Schooner

I love that line in American Beauty, "You, don't get to tell me, what to do, ever again"

Another favorite is; "I am not responsable for what you think I am"

The day I start caring about what other people think is the day I put a bullet in my brain.

My wife was 21 when I met her through her mother who owned the restuarant I frequented. I was attracted to her personality which I guess reminded me of myself at that age. Her mom was a good friend who had been to my home many times and knew what a whore dog I was. She would not let us be alone with each other until she was convinced that my intentions were good. We dated for a year, got married and went back to the states to travel. Five years later I continue to adore her and be grateful for the opportunity to be this much in love.

I know that their are narrow minded people who have a problem with it, but my question to you is what makes you think that you know what is better for me? What is missing from your own life that you ignore your own issues and focus on someone else? When I meet people who care about what others think of them I feel sorry for THEM because they will never discover what is in their own hearts while they are imprisoned by other peoples opinions. My suggestion to them is mind your own business and I will continue to mind mine.

I hate labels, but If I'm forced to pick one I choose Humanist. Humans have been around for about 3.5 million years and we all have evolved to desire a close connection to other humans. Because we have that inate desire it makes us subject to manipulation. All of the worlds religions have contributed some good and some bad. Obviously the problems come when the religion gets hijacked by power hungry individuals, thus the bad.

One of the things that I admire about the Thai's is their connection to each other and their sense of community. There are lots of people working to try to exploit those connections. We have not sorted out what is good and what is bad but I think it is happening. I just hope that we don't run out of time before we recognize that it all boils down to staying connected to other humans and our own humanity. It's simple, love yourself and love others as you love yourself and everything else will fall into place.

Humans have adapted to deal with certain traumas. But they had processes and rituals to help people recover and become whole. We have largely abandoned those processes and are left in isolation We call it PTSD today but I think it is the same thing and the process for recovery is the same.

I have been in relationships before with women who had suffered abuse. Most don't even know it themselves. They repress it and pretend it didn't happen. It seems that at around age 35 it catches up with them and all sorts of unexplainable behaviors begin to happen. Things that I didn't understand and felt threatened by and of course I reacted badly and made it worse.

I think that the way to handle it is to first make them feel safe. I put a lot more effort and patience into this relationship because I understand this. If there is anything that needs adjusting it will come out when they feel safe. BTW this is true for men as well. I was fortunate enough to be involved with the "mens movement" in the 90's and it changed my life for the better. One of the things that is important is to try to encourage them to become part of a process with other women who are creating a safe place for women to share and learn pathways to recovery. Men cannot do it just as women cannot do it for men. Try to facilitate close relationships with their family and friends and don't let them become isolated and only dependent on you. I see a lot of guys do this out of their own insecurities and I think it is the wrong way to go.

My wife has come a long way using this approach. She used to think I was nuts for presenting these ideas, but now she is using the same approach to help heal wounds in her own family. Remember that jewish saying "when you save one person, you save the world"

Could it possibly be that Thailand is following the exact same process that the west followed to clean up corruption it their societies? It sure appears that way to me. Our own history shows that corruption was rampent during our own development and last I heard Thailand is a developing country.

My grandfather was one of the first state cops in Maine in 1920. They gave him a badge and told him to go to it. It was common practice then to collect fines on the spot in cash and where do you suppose that money went?

Thailand is doing just fine with their own method of achieving progress. I like the way it is here. I try to learn the rules and follow them because I respect Thailand and it's people. However, if I make a mistake I like knowing that I can buy myself an exception and be forgiven.

We all come here for our own reasons. We have to adapt to them not the other way around.

Thaddeus I will give you this, you are one tenacious little devil. The problem you face is crying to the wrong people. Many of the folks here agree with you that everything that Thailand does is wrong and that you can do it better. So, like I said, get off your hammock (your number of posts suggest that you don't get much hammock time anyway) and go tell the Royal Thai Police how you can do it better.

I didn't get you wrong. You made a couple of smart a$$ comments over the dead bodies of a cop doing his job, getting the bad guy, putting himself in harms way and now your trying to duck and cover.

Of course there's corruption here. There is no way they could afford to do it like in the west. The Thai cops resolve 90% of issues on the spot and weather you like the outcome or not the courts are not clogged. On another thread a farang got busted for drunk driving in Pattaya and paid 10,000 to get out of it. If he was convicted he could have been kicked out of the country. He got the lesson and gets to stay. So it works both ways.

Give them a break for gods sake. This is a huge effort and everyone around the country is hearing about it. Hopfully their getting it and the final death count will be lower. If the 25% reduction holds it will have to be some kind of a world record.

We've been clammering for years to clean up the driving and now their doing it. I think their going to keep on doing it because the big investers that are building these new condos are putting pressure on. In 5 years things will now doubt look a lot different. Heck it looks a lot different from 5 years ago. Pattaya will still be fun but some of the stuff that goes on is really over the top. Drunk driving is one of them. The solution is just don't drink and drive. I commend them for this effort. If the 30% reduction in deaths holds it will be a stellar accomplishment.

In 5 years I've been stopped twice, once for driving in the passing lane (200 baht tea money)and once for trying to get on the motorway with stuff in the back of a pickup uncovered (who knew?) and three parking tickets. I've been stopped 3 times to check my license and then waved through. Each encounter was professional enough. I have been adjusting my driving to try to obay the law insted of doing what the Thai's do. All and all we all benefit.

My question is where are they putting all these people who are arrested? Is the driving limit really zero? I thought that was just for commercial drivers.

When you consider what destablization has brought to Thailands neighbors and the fact that Thailand is making real progress in spite of it it's a no brainer. I believe that they are doing just fine with their own approach. The majority of Thai's are in the middle. They just want to take care of their families and see some progress. The reds and the yellows on the extreme ends are getting their message accross and the middle will choose, hopefully without further bloodshed.

“1. They have to make their own decisions as the people controlling or directing them care for nothing more than their cut of the spoils.”

You must be psychic! Not only do you know what is in my mind but the hearts and minds of every Thai cop in the nation. I'm sure that the cop who lost his life trying to stop this guy was only thinking of how much money he could earn and kick up. I'm sure that his family would be pleased to hear you say that.

Obviously you know better how to manage the national police force in Thailand. Instead of relaxing in your hammock you should gather your genus friends, rush to Bangkok and present your suggestions. I'm sure they would be happy to hear from you because everyone knows that farang know what is best for Thailand and the Thai people.

Good luck with that.

I thought it was easier to get the non-O (90days)from the Thai embassy in the US(took less than a week) before I came. You can convert a visa on arrival (30 days)but it's a major pain. When you get here open an account and deposit the 400K Probably a good idea to bring records of your US banking as well. Unlikely they will ask, but better to be prepared. Before your 90 days is up you may want to go get a income letter from the US embassy ($50) You complete the form and you state your income, they don't ask for proof. (Thai immigration is getting wise to this so keep up on the trend)The doctors slip is 300 baht and they didn't ask a single question or take a single test.

Not to pry, but do you need permission from the ex to take the child out of the US? Seems I read something about this.

Since you asked, I know of three such shootings in the great state of Maine in the past couple of months. One was a vet who had gone off his meds and was shot on the grounds of the VA hospital. I have first hand knowledge of an incident where 6 cops had a drunk with a knife surrounded. He was so drunk he could barely stand up. I they would have given him a moment he would have probably passed out.

The U.S. Department of Justice does not require police departments to report deadly shootings statistics(conveniently) Some FBI statistics indicate the number of people fatally shot by police each year has changed little in the past five years, with about 360 (600 shot)dying at the hands of police in one recent year.

But researchers who study trends in crime suspect an important shift may be under way: Police-related fatalities and instances of abuse, which have traditionally been associated with large urban areas, are occurring in smaller cities and towns

Google Amadou Diallo

I'm just saying it's a tough job and MY PERSONAL experence with them so far has actually been better than the jack booted, commando wannabee, bastards back in the states.

That said, my wife hates them with a passion. I thought she was going to get herself arrested trying to argue me out of a ticket. The rest of her family feel the same way.

Like I said, I'm just trying to be a little empathic. I have no earthly idea why anyone would want that life.

Different strokes for different folks. Here's my 2 cents on the subject.

Life is short. I was diagnosed with cancer at 38 and it changed my life. I was given a 50% chance of living for 5 years even after all the treatments they wanted me to do. I got the tumor cut out and never looked back. My main goal was to get my kids raised and after that I quit my job and hit the road. For the first 10 years or so I would take a year off and work for 2-3 and then it reversed to taking more time off. This was against the advice of everyone and I admit that there were some lean times but I was living the dream and doing all the things I wanted to do. The great thing about free time is time to think and explore ideas for making money. Unfortunately the doctors prediction has not come to pass yet but I think it is lurking. At the rate I'm going I probably won't make it to SS. I've always been able to pull a rabbit out of my hat but I have to admit it is not for the faint hearted.

My fall back has always been to be a Walmart greeter assuming they still have them.

The guys I started out with, who kept on the career path are all millionaires. I keep in touch with them and they are stressed to the max. They may have huge assets, but I wouldn't call it a satisfying life. What is happening in the states right now is eating people alive and I'm glad I'm outta there. I just hope that they don't find a cure for cancer (as is my wife I imagine) then I'm screwed.

One important point Pattaya is great. Don't expect to live here and not fall in love unless your made of stone. Plan on breaking the budget the first year and then you'll settle down.

75 percent of people report significant regrets in old age that they didn't do this or that I will not be one of them.

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I'm exhausted....can I have some cake please.

We came back because my wife wants to go to university here and since we knew we would be out of the US for more than a year we did the citizenship thing. I actually took us 8 months and we had to get a US representive involved to get those bureaucrats to make a damm decision. As it was we had to drive to Miami the day before our departure to get her passport.

The 10 year green card should be ok if your planning to be in Thailand less than a year. It gets a little gray after that. There is a form she would want to file before you leave the US to indicate that she is not abandoning the green card. There's also some documentation that you should think about to support her intention to return. There's a lot of good information here and on visadreams.

Citizenship is not a given. My wife breezed through the visa, the 1 year green card and the 10 year green card but they were pricks about the citizenship. This was in spite of her establishing excellent credentuals with working and 2 years of advanced english at a community college.

I hope this helps and good luck.

What a sad story. Someone should post a link to a donation site to help the family.

A lot of terrible things are said about Thai police but my experences with them have mostly been good. Back in the states I hated cops with a passion until my last arrest (protesting the Iraq war) I discovered that I was related to a captain on the force who taught me a good lesson about empathy.

Thai cops have to do a lot more independent decision making than western cops. They do not wear vests but are quick to jump in the fray. My wife described a running shoot out between cops and a drug suspect that that passed in front of her car. It sounded like something out of a movie.

I have to give them credit they are making an effort. I see them every day checking for helmets and license I've been stopped several times and they were always pleasent. I even got a couple of parking tickets! It is a tough job and they really don't know if they will make it home each night.

I think that Ian nailed it. Most of us cannot even imagine the experences of these women. I too met a lot of working girls and had them hanging out at my place in Pattaya and I got to hear a lot of stories and some of them were pretty horrible.

My wife who never was a working girl grew up in a poor family. She was dumped on her grandparents back in the village while her three siblings grew up in BKK. She was 7 when she was sent there and was well aware that she was born unexpectantly and unwanted. She slept with her grandparents and for the first several years held her grandmothers hand to get to sleep. She hates to sleep alone. In fact as I type this she is visiting her cousin in Germany and we have the Skype on every night.

I don't think she was abused but who knows. I do know that more than half of the women that I knew in the states had been sexually abused and I'm pretty sure that all of the TGs I knew during my first few years of debauchery had. I do know that it is important to constantly reassure them. It's a small price to pay for their devotion, but it's also important to build their confidence and self reliance. I'm a lot older than she and at some point she will have to make it on her own and I hope that I've prepared her.

This is a great thread. It's interesting the choices we all make and the reasons for them. Ultimately I know I have to stick to a budget (somewhat) so that is the bigest factor. I have a 2 bed villa in a excellent developement on the darkside (east Pattaya)that I bought on impulse 5 years ago. Factoring in rent while we were back in the states traveling it appears to be a good investment. More importantly I love living here. It has a great kitchen, a pool and a comfortable mattress. My best friend here has a couple of condos in FL and is worth much more than me, but he rents a 2 bed condo on the beach that has a tiny kitchen and very uncomfortable furnishings. I think the TV is 50 years old. He can't stand to stay at home and I don't like to visit because the place is so uncomfortable.

When my wife and I went back to the states we lived in a motorhome (she hated it)and traveled around the US. For weeks at a time we backpacked with our (her) two min pins (yea, a TW backpacking) I've lived for years on very spartan sailboats and I learned to adapt.

One way or another were all looking to live a comfortable life.

I thought he got the gun from the police man that he stabbed 17 times. The Thai police are much less defensive when approaching a suspect. When I've been stopped they walk right up and start chatting away. In the US today everyone is treated as a potential threat and your more likely to be told to get out of the car and get on the ground.

Five head shots sounds like pretty good shooting to me. Lots of cases of shootouts with handguns that didn't hit anything. Movies not withstanding.

"In the west we voted and no matter what the result we accept it, complain , moan do whatever but dont resort to murdering , arson bringing the country to its knees and other violent actions."

Not yet. but I have to wonder how long it will be before the current economic pillaging does produce direct action.

"They could recoup 6bn by simply going after a single major American company"

Excellent point and while were at it how about hiring some compitent people to man the SEC and get a grip on the stock market which has become a casino.

This is truly a sad event. I can't imagine the horror of it all, but please don't make this a Thai thing. It's happening all over the world even in so called civilized societies. Just last week someone went on a rampage in the Neatherlands where I have the highest regard for their social programs and their attention to building a sustainable society.

We have gained such understanding of drug abuse and we can clearly see which progams are most effective at reducing the damage caused, but we refuse to invest in our own societies to try to solve the problem. This is a human problem that has no national boundries.

My wife has warned me many times (I did this once) to never flip off anyone over a traffic incident and it is good advice. I have changed, really. Now I expect to have these things happen and I have adjusted my driving. Being a good driver means adapting to the local conditions so I have been doing that and I have to admit that my blood pressure is the better for it. Driving is crazy here and the true test is managing it.

Like my wife says, never, ever flip off another driver. BTW I've seen as much crazyness from my fellow farangs as the Thai's and there are far fewer of us.