Road_Runner
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Posts posted by Road_Runner
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When a man applies for a job, he is required to be 100% perfect,
but when a lady applies for the same job all they require from her is 4%.
Can someone tell me where do they find missing 96%?The remaining 96 comes in the following order:
( 36 )
)24(
( 36 ) -
A quick guess ........
HA HA HA
That was close 'eefoo'.
You are on the right track.
Others try giving it a try too.
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When a man applies for a job, he is required to be 100% perfect,
but when a lady applies for the same job all they require from her is 4%.
Can someone tell me where do they find missing 96%?
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The pharmacist arrives at work to find a frightened-looking man leaning against the wall.
"What's wrong with him?" the pharmacist asks his clerk.
"He wanted cough medicine, but I couldn't find any, so I gave him a laxative."
"Laxatives won't cure a cough," yells the owner.
"Sure they will, look at him, he's afraid to cough." -
Obviously drunk unless he's counting the people behind the counter.maybe they're friends and they're standing kind of in a circle?Maybe one of them is facing backwards too.Which can't be good
Ha! Ha!! Ha!!!
That's the reaction my son had when I gave him all the different answers, but when he gave me the answer I gave him a big hug, don't you all give me a kick.
He said, the person in the middle is telling a lie.
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Rubbish! He can't take bananas through customs unless he has an export/import permit, so the logical answer is NONE.....oh and bananas go off after a few days too.
Are you hitting some lateral thinking website here AA?
Ha! Ha! Ha!
I don't see myself standing in the excise or food & administration department friend, if I am not mistaken this is the jokes, riddles and puzzles department and I guess 'Anything Goes' in here.
Here's something my son asked me a few days back and it puzzled me, maybe someone in here could help.
He said, suppose there are three people standing in a cue waiting to buy a movie ticket. The person standing next to the counter says I have two people waiting behind me. The person standing last says I have two people standing infront of me. The middle person comes up with, I have two people ahead and two people behind me. How is that possible?
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50
I second that (50).
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SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
False!!
When February Has No Full Moon
Several people have noticed that February 1999 has no Full Moon, and have asked me how often that happens.
In 1999, January and March both have two Full Moons. The second Full Moon in January occurs late on the 31st, whilst the first Full Moon of March falls close to the beginning of the month, on the 2nd.
You might guess, then, that February has no Full Moon in years when January and March have two Full Moons each. This happens, on average, about three times each century.
But are there any other situations when February misses out on a Full Moon?
YES.
Years in which February has no Full Moon coincide exactly with those years in which there are double Blue Moons. These may be January-March doubles (the most common) or January-April or January-May doubles.
They may also be December-March doubles, such as 1933/1934. Both December 1933 and March 1934 had a Blue Moon, and February 1934 had no Full Moon.
The frequency of double Blue Moons is about 4.5 per century, so this is also the frequency with which February has no Full Moons. -
A blonde goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant.
This is her first pregnancy.
The doctor asks her if she has any questions.
She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!" -
There is a long line of people waiting for buses at the bus stop outside the Central World Department Store.
Standing right behind a beautiful lady is a 68 year old man.
The lady turns around to confront the old man after feeling someone just touched her buttock.
"Did you just give me a missed call?"
The old man looks down to HIS equipment.
"Lady .. how can I give you a missed call ... when I got no validity left?" -
A blonde comes out of the toilet one morning, after having a spicy thai dinner the night before and exclaimes to her friend waiting to use the looo.
"Now I understand why thai's use water to wash their backside, bloody tissue could catch fire man!!" -
Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one night getting good and lit when one turned to the other and said, "You know what gets me, though, is these sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for the first few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty hard up. With all the whacking off going on, it's a wonder any work is getting done, and it's making a mess all over the ship. I don't know what to do!"
The other captain smiles knowingly at his companion. "Oldest trick in the book. You take the crew and divide them into two teams. Then you buy about 50 barrels and put them on the ship. You tell the crew that the team that fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold."
"Well that's a great way to keep the ship clean, but then I'm out a bag of gold every trip!"
"Not so," replied the other captain. "After you get back to port, take all the barrels together and sell them to the wax factory to make into candles. You make a tidy profit every time."
The captain pondered this and the next day, he took his friend's advice and divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and set off to sea. Before long, the crew took to the new system and began filling barrel after barrel.
When they finally reached port, the captain sold the barrels for a huge profit. 'This is great,' thought the captain, 'before long, I'll be able to buy a new boat!'
This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship happened back to that very first port. Coming down the gangplank, the captain was surprised to see the cops waiting for him. As they slapped the cuffs on him, the captain cried out, "What's the meaning of this?!"
"You sick bastard," replied the cop. "Remember all those barrels you sold to the candle factory last time you passed through town?"
"Sure," said the captain. "What about 'em?!"
"Well, they made them into candles, sold them to the convent, and now all the nuns are pregnant!" -
Did you hear about the blonde that goes to a saloon to get her hair trimmed?
Well this blonde, she goes to a saloon listening to her iPod.
She goes in, tells the hairdresser to give her a good hair-cut, but she would not take off her headphone, insisting that she can't live without listening to them all the time.
No amount of explanation by the hair-dresser, that the hair-cut might not come out nice, would persuade her, so the hair-dresser gives her a hair-cut with the headphones on.
Half way into the hair-cut the blonde fell asleep, so the hair-dresser took off her headphones thinking that she will not know he did that.
As soon as he took off the headphones the blonde collapsed and went into a fit.
The hair-dresser took the headphones and put them to his ear to listen what the blonde was listening too.
And what do you think it was?
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<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>"Breathe In - Breathe Out ... Breathe In - Breathe Out ... Breathe In - Breathe Out ....."
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Now that was something I had not heard or read ... Good one Jamesyboi ..
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Bio Teacher ... Teaching Students About Reproduction System
Teacher, "Girls ... The size of penis should be 6 inches for a successful penetration."
Blonde, "Sir ... What about 9 inches?"
Teacher, "I was talking about necessity not luxury." -
At A Thai Restaurant In Pattaya
Blonde, "Manager!! Why is your dog sitting by my side and constantly watching me eat?"
Manager, "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from." -
That's a very good link! Thank you.
Thanks 'suegha'.
I think I shouldn't have posted the picture itself instead of making a link.
I'll keep that in mind in the future.
Everyone, do click on the link to view the picture and your answer to my question would be highly welcomed. -
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Kurt and Jack, two aged - husband of blondes -, met in a mall.
Kurt, "Where have you been for the past so many months?"
Jack, "I was in the prision."
Kurt, "Why? What happened?"
Jack, "Well, I was here in this mall about three months back, and a beautiful young lady comes up with a policeman and points at me saying, 'Officer thats the man who attacked me and then raped me'."
Kurt, "And did you really rape her at this age?"
Jack, "Na, but i was so flattered, I admitted to it." -
im still laughing my ass off.....
Hmmm, does this imply that you actually get this 'joke'?
Perhaps a clue or two would not go amiss
I suspect Libby is the only one laughing his ass off. Having posted meaningless trash he's now watching us losers trying to make it funny
Hey ... don't misunderstand me ... i don't get it either ... but the commotion he created got that reaction from me.
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So ... thats for the computer .... now would some one tell me ..... what gender is the computer 'mouse'?
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No matter how old you grow .... the child in you will always try to make a jump every now and then ... and thats the healthy part of growing up ... aside from your daily tensions.
I love fighting with my 9 year old over french fries when we are at the McDonalds.
People looking on might find me stupid but the fun we have is far better than what people think.
I Had A Dream
in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
Posted
"Ali bhaiya, I had a dream last night .... "
"What was it about?"
"Well before I tell you about my dream Ali bhaiya, do you know who Martin Luther King Jr. was?"
"Yes ... he was a prominent leader in the American civil rights movement, and the youngest person to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for his work to end racial segregation and racial discrimination through civil disobedience and other non-violent means."
"Yes ... and do you know that he too had a dream, way back in 1963, the year papa was born?"
"What dream Sidak?"
"You know those days coloured people or 'negroes' were not treated equally like the white people, so Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream on 28th August, 1963, which he told to a crowd of almost 300,000 people gathered to hear him."
"And what was that dream?"
"He dreamt that one day America will rise up and live out the true meaning that all men are created equal, and that they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."
"
"He dreamt that one day the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together and be like good friends or brothers and that black boys and black girls could one day be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and go to schools and collages together without looking down and discriminating them for the origin that they have."
"Very good."
"He dreamt that one day the injustice and oppression that the black people are made to suffer, will one day be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice."
"Wow ... what a great thought."
"He also dreamt that one day all men/women would be given the same opportunity to work and serve regardless of their race, culture or colour."
"Yes ... yes ..."
"And look Ali bhaiya, a big part of his dream has come true today after 45 years."
"How?"
"Didn't you hear Ali bhaiya, 'Barack Hussein Obama', an African American, who has had part of his education in a muslim school in Indonesia registered as a muslim, but truely being a christian was chosen to be the 44th President of America regardless of his colour, culture or religious background?"
"Yes I heard and saw that news and I am sure Sir Martin Luther King, Jr. would be very happy to see that his dream that every Negro in America or for that matter in this world .... will be judged on the basis of the content of his character rather than the color of his skin.... but tell me, what does it have to do with the dream that you had last night?"
"Well, Ali bhaiya, the dream that I had last night would surely displease Sir Martin Luther King, Jr. if it came true."
"And what would that be?"
"Ali bhaiya, I dreamt that the first alteration that 'Mr. Barrack Hussein Obama' did after taking charge from the outgoing President 'Bush, Jr.' was to redecorate the 'Oval Office' according to his choice, and painted his 'New Residence' and renamed it :"
" 'THE BLACK HOUSE' "
"