Ah, a mang who knows his chit mang. Nothing like the double growler competing for the tip of your tongue. I always wear earbuds so I can still hear the music.
Can we get off the off-topic of stool pigeons and cat's paws and back onto the topic of which garden variety of the opposite sex does the best unwashed twerking on top of your face?
You told us before that you and your wife sleep in separate bedrooms because she has bad breath and that you don't hammer her anymore because she's fat. But if you did throw her one every now and again then that would be bisexuality.
You are in the perfect place then. Can pay someone to torture you at any time. So no need to look elsewhere. Hopefully you just don't get David Carradined.
I can confidently, unequivocally, and with absolute certainty, fully confirm that I didn't read one single word, talk-less of a single syllable, of the entire OP. I wanted to be the first to tell you that without any confusion.