Mister there are 3 solutions for your problem:
1 You go through all the paper hassle. You pay everything and everyone involved. You follow the quarantaine rules. And most important you don't forget the brown enveloppes.
2 You do as any sane male. You leave kids, wife, dogs, blow-up-doll home
3 This one I would strongly advice to you, You book a stay in a mental asylum were dogs are allowed.