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Road_Runner

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    Wanna Hear A Blonde Joke ?

    in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!

    Posted

    A blonde went for her university final examination, unprepared.



    The examination paper consisted of "Yes/No" type of questions.

    She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration removes a coin from her purse and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet 'Yes' for 'Heads' and 'No' for 'Tails'.

    Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

    During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.

    The examiner, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

    Blonde replies, "I'm rechecking my answers and I don't think I did very good."

    The Pianist

    in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!

    Posted

    A man walks into a bar with a gym bag over his shoulder.



    He sits down and places the bag on the counter.

    The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

    The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter.

    He reaches into the bag again and pulls out a small piano and puts it on the counter as well.

    He reaches into the bag for the third time and pulls out a tiny piano stool, which he places in front of the piano.

    The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!

    "Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.

    The man responds by once again reaching into the bag.

    This time he pulls out a magic lamp.

    He hands it to the bartender and says: "Here, rub this."

    So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a huge puff of smoke and a genie is standing before him.

    "I will grant you one wish. Just one wish .. each person is only allowed one!"

    The bartender gets really excited. Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!"

    A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar.

    It is soon followed by another duck, then another.

    Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!

    The bartender turns to the man and says, "You know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."

    "Tell me about it!!" says the man, "do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

    Quickie

    in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!

    Posted

    John & Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon



    quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the

    balcony with a popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood

    activities.

    He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

    "There's a car being towed from the parking lot" he shouted.

    A few moments passed.

    "An ambulance just drove by"

    A few moments later,

    "Looks like the Anderson's have company" he called out.

    "Matt's riding a new bike...."

    "The Coopers are having sex!!"

    Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!

    Dad cautiously asked "How do you know they are having sex??"

    "Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with a popsicle too."

    Atheist

    in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!

    Posted

    A few years ago, Rabbi Jacob Karmenetzky made a trip to Israel accompanied by his teenage grandson. Ironically, these two deeply religious people were seated in the airplane next to a prominent Israeli socialist leader and outspoken atheist.



    On the flight, the cynical atheist traveler couldn't help noticing the way the teenage boy attended to the needs of his aged, bearded grandfather. He got up to get the old man a glass of water, helped him remove his shoes and put on some slippers, and otherwise demonstrated that the rabbi's comfort represented his primary concern.

    At one point, as the boy got up for yet another errand on behalf of the old man, the atheist could contain himself no longer. "Tell me something," he asked the rabbi. "Why does your grandson treat you like some kind of a king? I have a grandson, too, but he wouldn't give me the time of day."

    "It's very simple," the old man replied. "My grandson and I both believe in a God who rules the universe and created all things, including the first man. That means that in the boy's eyes, I'm two generations closer to the hand of God Himself. But in the eyes of your grandson, you're just two generations closer to a monkey."

    Asking For Trouble.

    in Jokes - Puzzles and Riddles - Make My Day!

    Posted

    Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.



    When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

    Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100-years-old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

    "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

    She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream van hadn't come along."

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