Hi
You’re not forced to read all this guff, but feel free
I went for a massage today had a terrible cramp in my leg probably been sitting too long or dehydration or both. I went to this massage shop that I’ve been to before and my little lad came with me (he’s technically not my lad he’s my girlfriends son of five years old. He has only ever known me as his guardian/father although he knows, I think, that I’m not his actual father. But at Five he has no concept of what a father is. His older brother who has never seen his father is a mess. I’ve been in his life since he was 1 year and when I arrived he turned 3 while I sat in the ASQuarantine hotel for the Pandemic nobody actually witnessed except for the nightly graphs.
Up until then he was a grumpy little thing and didn’t take much notice of me on the twice a day video calls from the UK. But I did have some affection for him stemming from previous visits over the last 2 years when I would play with him alone and get him to laugh. Although he still didn’t trust me enough to go to the shops just the two of us, he would get nervous and cry for his mom. I’ve never Hankerd to be anybody’s father, and even when I’ve got back with my girlfriend who I’d been with a few years but had a break and she had a Thai boyfriend she got pregnant by, but then split up with as not enough money was forthcoming and also he discovered her temper and gambling. I never looked at her boy has a potential son for me to take on. I had no interest in this at all and have always maintained that “ i’ve never met a child I liked “.
When I arrived at the house for the big reunion, after over a year stuck in the hotel, little Dang to his Mom and my surprise came running up the garden and hugged me. So that stability and being a constant in his life had paid off. It took a month or so as I remember but little Dang liked having me around and we are no inseparable and everyone sees us round town.
My Thai language is definitely not fluent or as good as that tool on here who likes to say he speaks good Thai, I’d love to actually hear it, but even though I picked a book up 15 years ago I stopped learning years ago and being up here in Isaan has forced me to learn a lot of vocabulary due to needing to converse with building suppliers, fishing equipment shops and backstreet motor bike mechanics. Some people understand and some people have no clue what I am talking about. This is the same for native English speakers who encounter foreigners who respond in English. Most English have agile enough brains to work out on the fly what a non native speaker ( or Scots man ) is trying to convey even if every word is incorrectly pronounced. We just get on with it as do the Thai people who realise I’m saying a word incorrectly but can guess I mean a particular word going on the context of the situation, some Thais appear incapable of this. An example comes to mind. Yesterday I was buying some more trees for the garden. Now at this point, I’m in the garden centre I’m standing among some mango trees. There is the owner of the shop and there is the main worker of the shop both experts. The owner says to me what are you looking for ? I then said “ Ao Dton Mamuang “ The owner looked at me, perplexed, and repeated what I just said. I then repeated what she just said. Then the worker who has got a brain the same as a Westerner, in this situation says to her boss.” Ao Dton Ma-Moo-ang “ the fact that I was browsing the Mango trees gave her zero clue what I was going on about.
Anyway, I’ve got my mango trees.
Now there’s a guy here,on AN, who likes to say he speaks good Thai, I’d love to actually hear it, I go all around town, doing lots of different things, getting motorbikes fixed , massages shops , buying trees, Noodles etc all in Thai/Isaan. So yesterday I go for a massage with little Dang in attendance in a big Thai style room with beds not single rooms. ** My point starts here ** As usual people love to engage in conversation with Dang to make him feel welcome but these encounters because I can understand the lingo and what they are asking him can sometimes rile me. Because Dang Calls me Steve as his mom does , and not Por or Daddy they will decide to ask him why he not calling me Por. Yesterday one of the usual idiots decided to say “ oh Steve’s you uncle !” to which I was forced to respond “ Not uncle I’m his Por “ The purpose of this is too spell it out that I’m not his biological father and the real winner is the Thai man who’s not been heard of since.
A while back a family run pharmacy in town I have frequent for the past few years were enjoying interacting with Dang one day as we were in the shop and all know I’m his guardian. The Mother said why don’t you call him Por rather than Steve ? I respond that how it is and I’m happy with that. Then the 70 year old father, who has known us for 4years, gets down to Little Dang’s level and asks “ Where’s you Father ? Where’s you Father ? “ Poor little Dang looks confused and points at me and says “ Steve “. I then tell the father to shut his hole. And the daughters and mother jump in to put him right “ Steve’s his Father “.
This is not an isolated incident and anybody like the ‘ and I speak GoodThai ‘ bloke who understands what the locals are saying will know it’s borne out of jealousy and an underlying hatred for the westerner.
A usual one I get is women or men who would never normally engage another persons child in unsolicited conversation in the street but will try and show me that this boy is an Isaan child and not mine. They will start asking him the same questions what village do you live in ? what school do you go to? Who is your Mom ? Where is your Mom ? So you have Brothers and what are the names, and where are they ? How much money do you get to go to school with? They will then take the language to the next level of Isaan where I and Dang have no clue what they are saying.
Yesterdays incident was in the Massage shop. Post massage where Dang had sat on a Sofa with two fifty year old guys waiting. I witnessed the first guy earlier grab Dang and I’m pretty sure tried to pinch his penis. Now I’ve had this happen before a couple of years back in the village where an old man resembling old man Steptoe pinch Dangs little fella. This old geezer had took every opportunity to tease Dang over the time I’d been around but I’d let it go. But on this occasion we were at the corner shop and as Dang then 3 sat on the Saleng stunned from being assaulted . I walked over and rather than knock him out which would have killed him I opted for grabbing his junk and squeezing hard and telling him never to do that again. He hasn’t.
It does appear to be a thing here to do this to children, and in fact, Dang started doing it to me of late and that morning. So I decided you know what I’m not gonna die on this hill let’s just let it go. If that I did just happen, and Dang didn’t seem to mind as he was laughing along.
Anyway then the guys decided on the old favourite of advising me to get Dang beautiful hair which is like a bob to be cut military style and shaved high up to the crown. Every boy here I have seen here who’s up to no good has this cut and then others have died hair of all styles. I has a mother stop me outside his school and point at Dangs hair “ Shave it like my Sons !” She said pointing at a semi scalped child in her Saleng Sidecar. I replied “No I don’t like it !” I do believe she was ‘ Aghast ‘.
I said to this pair of retired brain surgeons in the massage shop. No I don’t like it and why should an edict from a school prevent us from letting our boys hair grow normally. He not the state’s property. To which I replied it to prevent nits and other hair, lice type creatures, procreating.
Unfortunately, for these pair of idiots they run into the wrong Westerner. I asked them so when all the five-year-olds are in class and some of them have got hair lice and you want all hair cutting to reduce this. How is it that the girls can have long hair then ? do hair lice exclusively live in Male five-year-olds hair? They didn’t have an answer for that one and I left.
Any way that’s all I got. But I shall be able to add some more points as we go on.