dannyh2000uk

admin can you please move this to a suitable forum , thanks, danny

hi, you might have seen my previous post : " is this another buffalo story" anyway now I have a job in uk i want to earn a pile over the next few years and then retire to los.

I wish it could be different but wages here seem to be 40 times more than girlfriend earns in bkk, anyway: what is the most direct way to get my gf and Daughter to uk.

I understand that this might have been dealt with before, but It is nice to have all the info in one place.

thanks

danny

I have been coming to/living in Thailand since 1993 which makes me a sort of old timer but not necessarily any wiser than a lot of people.

I have followed this thread from the beginning and I was not going to reply to the post at all.

However for what it is worth, in my personal opinion Danny and his lady are very lucky to have each other, he more so as she helped and took care of him after the accident without having to do so. She could at that stage have just walked away and found another farang with less problems if she wanted to.

The fact that she didn't indicates to me that both cared more for each other than a casual wham, bam, thank you maam relationship.

She has a responsibility towards her parents that most westerners never have and while the reasons for the debt of her mothers is immaterial she still feels obligated to help as much as she can.

I am making an assumption that DAnny has explained his current circumstances to her as best that he can and that she understands a fair amount of it.

He is still finding work hard to get which I understand only too well especially as he is self employed, in his 40's and with a specialised skill set which pays well but has a limited number of jobs.

He also has an existing family and cares a lot about his children and also his child here in Thailand. His family in the UK are able to get limited support from the government through the socila welfare schemes and are unlikely to starve.

I suspect that in the future his relationship with his UK wife will be terminated and a divorce settlement will come along where his UK wife and family will be awarded an amount but given a good solicitor he will also be able to live his own life and possibly be able to provide for his child in Thailand.

What needs to happen is that he needs to get a reasonable job to get back on his feet again and reshape his life in the way he wants to. After that he can plan for the future.

Once you get financially better off then help X and her family as she helped you and if you afre as lucky as me it will be repaid in many different ways.

I think that it will be unlikely at least in the short term that he will be able to get his Thai lady and child into the UK because the powers that be over there will need evidence that he will be able to support them financially and provide a home for them and should that no be forthcoming they will in all probability not get a visa.

As an aside I was married and seperated in the UK and tried to get a tourist visa for my wife to visit me and it was rejected on the grounds that

"the address that she will be staying is not the same as yours" (I suspect my UK wife would not have been too happy if it was)

"She does not seem to have enough attachments to return to Thailand at the end of the visit" IE she may well become an illegal immigrant.

My feeling is that Danny has found a very nice lady who he now has a child with, accidental or not, and they wish to be together. The fact that he met her in a disco in Pattaya, a bar in Bangkok, a coffee shop in Phuket or anywhere esle in Thailand matters nothing to them and equally should mean nothing to anybody else on this forum.

Good luck to them both and I hope that it all works out well for them.

For the doom merchants and the naysayers, it is not your problem. They are consenting adults and presumeably old enough to make up their own minds.

Danny do the best that you can for her and the family with what you can.

My best wishes to you abd your Thai family.

Thanks a lot billd, much appreciated

OP says he has sent already 30K baht for his daughter's support.

So I wd say, fine just sent 70K more for the daughter's support, makes 100 K, not too much all considered.

Not to much, but at the moment a fortune-lol

But I expect to change that, but it takes time.

The 30,000 was from the goodness of my friends loaning me here in London.

"right now at least he of the mindset to help his kid. "

But, it's meaningful only if he feels that he should support his child. His postings read as though he'll support the child only because he feels guilty. Unfortunately, his GF has made it clear that her most important thing is not to provide for her daughter, but to pay off her mom's debts. The OP will make another mistake by sending too much money for his daughter, essentially making her family feel as though they've won the lottery. Guilt is a strong emotion, much strong than the OP's constitution.

An update

Just to clarify, X is working away BECAUSE she needs to send money to help raise Daughter, and it seems that She is working very hard ( I phone her now skype has arrived- at 10am and you can hear she is doing what she said- very unlikely if she was in the bargirl lifestyle.

X wants the house secure because of her MUM and Her DAUGHTER- fair enough.

I think whenever you pay for your kids it is always a mix of 98% love, 2% guilt.

I agree the ideal would be to send in installments and hope the house was being paid off, so her old folks could relax for once.

I spent months in total living at their place, and Mums life is incredibally tough, collecting fish/frogs from pools, collecting mang som ( i think that is how you spell it) and then bartering for veg.

When I lived there I gave some houskeeping and expressly said it was not to be spent on me, what happens- I get delivered to me a huge snakehead for my personal tea.

In the last 5 weeks I stayed there I was skint awaiting my flight, an additional burden on them, I never sensed any moaning.

I guess I am answering my own questions here, but I stress it is with taking all the replies in

Amazing how these bar-girl and newbies to Thailand threads get so much attention.

Mate, you have practically no chance in making things work out with this woman. Walk away now!

You are probably right, but can I walk away from my daughter????

I don't think that is possible

Hi,

roy

can i ask where in devon you are from? me too

Newton abbott, I went back there a few years ago to see where I was born-what a dump

Exactly. Reading Danny's posts, it's obvious that he wants affirmation, acceptance, and approval from a bunch of strangers...rather than his loved ones. That doesn't make sense. Too, he has changed his story several times about the money.

First, it as for his GF's mother to "repay a loan shark", a hoax if I ever read one. Second, it was to "support my daughter". What part of the 100K THB does he think will be used to support his duaghter? Not a single baht. Third, it was to pay back his GF for tending to him when he was "mashed up". In any supportive, nurturing, and loving relationship, partners are expected to love, nurture, and support. However, rather than repay graciousness and generosity with gratiousness and generosity, Danny believes that he needs to repay it in cash. For some reason, he wants to treat his GF as a prostitute. Hmmm.

In any case, Danny should realize that the 100K THB is just the first installment. When the family knows that he will allow himself to be cheated, all sorts of dire consquences will occur: daughter needs a new liver, mom broke her hip, grandma has breast cancer. It's all very sad. Eventually, Danny will relaize that he's been taken for a ride, and he's going to return to the TV threads and ask "why did they take advantage of me?", and the answer will be "because you wanted them to."

I don't believe my story has changed only some posters perception Of what I have said, read from the top.

In terms of repayment, well I agree but I don't think the Japanese Money lender will accept that-only cash

Good man Danny, bendix will be happy

You're quite right khunandy. I am happy. Not happy that the grandparents are homeless, nor happy about the kid going to live in Bkk (where, by the way, is X?)

But certainly happy that the OP has grown a pair and decided that he has to meet his responsibilities.

My friend you have so much to learn from life rather than the standard script

Thanks chaps

so many reasonable replies.

It is good to get replies from both angles.

Funny enough, except the slights against X, you all have very valid info.

I thank you all

"It does not matter what you look like or how old or fat or bald you are ... in Thailand, farengs are treated like a film star," says Mr. Richards.

and the problem is ?????

no offense to u with good herts but its as if u r happy the poor family got evicted . now the op has peece of mind.

well from my point of view, at least there is a direct plan for action, now.

Best to you Blizz you have a good sense of humour

Best of luck to the THREE OF YOU.

Sorry about the length of this message but I hate monday mornings, makes me grumpy

roy

Thanks roy, your post made loads of sense, thank you.

You are right on so many levels

dan

well an update to this is:

I have finally got my skype bits from china and via a small amount I still had in paypal managed to get some credit.

I have just called X and more fool me, it seems it was all genuine.

The house is now temporarily lost and my Daughter is staying with X's sister in bangkok, while the grandparents bunk wherever.

X didn't want to bother me with the problems before.

If the loan gets paid they can move back

I have promised to do what I can-sod it, I will do my best to help, I now believe that 100% it is not a scam.

and to help them would be something I could do, and feel good about.

Thanks for all your opinions

Ok people, this topic has gone well off the tracks. I think the OP has done a pretty good job of not losing his temper & flaming people who have insulted him & made incredibly rude comments about his thai gf.

If you can't post without flaming or being rude then dont post anymore.

OP, I think you know what you need to do already, you asked if this girl was scamming you & lots of people have commented on it either way, only you can decide & choose what is best & if you can afford to potentially lose that kind of money but really, the kid is the only one you need to be worried about so do what you think is best for her welfare & sod the rest.

Thank you boo

It sounds like you and Ms. X have been through a lot together over a substantial amount of time, and it also seems that she's aware that you are not a man of great means. To me, 100,000 baht isn't a great deal of money (in comparison to the sin sod and "sick buffalo" stories I've read here at TV). I'm usually one of the first people to be skeptical of the stories that Thai women tell farang to get them to open there wallets and their hearts, but the relatively small amount (and assuming this is the first/only time she's has asked for your financial assistance) makes me feel that perhaps this gal is on the up and up. Quickly scanning through the posts, it seems that there has been fairly equal representation for both sides of the coin. Unfortunately, that probably doesn't help you to decide whether or not to believe this girl, so you've really got to trust your instincts. The welfare of your child is involved, and for me that would be a huge factor that would likely cause me to find some cash to help out in the situation. Once again, the fact that she's stuck with you during times that have been both difficult and financially lean says something positive about this young lady.

I think some of the best advise that has been given is to ask her for a copy of the loan agreement. Explain that you want to help her family but don't have the cash available, so you must go to the bank for a loan, and a copy of the lease agreement could help secure a loan (although we all know it wouldn't really). Doing this would send her the message (or reminder) that you're not rolling in dough, and it would also serve as some type of gauge to determine how legitimate her story is. If she gives you some unlikely or illogical stories about why no paperwork can be supplied, perhaps the red light should go on and the alarm should sound.

Good luck

thanks pattyboy, that all seems very logical, and a way forward

well f##k it I have jumped in and asked my parents who are loaded if they are willing to help until i can pay them back.

I have never asked them for anything since I left home at 16

It is their granddaughter after all and the thai granny is having to do all the work.

Knowing my mum she will say " do one" but that is the way we do things in Farange land.

Family here means - piss off-lol

If they won't help I will just do all I can, sod it.

I'm sorry why did my Uk wife leave me?, because I didn't insist on my own bank account?

We are so off the original post here

What ever problems the OP had with his ex-wife and money, he is in his 40's <deleted> and he never saved a penny into his own bank account?? he must have known before he had is crash that his money was coming to an end?? why didn't he do anything about that?? is 100,000 baht alot of money?? i don't think so coming from a skint 29 year old teacher in Thailand.

IMO the child is better off here in Thailand with Grandmother than with a skint, homeless father!!

please read the whole post, I had plenty of cash but was taken off my bank account ( something that now I am back in Uk the ombudsman is looking into).

and also where does cash=love have we become that jaded?????

This is a great thread.

OP I think that you may well be going through your mid life crisis and that you have to wake up and smell the coffee.

Is this near the mark?

You've managed to maintain a career of sorts in the music business, but if truth be told what you have earned in the last 10 years wouldn't really qualify it as more than a hobby.

You've lived the life of a man in his 20's (sex and drugs and rock n roll) and have found that you have slowly been pushed out the game as a new younger crowd push their way in.

Your life imploded, no job or family, possibly future (as you had known it)and you dealt with it by way of distractions.

2 years later you have a Thai kid and what you know to be a lovely women.

Trouble is, lets be honest, she was ment to be a distraction NOT a new life. Your world is one of creative, educated people in a western country NOT simple rice farmers from Issan(no matter how lovely they are)

Can you spend the rest of your life with a women that you dont really have anything in common with and be a father to her child? But you feel the child must be your responsibility (who else could it be?)

A. Bring just the kid over...........and what about the mother?

B. Bring them both over.............and ultimately let your life slip into absurdity

C. Go to Thailand.......................and be an English teacher living with rice farmers

D. Send some money over..........accept being another absentee father and hope the money gets used wisely

Hmmm, not good choices.

I do think though that you have to consider A. the child is yours and B. your gf is a nice person who like all of us is just looking for a nice life. I can't help feeling that somebody is bound to be getting hurt here and the only real question is are you mature/man/fool enough(you choose) to make sure that it isn't first the baby, second, the girl and lastly you.

My friend you are a true sage. Thank you for your advice

I can't work out if your being sarcastic, but even if not, bloody funny post thank you

If you can't work out if he's being sarcastic, I'm afraid you're beyond helping.

if you can't work out I was tongue in cheek then ce le vie.

my god you are a tough crowd

why does it matter if one has been burnt by a thai girl or not?

and he comparing himself to manjara who actually seems to be a good dad.

What do you qualify as a good dad, .

I took my kids everywhere, I got them a great place to live outside london.

I stopped working abroad and built my work place at home so I could see them24/7, I did their pack lunches before they went to school, I took them to school, I picked them up, and still i worked,

Now please oh expert tell me what a good dad should be

Another thing I don't get - if you are such a wonderful husband by providing your wife with a lovely house etc. and taking such great care of her and your 4 kids .......... why the hel_l is she divorcing you?

After the Tsunami she changed into a back tatooed, belly pieced, toy boy lover, I guess she just wanted to grab life and thanks to her friends, the kids, the car, the house etc, etc, you'll be there oneday, I thought my marriage of 18 years was for life, but my friend women are a bit more into the planning .

yr uk kids are done with so to speak. im assuming they r grown up.

a good dad would go to los and get a job as engish teecher and raise your kid! momma will see what a good man you r and get herself a job and pay her own debt.................lol.

are you stoned on yaa baa-lol.

as far as I am aware LOS as tightened up , now you need a degree to teach, and having said that.

I am much better off earning here in Uk and sending cash there

More excuses to himself for continued inaction.

Hold on, I've got a better idea. I tell the OP what he wants to hear.

You're better off where you are, mate. You don't want to come over here. Your kid's fine with the mother-in-law. Don't worry about a thing. She's being looked after fine. I mean, look how she successfully raised her other kids. They turned out fine, morally upright, out of prison and all holding down jobs. And they treat kids lovely here too. You might as well leave her here for years. There's none of that sexual abuse like they have in England. The schools are great - tons of discipline and the hospitals are fabulous and so cheap only 30 Baht.

And your girlfriend will wait for you, of course, patiently working her clothes stall in Trat. She doesn't go near Pattaya any more. She's finished with all that. Not that she was working there in the first place. In fact, you were the first foreigner she ever met.

You don't need to worry about a thing. You've spotted a real diamond in the rough there.

Oh and of course it's your kid. There's no doubt about that.

All these blokes who get taken for a ride in Thailand, they're idiots, not the same as you. You're different as is your girlfriend. Send as much cash as you can. Maybe you could do something illegal to get your hands on cash quickly. I mean her family needs it much more than you do.

You've been dealt a rough hand recently and you deserve some time out to recover. Just ignore all those people who want to get on your case. They've probably been handed it all on a plate. You've done bloody well in the face of very trying circumstances.

I can't work out if your being sarcastic, but even if not, bloody funny post thank you

yr uk kids are done with so to speak. im assuming they r grown up.

a good dad would go to los and get a job as engish teecher and raise your kid! momma will see what a good man you r and get herself a job and pay her own debt.................lol.

are you stoned on yaa baa-lol.

as far as I am aware LOS as tightened up , now you need a degree to teach, and having said that.

I am much better off earning here in Uk and sending cash there

why does it matter if one has been burnt by a thai girl or not?

and he comparing himself to manjara who actually seems to be a good dad.

What do you qualify as a good dad, .

I took my kids everywhere, I got them a great place to live outside london.

I stopped working abroad and built my work place at home so I could see them24/7, I did their pack lunches before they went to school, I took them to school, I picked them up, and still i worked,

Now please oh expert tell me what a good dad should be