I think."
 

8 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

I seductively asked her “How would you like to join the 4 inch Club?” 

She looked at me and said......"Oh, I think I’m already a member".

Was "She" a Lady Boy perhaps?

11 minutes ago, balo said:

 

It's not about breaking any law , but its about letting the agent borrowing you 800k , a normal practice that has been going on for at least 20 years, 

 

Even the lawyers here will tell you it's within the law. 

 

 

It is the same as the false declarations made by liars to the Embassies on their "Stat Decs".  It IS breaking the law if you are making a false declaration either at your Embassy or via an agent.

False declarations are what the Thai Authorities are quite rightly trying to stamp out.

3 minutes ago, KhunFred said:

This is as clear as day.

So why did you not make it clear as day in your first post without all the obtuse waffle?