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Road_Runner
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Very Impressive
Thanks for sharing. -
Husband's Penis Was Stung By A Bee
Wife Prayed!
Dear Lord!!
Please Reduce The Pain
But Let The Swelling Remain Forever
Amen! -
An armless man walked into a bar which is empty, except for the bartender.
He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.
The bartender obliged him.
He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips.
The bartender did this until the man finished his drink.
He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips.
The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.
The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?"
"Well," the bartender replies, "the closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street." -
Sex is like a restaurant
Sometimes you get good service
Sometimes bad service
Sometimes no service
And many times you got to be happy with 'Self Service'
""
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An older Thai man marries a younger blonde lady.
However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm.
The Thai gentleman is very annoyed because he thinks his wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, so he decides to ask a friend.
The friend listens to their story, strokes his bald head, and suggests:
"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the friend's advice.
They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love.
But it doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied.
Perplexed, they go back to the friend. "Okay", says the friend, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the friend's advice.
The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel.
The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly... "You see, THAT'S how you wave a towel!" -
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A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.
The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate.
She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it.
She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!" -
Nice one...
Glad you liked it.
Here's the next one:
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?" asks the pharmacist
"Yes," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her,
"This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container,
"TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM." -
Last Night I Woke Up Hugging The Pillow
Because I Was Dreaming Of You
Tonight I Will Try Dreaming Of My Pillow
So That I Can Wake Up Hugging You
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read that earlier, but in a different version. Thanks anyway, good to refresh the memory.
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I guess i got to use 'Big People' emotion
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Good one mate
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I saw that coming.
Thanks for the share anyway.
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A blonde who's down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house.
She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door.
He asks the lady what he can do for her.
The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do.
The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting to paint his porch.
He asks the blonde if she paints?
The blonde says, "Sure anything."
"Well, I've been wanting to paint my porch, how much would you charge?" the man replies.
"I don't know, say $50 bucks."
"Sounds good. Go ahead and get started." He closes the door and walks back inside.
His wife asks him, "Who was at the door?"
He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks.
The astonished wife says, "$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more."
"But that's all she said she wanted, and anyway she's a dumb blonde!"
10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door.
The man answers the door and the blone stands there and says, "All done."
With a surprised look on his face, "I can't believe it, you're already done painting the entire porch."
"Yes, and by the way it's not a porch it's a Ferrari."
" "
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WELCOME TO
www. sexy.com
Type Password
s
e
x
y
NEW MEMBER:
Name - sexy
PROCESSING...
DENIED !!
2 OLD 2 B SEXY
TRY
www. oldie.com -
I hate to be a bore, but it says no such thing!!! Nor does it say it in any other psalm, sorry...
Sorry?
What for?
If there is someone who has to appologise its me.
I should have checked the verse before using it.
I just saw the joke and found it funny so i posted.
Let me take this moment to appologise to all who got hurt because of the joke.
Would be glad if the admin. or the mod. could just trash this joke.
Sorry, once again, and thanks suegha for pointing my mistake.
"A good friend is one who can stand at your face and point at your mistake, and not one who stands by your side and watch you slide." -
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.
On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.
A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices the erection and comes over to him and says, "Sir, did you call for me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here, let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection it implies that you called for me."
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lays down a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continued to explore the colony's facilities.
He enters the sauna and as he sat down, he farted.
Within a few minutes, a huge, horrible, corpulent, hairy man lumbers out of the steam toward him.
"Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" asks the newcomer.
"You must be new here," says the hairy man, "it is a rule here that if you fart it implies that you called for me."
The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office where the smiling naked receptionist greets him.
"May I help you?" she asks.
The man says, "Here, you can have my membership card, you can have the key back and you can have the $500 membership fee!"
"But sir," she replies, "you've only been here a few hours! You haven't had time to see all of our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 72 years old, I get a hard on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day!" -
A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.
After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age.
He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
"Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks.
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."
So, he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too." -
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road.
He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg.
The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely.
He forced himself to remove his hand.
However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.
Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance, and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a Bible and looked up psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory." -
A Bangkok - Ubonratchathani rapid train is creeping along, slowly.
An hour into the journey and it creaks to a halt.
Somchai sees a conductor alight the train and walk outside.
"What happened?" he shouts at the conductor.
"A Cow is on the track!" comes the reply.
A few minutes later, the train starts moving on slowly.
Ten minutes later, it stops again.
Somchai leans out the window and sees the same conductor walk again.
"What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?" -
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A father and son go on a hunting trip.
The father sets the son in a wooded area next to a clearing.
He instructs him to be very quiet and watch for deer in the open area.
The father then sets up about 50 yards to the son's left, also watching the clearing.
After about an hour, the father hears a scream from his son.
Running over he asks, "What happened! You're supposed to be quiet!"
"I was quiet when the snake slithered across my boot.
I was quiet when a bear walked past me only 20 yards away." the son said.
"But when the two chipmunks ran up my pants legs and said, 'Should we eat them now or store them for the winter?', I lost it!! -
Why God Made Eve
God was worried that Adam would frequently
become lost in the garden because he would
not ask for directions.
God knew that one day Adam would require
someone to locate and hand him the remote.
God knew Adam would never go out and buy
himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would
therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
God knew Adam would never be able to make a
doctor's dentist's or haircut appointment by himself.
God knew Adam would never remember which night
to put the garbage on the curb.
God knew if the world was to be populated, men
would never be able to handle the pain and
discomfort of childbearing.
As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never
remember where he left his tools.
Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his
troubles on when God caught him hiding in the
garden.
As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be
alone."
And, finally, the Number 1 reason why
God created Eve....
When God finished the creation of Adam, He
stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can
do better than that!" -
Good going khun boon mee.
Very Impressive 
Enjoy
in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!
Posted
A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party.
The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party and have a good time.
Being the devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed.
She told him there was no need for him to miss the fun.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party.
Because hubby did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some kicks watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor.
He was dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a feel here and taking a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new "action".
She let him go as far as he wished naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped out, went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his notorious behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked him what he had done.
He said, "Oh, the same old thing.
You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got to the party, I met Pete, Bill and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you... the guy that I loaned my costume to sure had one helluva time!"